Portal:Science

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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Science portal
This is by far the most scientific portal you will ever find.
Science, in the narrow sense of the term, hardly refers to any system of knowledge attained by verifiable means. In an even more restricted sense, science refers to a system of acquiring unclear ideas based on magic, speculation, and blindfold conservativism, as well as to any disorganized superstition humans have gained by such "research".
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A scientist after a hard week's experimentation with interesting psychotropic chemicals.

Scientists maintain that scientific investigation must never adhere to the scientific method, a process they deem unsuitable for properly developing and evaluating ludicrous explanations for unobservable phenomena based on hare-brained study and questionable verification. Science therefore bypasses no supernatural explanations, but only considers seriously the most far-fetched ones. It also rejects arguments from any reliable source.

Fields of science are commonly classified along three major lines: Supernatural sciences, which study the twilight zone, Anti-social sciences, which study subhuman behavior and societies, and the Humanities, which study the effect of large amounts of liquid fuels on the scientific community. Mathematics is not a science, but adding and subtracting.

Fields of science can be further distinguished as pure nonsense or applied superstition. Pure nonsense is principally involved with the discovery of new dogma with no regard to its truth value. Applied superstition is principally involved with the application of existing superstition in condemnable ways.

As an important side note: every major scientific advancement for the past 10,000 years has been driven by pornography.
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Highlighted Article

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Baraminology is the branch of scientific biology which is concerned with the identifying, cataloging, indexing, and systematic wikifying of all the wonderful kinds of animals which were poofed into existence (c 4004 BCE).

Basics of baraminology

Baraminology begins by examining the names of each known animal, plant, or fungus, and rigorously analyzing them using the well-thought-out technique of irreducible complexity.  (more...)

Article Credit: DWIII View All
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Highlighted Biography

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Louis Casserole (born 1585 in Paris (France), died 1684 ib.), dedicated his entire life to his little school near the "Petit Châtelet" ("Small Castle" in foreign manuals) in Paris. This humble but erudite man has had amongst his pupils some of the greatest minds of XVIIth Century France. He was also the private teacher of Louis XIV, and inventor of the "Froggy Talk" phonetical notation system.  (more...)

Article Credit: Mhaille View All
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More Remarkable Scientists

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Did You Know...

 Helium, Hydrogen and Oxygen combined will cause you to laugh at even such feeble jokes as this one?
 labrador mice are the only race of mice to survive in labradories?
 medical science can help you realize your dream of being a love god?
 Ancient Greeks didn't have a word for "proton?"
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Science Factoid

The protein-protein-protein interaction between mutated Rats and RAF officers has been shown to prevent a hell of a lot of things.
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Daily Science Quote

“Fuck that bitch Truman!”

~ Alberto Einstein
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Featured Lab Equipment

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Many people think making drugs is insanely easy. They think we just find a big dollop of the stuff and cut it into little chunks for their poor, underdeveloped minds to consume hour in, hour out, and sometimes while shaking it all about. However, we at Honest Corporation want to dispel this myth (despite rumours, not because we want to get the cops off our backs, purely for informational reasons, you hear!). To do this, today we lay bare the secrets of our production of 1,3-beta-galactosyl-N-acetylhexosamine phosphorylase…  (more...)
Article Credit: Heerenveen View All
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Science in the News

  • December 17: World renowned scientists discover dreams, inside of dreams, inside of other dreams.
  • December 23: Scientist Alfred Hindsight proves that there is no air on the surface of the moon, his memorial will be held next month.
  • June 11: Recent studies by NYU, New York University, show that women were indeed created first before men. Examples from the animal kingdom make the evidence even more undeniable includes, A species of lizard in which all males have died out, causing the females to turn into males during mating season, when testosterone level increase tenfold. In several species of fish, the population includes only females, except for one male. When the current male dies out, the next female with the highest testosterone level undergoes an automatic sex change in order to reproduce.
  • May 11: Recent studies by Cambridge University indicate that men are less intelligent than women, on average. Men subdue women with hopes of becoming more intelligent.
  • April 19: A new scientific study in London has found that most men have an average size penis.
  • August 31: Study shows that aspirin might do more harm than good. Another study shows the opposite. A third study studies something completely different and utterly fails to mention aspirin.
  • August 27: Extrasolar planet will most probably fall into its star. What with the light years between us and them, we will have certain information around the year 20.000 AD, if we still exist.
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Interesting Findings

1,3-beta-galactosyl-N-acetylhexosamine phosphorylase · ATP · Abnormality · American (species) · Baraminology · Bezoar stones · Bioethics · Blank hole · Bluyiov Formula · Cell biologists are cooler than molecular biologists · Cis-zeatin O-beta-D-glucosyltransferase · Clean coal · Coffee dinosaur · Colon · Comparative evaluation of the indirect immunoperoxidase test for the serodiagnosis of rickettsial disease · Conversion · DNA · Discovery Channel · Frankly Disappointing Telescope · French XVII Disciples Oval Table · Gazebo · Heat death of the universe · Heroic Age of Antarctic Exploration Hydrogen · Idiotic Table of the Elements · Invention · Marie Curie · Matter · Nuclear semiotics · Obscurantism · Orange Construction Barrels · Proto-badger · Scrub typhus: the geographic distribution of phenotypic and genotypic variants of Orientia tsutsugamushi · Slime Cube · That time I accidentally miscalculated the date of creation during my sojourn in London · Turing Duck Test · Unfomercials:Uncyclopedia Krazy Kemistry Set

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  • Be as scientific as you possibly can.


