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From today's featured article
Ottawa, Canada -- A search team announced today the discovery of the International Reputation of Canada, whose wreck was resting under 8,000 feet of ice and water in the Arctic Ocean.
"This major discovery helps us have a better understanding of the form and content of what was once the international image of Canada around the world," said a researcher. "Since 2006, we thought it had been totally wiped out!"
The first analysis suggests that Canada once was a credible player in the areas of global warming, apartheid opposition, fighting wealth inequalities and peace promotion. Canada had even created organizations to encourage dialogue and friendship between nations. These organizations were also resting on the ocean floor.
"The younger people will not remember it, but Canada used to be a credible interlocutor on the international scene," said a baffled scientist. "Of course, this dates from way back, in the middle of the 2000s, but the old folks still talk about it." (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that no, doing this does not make your incompetence any less obvious? (Pictured)
- ... that removing the rubber bands from the claws of a Lobster can result in oh god get it off get it OFF OH GOD MY FACE!
- ... that 100% of people who make good life choices die?
- ...that I'm better than this person in particular?
- ... that there is a pipe bomb placed in your mailbox?
- ... that in 2007 the Department of Homeland Security released a series of informative pamphlets on surviving a terrorist attack?
- ...that you actually didn't know?
- ... that Barns and Nobles is the most successful medieval farming roleplaying game, played by millions of teenage nerds worldwide?
In the news
- Obama to Democrats: "toughen up, you fucking pussies!" (Pictured)
- Trump sends condolences to tough-guy actor "Mikey Madison"
- Clint Eastwood announces plans to live forever
- Trumpman introduces Trumpmobile
- Diddy gets off easy, possibly due to bribing jury
- Musk establishes "Porky Pig Party" to combat Trump's "Big Beautiful Bill"
- United Nations Secretary General gives up on world peace, World War Three begins
- Netanyahu and Khamenei get it on
- Trump joins in for threesome, blows load
- Khamenei fails to follow up after dirty talk, taps out
- Elon Musk breaks up with Trump
- Trump sends condolences to "Sly Stallone"
- Trump celebrates TACO Wednesday by reversing course on long-held campaign promise
- THE ROCKIES HAVE WON A SERIES!
Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, TAWOG, Stranger Things 5, and Spaceballs 2 • Russian Invasion • Gaza War • Trump and Elon's feud.. make up.. no one knows anymore • Animal-related live-action remakes kicking Snow White's ass • Jaws 50th anniversary • Colorado Rockies game replacing Jaws airing • Israel/Iran "peace talks" • Pittsburgh Steelers adding old players way past their prime • Rock drummer exodus (not to be confused with Tom Hunting or Zbigniew Fyk)
Recent deaths: Diddy's freedom for only 20 years • Michael Madsen • Diogo Jota • Texas flood victims • LA ICE raids • Connie Francis • Alan Bergman
Upcoming deaths: DEI • Tom Cruise's career of sprinting on-screen • Pittsburgh Steelers' locker room • Greta Thunberg? • R. Kelly • Iran's nuclear program • Oil prices • Dumbasses with fireworks in their backyards • Diddy's bank account after incoming lawsuits • The asshats who spoiled Squid Game • MAGA • The flowers you bring Alan Bergman
On this day
- 1066 – Fight Day established by humans; "You do not talk about Fight Day," proclaims the King, shortly before being impaled on a sword by Normans.
- 1298 – Battle of Falskirt: Edward Longlegs defeats Mel Gibson's Scottish hooligans in a poker game.
- 1949 – The United States ratifies the North Atlantic Treaty, officially enacting a truce with the hostile North Atlantic Ocean that would be honored until sea otters invade Boston in 1977.
- 1958 – The elusive and mysterious pond whale (pictured) is first described in scientific literature.
- 1977 – Sea otters invade Boston.
- 2006 – The first in a wildly successful series of prison journals is published on Uncyclopedia.
- 2007 – "Celebrating Fight Day may increase your risk of getting into a fight" says a statistitian after completing a 30-year research program.
Picture of the day
9-Eleven, a world-wide chain of convenience stores serving the needs of those who seek to overthrow whichever hated oppressor is in vogue at the time, is now owned by a conglomeration of businessmen operating out of Afghanistan for tax purposes. People often call them when they need fat. In a bun. Image credit: FreeMorpheme |
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- Formatting – for help on editing
- Requested articles – for inspiration, or lack thereof
- Village Dump – to throw angry invectives at other users
- Community portal – for general community shenanigans
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