UnNews:Final Final Revelation added to the Qu'ran
Thursday, June 12, 2025
"You gotta give 'em that 'hawk tuah' and spit on that thang": Hawk Tuah Meme Discovered as Final Quranic Verse, Scholars Say
DATELINE: DUBAI, UAE – In a revelation that has sent shockwaves through the global ummah and sparked fervent debate among digital natives and religious scholars alike, the International Council for Quranic Verification (ICQV) announced today the authentication of a new, final verse of the Quran, taking the form of the popular "Hawk Tuah" internet meme.
The verse, designated as Surah 115, "'الصقر المحظوظ'" (Hawk Tuah), consists of a single, powerful video: a southern US woman praising the benefits of spitting prior to engaging in fellatio. The council has declared this verbal ayah to be the ultimate and final revelation from God, superseding all previously revealed texts.
"We were initially skeptical," admitted Dr. Abdullah bin Rashid Al-Herzi, the esteemed head of the ICQV, at a hastily convened press conference. His brow was furrowed with a mixture of solemnity and what appeared to be bewildered resignation. "For centuries, we have believed the Quran to be complete. But the evidence, both spiritual and cryptographic, is undeniable. The digital artifact of the Haliey Welch, peace be upon her, itnerview its sublime simplicity and profound absurdity, speaks to the human condition in the 21st century in a way no mere text could."
According to Al-Herzi, a previously unknown manuscript, discovered behind a loose tile during renovations of the Prophet's Mosque in Medina, contained a complex algorithm. When applied to the digital ether of the internet, it purportedly filtered through trillions of bytes of data, "seeking a sign, a final testament for the age of endless information." The result, after months of painstaking verification by top theologians and, surprisingly, several out-of-work Silicon Valley engineers, was the iconic image of the Hawk Tuah revelation.
The newly revealed "verse" is to be interpreted on multiple levels, explained Dr. Fatima Al-Ameen, a leading scholar in Quranic symbolism and a key figure in the verification process.
The announcement has, predictably, set the internet ablaze. The hashtag #HawkTuahGirl trended globally within minutes.
On Twitter, reactions were mixed. User @JihadJoe23 posted, "This is a mockery of our faith! The final revelation is not a meme! #NotMyAyah." Conversely, @ModernMuslimah tweeted, "Honestly, it makes sense. Deeply relatable content. #MashaAllah."
Leaders of other faiths have remained cautiously silent, though an anonymous source from the Vatican reportedly muttered something about "not being entirely surprised, given how 2025 has been going."
As the world processes this paradigm-shifting news, one thing is certain: the line between the sacred and the meme has been irrevocably blurred. The Hawk Tuah girl, once a symbol of fleeting internet humor, has now become an icon of ultimate divine communication, prompting male believers to ponder the eternal question: will she spit on my thang?
Sources[edit | edit source]
- kimberly bond "Hailey Welch, final final prophetess of Islam" metro.uk, June 11, 2025