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From today's featured article 

John Marshall Portrait.jpg

John Marshall was a professional floor-is-lava player who lasted 34 years until he touched the floor and died. He played on the Supreme Court team and had the role of the fourth Chief Justice, which he served for three point four decades before dying. He arrogantly held the role and thought no one else was good enough to wear a robe and scream "constitutional law" at people. Marshall even copyrighted black bathrobes, so anyone who wanted the role would instantly have to pay Marshall $97.99 (plus shipping and tax). He was famous for vastly improving the Supreme Court team by inventing the established judicial review move. This allowed the Supreme Court team to respond No. to any attacks by the Congress team, making them a worthy team. (Full article...)

Did you know... 

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  • ... that Sigmund Freud told me he slept with your mother last night? (Pictured)
  • ... that the bird is equal to or greater than the word?
  • ... that the Kingfisher does not dine exclusively on kings, but also hunts queens, emperors, princes, dukes, viceroys and any other high-ranking members of the nobility?
  • ... that the sport of Water Polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks?
  • ... that my girlfriend has herpes? Neither did I.
  • ... that I like cats, but could never eat a whole one?
  • ... that not all πr². There are also many π that r rounded?
  • ... that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known?

In the news 

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Too bad you can't customize this in the original.

Ongoing: Eurovision Green Room in danger of sexual harassment • The wait for GTA VI and Spaceballs 2 • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • ICE-y chaos in Minnesota • Fallout from the Epstein Files • Winter Olympics • Seattle flooding the streets with Starbucks coffee to celebrate the Seahawks' win • New England Patriots fans hiding in a corner after being exposed • r/TheDarnold having a MASSIVE field day

Recent deaths: the other Black guy from John Carpenter's The Thing • Bob Weir • Scott Adams • Kianna Underwood • Uncyclopedia • Catherine O'Hara • Lamont • Brad Arnold • NFL season • New England Patriots fans' insufferability, for now

Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!!

Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Netflix • Dancin' Maduro • Aaron Rodgers' career • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files (cough cough Bill and Hillary Clinton) • Travis Kelce

On this day 

Fig. 1

February 10: International Bad Pun Day

  • 1104 - Potato famine engulfs Ireland, panhandling leprechauns flood the cities because they're a little short.
  • 1390 - Bread is invented. Everybody proposes a toast to the inventor.
  • 1391 - Sliced Bread is invented. This is the greatest thing invented since, you know what I'm drawing a blank.
  • 1712 - Rebels in Chile have a riot against the Spanish. It ends up being en fuego.
  • 1865 - A three legged dog walks into a saloon and says, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
  • 1980 - Various case studies indicate you can put things in them and carry them by their handles.
  • 1985 - Das Boot, a German film about gender neutral enclosed footwear, is released.
  • 2009 - Juan Pablo Montoya is shot dead, police believe the killer was a golfer, because he made a hole in Juan.
  • 2018 - French President Emmanuel Macron explains at a press conference that he doesn't like too many eggs for breakfast as one egg is un oeuf.

Picture of the day

Africamapclear
 Africa is widely known by those in the US to be Earth's shittiest continent. For one thing, the land is wracked with hunger, poverty, disease, and genocide. It is also filled with monkeys, like those parks where they tear your car to shreds. Not a pleasant place, all things considered. (Rwanda sucks and has a very retarded name.)

Things from Africa include: zoo animals, human trials, like monkeys; lots of fruit...um... AIDS? AIDS is from there, right? And black people? Hey, is that where African Americans came from? Yeah? Well, who knew?
Image credit: Jordanus
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This Uncyclopedia is written in English, supposedly. Started in 2005, it currently contains 41,122 articles. Many other parody wikis are available; some of the lamest are listed below.

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