UnNews:Monkey 'hid passenger under hat'

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

8 August 2007

A monkey, wearing a hat this morning.

A PERUVIAN MONKEY has been questioned by police at LaGuardia airport in New York after smuggling a passenger onto a flight from Florida by hiding it under his hat. Passengers spotted the 45 year old man when he climbed out and perched on the monkey's tail, Spirit Airlines spokeswoman Alison Banana told reporters.

Ms Banana said the passenger, "a well dressed, rather agreeable and pleasant gentleman", spent the remainder of the flight in the monkey's seat and was "remarkably well-behaved". The monkey was seen to buy the man a number of gin and tonic drinks during the flight.

The monkey's journey originated in Lima, Peru. Ms Banana said it was not known how the monkey managed to conceal the gentleman from the authorities there, and during a several-hour stopover in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. It is hypothesized that the monkey may have ingested the man and subsequently "shitted" him out in a visit to the plane toilets.

When passengers noticed the paunch stomached man on the flight, they asked the monkey "if he knew he had a well mannered gentleman on his tail", Ms Banana said. The monkey reportedly "became rather abusive to the cabin crew and passengers and had to be shot with a tranquilizer dart".

New York animal control officials said the man, currently unnamed, appeared to be healthy "with a voracious appetite for gin and tonic", the Associated Press news agency reported. It added that the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention was planning to quarantine the middle aged man for a month before deciding whether or not to destroy him.

The gentleman, who could eventually be stuffed and sent to a museum, was unavailable for comment.

Sources

• Is it? "Is it alive?" No, I think its beige, August 8, 2007