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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

Now, ya see, Bwost'n or Boss-tin (owfishally Beantown) is dis city, thas in Mass'chs'tts. It's ne-ah tha wahtuh, an' um, peoples lives thay-uh.

They's got beans 'nd chowdah anna whoole lotta construction. Guv'mint says da Big Dig s'gonna be done soon, but all 'm seein is DETOUR.

I ain't too good at writin, so I'se gonna try tuh make dis unnastanable. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that Gerry Adams IS the Lord of the Dance? (Pictured)

... that Freddie Mercury was banned in some European countries due to his extremely radioactive last name?
...that Ram Ranch really rocks?
... that Flying Spaghetti Monsterism is the world's most intelligent and fastest-growing religion?
... that the Uncyclopedia Discord link contains a virus called which infects your computer with the Uncyclopedia Discord?
... that since haste makes waste, and slow and steady wins the race, it follows that everybody who loses a race must therefore be charged with littering?
... that Liechtenstein is completely pointless?
... that if Mommy is willing to lie about a freaky old dude who sneaks into children's bedrooms in the middle of the night to eat your cookies and drink your milk, she'll no doubt be willing to deceive you about everything else?

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In the news [edit]

"It's for the children's own good!"

Trump fires Zakk Wylde
Trump sends condolences to "Ozzie Nelson," "Paul Hogan," "Luigi Mangione"
Epstein list predictions
Starmer bans pornography nationwide (Pictured)
- Starmer to ban VPNs nationwide
Ozzy Osbourne remembers Uncyclopedia
Obama to Democrats: "toughen up, you fucking pussies!"
Trump sends condolences to tough-guy actor "Mikey Madison"
Clint Eastwood announces plans to live forever
Trumpman introduces Trumpmobile
Diddy gets off easy, possibly due to bribing jury
Musk establishes "Porky Pig Party" to combat Trump's "Big Beautiful Bill"
United Nations Secretary General gives up on world peace, World War Three begins
Lawyer is unable to remember what the trial is about, defendant is convicted of burglary

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, TAWOG, Stranger Things 5, and Spaceballs 2 • Russian Invasion • Gaza War • Trump and Elon's feud.. make up.. no one knows anymore • Superman and Super Dog's movie doing surprisingly well • Israel/Iran and Russia/Ukraine "peace talks" • Pittsburgh Steelers adding old players way past their prime • Rock drummer exodus (not to be confused with Tom Hunting or Zbigniew Fyk)

Recent deaths: Diddy's freedom for only 20 years • Michael Madsen • Bill Cosby's TV son • Bryan Kohberger's freedom • Ozzy Osbourne • Chuck Mangione • Hulk Hogan • Resident Alien • Down syndrome • Tom Lehrer • The system • FUBAR

Upcoming deaths: DEI • Pittsburgh Steelers' locker room • R. Kelly • Iran's nuclear program • Oil prices • Diddy's bank account after incoming lawsuits • The asshats who spoiled Squid Game • MAGA • Joe Biden's credibility • The flowers you bring Alan Bergman • Bryan Kohberger, at the hands of his fellow inmates

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On this day [edit]

August 10: Vatican Mardi Gras

1479 - Pope Sixtus IV inaugurates Vatican Mardi Gras, a celebration of sexuality which is the only day of the year that Catholics are allowed to celebrate sex, dress provocatively, engage in sexual intercourse, expose themselves to crowds, and drink from extremely tall, thin vessels.
1675 - The foundation stone of the Royal Greenwich Observatory in London got laid. It was happy all day.
1829 - Pius VIII initiates the tradition of throwing beads to nuns and screaming "Show us your tits!". (pictured)
1914 - Pope Pius X is killed in a collision between carnival floats. The driver had become distracted after Pius threw beads to a group of nuns.
1989 - Pope John Paul II flashes a crowd of thoroughly appalled onlookers in Rome.
1992 - Girls Gone Wild: Cardinal Sins is released in the United States to critical acclaim. Gene Shalit declares it to be "one of the best movies released today."
2009 - Pope Benedict XVI enjoyed a massive gay sex party with all the other Popes.
2020 - The Midwest of the United States was given the world's biggest anal by a storm.

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Picture of the day

"Alas, poor Miles! I knew him, Knuckles: a fellow of infinite tails, of most mediocre flying ability."

Image credit: Mhaille
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