User talk : Bad Motherfucker

The Newspaper With No Ambitions, Goals, Hopes or Dreams!

January 14, 2026 • Issue #239 • Yankees 0

Everybody was here

Continuing on the "was here" userbox trend where people make userboxes saying they were here, Gammakid999, MK, and L10nM4st3r have userboxes of their own.

People have opinions on the Yankees

Turb0-Sunrise has started a "War of the Yankees". It all started when he made a "YANKEES SUCK" userbox. Noopnurf then made a "YANKEES RULE" userbox, and MK and Gamma quickly coming in to attack Noop or the Yankees or... I don't even know anymore. I'm just here to watch the chaos, which is why I made a "YANKEES NEUTRAL" userbox.

Beat a Dead Shoe contest

OPOSSUM made a contest for the title of "Moccasin Man" because he's done with moccasins. Soviet's Bot won by putting the most moccasins on OPOSSUM's userpage.

Injoke created and overused, setting new record

US President RealDonaldTrump made Testing the VFH widget (again) (do not feature!), a page that was meant to test some new feature. Turb0 then voted on its VFH page, with many others including me and several admins voting. Because I think I'm sooo clever, I made a VFH page for the VFH. And because Turbs also thinks he's soooo clever, he made a VFH page for that, and a VFH page for that. Gergdown also contributed somewhat to the joke. Alula later deleted the test page and closed all of the nominations.

Biopic

Cassie, also known as Cassandra, is a bureaucrat I'm pretty sure, and has been around for a long time. Anyway, she's not dead. Pretty sure. She's on the active users template and I hope she stays a while.

What is your opinion on '___ was here' part 2? — Gammakid999
- i have one, don't i?

what's on your 2026 bingo card — Fish on skates
- i don't have one

did you win 2025 bingo? — Gammakid999
- no
do you the spoon? — Fish on skates
- no

From The Logs

04:47, 11 January 2026 Cassie (talk | contribs) huffed page User:Soviet (UN:VFD)

19:05, 14 January 2026 Alula (talk | contribs) blocked Turb0-Sunrise (talk | contribs) with an expiration time of infinite (account creation disabled) (clearly learnt his lesson from last time. oh wait)

Abuse filter blocked MK with an expiration time of infinite (account creation disabled) ‎(Blocked by abuse filter. Description of matched rule: Mandatory cancellation)

Top VFH Competitors

Maxipad (3/0)
Osu! (5.499/2)
UnBooks:Harry Potter Summarized in Less Than a Minute (3/0)

VFH Highlight Of The Week

Microwave oven (5/0)

From The Forums

UnSignpost News

Turbs got blocked so now I have to deliver this thing. And he was also messing with the UnSignpost template so it may look weird.

Quote(s) of the Week

“Fish "I don't change the score number" "on" skates strikes again”
– Gerg

Notes

--Dame Fish on skates CUN 23:41, 14 January 2026 (UTC)

Driving in my car right after an UnSignpost[edit source]

Sucking Journalism's Fat Wang. Badly.

January 21, 2026 • Issue #240 • Yankees 0

Admins at it again

L10nM4st3r and DaniPine3 blocked each other and unblocked themselves a lot. The entertaining edit summaries were "Not banned enough yet", "blocking me when i did nothing >:[", ">:]", "Finger slipped", "Finger slipped again", and "banged my head on the keyboard". See for yourself.

The Uncyclopedia Trading Card Game

MK has potatochopped a whole bunch of trading cards of active or notable Uncyclopedians to make an article that's been requested for years.

MITK song rankings still ongoing

You, yes YOU, can rank some Uncyclopedian-made songs! Part of the ~~hit~~ albums Make it to Ketchikan and Bust into Boston these noises you hear before you can be ranked for the second time! So what are you waiting for?

