Cinderella
“Orphan her.”
“Salagadoola mechicka boola bibbidi bobbidi boo!”
Cinderella is an animated movie produced in 1950 by Walt Disney. It is based on a similar novel by the same name, written by Charles Perrault.
The story revolves around Cinderella, a young blonde girl who escaped abuse by marrying a guy who forgot what she looked like within a night. It was the highest-grossing animated movie of that time, but it was still worth less than the time we spend writing this article.
Plot[edit | edit source]
Birth of Little Ashes[edit | edit source]
Once upon a time, a little Aryan soul descended onto earth, gifting thirteen-year-old girls around the world a couple new body insecurities and associated mental illnesses. Her parents named her Cinderella, meaning "little ashes" in French, which is probably a reference to how much of a miracle she was – six abortion attempts yet she still managed to survive; wasn't burning the child alive a better option? Unfortunately, little Cinderella's mother passed away before she could ever immolate and use the infant's skin for a new exotic leather purse. Her death traumatised Cinderella, who was left heartbroken. Following the demise of Cinderella's to-be-immolator, her father wed Lady Tremaine: a tall and slender woman who had two daughters, Drizella and Anastasia. They weren't at good terms with Ella. Soon her father too had passed away, and Mr. Disney was throwing a tantrum about how Cinderella got to have a father figure while he didn't. Cinderella was locked up in the basement of the mansion and used as cheap labour by Lady Tremaine and the sisters.
Violation of Amendment 13 to the US Constitution[edit | edit source]
Life in the basement wasn't exactly pleasant: the ceiling creaked and leaked often, the stench coming from what appeared to be a dead Jewish corpse writing a diary in the corner was enough to cause permanent anosmia, the floor was all dusty and looked like it hasn't been cleaned in ages, and the furniture was covered in rat filth. It was miserable, but she had to endure it. As time passed, Ella got used to this lifestyle – she woke up early and completed her chores and then swept and mopped the house until it was sparkling clean. She had started her own OnlyFans account with the rats, releasing sex tapes every now and then. This would've been the peak of her life if it weren't for the fact that she was the main character.
Breeding season[edit | edit source]
Meanwhile, the King was growing increasingly restless with his son, who was unmarried. He finally decided, against the will of his son, to announce the breeding ritual. Hearing this, Lady Tremaine was overjoyed. She had always dreamt of attending the Ritual. Getting humped by a prince – gosh, most women can only imagine! Anastasia and Drizella commanded Cinderella to wash their feet sparkling clean for the Ball, even though they're going to cover their feet for the most part of it. Who wouldn't want to seize the opportunity to "accidentally" flash their well-polished ankles for a second or two in front of the Duke without being charged for nudity? Such a rebellious girlboss moment.
Black magic[edit | edit source]
After closely listening to her stepsisters' conversation, Cinderella too came to know of the ball. She was tickled pink as she imagined herself mating with the prince. Ella asked the rats to help stitch up one of her mom's old gowns, while she did her hair. Her joy wasn't unnoticed, and the stepsisters tore and ripped up her dress. It's ruined, how could she attend the ball now? Lady Tremaine, hearing the ruckus, ricocheted down the creaky stairs with her high heels. She laughed out loud hearing Ella's plans to attend the ball. "A twot like you who isn't the product of generations of inbreeding? What a joke!" she said as she climbed back the stairs cackling along with the sisters. Now that her dreams had been shattered, Ella cried for an hour or two which, for a dehydrated person who lives off rat urine, is a lot. But because she's the main character, some hag claiming to be a Godmother arose from the woods and transformed Cinderella from a dirty crone to a beautiful catfish.
The perfect individual to reproduce from[edit | edit source]
Cinderella dashed to the Ritual in her chariot, awaiting to see her prince charming. Just as she entered, the Duke immediately knew she was the one. He ran into her intentionally and started humping her brutally. But the spell lasts only until midnight, and the hag had warned her that she would transform back into her body once the clock hits twelve. As time ran out, Cinderella dramatically ran off the palace (the prince didn't get a chance to impregnate his mate). While running down the entrance, one of her glass heels slipped off, but she couldn't care less as she was in a hurry. As the chariot left for the mansion, Cinderella started transforming back into her original self – the beautiful gown changed into an ugly worn rag, her shiny golden hair changed back into the home of exotic hair lice species, and her pearl necklace transformed back into the tumorous skin polyps she had developed after being subject to rat filth in the basement, which had now ripened enough to fall off her body like plump mandarins in early spring. Luckily her transformation wasn't witnessed by the Duke. The only object the Duke had of hers was the glass slipper.
Foot fetishism[edit | edit source]
A search was launched to find the maiden who had stolen the Duke's heart, and the King announced that the woman whose feet the slipper fit perfectly shall be made the Duchess, and take his son's hand in marriage. Cinderella's feet were, however, not like other feet and no one in the kingdom had a similarly sized foot – none of the women's feet would even slightly fit the shoe. When they visited the mansion to try the slipper on the women of the house, Lady Tremaine locked Cinderella in the basement because she recognised Cinderella as the maiden who had mesmerised the Duke in the Ritual. The shoe fit neither the stepsisters nor Lady Tremaine, and the search party proceeded to the next house. The foot fetishist was going crazy being unable to find the beautiful maiden he had met at the ball.
