From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
(Redirected from Fake news)
Jump to navigation Jump to search
We know those crazy canucks are somehow connected to CNN. Therefore, it should be known as the Canadian News Network.

“You are fake news”

~ Donald Trump, 45th President of the United States and Guinness World Record holder for World's Biggest Balls on CNN

CNN is a Atlantan multinational propaganda news channel that is primarily watched by liberals, progressives and other types of people. This network is available only in Atlanta, Georgia. Following the BBC, CNN has made a big advance in the reporting field. They have reporters in the walls and trees , which is not the case at the BBC.

Early years[edit | edit source]

When the entire nation of Switzerland misplaced itself, journalists from CNN received a Pulitzer in their efforts to track it down. It was hidden on top of the Czech Republic.

Their breakthrough was immediate when the US government decided to broadcast a program for the deaf. It was later discovered that CNN title cards are created by monkeys. CNN was originally created as a joke, and was intended for aliens, as well as those who get high often. With a groundbreaking team of just one worker, they successfully launched their first documentary: "Help Me, I'm Out Of Ideas And It Seems Out Of This World".

Public interpretation[edit | edit source]

CNN has often been under the attacks of many. One time, a guy who killed a man near the CNN studios was in fact aiming at CNN but missed and stroke a clown. Some weeks later, a bomb which was intended for CNN staff ended up being thrown into the sewers instead, because the man who threw the bomb felt pity for it. That day CNN was closed because of the awful smell of the sewers.

CNN special guests[edit | edit source]

People often asked Jerry Springer where he gets guests but at CNN is completely different. They frequently put some drug in the drink to some people on the scene before they pull them into the studio. One time Britney Spears was called by CNN to the studio but later that night she drunk too much so the ambulance came to her house to put her into the nut house before she needed to attend CNN as the special guest next day. Also CNN is suspected for crimes against humanity when they called Michael Jackson to the studio for live broadcast unshaved and without the botox in his face.


CNN was founded in 1982, when a family from Boston moved out of their 200-year-old house and left it to the local homeless. It eventually ended up in the hands of a guy from NY who apparently sold it to another guy for 22 dollars. Later CNN was sponsored from Jesus himself, giving out dollars as blessings (that is how the name "Yougov" came into being - apparently when speaking to Jesus, and asked whether or not they believe in him, their response would be "You, gov" for the promise of blessings). In other words it doesn't make any sense at all. Today the LCD displays used at CNN are from secondhand stores, and were first intended for poor people but CNN got it for free. In another words: "They stole it!" And not just that but: "They stole it from poor people!"

Sponsorship[edit | edit source]

The first man who bought CNN shares was the in fact the first guy who made a mistake thinking that CNN means Canadian National Network. Later he discovered that CNN intentionally used those letters because of Search Engine optimization in Google and Bing where most people thought it has something with Canada. Police repeatedly discovered rooms under the CNN building for making drugs but didn't do anything since those from CNN told them each time that it was a kitchen for making flour for the doughnuts and if they don't tell that to anyone they will get a full box of doughnuts for free. So the story ended happily each time. Also stats from 2005 show that nobody absolutely watched CNN but was buying their expensive flour for the doughnuts. Also to make your own doughnuts you can call 111344441144 direct CNN line for getting small amounts of that flour with funny taste. But if you call from another country don't forget to use +1 first. Police recorded that commercials at CNN are international provocation to people in countries which CNN publishes against their will. It's called rape.

Reporters[edit | edit source]

"Quest means business" is a show based at some guy who got 5$ to publish his face at CNN to represent the American idiot. The reporter featured in the show - Becky Anderson - whose family has fleas, and to whom fleas are a family heritage, is in fact a well known whore from Wisconsin who was the cause of some diseases in her state such as Malaria, AIDS, Tripper, SARS, a Wisconsin plague of 1984, and was working illegally at CNN until 1999, when CNN decided to put her on the list of official workers who have only 3 diseases currently, and is not a threat to CNN - because they found that she can't transfer a disease through a network cable of TV. They eventually tried to get rid of her by sending her at Alaska to die in a freezer so others will be safe, but the bitch returned - now testing positive for Syphilis.

It was later uncovered that a chief reporter of Comedy Central/CNN was a Cuban on a secret mission to destroy the American government through comedy, with his stated goal being to cause Congress to die of laughter. He was also accused to giving a poisonous gas and chloroform to the public so they would laugh themselves silly. Larry King is still under investigation as the foreign fossilized object of Venezuela. His age is still in a debate but some predict that he can outlive Becky Anderson because of the new diseases that she has.

See also[edit | edit source]