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From today's featured article 

FrodoGotDaRing.jpg

The famous Ring Bearer Frodo Baggins of the Shire, is a hobbit who saved Middle Earth. The heroic hobbit never set out to be a hero, or to save anything. But he was talked into it and having a good heart, he agreed with Gandalf's philosophy and being a wizard, Frodo couldn't bring himself to get into a battle of wits with someone much older and much more dramatic. The urgent warnings of doom, dark lords, and horrid creatures consuming all the pumpkin patches, cabbage and tomato gardens and strawberries and cream was enough to send Frodo into unnecessary hysteria. So effective was Gandalf's eccentric performance that Frodo agreed to leave the Shire, embark on a quest to an Elf Lord's secret meeting and then opting to go all the way to Mordor without having a single clue as to where the hell it was. But Frodo became renowned, known as a hard-nosed business hobbit, hell bent on revenge. (Full article...)

Did you know... 

Cabbage.PNG
  • ... that cabbages are not to be trifled with? (Pictured)
  • ... that when it says "Do not try at home", it actually means "Do not try this at all"?
  • ... that it takes a man about thirty-four months to cross the Atlantic ocean on a turtle?
  • ... that I am inside your walls?
  • ... that everytime we touch, I get this feeling?
  • ... Jared Leto fucked your bf and he totally enjoyed it?
  • ...the Cleveland Indians were about to become the Cleveland Clevelands?
  • ... Nautical knots are not knots that can be knotted into knots (most likely not)?

In the news 

President Nicolas Maduro on board the USS Iwo Jima (cropped).png
Great start to the year!

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI and Spaceballs 2 • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Tampa Bay Buccaneers and Baltimore Ravens fans shitting themselves after both their teams choked big-time • Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Venezuelans unsure whether to freak out or celebrate

Recent deaths: Doug Dimmadome • Zed's dead, baby (He was also the bad guy in The Mask) • Animal Farm • Kansas City Chiefs', Dallas Cowboys', Detroit Lions', Indianapolis Colts', Buccaneers' and Ravens' seasons • Rob Reiner • Bowen Yang's tenure on SNL • Patrick Mahomes' and his backup's ACLs • Brigitte Bardot • Carl Yastrzmski • 2025 • The MetroCard • Stranger Things • Kali • Vecna • The Upside Down • Buffalo Sabres' unexpected 10-game win streak

Not dead: Eleven

Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • The Pittsburgh Steelers' fucking up once again • Weed • 67% of people trying to understand why 6 of 7 news stories mention "6-7" • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Netflix • The Sabres actually being good? • Ravens' kicker • Dancin' Maduro • The Kansas City "Chiefs"

On this day 

YUP, THAT'S SATURN

January 10: It's Saturday Day

Picture of the day

Sistine Graffiti
 A great disturbance was recorded in the historical community today when what appeared to be a preliminary version of the Michelangelan Fresco that decorates the Sistine Chapel was found spraypainted on a remote alleyway in Rome. Notable historians whatsisname and thatguy said it was due to Michelangelo's intense desire to be accepted into the Renaissance art movement, which they say "required a fair amount of street cred."

Image credit: Zombiebaron
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This Uncyclopedia is written in English, supposedly. Started in 2005, it currently contains 41,159 articles. Many other parody wikis are available; some of the lamest are listed below.

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