Portal:Art

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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Art Factory!!!
This is by far more artistic than a steaming pile of feces.
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The word art may come from the Germanic word arsch, which, loosely translated, might mean "sexy ginger person." [1]

Art might be the expression of amazing talent and possibly not stupidity or lack of imagination. Art may be generally considered purely a middle/upper class pursuit. However, some examples may have practical applications, meaning that they might also be enjoyed by the working classes.

Art is commonly understood as the act of making love to things that look like nothing much like people and which have no meaning beyond simple description. While art is often indistinguishable from mockery and pointless hobby activities, this boundary can at times be hard to define, as if anyone cares. The term creative arts denotes a collection of disciplines whose principal purpose is the output of material for the viewer or audience to ignore.

As such, art may be taken to include forms ranging from literary forms (posing as a writer or a poet); performance-based forms (a big song and dance over meagre grants; drama about how your genius is not appreciated); visual and "spastic arts" (panting, rupture, pornography); to forms that also have a dysfunctional role, such as pipefitting and pancake design. Art may also be understood as relating to lost creativity, missed æsthetics and the generation of pointless or disturbing emotion that honestly no one cares about.

  1. Interestingly, the modern German word for art is kunst, may be an anagram of a descriptive term possibly commonly applied to artists.
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Featured Artistic Art Article

The Antipodean Gallery of Post-Modern Art

On the 4th of February, 2024, The Antipodean Gallery of Post-Modern Art will play host to the art works of one of this countries premier young artists. Pau Pei, originally from the Chinese province of Onthera Dio, is presenting his latest collection “The Concentric Curiosities.” Below is a selection of some of the highlights of the collection for your perusal and prospective purchase.[1]

Pre-display purchases can be made over the phone and via the website. Payment methods taken are Cheque, money order, Credit card (Visa, Mastercard, Diner's Club and American Express accepted), Debit Card, Cash, Paypal, International Draft (excluding the Royal Bank of Nigeria), and Cash Passport.

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Come across a decent article on art? Well, make sure you wipe it clean, pervert. Then submit it for promotion.
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This Week's Featured Image

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Yes, the Grodin Museum. The only art museum in the world showcasing works inspired by actor Charles Grodin, star of such timeless classics as Beethoven and Clifford. The museum had been closed since November for unknown reasons.

“Meh, I've seen better,” Matthew Cordell, an American resident of Paris, said Sunday. “It’s been a shitty confinement ... We chose to live in Paris because we love the museums so it’s really nice to be able to get out and see some art inspired by middle-of-the-road 90s family comedies about cute dogs.”

But mindless kids movies from your Millennial childhood aren't the only films highlighted in these sculptures, paintings, and other works of art.  (more...)

Image Credit: PF4Eva View All
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Art News on Uncyclopedia


Got an art-related news story? You can add it to this portal here.
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Highlighted Biography

Rolf Harris has long been forced to disguise his unnaturally long penis.

Rolf Harris was born in a swimming pool in Australia (though it was rumoured he was actually born in a kangaroo's pouch, hence his nickname "Rolfaroo"). Some say he was sent by Satan to rule the world (and KFC for that matter). He was initially christened Jake Peg, (adding "the" later on as an adult) and became a three-legged waltz champion, but his distant cousin Colonel Sanders, (himself a look-a-like of Rolf), was infuriated with this as it was scary for children seeing a picture of Rolf on several KFC advertisments. He paid for his extra leg to be removed and it was then used, in theory, for the 2nd line of the Swastika on the Nazi flag. All together now! Swastika on the Nazi flag....

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Art Quote

“If my husband would ever meet a woman on the street who looked like the women in his paintings, he would fall over in a dead faint”

 Mrs. Picasso

Got a funny quote that's vaguely related to art? (submit quote...)

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Did You Know...

If you have any talent for art, you're probably an artist. If you don't but you know something about it, you're probably an art critic. If you have neither talent nor knowledge, you may very well be an art teacher - any of the above can make something up and add it here. We prefer the material to be formatted this way:

...that William Shakespeare started out writing plots for porn films?

It saves some editing time - precious editing time which I can then waste writing these explanations. Art is wonderful!

  • If you are interested in knowing what happens with the material you submit: it will be added to one of the random "Did you know" -templates on Art Portal page.
  • if you add a valid link to your sentence, it gains artistic value

New Did-You-Knows

Add your material here! Remember the asterisk (*) to facilitate subsequent editing.

