Why?:Is there a monkey in my fridge?
Ahhh. Long day of work over. Time to grab that big-ass bowl of chicken soup in the fridge.
Bill, you better not have touched my soup again! Like that time you got so drunk you took a whiz in it. Twice.
Let's see, cake, milk, horse semen, ketchup, monkey, hair roller thingy, soup! Yes! My life is whole again!
Hold on...
Why is my hair roller in here?
Wait...
This horse semen tastes funny. Did you put your semen in here again, Bill?
Don't ask how I know what yours tastes like. We were drunk. Not my fault.
Just a minute...
WHY IS THERE A MONKEY IN MY FUCKING FRIDGE?!?
I- uh- debeh- what?[edit | edit source]
You heard me, Bill! I have a monkey in my fridge. A simian in my fucking refrigerator. Last I checked, monkeys don't live in fridges. To be fair, the last time I checked was six years ago, so my thinking could be flawed just a tiny bit. If he gets even ONE HAIR in my fucking soup, there's gonna be some serious shit, Bill.
S-s-serious shit?[edit | edit source]
You know how you have that scar on your penis? That one you showed me when you were drunk?
Well, I was drunk. I don't know what you were.
That'll be on that damn monkey's whole FUCKING body if that happens.
What do you mean a monkey?[edit | edit source]
Are you drunk, Or retarded, or a Yankees fan, or something? Or all of those together? It's a fucking monkey, Bill. And it's in my refrigerator. If you put it in there, we're going to have some serious problems.
Besides, it's not even your fridge. You only rent this place. Degenerate scum. At least buy milk. Or ketchup. Or refill the horse semen. Something, anything. Just NOT A MONKEY!
But my friend's out of town![edit | edit source]
This is your friend's monkey? What kind of fucking friends do you have?! Fucking Ross from Friends when he had the little monkey that caused Phoebe to get shot by the tranquilizer dart in that one episode? The man from fucking Curious George?
Jesus fucking Christ, he's on top of the fridge now. Went up that sumbitch like a ferret up a goddamned kilt. I saw that happen once. Remember that Scottish guy we know? Never walked the same after that thing latched on. Or like a monkey up a damn banana tree. A monkey that you really shouldn't have brought here, Bill!
Don't throw stuff at me![edit | edit source]
What? I didn't, you dipsh- oh, for FUCK'S sake! He's throwing his fucking shit now! You're cleaning this up, Bill. If even a particle gets in my goddamn fucking soup, I'm throwing that thing out the fucking window!
Whad'ya mean it wouldn't make a difference?
Well, your soup...[edit | edit source]
Are you telling me my soup is shit?
You FUCK! That's my late fucking mother's recipe, Bill! If she were here, she woulda had six feet of boot up your puny ass!
Oh, yes! Shit right in the face! Bullseye, motherfucker! Hope you get herpes, or chlamydia, or something! Fuck around and find out, dipshit! That's what you get for bringing this monkey in here!
Mmf-ffm mmm![edit | edit source]
What? The soup? Shit? NOOOOOOOOO! WHYYY?!? ANYTHING BUT THE SOUP! TAKE ME, GOD, TAKE BILL, TAKE THE MONKEY, BUT NOT THE SOUP!!
You know what, Bill? Fuck you. Fuck this monkey. Gimme that ladder.
Ow! Fuck! Did you seriously have to hit me with a damn ladder?
Damnit, Bill! What's this stain here? You can't even get it all in the bottle? Limpdick. Gimme the ladder.
Mm-pleh! NO! NOT THE WINDOW![edit | edit source]
This is your fault, Bill!
HRAAAAAAAGH!
*crash*
*thud*
Screw you, Bill. All I wanted was soup. Now there's a monkey running around downtown. Wait... what's that cop doi- OOOOOOOOOOOOOH! He just got SHOT! Now, go to the store and get more soup.
And maybe a pinch of meth.
Most likely a bit of meth.
Definitely about a pound of meth.
No. I won't give you money.