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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

Charlie Kirk was a right-wing political activist, master(de)bater, possessor of the world's largest non-equine set of gums, and penitent God-fearer. He was best known for being a follower of Christ, having a perfectly proportioned smile, and for founding Turning Point USA, a conservative advocacy group which sought to bridge the political divide wrecking our nation by browbeating and clip-farming America's most retarded liberals for social media clout. His viral debate clips garnered tens of millions of views, and his staunch defense of pro-life, pro-gun, and pro-America viewpoints earned him comparisons to the inimitable William F. Buckley Jr., minus the part where he was a closeted homosexual. An ardent supporter of President Donald Trump, he dedicated his life to spreading the Judeo-Christian values of free expression, America First, and branded hat salesmanship. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that there's only one way to party? (Pictured)

... that Cup Stacking is a real sport? No, really.
... that sovereign citizens have all the rights of U.S citizens, without having to follow any of the laws?
... that recent advances in nanobiotechnology have led to advanced, implantable music players capable of holding up to three seconds of low-quality MP3 audio?
... that people residing or visiting Canada often ask themselves, "Why am I in Canada?"
... that The Great Toilet Paper Famine of 2020 was caused by Uncyclopedians?
... that the populations of many endangered species can be increased with a simple Wikipedia edit?
... that the American Civil War was actually marked by many instances of uncivil behavior?

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In the news [edit]

One simply cannot piss until he scans this.

Indy police: former NFL quarterback Mark Sanchez literally butt-fumbles in real life
Trump receives COVID vaccine despite supporters making their entire personalities being against it for years
Starmer unveils new digital ID cards to help further monitor citizens' pornography intake (Pictured)
BoJo and Co. politely ask Nigel Farage to stop lifting children
Omaha man's order of salmon sliders indistinguishable from salmon burgers
Charlie Kirk gets l+ratio'd during a speech in Utah
Sheeranism officially legalised in Yankeeland
Angela Rayner defects to Reform UK
Hollow Knight: Silksong gets released; Steam crashes for the second time this year
Some mega pop star and her football player boyfriend get engaged. Yaaay.
NFL teams replace female cheerleaders with gay dudes

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia-Ukraine "peace talks" • ICE/Antifa clashes • Trump and Elon couples therapy • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys • Pregnant moms taking Tylenol to give their babies "autism powers" • Democrats and Republicans throwing hissy fits in D.C.

Recent deaths: Trump's pet sloth • Robert Redford • U.S. Federal Government • Jane Goodall • The Yankees' World Series dreams • Diane Keaton • Gaza War • Drew Struzan • Windows 10 • D'Angelo • YouTube player's old design

Upcoming deaths: DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • Aforementioned Tylenol moms • Mark Butt-fumble's career and freedom

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On this day [edit]

October 15: Opening Day of Hunting Season for Mimes (United States)

1804 - The first mime turns up in France.
1914 - Mime hunting season initiated to control the number of mimes.
1976 - Massacres and bloodbaths occur on the streets of France. Mimes nearly go extinct. The world rejoices.
2003 - PETA argues that the mime problem should be solved humanely, by imprisoning them in invisible boxes.
2004 - A disgruntled mime uses a magnum to "remove" any extra mimes in the area, he is promptly arrested. Apparently the mime wasn't using a silencer.
2006 - Vice President Dick Cheney shoots a mime in the face in a hunting "accident."

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Picture of the day

Eugene Krabs stands in awe before his establishment as Donald Trump enacts his wonderful tariffs.

Image credit: SystemPhantom
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