User:Bad Motherfucker

Greatest Uncyclopedian of All Time
Bad Motherfucker
Ph.D, Attorney at Law, General of the Army
Greatest Uncyclopedian of All Time; Bad Motherfucker; Ph.D, Attorney at Law, General of the Army;
	Get fucked.
Born	Kentucky, United States;
Other names	Sodapoppers
Education	Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Clown College
Awards	Hall of Shame, Writer of the Year 2023
Website	https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3tRt0UbRtgdtlbpWGSujR0?si=72abd79c89ca4d91
Allegiance	Blackman crime family, Mozzarella crime family, Parmesan crime family, Whiteman crime family, Bubbles crime family
Criminal charge	Arms trafficking; Arson; Assault; Battery; Bribery; Burglary; Cigarette smuggling; Chop shop; Conspiracy; Contract killing; Counterfeiting; Drug trafficking; Extortion; Fencing; Fraud; Illegal gambling; Larceny; Loansharking; Money laundering; Murder; Racketeering; Robbery; Skimming; Theft; Truck hijacking; Tax evasion; Protection rackets;
Reward amount
Wanted by	U.S. Air Force Office of Special Investigations; U.S. Army Criminal Investigation Division; U.S. Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms; U.S. Capitol Police; U.S. Central Intelligence Agency; U.S. Coast Guard Investigative Service; U.S. Customs and Border Protection; U.S. Defense Criminal Investigative Service; U.S. Defense Intelligence Agency; U.S. Department of Homeland Security; U.S. Department of State’s Diplomatic Security Service; U.S. Department of Transportation, National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, Office of Odometer Fraud Investigation; U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration; U.S. Federal Bureau of Investigation; U.S. Federal Protective Service; U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement; U.S. IRS Criminal Investigations Division; U.S. Marshal Service; U.S. Naval Criminal Investigative Service; U.S. Office of Special Investigations; U.S. Park Police; U.S. Postal Inspection Service; U.S. Probation and Pretrial Services; U.S. Secret Service;
Partner(s)	Jimmy Blackman, Jimmy Mozzarella, Jimmy Parmesan, Jimmy Whiteman, Milwaukee Cheese Bandit, Bubbles the Clown
Wanted since	September 21, 2022 (join date)
Time at large	September 21, 2022 - ????
	Writer of the Year 2023

Get fucked.

	Writer of the Year 2023

HALL OF SHAME MEMBER, PUT THAT IN YOUR PIPE AND SMOKE IT!!!

Hello! You're now wanted by every single federal agency in the United States. Get fucked.

You voted for " Fuck." on 23 May 2025 at 19:36. You can change your vote by clicking a different answer below.

Fuck.

5

in the stripped club. straight up jorking it. and by "it", haha, well. let's justr say. My peanits

11

I got fucked...

4

I want to revoke my vote

There were 20 votes since the poll was created on 20:04, 5 June 2023.

poll-id 4F1CED6E0D582E5E726F838EE5EF0313

Articles I've created

Jimmy Mozzarella (featured, 5th place in Top 10 Articles of 2022)
Jimmy Blackman (featured, 2nd place in Top 10 Articles of 2022)
Presidential Bar Brawl Classic (featured, 1st place in Top 10 Articles of 2023)
We Were Soldiers (featured, 9th place in Top 10 Articles of 2023)
Dick Willie Johnson (featured, honorable mention in Top 10 Articles of 2023)
My Brawl With Santa Claus on Christmas 1978 (featured, 1st place in Top 10 Articles of 2024)
Trump vs. Biden (featured, 2nd place in Top 10 Articles of 2024)
UnScripts:Quentin Tarantino's Teletubbies (featured, 5th place in Top 10 Articles of 2024)
Jimmy Parmesan (featured)
Presidential Baseball Classic (featured)
The Milwaukee Cheese Bandit (featured)
The Dogs (featured)
Jimmy Whiteman (featured)
Bubbles the Clown (featured)
Pepperpot Pete (featured)

