Charlie Kirk
Charlie James Kirk (Born October 14th, 1993, currently dead, not yet buried) was an American political activist, social media user, middle school argument winner, author, professional at interrupting, and all-around cool dude. On September 10, 2025, he got called back home by his loving Lord and Savior Jesus Christ while doing what he loved: trolling the woke libs directly underneath the giant "PROVE ME WRONG" banner at a college campus in Utah, which would ultimately be his undoing.
Early life[edit | edit source]
Born in the 'hood, Chicago; Kirk was born with a rare disease known as "shrinking face syndrome" (SFS), where his facial features would prominently get smaller and smaller as time went by, giving the impression that he had a ginormous forehead. He spent most of his early years watching Right wing nutjobs and World War II documentaries. This would of course permanently stop him from contracting the Woke Mind virus. His mother is a mental health counsellor, however this may be a sign of Child Neglect, as it seems she did nothing to help with whatever Kirk has going on up there.
According to them gosh darn infected minded libs, his father, Donald Trump, and the unexpected carrier of the baby, is a reality show star, part time politician, and a product of an orange tree planted by Adolf Hitler.
Kirk was a member of the dangerous chicagoean gang, The ᙗoy Scouts. He earned his place in the top rankings, where he would be entrusted with Drug Trafficking, Knot tying, and various other illegal activities. He would then decide to pursue an education (I know, right) at Wheeling High School, where he learnt some very important life skills, such as:
- Using a Wheelie bin
- Using a Wheelbarrow
- Changing a Wheel
- Vehicular manslaughter
Afterwards, he enrolled into Harper College, which was soon led to him dropping out without earning any qualifications (What a freaking nonce).
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