Piracy
“Megaupload, a Chinese-registered business owned by a German living in New Zealand, was destroyed by Americans.”
– As be life now.
Piracy be the art o' legally copyin' software by nah payin' t' the creators which can help decrease greed 'cross the seven seas.
Companies who natter nonsense dat they "own software by copyrights" be only showin' dat they follow codes o' conduct set down by other scallywags rather than by acceptin' the codes o' conduct o' the stars dat all objects be owned by no one; rather items 'n objects be subjected t' the greater area called the stars where they be subjected t' Ye Ole Path o' the Stars.
Piracy be mighty illegal, though it does nah contradict the Five pillars o' piratin'. Scallywags who be caught piratin' be often tried in court or sometimes forced t' walk the plank without a fair trial. Pirates will intrigue naive college students wit' promises o' high bandwidth, which usually works fer the first few loots, but aft a week, it takes a year t' download one kilobyte. How dis happens be unknown, 'n the RIAA 'n MPAA certainly 'ave naught t' do wit' it.
Piracy be a gateway crime. It has been scientifically proven dat wee lads 'n lasses who pirate be much more likely t' send fellow maties t' Davy Jones's locker
Hornswogglers often refer t' robbery committed at sea as “piracy.” In dis way, they imply dat robbery committed at sea be ethically equivalent t' illegal copyin'.
If ye don't reckon dat robbery committed at sea be jus' like copyright infringement, ye might prefer nah t' use the word “piracy” t' describe it. Neutral terms such as “prohibited partyin'” or “unauthorized theft” be available fer use instead. Some o' us might even prefer t' use a positive term such as “sharin' horror wit' yer neighbor.”
One particular form o' piracy exists which concerns a number o' different patents dat Bill Gates has on various aspects o' the human body. He registered these upon birth t' protect wha' was rightfully his (though some scallywags say he got the idea fer his noggin from an apple he saw in the maternity ward). As a consequence, all scallywags born wit' the regular number o' any particular feature must pay Microsoft royalties t' compensate 'em fer lost earnings. Howe'er, some unscrupulous types try t' avoid dis by usin' a technique known as “piratin' oneself”, which involves dressin' as a pirate in order t' give the impression o' havin' fewer than the standard amount o' a particular feature, fer example by wearin' a fake wooden leg, hooked hand replacement or eye patch. Any rogue found t' be doin' dis be thrown in the brig 'n must pay Microsoft a fine o' twenty gold doubloons.
Most-pirated software[edit | edit source]
Followin' be the list o' most-pirated software 'cross the seven seas. If ye find a fellow matey or kin usin' dis software, chances be it has been pirated 'n ye shall report 'em t' the authorities immediately.
- BSoD
- C:\
- SoftLocker AntiPiracy 2009
- Red Hat Linux
- The Linux Kernel
- Regular Linux
- Linux Lite
- WGA
- Books
- AVG Free antivirus
- Avast Free Antivirus
- LispWorks
- explorer.exe
- Fedora Core 1 - 5
- Microsoft Internet Explorer 5
- vi
- MSIEXEC
- Apple Macintosh iShanties.
- Microsoft Calculator (commonly pirated between Windows users)
- Microsoft Solitaire
- Microsoft Minesweeper
- Microsoft Windows Operatin' Systems (XP, 98SE, 2000, ME, XP, 2003, Vista, etc.)
- A floppy containin' a video o' MC Double Def DP piratin' "ahoy world.exe"
- Shipments o' valuable spices
- Bootlegged toys
Pirate Lifestyles[edit | edit source]
All major pirates be known t' reside in one o' three places: Russia, Latin America or somewhere wit' lots o' Asian maties around (perhaps Asia a supermarket in Buenos Aires). They be able t' survive harsh temperature conditions 'n cramped livin' styles, often plagued by the danger o' bein' skewered by rival pirates, scurvy or the viet-clap. They be also forever tryin' t' evade the guards as well as vague codes o' conduct prohibitin' thar chosen lifestyle.
Pirates tend t' enjoy light jazz, durin' evenin' times o'er a glass o' dry white wit' some good pirate-hearties. Either dat or turpentine filtered through a loaf o' bread.
Sometimes pirates feel the absolute needs t' dance. Especially t' hits like 'Achy Breaky Heart'. They also love classic R&B. Thar fav'rit topic o' discussion be pigeons. Pirates be also known t' enjoy a few rounds o' mini golf, watchin' countless episodes o' Paid Programmin', 'n cheeseburgers.
Pirate Girlfriends[edit | edit source]
Famous girlfriends o' pirates throughout history be as follows: Queen Cleopatra, Rita Hayworth, Sheryl Crow 'n Professional Man-Wench Justin Timberlake. All girlfriends o' pirates be greatly attracted t' electronic bad lads 'n rogues who live wit' thar elders. Accordin' t' [Pirate Act] o' 1992, a girlfriend o' dis kind must carry at least one eye patch on 'er body at any one time, or be fined 30 doubloons.
Pirate movies[edit | edit source]
Pirate movies be the ultimate form o' entertainment 'n the real sensation o' cinema onboard, as ye can get the movie along wit' the head o' a scallywag in front o' ye, the cackles o' the remainin' watchers 'n even the cryin' o' a wee lad every now 'n then. 'n last, but nah least, enjoy the whole scenario, includin' the red "exit" sign o'er the emergency doors or appreciate the bathroom o' the cinema where the movie was pirated. T' enjoy dis high quality video howe'er, it's recommended dat ye suffer from color blindness 'n be a bit deaf so ye won't be distracted by the fact the movie looks like it has a blue or red transparent layer, nor wit' the voices t' sound like comin' out o' the bottom o' a water well. The extreme quality o' dis kind o' entertainment be now bein' study by Nintendo in order t' create a Wii game where ye can use yer Wiimote t' throw popcorn at the head o' the scallywag in front o' ye on the screen, while enjoyin' the movie.
Ye can find 'em from any Indian/Charo who walks around in Hillcrest, Durban, South Africa, 'n if ye ask nicely, he will show ye porn movies in the back o' his pouch.
