VHS
The Video Home System (traded on the NYSE as VHS) is a video recording and playing device invented in the 1970s. Although VHS fell out of popularity in 2006 thanks to the invention of DVD, it has made a market reemergence in the 2010s as a system for recording television shows easily, playing high-definition movies, and being more smashable than its disc counterparts.
Many market experts predict VHS tapes and players will be worth more than gold or printer ink once the VHS market hits its peak. I myself have a VHS copy of King Kong vs. Godzilla and have already applied for a loan to buy a yacht. Despite their growing popularity, many consumers aren't ready for it as very few have started switching to VHS and getting rid of their inevitably obsolete DVDs and Blu-rays. Wake up, sheeple, and stop listening to the lies of Big Blu!
History[edit | edit source]
The inception of the VHS was shrouded in legal controversy. It was originally created by Japanese inventor Yuma Shiraish in his uncle's cellar. He applied for a patent in 1976 for "a machine which will kill radio stars and create bootlegged copies of TV shows with or without the commercials." Nikola Telsa attempted to sue Shiraish for stealing his idea, but Telsa proved to have no legal standing because he was legally dead. Evidence also exists that Leonardo da Vinci designed a rudimentary 'flying VHS' in 1457 but Shiraish was not known to have been aware of this. Additionally, Consolidated Edison successfully sued Shiraish for infringing on their patent of ideas; Shiraish settled out of court for an undisclosed amount of $12 million.
Shiraish then sold his invention to JVC, who began selling it on QVC after approval from the FCC. JVC briefly competed with Sony's Betamax for market control until Ralph Nader's successful campaign to force Sony to install seatbelts in all products. This made it impossible for Sony to make money off its Betamax (although deaths from Betamax accidents dropped significantly). It put Sony into financial ruin and the company is now small and virtually unknown as a result.
Recent innovations[edit | edit source]
Recent innovations in packaging and labeling allow for modern high-definition movies to be played on VHS players. Blu-ray quality videos are easily converted to VHS, with 10 minutes of HD video fitting comfortably onto one VHS tape.
Furthermore, most digital recording devices are limited in their storage capacity. The VHS allows for infinite recording space, as you can simply remove the VHS tape and insert a blank one to record another ten minutes of high-definition video.
VHS players also allow for wireless control with a lightweight human interface device (batteries, pre-assembly, and warranties no longer included). Despite this, the VHS player is completely immune from cyber attacks unlike many other video playing devices.
Health problems[edit | edit source]
VHS players and tapes are known to cause cancer and other health problems. This is due to them being old as shit, and thus filled with all bad things that are in old objects, like Asbestos, Cocaine, and Lead. Due to these health problems, and the fact that most people who watched VHS were pregnant women watching "Single Mothering for Dummies," VHS usage has shown a 100% correlation rate with Birth Defects.
However, there are known to be risks with manufacturing DVDs. In 1996, an early DVD plant began exploding in Chernobyl, Ukraine, leading to the deaths of thousands from exposure to the materials of which DVDs are made. Decades after the event, flora and fauna around Chernobyl continue to develop multiple heads and nipples, and the city remains abandoned as residents wait for the DVD plant to stop exploding.