Biopic

In the span of some time that I'm too lazy to count, Deemox has gone from a total noob to a slightly less total noob. He's already made an article and in my humble opinion has quite a lot of potential.

what would you do if someone used Template:Welcome on your talkpage nowadays? (For no particular reason) — Gammakid999
- archibe

how about {{Oh dear}}? would you like an oh dear? — Fish on skates
- yes

a Template:Welcome-anon, perhaps? — Gammakid999
- gimme
What do you think about my bot? — Soviet
- you had a bot?
What tasks should my bot do? — Soviet
- i dunno
Are the allegations true? I'm not going to elaborate, for comedic effect. — Gammakid999
- yes and no at the same time
favorite non-ASBOWAAT article that you didn't write — Fish on skates
- uhh get back to me on that one

From The Logs

20:20, 19 January 2026 L10nM4st3r blocked DaniPine3 with an expiration time of 10 minutes (account creation disabled, autoblock disabled) (Not banned enough yet)

20:21, 19 January 2026 DaniPine3 blocked L10nM4st3r with an expiration time of 10 seconds (account creation disabled, cannot edit own talk page) (blocking me when I did nothing >:[)

16:46, 21 January 2026 Therealcmack created page Kirkification (An author's descent into madness.)

Top VFH Competitors

UnNews:RFK Jr. fat-shames Annoying Orange (1/2)
Berkelium (4/0)
Maxipad (3.5/0)

VFH Highlight Of The Week

Osu! (7.5/2)

From The Forums

UnSignpost News

Quote(s) of the Week

“FOR THE LOVE OF JOHN, ARCHIBE!!!”
– MK on LPTEW

Notes

--Dame Fish on skates CUN 22:33, 21 January 2026 (UTC)

Hey, that bump is shaped like the UnSignpost![edit source]

Now with 20% more ninjas!

January 28, 2026 • Issue #241 • Yankees 0

Viva la revolution

By Soviet, Turb0-Sunrise, and Fish on skates

Gergdown has unleashed an "Agenda 2026" that aims to make Uncyclopedia great again, one edit at a time. This plan has quite a few people onboard already, probably because people will join anything advertised in a big fancy box.

Teh Epik Duck unbanned, retires

"Newcomer" and Wikipedia sock puppeteer has finally gotten unbanned after socking and vandalism. Three months ago, Teh Epik Duck consistently vandalised talk pages, forums and encyclopedic articles before being banned by Alula for being a dick.

In an attempt to bypass his ban, Teh Epik Duck told Alula

“Unblock me now you retard.”
– Teh Epik Duck

clearly showing this was his masterstroke. He resorted to socking but was quickly banned for an extended period of three months.

However, Duck requested his userpage and subpages be deleted as he has retired. Miss him, miss him.

Last chance to vote!

By Fish on skates, who hasn't yet voted on the top 10

Time's running out to vote for the xOTY awards and the top 10 articles of 2025! So what are you waiting for? Get your LaziBum to the polls and be opinionated!

Biopic

It was L10nM4st3r's birthday on the 25th. He's the guy that made the original a story built one word at a time, a cat-loving bot, the word "tytpo", and everyone's favorite page-blanking recent-changes-flooding userscript. Here's to another year of mastering lions, or lioning masters, I'm not sure.

Do you drive a Saab 900? — Gammakid999
- what the fuck is that

opinions on said Saab 900? — Fish on skates
- see above

have you attended Harvard? I'm working on a conspiracy theory and need to know. Also do you like burger king? — Gammakid999
- i attended fenway park
do you even intend to answer any of these questions? — alula
- yes and no at the same time
What is your home address? (I need it for the theory) — Gammakid999
- take your mother's. don't change anything about it.
What operating system do you use? — Soviet
- one that's better than gerg's
Do you edit at school/work? — Soviet
- yes

From The Logs

01:52, 26 January 2026 DaniPine3 blocked Fish on skates with an expiration time of 1 minute and 40 seconds (account creation disabled, autoblock disabled, cannot edit own talk page) (suggesting that I, an ADMIN, should get banned. this is clearly conspiracy against the [totally non-existent] cabal!!!)

