Bermuda Triangle

Another brave soul lost to the merciless hunger of the Bermuda Triangle.

The Bermuda Triangle is a mysterious area of land that exhibits the strange property of forming a shape called a "triangle" when the three points it consists of are connected. Green, and not as big as you'd think, the Bermuda Triangle is responsible for sinking many rowing boats, cruise ships, and other miscellaneous water craft in the last decade. The Bermuda Triangle is now famous for making the Lost plane break. As of 2005, it has reportedly been destroyed spontaneously by Jimi Hendrix using his neon ultraversal guitar. The area is now subject to a higher than average amount of Hendrixosity. Therefore, modern sailors still avoid the area as they might be hit by a lethal dose. Hendrixosity is also said to be the cause of the extinction of the Sandman (described in a famous song by the "metal" band Metallica) in the year 2064.

Description

The Bermuda Triangle is a square like figure that swallows people while playing depressing music like "Beat It" by Michael Jackson. If you are ever being eaten remember to do exactly this. Scream the alphabet backwards while plugging your nose with your eyes closed. And remember if you eat a banana while doing exactly as listed above you're head will explode and you will die. It is also said that Suraj Patel farted there while eating Suraj Baked Beans and it is filled with toxic gas that can kill anything near it. I like nutella.

Habitat

Look at those sharp edges.

The area between Bermuda, Miami, the Bahamas, and that other place that no one has ever heard of. The Death Star, that was it. Also known to be spotted in the Arctic Ocean and New Michigan's Great Lakes, the Bermuda Triangle can also be seen at most McFly concerts, explaining the total lack of people there. Also, in 1968 it was spotted in the "Zuiderzee", a large hole in the earth filled with water, situated in the Netherlands. It is also fairly often spotten in Loch Ness, therefore, most people confuse it with the Loch Ness monster. Mostly Asian tourists are confused when they make a photo of the monster, and then zoom in on it to find a horrific triangle instead of a dinosaur-like creature. However, scientists speculate that the Bermuda Triangle actually descends from the Loch Ness species, but no genetic evidence has been found so far.

Feeding Habits

The Bermuda Triangle eats just about anything that floats: ducks, very small rocks, rowing boats, surfers, cigarette stubs, camels, crashed UFO's, whatever but his favotrite food is Rangas, who like to babysit people. When it spots prey, it shaves its beard and uses telekinetic 1337 skills to create an expanding hyper hypermagnet field, jamming all communication (This tactic would later on be used in World War MMXIV, when the USA accidentally bombed their own nuclear facilities). After the ship has lost communication with the outer world, it emerges from the water and issues its evil laugh. It then grabs the prey in its grubby hands and eats it, making it disappear from the radar. It once ate Kayli Palmer. Once a penguin managed to escape, but it had teeth marks all over it. Triangular teeth marks.

Religion

This is not a creature but natural phenomena, but myths of its selfless acts of ridding the oceans of evil have circulated... Some idiots thought it to be Mormon, but Mormons are a gracious, loving group of people indigenous to the western USA. It is believed that the Bermuda Triangle is really a valve that allows natural gas to escape occasionally, creating the problems that have been recorded through the ages. It actually has nothing to do with religion.

What to do when you spot one

There is no known defence against the Bermuda Triangle. In fact, everyone that's spotted it got eaten (but usually their balls aren't eaten). This article is based on a series of facts from wayward sailors that were out at sea when the attacks happened during the fog. Having only 1 leg, a grey beard, and a scarred face, the source is known to be 100% correct.

However, if "no known defense" fails, you could always try adopting the fetal position and crying like a small child. This is unlikely to help, but will provide a more entertaining meal for Mr. Triangle.

One last option would be to unleash a grue on the triangle, but it wouldn't matter cuz the grue would eat you first, before joining the Triangle in a crazy game of Connect 4.

By now you are most likely about to be eaten. Mr. Triangle shall serve you with a side of fries and a medium sized powerade since it's his favorite meal even though he is gaining weight from it. What a shame...

Favourite TV Show

In a recent interview, the Bermuda Triangle explained that every Sunday it turns on the TV to enjoy President Chávez's "Aló Presidente" ("Hello President", in English). During the show, that last almost 5 hours straight, Bermuda Triangle became a kind-hearted creature with those rowing boats that pass near him except, of course, the U.S. imperial tourist boats that, in a few seconds, were hijacked and forced to watch the whole show with him in his underwater TV room. the only one last word you can say is scream. If you are a good swimmer y,ou can dive and save your life. But its actual most FAVORITE TV SHOW must be American Idol. B.T. (A.K.A Bermuda Triangle) Itso loves Power Puff Girls and Cougar Town.

Alternate Theory

The Bermuda Triangle's gay brother Berminda.

It is believed by many experts that the phenomena often attributed to the Bermuda Triangle are in actuality caused by a nest of sugargliders devouring ships to get at their favoured prey, humans.

A Second Alternate Theory

The Bermuda Triangle is home to a horrible, 70ft(89,652Km) long and 30ft(129,011Km) wide man-eating sea monster. The sea monster has many long, sharp, teeth and claws which it uses for eating people. It also is camouflaged with the water and has telepathic abilities nearly as strong as the X-Men's Professor X. It is also said that Robert Pattinson rides on the sea monster with his companion, a sock monkey named Fifi. Obama hates black people. Jay Z worships the Devil. The illuminati is real! Yup.

A Third Alternate Theory

It was also believed, for a short time, that the Bermuda Triangle was an inter-dimensional warp-gate between Chuck Norris' beard, Mr. T's Mohawk, and Bruce Lee's abs. However, because of the location of Bruce Lee's grave, it was concluded that the warp gate was more of a trapezoid, and therefore could not possibly be the Bermuda Triangle.

The Real Cause behind the Bermuda Triangle

Apparently, as many Jedi claim, God created the Bermuda Triangle when he was in math class and tried to draw a square but failed epically. In his anger he filled it with loads of stuff and now its just... shit really. In 2007, a video, filmed by a sailor lost in the Bermuda Triangle, was found on an abandoned ship within the triangle. During the video, the ship entered a mysterious fog bank. The ship's engines failed, and the ghosts of dead Teletubbies floated out of the fog and brutally murdered the entire crew with axes, knives, fishing spears and giant turtle cannons. The ghostly Teletubbies gathered the bodies into a pile and burned them to ashes as they joined hands and floated in circles around the fire. Scientists believe that these were the ghosts of a group of Teletubbies killed in the late 1600s, when pirates raided their annual "Tubby Tustard Festival" on Teletubby Island, the center of the Bermuda Triangle. And also the teletubbies feed the bodies to Mr. triangle, so what were really trying to say is keep out of that shit triangle.

Tourism

Since singer Barry Manilow confessed the Bermuda Triangle was one of his favorite holiday hot sports, tourism has soared. 100,000 visit per day, and surprisingly around half make it back home. Manilow could not be found for further comment, however.

See also

• Pink Triangle
• I Fucking Hate the Bermuda Triangle
• Triangle Shirtwaist Factory Fire

Countries of North America