Fun facts about me

The only person to duel Clint Eastwood and survive
I am the inventor of the penis balloon
I have 900 million pennies
I've walked across the Sahara Desert with only a pack of Newports and a fifth of Henny
I possess the JFK Love Files
I once fought the law, and I won
I hosted a Michael Jackson concert in Hell, and he's still performing there to this day
My personal car is the O. J. Simpson Bronco
I also used to drive Bonnie and Clyde's death car, but I traded it for the Bronco
I wrecked Dale Earnhardt at the Talladega 500
I was the first person to receive fellatio on Mount Everest

Actual fun facts about me

I'm an ordained minister of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Things I've learned the hard way

Do not honk Ronald McDonald's nose

Words and quotes to live by

“

What I want in a woman is protection. Loyalty. Companionship. Friendship. Ferociousness. I want her to protect me, and have my back to the bitter end. If I have a fight, I want her to jump in, even if I’m winning, even if she’s ninety pounds. I like strong women – not necessarily a masculine woman – but say a woman who runs a CEO corporation, a woman with confidence. Massive confidence. And then I want to tattoo my name on her ass and dominate her sexually.

”

— Mike Tyson

“

This is the best mustard I've ever tasted!

”

— Nostradamus

“

Know your hole... and stuff your mouth...

”

— Dwayne "The Croc" Johnson

“

Where there is baseball, there is bound to be MILFs.

”

— Me

“

That's some grand cleavage, madam.

”

— Me

“

Lemme tell you what 'Like a Virgin' is about. It's all about this cooze who's a regular fuck machine, I'm talking morning, day, night, afternoon, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick.

”

— Quentin Tarantino

“

I miss my ex-wife... SIKE lol

”

— O. J. Simpson

“

she's dead i killed her

”

— O. J. Simpson

“

First, take a big step back... and literally, FUCK YOUR OWN FACE! I don't know what kind of Uncyclopedia bullshit power play you're trying to pull here, but all of Uncyclopedia is my territory. So whatever you're thinking, you'd better think again! Otherwise I'm gonna have to head down there and I will rain down an un-godly fucking firestorm upon you! You're gonna have to call the fucking United Nations and get a fucking binding resolution to keep me from fucking destroying you. I'm talking scorched earth, motherfucker! I will massacre you! I WILL FUCK YOU UP!

”

— Me, technically

“

America is all about speed. Hot, nasty, badass speed.

”

— Eleanor Roosevelt

JOIN THE UNCYCLOPEDIA MARSHALS SERVICE!

Uncyclopedia Marshals Service

Awesome! A dollar!

Click here to redeem it!

What I've been doing

Burning down city hall and banging the mayor's wife
Fingering the president's wife
Placing banana peels on the top of stairs
Watching an elderly person struggle with opening a jar and saying "Allow me," only to tighten it even more
Throwing shit at people, like a monkey
Releasing a gorilla in a fake looking gorilla suit inside of a mall
Screaming "There's a hawk up my ass!"
Punting babies and small animals into tornados
Throwing hotdogs at the mall cop
Shooting wizards with shotguns
Rigging port-a-potties to explode
Pawning war medals
Assassinating the CEO of Skittles
Snorting three lines of gunpowder and eating a stick of deodorant
Robbing Fort Knox
Loudly struggling to open a Snickers bar in the Vatican
Torturing Colonel Sanders for the 11 secret herbs and spices
Why the fuck should I tell you?
Taping worms to myself and swallowing dirt
Naming my dick Notorious because it's B.I.G.
Having thirty sons named Chad
Sewing two hamsters together
Kidnapping baby monkeys and raising them
Disregarding bitches and acquiring currency
Getting stabbed to death by a man in a sombrero
Smoking a ridiculously huge cigar
Running over the cheerleaders
Hilariously chasing down a crying toddler with a lawnmower
Killing Private Ryan
Leaving goblins in the Denny's dumpsters
Pissing directly into a toaster
Stealing the Coca-Cola recipe
Watching a magician fuck up over and over again
Smuggling people into Italy for $20 dollars and a handjob
Destroying the Pyramids of Giza
Enslaving Bigfoot
Slowly weakening the glass at the world's largest aquarium
Stealing Tobuscus' online identity in a drawing game (This one is actually true, I was 10 years old, and it was actually in one of his videos)
Chugging lava lamps
Being Loud on the Western Front
Getting shot by Clint Eastwood while Morgan Freeman narrates it
Beating up Uncle Pep Pep
Waterboarding at Guantanamo Bay
Conquering Nevada