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In Pasticle Physics, antipasta is composed of anti-ingredients in the same way that pasta is composed of ingredients. For example, an antiegg and some antiwheat with a bit of antiwater can form an antipasta dough. It is potentially life-threatening to consume antipasta without extreme safety measures and a bit of luck. This is because when an anti-food particle comes into contact with a positive particle (for example a human's tongue) the two particles annihilate each other releasing a tremendous amount of energy (the equivalent of 1,000,000 spurts of explosive diarrhea after bad Mexican food). This means the more antiparmesan you add onto a mountain of antispaghetti, the more likely your body will paint the walls and ceiling before you finish eating it. Whilst an exciting, even an arousing proposal, it is a little too dangerous for most people (even if you have a little chub just thinking about anti-tortelini) and seen as reckless and hedonistic by conservative foodies.With excessive care, one can enjoy anti-rigatoni and most likely keep their stomach intact, their head on their shoulders and not shit out anti-blood. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that John Travolta (Pictured) isn't gay?
- ... that en passant is actually French for "inventing new rules as you go along?"
- ... that Earth, Wind & Fire have produced a multi-season autobiography?
- ... that sex in the ear canal is called CANAL (pronounced like anal but with a C in the beginning)?
- ... that condoms prevent many sexually transmitted diseases, and at least one erection? Sorry Candace...
- ... that the Russian Reversal is the common English term for the phenomenon during which a person descended from Russia is spontaneously turned around?
- ... about Alliteration articulating an artistic approach aimed at annotating and arranging alphabetic accouterments as alarmingly asinine alignments?
- ... that there is a pipe bomb placed in your mailbox?
In the news
- Dick Van Dyke is 100, bitches! (Pictured)
- ICE spotted stealing everyone's ice cream in America
- North Sentinelese discover fire, accidentally burn down entire island
- Elon Musk: "Cancel Netflix! I don't care if Max wakes up."
- 6 or 7 buildings burn in Hong Kong
- Labour approval hits record low during Starmer premiership, PM resorts to "getting down with the youth"
- The New York Yankees now fucking suck
- Russian ship shines annoying red laser pointer at British planes
- Ron DeSantis passes Florida bill allowing seniors to hunt zoomers for their skin and organs
- Russian economy on life support after barely growing in 3rd quarter
- The UK to ban the resale of tickets
- Bill passed in Pennsylvania to legalise flying cars because why the fuck not?
- Trump kills the penny after realizing spending four cents on a one cent coin doesn’t "make cents"
- Russian AI powered humanoid robot faceplants on stage in front of crowd
- Syrian National Museum gets robbed of six to seven Roman statues
- Cloudy windy Hurricane Melissa hits da Jamaica, mon! BOMBOCLAAT!
Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 volume 2 and Spaceballs 2 • The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Indianapolis Colts dragging an old man out of retirement • Ravens fans hiding in a corner after another choke
Recent deaths: The penny • Udo Kier • Jimmy Cliff • Warner Bros. • Sheen Estevez • Chet Ubetcha • Doug Dimmadome • Zed's dead, baby (He was also the bad guy in The Mask) • Animal Farm • Kansas City Chiefs' season • Rob Reiner • Bowen Yang's tenure on SNL • Dallas Cowboys' season • Patrick Mahomes' backup's ACL
Upcoming deaths: Eurovision Song Contest • DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Indianapolis Colts' and Baltimore Ravens' seasons • Weed • 67% of people trying to understand why 6 of 7 news stories mention "6-7" • The MetroCard • Dick van Dyke, eventually • 2025
On this day
- 1402 - Frank Constanza invents Festivus, "a holiday for the rest of us."
- 1888 - Dutch painter Vincent van Gogh cuts off part of his left ear, sells it on eBay for three times the list price.
- 1938 - Immigrants from the Old Country bring over the Festivus Pole (Pictured) to America, get rid of the tinsel as it's "too distracting."
- 1954 - The first successful piano transplant is performed, following failed attempts on organs and harpsichords.
- 1970 - Ted Cruz molts for the first time! He eats the scaly residue for sustenance.
- 2000 - Competing holiday Christmas Eve Eve gets laughed off the room by good, correct people.
- 2006 - Your uncle makes a scene during the Airing of Grievances, makes the rest of the day awkward.
- 2007 - You and Your mom duke it out in the Feats of Strength. Your Mom promptly beats your ass.
Picture of the day
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Now showing at all good Middle-Eastern warzones near you! Image credit: Olipro |
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