Cayman Islands

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Argentinean flag.JPG PB0283.jpg
(Flag) (Coat of Arms)
Motto: Down with Dominica
Dignan moon.jpg
Largest city Probably the Garbage Dump
Official languages Jamaican Jibberish
Government Governor Dim-Witty
President I don't know.
Area 12.3 3/8imetres (approx 4cm²)
Population 3,103,332
Currency Marijuana Cigars
Time zone Southern
Internet TLD .ci
Calling code 123

The Cayman Islands are a small group of Caribbean islands, governed by England. There are three islands. The one farthest to the right is to the West and the one farthest to the left is on the East. The Cayman Islands are largely known for overdevelopment which resulted in a large series of hotels that make the island look like a giant resort. They're also know for being pretty boring for a tourist destination. Cayman is not, contrary to popular belief a country. it is, in fact, a kind of fruit. This fruit was created in 2001 by Thomas Bangalter and Oscar Romero.

Culture[edit | edit source]

Stupidity[edit | edit source]

The Cayman Islands are widely known for their stupid locals, who have become fat and retarded by toxins absorbed while eating iguanas live, as well as from the island's traditionally over-spiced cooking. As a matter of fact, it's pretty hard to find people in the Cayman Islands who aren't stupid and lazy. All of the people there are so lazy that they almost never show up anywhere when you want them to. If you think it's possible that one of them might show up at all, you have to tell them to come an hour earlier than the time you want them to actually come, because they are probably so lazy that they won't leave until an hour later than you tell them to leave. It is a miracle when a smart person shows up in the Cayman Islands.

It is interesting to note that the Cayman Islands is the only place in the world to have adopted its name from its national greeting: "'Kay, Man?"

Lack of Turtles[edit | edit source]

When Columbus discovered the Cayman Islands, he called them "Las Tortugas" because there were so many turtles. However, the stupid people of the Cayman Islands have now killed all the turtles, by eating them. The only place where you can see a turtle is the turtle farm, where they secretly butcher them every day, lying to the public that they are an organization whose goal is to preserve the species.

High Mortality Rate[edit | edit source]

Because of the island's stupdity, there is a high mortality rate, because the people are all too stupid to know how to drive and end up constantly killing themselves in car accidents. About half of the population has driven drunk at some point, while the other half has never gotten off of their cellular phones to see where they were going while driving.

Many of the island's Jamaican inhabitants enjoy trying to run over white people. Because of this it is a good idea to wear a suit of armor while crossing the street.

Tourism[edit | edit source]

The economy of the Cayman Islands relies solely on tourism and false advertising, because the government is too lazy to think of anything else to do to make money. Through tourism, the government manages to rip people off, forcing them to pay for free services, charging them unreasonable fees for food and other comforts, and sending them to mudholes where they were told there would be a beach.

Marine Life[edit | edit source]

There are a series of reefs that tourists can snorkel at. Unfortunately, the reefs have been destroyed by stupid locals who drop anchors on them or kick the coral, killing it and driving away all the fish. However, a popular excursion that still contains living marine life is Stingray City, a sandbar filled up with stingrays. In Stingray city it's almost impossible not to step on a stingray. Though there are definitely living marine creatures at stingray city, all the people get stung by the stingrays and end up dead.

History[edit | edit source]

The Cayman Islands were discovered one year by Columbus. After that, some British people went there. They were very lazy and preferred to let their teeth rot rather than brush them. They were all afraid to go outside at night because they were so superstitious and were so scared of ghosts. For the most part they all sat around making up mean songs about each other. They also made up highly unusual names for their children, such as "Eldoonah" "Kenbuck" and "Doonie."

Recently, the Cayman Islands have been taken over by an army of scheming resort developers and restaurant owners, who are determined to keep building things. The island's original cultures are being destroyed, leaving, sadly, only huge piles of hardened cement.

Economy[edit | edit source]

The only sources of income for the Cayman Islands are from money laundering and charging cruise ship tourists $60 to step on stingrays. They charge you $80 if you want your $60 stingray fee laundered. Cayman Islands main export is Tobacco, Cigars and banana cake. They are not allowed to import guns, which leaves the police defenseless. George Bush said, “on the war on terror we must invade the Cayman Islands and take the cigars, I mean capture Osama Bin Laden." The Western island has come under no threat and the US probably doesn’t realize that the Argentines are sending U2 spy planes to spy on America and sending fighters to bomb Miami.