  • ...that Picasso was gay?
  • ...that Beethoven went deaf due to all the Slayer gigs he attended?
  • ...that Man Ray was neither a real man nor a ray?
  • ...that Marcel Duchamp actually was a pipefitter, just like Joe Cocker?
  • ...that Morgan Freeman is also God?
  • ...that Cosimo de Medici was the actual painter of the Sistine Chapel, but that he gave credit to Michelangelo out of fear that he might attack him through a portal hidden in his toilet?
  • ...that ghandi was friends with hitler before ww2
  • ...that this is a did you know section?

If you have any talent for art, you're probably an artist. If you don't but you know something about it, you're probably an art critic. If you have neither talent nor knowledge, you may very well be an art teacher - any of the above can make something up and add it here. We prefer the material to be formatted this way:

...that William Shakespeare started out writing plots for porn films?

It saves some editing time - precious editing time which I can then waste writing these explanations. Art is wonderful!

  • If you are interested in knowing what happens with the material you submit: it will be added to one of the random "Did you know" -templates on Art Portal page.
  • if you add a valid link to your sentence, it gains artistic value

New Did-You-Knows

Add your material here! Remember the asterisk (*) to facilitate subsequent editing.

  • ...that Picasso was gay?
  • ...that Beethoven went deaf due to all the Slayer gigs he attended?
  • ...that Man Ray was neither a real man nor a ray?
  • ...that Marcel Duchamp actually was a pipefitter, just like Joe Cocker?
  • ...that Morgan Freeman is also God?
  • ...that Cosimo de Medici was the actual painter of the Sistine Chapel, but that he gave credit to Michelangelo out of fear that he might attack him through a portal hidden in his toilet?
  • ...that ghandi was friends with hitler before ww2
  • ...that this is a did you know section?

If you have any talent for art, you're probably an artist. If you don't but you know something about it, you're probably an art critic. If you have neither talent nor knowledge, you may very well be an art teacher - any of the above can make something up and add it here. We prefer the material to be formatted this way:

...that William Shakespeare started out writing plots for porn films?

It saves some editing time - precious editing time which I can then waste writing these explanations. Art is wonderful!

  • If you are interested in knowing what happens with the material you submit: it will be added to one of the random "Did you know" -templates on Art Portal page.
  • if you add a valid link to your sentence, it gains artistic value

New Did-You-Knows

Add your material here! Remember the asterisk (*) to facilitate subsequent editing.

  • ...that Picasso was gay?
  • ...that Beethoven went deaf due to all the Slayer gigs he attended?
  • ...that Man Ray was neither a real man nor a ray?
  • ...that Marcel Duchamp actually was a pipefitter, just like Joe Cocker?
  • ...that Morgan Freeman is also God?
  • ...that Cosimo de Medici was the actual painter of the Sistine Chapel, but that he gave credit to Michelangelo out of fear that he might attack him through a portal hidden in his toilet?
  • ...that ghandi was friends with hitler before ww2
  • ...that this is a did you know section?
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Further Reading

Below is a list of some other stuff vaguely connected to art:

File:TresArt.gif
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Artsy Art Articles

Art | Photography | Poetry | First Gradeism | ASCII art | Bad Art | Surrealism | Dance | Music | Photoshop® | Latte art | Look, It's Art | Graffiti | Fascism (Artistic Movement) | Literature | Artistic licence | Avant-Garde | HowTo:Draw Female Breasts | Abstract expressionism | Baby Impressionism | Conceptual Art | Architecture | UnBooks:Vincent Van Gogh's Things To Do on a Rainy Afternoon

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What You Can Do To Help

  • Find a remarkable article about art, artists, or Art, and suggest it for promotion
  • Help these arty articles. Some will be healed by a simple spell check, others need something a little more drastic
  • Add sombre, boring or otherwise artistic quotes here
  • Found or made an image that'd look nice as a feature? Submit it here
  • Be as artistic as you possibly can
  • Steal a Rembrandt from somewhere and donate it to us
  1. Descriptions taken from the original “The Antipodean Gallery of Post-Modern Art: A Visitors Guide” by Professor Oliver N Acute-Tell, curator of “The Antipodean Gallery of Post-Modern Art”