02:18, 26 January 2026 DaniPine3 blocked Fish on skates with an expiration time of 1 minute and 41 seconds (account creation disabled, cannot edit own talk page) (idea of Turb0-Sunrise (plus, you edit conflicted on my own talkpage!!!!))

00:32, 28 January 2026 DaniPine3 huffed page Your Article Name (wtf is this: content was: " == The Bee Movie Script == {{", and the only contributor was "Soviet's Bot")

Top VFH Competitors

12 year olds invading the Internet (2/0)
You (5/0)
Kirkification (5.5/0)

VFH Highlight Of The Week

Rob Gronkowski (13/0)

From The Forums

Quote(s) of the Week

“OH BOB SAGET!!! SHIT. SHIIIT. GOD DAMN IT!!!”
– GlitchyZorua

“I BLEED CANADA! OH CANADA! OH CANADA! OH CANADA! OH CANADA! OH CANADA! OH CANADA! OH CANADA! OH CANADA! OH CANADA! OH CANADA! OH CANADA! OH CANADA! OH CANADA!”
– Gergdown

Notes

--Dame Fish on skates CUN 20:16, 28 January 2026 (UTC)

USP, how about you read?[edit source]

reader, i remember you're papercides

February 4, 2026 • Issue #242 • Yankees 0

Uncyclopedia goes down!

By Fish on skates and Soviet

A diagram of what happened

At the end of January, the server of en.uncyclopedia.co went down. This led a bunch of people (Alula, Fish on skates, Gergdown, Turb0-Sunrise, Soviet, and RealDonaldTrump), to join the spoon and discover that Spike is a sockpuppet of OPOSSUM. The spoon's LPTEW also received a spike in activity as everybody from the fork scrambled to figure out what the heck was going on. Fish tried reaching out to Alula through wplace about what would happen to the Top 10 voting, which was extended a day to account for the server outage. The construction tag deadlines on multiple articles were also extended by a few days too.

Top 10/XOTY ends

And I fuck everybody over. Let's hit it.

First off, the Top 10 ended up perfectly. Road Rage in first place. Pure greatness.

UOTM ended up great too. 12 for. None against.

And now for the big ~~papi~~ cheese of them all. WOTY.

Won.

BY ME.

MK's user page vandalized

It all started when our resident potatochopper and weeb MK hid the edit buttons on her userpage so no one could edit it. I, thinking I'm so clever, found an actual use for the visual editor and used it to prove I could still edit. This escalated into a vandalism contest much like the one OPOSSUM held, and even spread to pages like her editnotice and her signature. This is what the userpage looked like at the end of the silliness.

Biopic

This biopic is about the Top 10 Articles of 2025! In case you were living under a rock, here they are, in no particular order: Road Rage, Charlie Kirk, Video essay, Gouverneur Morris, Moccasins, 9-11, Antonio Brown, Uncyclopedia Gold, Analog horror, and An image built one pixel at a time.

Will Ask Deemox exist? — Deemox
- my magic 8 ball is broken

On a scale of 1-10, how excited are you that the Pro Football Hall of Fame is moving in the right direction? — MrX
- bullshit

are you the same person as DaniPine3, Alula, OPOSSUM, L10nM4st3r, and Spike — Fish on skates
- maybe spike (he's from New Hampshire)
doo yue wawntt 2 hehllp kreeayt noo engilsh — Fish on skates
- how abouht b'wost'n englesh
What do you think of saying "archibe" instead of "archive"? — Soviet
- archibe

From The Logs

(spoon) 16:39, 31 January 2026 Spike blocked RealDonaldTrump with an expiration time of infinite (account creation disabled, email disabled, cannot edit own talk page) (You can't do that)

