UnNews:Joe Biden hit by semi-truck

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April 15, 2023

What could've been.

Los Angeles, California

Breaking News in Los Angeles! United States President, Joe Biden has been hit by a semi-truck after crossing the road to an ice cream van. The 80-year-old president's condition remains unknown at the time, but reports say he is fucked up. Jill Biden had this to say: "He heard the music of the ice cream truck, and ran into the street without looking. Oh my god... he must've went flying at least 25 feet."

Former president, Donald Trump, released a statement on the accident today: "Let me tell you, Joe Biden might be the biggest fool of all time. I mean, he really might be. At first I thought he had seen an unaccompanied minor across the road, but turns out it was an ice cream truck. Sleepy Joe forgot to look both ways when crossing the road again! And let me tell you something else, and mark my words on this: Donald J. Trump will be re-elected 2024." We cut off the rest of the statement due to him rambling about how good of a president he was, and how stupid Biden was.

LAPD said that they have apprehended the semi-truck driver, and has been placed under arrest.

Unfortunately, the secret service will not let our reporters into his hospital room. But don't fear, as we have stolen the ice cream truck, and the semi-truck from the impound. We at UnNews plan on putting both the vehicles up for auction.