UnNews:Trump still ruining the U.S. economy

"YEAH! We're gonna TARIFF PEOPLE! It's DEFINITELY gonna fix our economy, and cutting most international trade is CERTAINLY going to revive the economy! We can most certainly depend on me, then man who has had his CASINO* go bankrupt, with the economy!" *How the fuck do you bankrupt a CASINO? It's damn near impossible!

MAY 29TH 2025

WASHINGTON HELL D.C.- Breaking news coming out of Washington tonight. Or today. Whatever time zone you're in. Somehow, Trump has managed to appeal to the courts that he can certainly tariff everybody using the 18th century act regarding the alien invasion that took place in Ohio valley. And of course, due to some combination of nepotism, corruption, or other authoritarian tomfuckery, the courts sided with Trump. John Economy, the widely revered economic professor, has recently come out with this statement.

"We're all fucked."

Truly unsurprising. The effects are absolutely global as of course, immediately, Wall Street took a massive kick to the nuts, falling down and then getting kicked in the balls again. And again. But as of this evening, they're getting back up. Trump has declared this a massive win. We're, of course, not sure if he's referencing the fight with Wall Street that only China really won, or that he finally convinced the courts that he should be able to ruin our economy.