PBS

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"You're watching PBS."

PBS is an American non-profit television channel made possible by contributions from viewers like you, thank you. It is carried by various member stations that determine their own schedules of inoffensive-yet-relaxing educational programming.

The PBS network comprises television stations WPBS (located one hundred miles from downtown Ottawa) and KPBS (situated just outside Tijuana). In the event of nuclear war against the United States, it is believed that neither of these sites will be worth the effort for an enemy to blow them up.

History[edit]

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Founded in 1970, PBS was originally intended to manufacture Peanut Butter Sandwiches (not to be confused with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches). By removing the jelly they cut costs dramatically, but the task of marketing their creation to children became infinitely more difficult.

After all other attempts to market the concoction failed, PBS was forced to turn their attention to television. They changed their name but kept the initials, operating as a "public broadcasting station", a worldwide conglomerate with aspirations of grandeur. This platform would allow them to not only to infect millions at once, but also shape the way a generation of Americans grew up.

Local Break[edit]

Before we continue, we'd like to invite you to call your PBS station right now and contribute during this week's pledge drive. It's only through your support that fine PBS programming can be brought into your home.

Just take a moment, right now, and think about the value that this section provides in your life. For your $125 pledge, you get this great Elmo tote bag; it's just great. For $200, we'll send you this great CD, Lawrence Welk Sings the Blues. That's our thank-you gift to you. So please, pick up the phone right now and make your contribution.

Because if you don't, we'll just be back next week for more.

Programming[edit]

Programs on PBS cover a variety of educational, informational, and cultural topics. From Monday to Friday, PBS shows children's programming in the daytime hours, followed by the PBS News Power Hour with Jim Lehrer Gwen Ifill and Judy Woodruff in evenings. Frontline is the investigative journalism program. Charlie Rose and Tavis Smiley also host daily talk shows for PBS.

There is also a good variety of science-related programs like Nova, the musical programs Austin City Limits and Great Performances, and the fine arts program Masterpiece Theatre among others.

Many PBS stations also steal import programs from the UK, including BBC World News, Downton Abbey, Antiques Roadshow, and EastEnders.

Be prepared for an endless barrage of self-help programs from figures like Suze Orman and Wayne Dyer and musical programs during "pledge weeks" in which PBS pitches these programs on DVD to raise funds. Even worse, expect a serious overdose of medical woo from the likes of Daniel Amen, Mark Hyman, Joel Fuhrman and Gary Null for the same purpose.

See also[edit]