UnNews:Main Page
(Redirected from Uncyclopedia:UnNews)
Jump to navigation
Jump to search
|
Welcome to UnNews
Like The Onion, but free! Free of comedy, hehe...
|
Sunday, May 18, 2025, 00:52 (UTC)
|
BREAKING NEWS: Austria wins Eurovision
  Donald Trump, in a move of respect for the kitchen appliance voters, has destroyed regulations for all sorts of things kitchen appliance, appealing to the axiomatic values of this voter population. The specific regulations expunged from the plane of existence are lost to history as the Trump administration used the 5g chips in the covid vaccine to remotely wipe all details of the regulations from the memories of all American citizens.
We at UnNews, however, have realized the blind spot of all other news organizations; they failed to consider that they could just interview the appliances! Getting our information straight from the source, we had ground reporter Sapplerx interview several kitchen appliances from the Miami-Orlando area. The kitchen appliances gave our reporter anecdotes of having their voltages taxed aggressively under the Biden administration, expressing pure and utter delight upon hearing that the government would "no longer be punishing and stealing from them for expressing their material freedoms," as an interviewee put it.
  VATICAN CITY — White smoke from the Sistine Chapel chimney signaled the coming of a new Pope, elected in a Conclave after the previous guy, Pope Francis, died from second-hand brown lung after meeting Vice-President JD Vance. Vance is already preparing another visit, just in case the new guy is a little too friendly to the "wokies", White House sources say.
Robert Francis Prevost, a native Chicagoan, was chosen to be the new Holy Papa, and has chosen the rather uninspiring Papal name, Leo XIV. He is the first 'Murican Pope. Italian cardinals are now mourning the what will likely be a sudden and precipitous drop in the quality of pizzas in the Vatican. Pope
 HOLLYWOOD -- Comedian Chris Rock has announced that he will be writing, directing, producing and starring in a Vatican sequel to his 2003 political satire Head of State.
"You know, that movie Conclave made a shitload of money and won a fuckton of awards," Rock says, "and it got me thinking, Has there ever been a Black pope? Then I did my research and there wasn't been one since at least the invention of photography. It's speculated we've had three in the last 2,000 years, but n----s didn't have Polaroid or Kodak back then. Shit, that's older than Nosferatu, older than Shakespeare." He added, "I thought back to Head of State and thought to myself, Why don't I go back and do all that same shit in the Vatican? It'd be fucking hilarious!"  WASHINGTON, DC - Long standing
|
| |
Write an article!
 Simply enter the headline in the box below and click the button to create your own UnNews article! |
Headlines (Add)
 Click a headline to make a story!
|
Horoscopes (See all)
 Your horoscope for today: On Saturday night you dance your ass off. It causes horror on the dancefloor initially, but then an impromptu football match breaks out.
|
About UnNews
 UnNews is a project of the Uncyclomedia Foundation. It spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. |
This day in news...
|
Stories with Audio
 |
|
UnNews in Other Languages
Français
Svenska
Norsk
日本語
ไทย
עברית
简体中文
Magyar
Türkçe
Tagalog
| ||
|
Sister projects
Uncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects as well as some foreign language Uncyclopedias and Illogicopedia.
| ||
