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Today's Free Sample! "What Would Jesus Do?" is the most popularly over-asked question in the history of man, just edging out, Baby, if you've never tried anal sex, how do you know you won't like it? It is also the most asked question in the history of women, just ahead of Do you think this makes my ass look fat? The question is commonly associated with dedicated followers of Christianity, but falsely so; true believers never ask that question as they know exactly what the Jesus would do. The simple query inspired the WWJD movement and spawned a multi-million dollar a year industry producing such wholesome family oriented items as charitable bracelets [1], lighters, belly-cut t-shirts [2], the finest of bumper stickers printed only in the smallest existing illegible fonts on Earth, and beer koozies. The capitalistic monster spawned by those four little words has grown into that which has lead some to believe modern Jesus just wants to bank some loot, buy some bling, and bang some bitches. This may well be true as he declined any interview for this article. (Full article...) Recently featured: Metalheads 9-11 Shoutbox Clairvoyance among dinosaurs Archive · Vote for featured articles · You can vote for your favorite articles to be featured when you become an EXCLUSIVE MEMBER. More of the best of Uncyclopedia edit More can be yours! Join today! July 11: International Pull My Finger Day; Fake Fart Appreciation Day (Rural Alabama, Georgia) 1307 – Walter Tell, offspring of the famed archery enthusiast William Tell, pioneered the art of Interpretive Death by creatively expiring after suffering a major crossbow incident. 1796 – The United States takes possession of Detroit from Great Britain under the terms of the Jay Treaty. Great Britain immediately regrets this transaction when the Detroit Red Wings win the Stanley Cup in 1798. 1804 – Secretary of the Treasury Alexander Hamilton is mortally wounded in a duel with United States Vice President Aaron Burr in the last major political duel before the Political Dueling Edict of 1822 was imposed by the new generation of sissy-boy lawmakers. 1859 – A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens is published. Oscar Wilde immediately parodies many of Dickens' concepts in his novel the Picture of Dorain Gray. 1864 – The American Civil War does not live up to its name as a Civil War, as pleasantries are barely exchanged before the Battle of Fort Stevens. 1925 – Famous monster Oscar the Grouch (pictured) is born in the slums of Sesame Street. He does not earn the added moniker of "Grouch" until he resorts to selling candy to children after bedtime following a long string of hardships. Archived Anniversaries	edit For exclusive news coverage, get UnNews PLUS! Trump sends condolences to tough-guy actor "Mikey Madison" (Pictured) Clint Eastwood announces plans to live forever Trumpman introduces Trumpmobile Diddy gets off easy, possibly due to bribing jury Musk establishes "Porky Pig Party" to combat Trump's "Big Beautiful Bill" United Nations Secretary General gives up on world peace, World War Three begins Netanyahu and Khamenei get it on Trump joins in for threesome, blows load Khamenei fails to follow up after dirty talk, taps out Elon Musk breaks up with Trump Trump sends condolences to "Sly Stallone" Trump celebrates TACO Wednesday by reversing course on long-held campaign promise THE ROCKIES HAVE WON A SERIES! Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, TAWOG, Stranger Things 5, and Spaceballs 2 • Russian Invasion • Gaza War • Trump and Elon's feud.. make up.. no one knows anymore • Animal-related live-action remakes kicking Snow White's ass • Jaws 50th anniversary • Colorado Rockies game replacing Jaws airing • Israel/Iran "peace talks" • Pittsburgh Steelers adding old players way past their prime • Rock drummer exodus (not to be confused with Tom Hunting or Zbigniew Fyk) Recent deaths: Ariana Grande's Nonna • Canadian team's bid to win the Stanley Cup, again • PF4Eva's headphone cable • Jimmy Swaggart • Diddy's freedom for only 20 years • Michael Madsen • Diogo Jota • Texas flood victims Upcoming deaths: DEI • Tom Cruise's career of sprinting on-screen • Pittsburgh Steelers' locker room • Greta Thunberg? • R. Kelly • Iran's nuclear program • Oil prices • Dumbasses with fireworks in their backyards • Diddy's bank account after incoming lawsuits • The asshats who spoiled Squid Game More Current Events at UnNews News edit Did you know... That you can get Did You Know in your email if you SUBSCRIBE TODAY! ... that existing is highly dangerous, and should not be performed unless you are competent enough to understand how to perform it? Read More
edit Recent articles! Exclusive access for PLUS members ONLY! Why is book? Halloween Ends Stranger Things (rw) G.I. Jane G.I. Jane 2 UnTunes:Santa Baby This is not an Article, it's a Sandwich Fairytale UnTunes:Shoes Uncyclopedia:Business (rw) Halloween Kills UnTunes:Perry the Platypus Elon's Musk UnGames:Ultimate Fishing (rw) UnTunes:Rio Herodotus (rw) Brawny Lawnmower-Humvee (rw) Steve Wozniak (rw) Narrative (rw) Bryan Adams High School Alex Trebek Lincoln Logs Brexit Where Is Everybody? UnTunes:Animal (with actual animals) Avi Toledano Eli Roth Film (remake) African American Worst 100 Reflections on 2018 Ray Charles Bernardo Butterlucci Urban Dictionary More recent articles
Exclusive PLUS member of the Month!!! Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 40,291 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages, including Plus:!:

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	Ebatsüklopeedia Eesti Estonia 96	Neciklopēdija Latviešu Latvia 159	Juokopedija Lietuvių Lithuania 267	Neciklopedio Esperanto Esperanto 3176	Unsaiklopedia 𐌲𐌿𐍄𐌹𐍃𐌺‬ Goths 14
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