Happily ever after[edit | edit source]
A few months later, the Duke came to discover an OnlyFans account made by a person whose feet seemed to be of the correct size. He was amazed, and so was his nether pillar. He called the guards to locate the person running the OnlyFans account and bring them to him, which they did after tracing it's IP address to Lady Tremaine's mansion. As the Duke saw Cinderella again, he was mesmerised. He didn't quite remember her face, but her feet looked better than ever and he immediately recognised it. He came closer to Cinderella and held her waist, resting his head onto her shoulder.
"May I?" he asked. "Of course," said Ella. The Duke knelt down, and held her feet. He looked at Cinderella's face and then started sucking on her toes with great relish. And they ... you know.
Release[edit | edit source]
The film was released on 15 February 1950 and gained widespread fame for its intention to fight against the prevailing anti-fetishist discrimination around much of the world.
Connection with the Fetishist Civil Rights Movement[edit | edit source]
Cinderella indirectly triggered the 1950s Fetishist Civil Rights Movement, which sought to liberate kinky people from societal norms and let them be who they are. The International Organization for Prosecuted Kinks applauded the film for its message. Oprah Winfrey herself called out the film as an eyeopener to the struggles faced by these people in their day-to-day lives. An acronym for the Fetishist community was adopted in 1987 to celebrate all the different fetishes – LGBTQIA+ (Lingerie, Group, Bondage, Tentacles, Quirofilia, Incest, Ageplay, while the plus stands for other fetishes). Today, fetishists are still prosecuted in many parts of the world, notably in the Middle East and Subsaharan Africa. In 2013 thirteen individuals were executed in Iran for organizing a bellybutton fetish pride parade in Tehran.
Reception[edit | edit source]
The movie was a major turning point for fetishist discourse in the world. Many notable actors and singers called it a masterpiece. Some say Prince Charming is based on Dustin Hoffman, who too has a shoe fetish apparently. The movie didn't go well with conservatives, who called it satanic for glorifying kinks such as sodomy and adultery. Overall, it was considered one of the most influential films of the 1950s, signifying the rise of animated movies.
Controversy[edit | edit source]
The film was initially banned in Saudi Arabia, but it was then later altered such that it didn't corrupt young men to commit sin. Many eight-year-old girls flooded online fetishist forums to send their feet and discover their own Prince Charming, only to get married to PTSD.
Awards[edit | edit source]
The film received the Academy Award for the "Most Bland White Girl" in 1951 and "Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo" sung by Fairy Godmother was awarded two Grammies in 1959.
Sequels and spin-offs[edit | edit source]
- Cinderella II: The Manual Dishwasher and Cinderella III: A Divorce Come True were released in 2002 and 2007 respectively.
- A live-action version of the film was released in 2015 which didn't feature the tumorous skin mutations mentioned in the original film, drawing criticism for lack of research.
- Cinderella's OnlyFans was finally made public in 2019, registering a record 1 million subscribers within the first day.
Legacy[edit | edit source]
After the production of Cinderella, Lady Tremaine went through gender reassignment surgery in London, and immigrated to the United States, renaming herself "Sir Truman". He got elected as the President of the United States in 1945 (after pre‑recording her scenes for the movie ofcourse), and is now well known for establishing the North Atlantic Treaty Organization and initiating the Marshall Plan to build Western Europe and stop the spread of communism. Anastasia went on to score big in the film industry, later starring as Anastasia Romanov in the movie Anastasia. Drizella was tragically executed by Fulani extremists in 1968, as she was wrongfully accused to have been working with the Igbo rebels in Southeast Nigeria to free the separatist state of Biafra. Following the couple's divorce in 2007, Cinderella went into hiding in the Siberian taiga and was never heard of again, while Prince Charming dedicated his life to providing humanitarian assistance and improving living conditions of prosecuted fetishists in Kenya and Tunisia, until he died in 2011.
Methamphetamine Controversy[edit | edit source]
The story of Cinderella caused a controversy in late 1997 when Rev. Daniel Camille of Falls Church, made the startling argument that Cinderella contained hidden allusions to methamphetamine addiction. The basic outline of his argument was a comparison between the actions of Cinderella and the typical methamphetamine user.
Cinderella:
- Stays up all night cleaning.
- Sings and dances with mice.
- Is a very depressed loner.
- Is visited by a "fairy grandmother" at night.
- Thinks her carriage will turn into a pumpkin.
Methamphetamine addicts:
- Frequently enjoy repetitive actions like cleaning.
- May form a strange or unusual peer group.
- Are frequently depressed and lonely.
- Hallucinate after not sleeping for days.
- Exhibit paranoid and/or delusional behavior.
Additionally, Rev. Camille alludes that the "glass slipper" of legend may be a reference to the oil pipe, used to smoke methamphetamine and referred to by methamphetamine users as "glass ---," where the --- may be almost any object or anatomical feature.
Many have denied Rev. Camille's accusations, but Disney has never released an official statement on the topic. Nevertheless, there seems to be an almost constant, incessant banter about this issue from Cinderella.
See also[edit | edit source]
