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The Bacon and Cheese Sandwich of 1905 was an especially good sandwich. High in cholesterol and known to cause cancer, maybe, but really quite delicious. Sandwich connoisseurs, if they still existed, would all agree that it surpassed all other sandwiches of its type and, indeed, probably surpassed most other varieties of sandwich. Alas, the night the sandwich was presented, that of October 14, 1905, marked the end of the noble tradition of sandwich connoisseuring, a great loss to the world of international snobbery.

The Bacon and Cheese Sandwich was built in four stages, starting exactly one year before the sandwich was to be revealed to the public. These stages were in themselves very momentous events, making headlines across the world and affecting the stock market in ways grossly out of proportion to their material significance. An international team of chefs, highly specialized in the craft of sandwich-making, was assembled from over 250 countries; an absurdly large figure, given the fact that there are less than two hundred countries in the world. (Full article...)

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July 5: X Day; Day After We Kicked The Brits Ass Day (Southern US)

  • 334 BC – Masturbation is accidentally invented by Plato in Athens. His diciple Aristoteles is later declared "Master of his domain"
  • 1687 – Isaac Newton (pictured) discovers gravity after being hit on the head by a falling fig.
  • 1689 – After outbreak of falling fruit, Isaac Newton officially changes gravity to 7.
  • 1946 – The bikini is introduced in Paris, France. Later, no bikini atoll was the trend.
  • 1967 – The first kidney transplant to be made entirely of lego bricks ends in tragedy
  • 1998 – Aliens fail to turn up and fry everyone to a pink crisp.
  • 1999 – Again, the aliens miss the due date.
  • 2000 – Yet again, the aliens fail to meet their contractual obligations.
  • 2001 – Cultists get seriously pissed off with yet another no-show.
  • 2002 – Kooks consider taking legal action against missing aliens.
  • 2003 – Aliens turned up, but not the right aliens. Bloody mocking tourists.
  • 2004 – No one turns up because no one expects the aliens to. And, yup, they didn't.
  • 2005 – If you are reading this, the aliens did not turn up for the 8th year running.
  • 2005 – Longest fart in world history. Produced by AMB.
  • 2006 – That's right, still no aliens.
  • 2006 – Zombies become extinct.
  • 2007 – Deal or No Deal? The aliens decide to take the money and not show up - again!
  • 2010 – The Church Of The Subgenius hijacks the Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/July 5 page
  • 2155 – Aliens almost turned up but missed a left due to wrong directions and landed on Venus.
  • 2156 – Aliens turn up and land in Tokyo but flee due to a Gundam Statue that lit up at night.
  • 19447 – Aliens appear as tourists, but at this point no one cares.


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Exclusive PLUS member of the Month!!!

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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

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