Tao jones
“Why is the media constantly telling me that the Tao is up, or the Tao is down? I thought the Tao just Is. Who is Tao Jones, and just what is an Industrial Average?”
The Tao IS up. The Tao IS down. And also the Tao is side-to-side. All this at least according to the late nineteenth century bodhisattva who went by the name Tao Jones (no relation to Edward Jones). He was just this guy, you know. But so very much 'just this guy' that everyone—and I mean EVERYONE—identified on a very personal level with him. And it wasn't charisma or some fantastic rapport skill, it was just how regular a guy this guy was. In fact, people began to describe his extraordinarily ordinariness as industrial-strength average, which of course, over time was shortened to just "industrial average." You can't hear the punctuation on the radio, but the phrase is “Tao Jones : Industrial Average.” It's a mantra to remind people who are caught up in the hurly-burly that everything is okay, that they themselves are okay: "The Tao Jones: Industrial Average IS up, dude, or maybe it IS down, man. Relax. It's all good. All the time."
Jones Family Tree[edit | edit source]
Tao Jones’ popularity may also be derived from his ancestry, for he was of direct lineage to the ancient Rabbi Thou Jones, whose pithy quotes are part and parcel of the Talmud and the Old Testament. Tao himself was once quoted as saying, “I don’t complicate my life, I live by the book. You know, Tao shalt not kill, Tao shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife…these things just mess up your thing, you dig?” This lineage is robust - even modern Jones descendants have resonated within society as pop culture icons (e.g. Indiana Jones, Davy Jones, Basketball Jones).
Where is the Tao now?[edit | edit source]
Of course, Tao himself is no longer with us in person. Occasionally, some pretender will try to pass themselves off; however, you know they are just a poser because they have some prior identity as a Bill or a Jim or a Kathy. The Tao that can be named? Man, that's just not the true Tao.