Kash Patel
Kash Patel Kashmir Patala Karmakumming Foryhou is a clandestine entity that came from India to the Swamplands to clear out the algae and leftover goo from the bygone era of Industrial Dystopia and its war machine complex. Born in a small village that has no name due to the curse of Kali, he was isolated in a very picturesque jungle land. At a very young age he witnessed the atrocities of the Tomb of Doom and helped an American and Chinese boy escape the evil Arabians who were using India as a sweat shop. Ironically it was an American (typically what keeps such shops operational, and someone Chinese (who was usually the one to be working at such places) that Kash had assisted. But as time passed on, Kash began questioning how such an event unfolded bringing in two such characters. The official story was that they were being chased and people were trying to kill them. But he later learned that the American was targeted by Nazis on account that he stole ancient artifacts simply to give them to museums. When the Ark of the Covenant was stolen, it was eventually used to kill the Nazis who were going to use it to defeat the monster. Indiana Jones and the Typical University-level Dig was where Kash began his studies into all things old and corrupted. Except for Kali. Which was better left alone.
After spending some time traveling to other isolated locations where the American (who was later identified as Indiana Jones) and his team from Jonesboro, Arkansas had set up camp looking for Noah's Ark, Kash offered his assistance to find the old barge that apparently survived a disastrous flood. After a couple of years and a lot of religious ceremonies, nothing was found. Kash would uncover the plot by the Nazis who arrived a decade earlier and stole the Ark. They were going to use it to kill the political class of another Nazi party called The Blue Class of Neverland, Inc. Kash quickly assembled a team of Jedi Masters and some Robots. He worked with a wartime president to overthrow the thieves that were about to use the Ark as a large missile container to plunge the world into a Nuclear Holocaust within the safety of a vessel that had since expired, decayed, and rusted away in obscurity. Kash had delicately informed the would-be genocidal war hawks that the Ark was decommissioned by God himself and that any attempts to use it will result in it being flooded and causing worldwide droughts. They abandoned their plans and set out to accomplish their end goals with something else. The staff of Moses was their next item on the list. Ironically as the staff would have parted seas, God went about supervising Noah while he built an entire ship when he could have just given him a staff and allowed him to just camp out for a month or so. Kash Patel, being from a culture that noticed flaws in the way Gods went about business, was promoted. He was the best choice to become the expert in artifact recovery and swamp clearings.
Growing up in the Shadow of West Shangri-La[edit | edit source]
Kash was just a mere inkling when his parents wrote him into existence. Having come from the intense martial arts training in Kathmandu where his mom and dad battled multi-layered beasts, they made use of the flying tiger claw and settled far away to a place that was claimed by the ghosts of the Kunlun Mountains. Gujarat would be their landing pad and the Chief Minister Bhupendrabhai Patel drew Kash and his family the long-lasting Temple of Days to stay and build the foundations of a new land to rise from the clay and mud of the sunken city that was known only as Unknown. As a bonus, the Chief granted him the use of his surname.
The Shadow could not find those who fled from Tibet with tiger claws, so the elders drew up another shrine facing the west. The shrine was made out of an old 1976 Volkswagen van and had to park next to the Morning Sun of Seven Stingrays in Shangri-La.
Kash had a very weird life. He sought the balance of normalcy and studied English in a French accent. Working very hard on not sounding like a telemarketer, he took work that needed his detective skills. This is where his life changed, but not to a normal life. Far from it. While studying English for a western way of life, and as a means to perhaps settle into the Ultimate West of all Wests, he discovered there was a belief that Shangri-La was mythical and thought of as a sort of King Arthur's Camelot, placed in the same idea of King Solomon's Mines. They were believed to be just somewhere outside of Las Vegas although no solid proof of the existence of the strange city known as Las Vegas has ever been certified. Let alone anything just outside of it. But Kash knew that Shangri-La did exist. For its shadow was far reaching and came over to his country and state to roost for prolonged seasons of the moon. He was there when the Emperor of Narnia split the shadow into four corners. Shangri-La now had a shadow of doom and fog sectioned into four parts. West, East, South, and Southeast.
Being determined to find the answers to why such a place one country over, and a lot of deserts, mountains, lakes, craters, dunes, and sandworms in between, would have the nerve to cover all the lands with shadow for no apparent reason, he went to the trouble to find such answers. Other than maybe Kali pissed it off. The first thing he accomplished was to call the Emperor of Narnia. Getting a hold of his answering service, he found that he had to press the 3 on his phone to access the Shangri-La menu as it had changed since then. He weighed his options, looked at the time and his battery limit. Kash would soon embark through the desert. Over the mountains. Hiring a boat to sail the lakes. Taking a moon buggy through the wild terrain and dodging alien creatures to request an audience with whomever governed Shangri-La. This was the best result as it was successful and took less time than to listen through menu options on the phone. After meeting with the entity governing the shadow and its hidden palace, Kash was informed that it wasn't personal. It was just that it had a lost horizon and it was more or less just compensating. Kash asked them to stop it. They said okay.
Becoming the Hunter in the Hat[edit | edit source]
There was something wrong with the usual suspects. All of Them had been rounded up and all their hats had been confiscated. There were a lot of hats. They were mad. But none of the hats matched the usual suspects. They were hunting everyone that did not have hats. The situation was mysterious. Kash was already working for the Governor when he was asked to take the place of one of the mad hatters. At first, Kash did not understand the objective. But when he was shown the pith helmet and the captain's hat, he kind of understood. It was up to him to put the voodoo witch doctor's headdress on and look for the captain. Who was an unusual suspect. The mission was bound to be aggravating to no end.
He had a collection of hats. He was the leader of the Safari. He was the bellhop. He was the pianist and he was one of the guards in The Nutcracker. For a while this was a successful operation. All he had to do was hats. Play the roles, and offer medical, financial, and legal advice. But the suspects had connections even without their hats. Kash had to hunt down their connections, of course, and the first one that he encountered was in fact the Big Fat Ass Floating Cupcake. Kash teamed up with Flash Gordon and Michael Flynn to confront the cupcake. Naturally the cupcake was spitting tobacco and flying around, leaving sticky frosting everywhere. Kash had to put on another hat complete with a face covering, made of materials designed to shield against nuclear radiation. The cupcake suspect escaped from its container and hid away in a plastic storage tub. It was caught up with and interrogated. Giving information about the rest of the cookies. Kash obtained a few more hats. By the time the mission was complete, Kash had so many hats, that he could open a shop. To his dismay, he never really got to wear his cowboy hat. But he swore an oath that one day, he will have his time to wear such an iconic hat for someone who had to wear a sombrero.
Sailing to All Corners of the Seven Flat Seas[edit | edit source]
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Becoming A Hero[edit | edit source]
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Doing Heroic Things[edit | edit source]
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Favorite Movies[edit | edit source]
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