00:28, 2 February 2026 RealDonaldTrump blocked SPIKE with an expiration time of 4 millennia, 9 centuries, 9 decades, 9 years, 364 days, 17 hours, 49 minutes and 12 seconds (account creation disabled, email disabled, cannot edit own talk page) (You're not allowed to do that)

08:31, 2 February 2026 L10nM4st3r changed block settings for L10nM4st3r with an expiration time of 21:58, 1 February 9025 (account creation disabled) (Not banned enough yet)

Top VFH Competitors

UnNews:Trump still wants Greenland; Wall Street shits itself (5/3.5)
Worst 100 Nutty Conspiracy Theories of All Time (0/1.5)
John Marshall (2/0)

VFH Highlight Of The Week

(go put/something on vfh)

From The Forums

UnSignpost News

Quote(s) of the Week

“i clog up QVFD too much. i should be admin.”
– Turb0-Sunrise on why he should be admin

Notes

--Dame Fish on skates CUN 01:06, 5 February 2026 (UTC)

I thought i quit doing this[edit source]

Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!

February 11, 2026 • Issue #243 • New look, same lingering taste of shit

FEATURED ARTICLE DELETED!

This isn't a joke. We actually VFD'd an FA! Taylor Swift's "psy-op", an article^[duh] created by alleged AI-writer Tranvit, has been ~~fucked~~ ~~baleeted~~ tossed down that super deep hole in Russia or wherever it is on VFD. MrX briefly lost his shit over it, before everybody seemingly forgot about it all. What were we talking about?

Courtroom Shenanigans

By Gammakid999

On LPTEW, Fish on skates started complaining about Turb0-Sunrise's constant edit conflicts. Both of them complained like 5-year-olds to DaniPine3, when ColonelKurtz decided to hold a fair trial, hearing both sides. Upon hearing both sides, Kurtz decided Turb0's description of the events wasn't detailed enough, at which point Fish threatened him. Hockey salmon was there too, for some reason. As with all court cases, it eventually came down to more angry five-year-old arguing. Aside from arguing, highlights include God making an appearance, confirming his secret gay relationship with Satan.

I can apparently make sitenotices now?

So. Uhh. Yeah. You probably know what a sitenotice is. Those things nobody looks at and dismisses as soon as they pop up. Well MrX had the bright idea to parody Wikipedia's 25 year anniversary. I made the editnotice, MrX made some tweaks, and long story short, my work is on every page of this website.^{[note 1]}

New monstrosity created

Dani's revision of the original drawing. The horrors... nice tits on it though...

Fish's reply. Not to be confused with GlitchyZorua, the topic of the biopic, even though the damn wrapper puts it in the biopic section and i don't feel like adding more whitespace to this fucking thing to make it not in the biopic, even though this ridiculous rant is causing way more whitespace than should be allowed in an average UnSignpost issue

Demon spawning ground and local dumbassery^{[note 2]} LPTEW has spawned yet another monstrosity, this time in the form of a moe personality of LPTEW itself. Fish on skates began the horrors, mentioning it in a completely unrelated thing, only for DaniPine3 to create an eldritch abomination beyond the wildest dreams of Satan himself.

These creations were met with mixed reactions, with GlitchyZorua calling for them to be killed with fire, ColonelKurtz having a stroke, Turb0-Sunrise forcing Fish to give hers red socks, and somebody masturbating. I heard it. It was in the broom closet.

If you see these creatures, seek medical attention immediately. You will likely die if exposed to these creatures for long periods of time. Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.

LET IT BURN! BURN IT ALL!!!!!!!

The week is upon us. Forest Fire Week. BURN THE SHIT! BURN IT! MUAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhAHAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

Biopic

There's a place in France or somewhere. They say there's nude dancing. Sounds like fun. This has nothing to do with GlitchyZorua, who is honestly great. They don't do much actual writing, but they're around. Mostly on VFD, but if you hide in the dark corners of MrX's talk page, Zorua'll be there.