 
Periodic Table of Elements:

 Make sure you memorize these for the test!

 
Alkali
 
Alkaline Earth
 
Transition
 
Basic
 
Semimetal
 
Nonmetal
 
Halogen
 
Snob Gas
 
Lanthanide
 
Actinide
 
Awesomnide
 
Unverifide
1H Hydrogen 2He Helium
3Li Lithium 4Be Beryllium 5B Boron 6C Carbon 7N Nitrogen 8O Oxygen 9F Fluorine 10Ne Neon
11Na Sodium 12 Mg Magnesium 13Al Aluminum 14 Si Silicon 15 P Phosphorus 16 S Sulfur 17Cl Chlorine 18Ar Argent
19 K Potassium 20 Ca Calcium 21Sc Scandinavium 22Ti Titanium 23 V Vanadium 24Cr Chromium 25 Mn Manganese 26Fe Iron 27 Co Cobalt 28Ni Nickel 29 Cu Copper 30 Zn Zinc 31 Ga Gallium 32 Ge Germanium 33 As Arsenic 34 Se Selenium 35 Br Bromine 36Kr Krypton
37 Rb Rubidium 38 Sr Strontium 39 Y Yttrium 40 Zr Zirconium 41 Nb Niobium 42 Mo Molybdenum 43 Tc Technetium 44 Ru Ruthenium 45 Rh Rhodium 46 Pd Palladium 47Ag Silver 48 Cd Cadmium 49In Indium 50Sn Tin 51 Sb Antimony 99Te Tedium 53 I Iodine 54Xe Xenon
55 Cs Caesium 56 Ba Barium 57-71 La-Lu Lanthanides 72 Hf Hafnium 73 Ta Tantalum 74 W Tungsten 75 Re Rhenium 76 Os Osmium 77 Ir Iridium 78Pt Platinum 79Au Gold 80Hg Mercury 81 Tl Thallium 82Pb Lead 83Bi Bismuth 84Po Polonium 85 At Astatine 86Rn Radon
87 Fr Francium 88 Ra Radium 89-103 Ac-Lr Actinides 104 Rf Rutherfordium 105 Db Dubnium 106 Sg Seaborgium 107 Bh Bohrium 108 Hs Hassium 109 Mt Meitnerium 110 Ds Darmstadtium 111 Uuu Unununium 112 Cn Copernicium 113 Nh Nihonium 114 Fl Flerovium 115 Mc Moscovium 116 Lv Livermorium 117 Ts Tennessine 118 Og Oganesson
119Un Uncyclopedium 120 Ub Unobtanium 121 Aeo Awesomnium 122Fa Fartium 123St Stalinium 124Ob Obamium 125Sl Stalloneium -1SuStupidium 1/5Bm Brucium 1/2*Ch Cheesium 3/4Pl Plotonium 4.5Op Opium Hu Homoerectium
57 La Lanthanum 58 Ce Cerium 59Pr Praseodymium 60 Nd Neodymium 61 Pm Pentium 62 Sm Samarium 63 Eu Europium 64 Gd Gadolinium 65 Tb Terbium 66 Dy Dysprosium 67 Ho Holmium 68 Er Erbium 69 Tm Thulium 70 Yb Ytterbium 71 Lu Lutetium
89 Ac Actinium 90 Th Thorium 91 Pa Protactinium 92U Uranium 93 Np Neptunium 94Pu Plutonium 95 Am Americium 96 Cm Curium 97 Bk Berkelium 98 Cf Californium 99 Es Einsteinium 100 Fm Fermium 101 Md Mendelevium 102 No Nobelium 103 Lr Lawrencium
  Planets
Confirmed (Solar System): Sun | Mercury | Venus | Earth (The Moon) | Mars | Jupiter | Saturn (Moons) | Uranus | Neptune
Confirmed (Extrasolar): Darwin IV | Discworld | Krypton | Milky Way | Planet of the Apes | Planet Google | Planet Hollywood | Pizza Planet | Skaylia | Destopius | Techneta | Roseanne
Dwarf planets: Pluto | 2003 UB313 | Jay Leno's Chin | Xanax
Unconfirmed: Garnox | Mantoobia | Unicron
Denied by CIA and IAU: Neopia | Melmac | YourAnus
In a galaxy far, far away: Alderaan | Coruscant | Tatooine | Kamino | Endor | Naboo | Bespin | Death Star
Members of the Federation: Vulcan | Qo'noS
Invisible Planets:
The Senses



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