Portal:Religion

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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Religion portal
By far the holiest portal you will ever find.
Religion is the act of worshipping a creed or deity in which one has mistakenly attributed supernatural powers. 'True Believers' are also known as schizophrenic or having a neurological disorder in scientific, medical, or sane circles. It was invented by tribal leaders at least 2 million years ago in order to control and financially exploit the citizenry and in the Western proper World was still going strong until the separation of Church and State. In the 3rd or improper World it's business as usual. Typically god is portrayed as a giant bearded man in the sky that flies around granting wishes, but there are some variations.
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Come here little grandson, and pull up a chair, ol' grandpa has to say something to you. What story am I going to be telling this time? Hah ha, no story tonight, Jimmy, I'm going to lecture you on something very important. It's time to learn about a little subject called "filial piety". Don't start fussing now, it's a very important subject to learn about when squirts like you start to grow up.

What is filial piety, Grandpa?

I was just about to get into that, Jimmy. Filial piety is a simple enough concept, often embraced by popular religions such as Confucianism and Christianity. Now, you're Christian but you don't know what filial piety is, right?  (more...)

Article Credit: TKF View All
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Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the official mascot for the Church of Later Day Saints, a satirical parody of the Roman Catholic Church (as if the Catholics weren't funny enough). He is essentially the same as regular Jesus, only he happens to be blonde and 100% pure, red-blooded American (not to be confused with Stephen Colbert). Disgruntled fans consider him an Expanded Universe addition only, and discount that Jesus ever had blonde hair, since he was a Palestinian Jew and all.  (more...)

Article Credit: Kevin1078 View All
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Quote of the Week

“To think I kissed her (or him) there--and there--and there!”

 Sarah Michelle Gellar on Baphomet.

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BNEI BRAK, Israel -- Local conservative rabbis are sick with worry, anxiety and unease at the increasing popularity of practical, comfortable fashions; more so even than the worry, anxiety and unease that causes their usual kvetching. After much bickering they have responded with the tact, sensitivity and delicate touch for which fundamentalists of all stripes are known; by burning down stores that sell offensive clothing and spraying bleach on women that Rabbi Yosef Elyashiv refers to as "...those nasty whores with their whore legs, whore skin and whore bulges. Whores!".  (more...)

Article Credit: Modusoperandi View All
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Further Reading

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Did You Know...

 Buddhists have higher cancer rates than Eskimos?
 Bahais have the best bud?
 good Muslims only get 61 virgins after taxes?
 Zoroaster drives Uhuru's Mazda?
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Part of a series of articles on
Catholicism
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Culture
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Divine law · Mortal sin
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Benedict XVI · Francis
Others
Giovanni · Antioch
Loyola · Maximus
Thomas Aquinas

The Vatican
Canon law · Catholic Relics
Holy See · Opus Dei
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St. Peter's Basilica
Vatican City
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Scientology
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Beliefs
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Enemies
You· Me · Oprah
South Park· YTMND · 4chan
The Holiday Hawk
Appliantology
Walken!· Rick Astley · Pacman
Horses· Italians · Anonymous

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The Christio-Religio Ladderal Hiearchy
CRLHladders.jpg Top Rung, the Holy Trinity: God, Jesus, & the Holy Spirit, opposed by Satan

Middle Rung, the Holy Triforce: Mrs. God, Jesús, & The Holy Ghost, opposed by Stan
Bottom Rung, the Holy Tripod: Gah, Jeez, & the Holy Rock, opposed by Santa
Fell off the Ladder: Goo, Jazz, & Hollywood, opposed by Stalin
After a few drinks: Daddyo, Laddyo, & The Spook, opposed by Bat-Fuck Satan

  The Holy Family of the Jesii



Part of a series of articles on
Holy Scripture
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Bible

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The Seven Deadly Sins

Greed - Wrath - Gluttony - Pornography - Envy - Indifference - SPAM

How can you even think of such things?