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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

White people (also delicately called Crackas, Caucasians, Europoids and Honkies) are pasty, melanin-deficient humans who have been sprinkled throughout the planet to exploit its resources and boss around everyone of more humble colors. White people are allegedly smart (in ways that don't really matter) and complain about stupid stuff, even though they have it better than every other race. Despite having more privilege than can fit in a human body, they don't believe this is the case and in fact, feel entitled to even more and want to you know this all the time. In fact, whites love to hear themselves talk so much that they assemble entire collections of their own words (known as books) which are mostly about them.

Whites discriminate against everyone else. Non-whites, by comparison, don't discriminate against whites, because they don't have majority power, so it isn't discrimination even if they do. This means that even if a Chinese person said the most outrageous sounding racist thing against a cracker, it wouldn't be racist (see logic in previous sentence). If you don't get it, then you're racist. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that you can meet all sorts of interesting people when you're drunk? (Pictured)

... that Earth has 1 sextillion grains of sand?
... that Africa's space program, AIDS, has had several successful launches to altitudes over 11 feet?
... that ten out of ten cigarette manufacturers agree that Cancer is great?
... that Euroipods is a website giving away free ipods in return for completing offers and reffering freinds to do the same?
... that Africa's space program, AIDS, has had several successful launches to altitudes over 11 feet?
... that [Wiki|wiki formatting]] is perfect]? It never malfunctions'!
... that Calvin and Hobbes was an action-packed buddy comedy series that ran from 1542-1549, featuring philosophers John Calvin and Thomas Hobbes as themselves?

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In the news [edit]

The face of HATE!

Qatar commits simony
YouTube child educator Ms. Rachel detained and deported by ICE (Pictured)
Scientists revive some dead wolves because they can
Steve's Lava Chicken shut down due to health code violations
Wayne Gretzky's all-time regular season goal record broken by Putin's Instagram buddyboo
Donald Trump receives prestigious award for destroying the stock market
Kid (and ball) escape narrow car crash
Robert F. Kennedy Jr. engulfs every panda bear in existence
Kardashian and Ye do washed up things
We have road copters

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, and Deltarune • Eurovision • Russian Invasion • Israel-Palestine conflict • DOGE budget cuts • Myanmar earthquake • Fatigue over yet another Disney live-action remake • Trump and Xi's tariff games

Recent deaths: Meghan Markle's Netflix show • Kurt from Good Burger • George Foreman • 23andMe • Bruce Glover • Richard Chamberlain • Roger Daltrey's eyes and ears • Val Kilmer • Yoon Suk Yeol's presidency and freedom • Your 401K • Jay North • The playoff bids of all New York State NHL teams

Upcoming deaths: U.S. and Global Economy • Luigi Mangione • Kate Middleton • Laura Palmer • DEI • Columbus Blue Jackets' playoff chances

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On this day [edit]

April 14: Pull My Finger Day

13 - Repairs begin after worst Friday the 13th ever.
1215 - Magna Carta signed, giving the Red Baron the right to bake pizza on his warplane.
1654 - On this Sunday, by a freak coincidence, no-one turned up to church at all, anywhere. Excuses cited include "washing cart" and "wife pregnant".
1936 - Hitler's girlfriend Eva Braun buys a "really cute armband" for the big rally.
1967 - Yoko Ono forms her renegade militant group "The Plastic Renegades" with the objective of destroying all good music in the universe.
1987 - Miracle Whip deemed "less than miraculous" by the FDA. (Pictured)
2007 - Captain obvious says something hilariously astute.
2011 - Encyclopedia Dramatica dies, and nothing of value is lost.

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Picture of the day

God is pissed.

Image credit: Tripod2282
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