Republic of Chernobyl

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The Land of Chicks With Three Boobs
The People's Democratic Republic of the Mutant Freaks of Chernobyl
The Republic of Chernobyl
Flag1.jpg MissChernobyl2004.jpg
Flag Coat of Arms
Motto: "That third eye is our way of saying thanks for stopping by."
Anthem: "Oh my God, what the Hell is THAT!!!"
Largest cityMelanomaville
Official language(s)Mutanese, Jive, Scat
GovernmentMutant Dictatorship Republic
Dictator PresidentPresident Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
‑ Vice PresidentVice President Blob of Animate Goo
National Hero(es)Spanky the three assed monkey
 of Independence
When Oscar Wilde helped the mutant freaks secede from Ukraine.
ReligionMutant Jesus
Major exportsUkranians, Three breasted Soviet porn stars, and human flesh

“"Yes I went there, very kinky women. If you ever wanted to have sex with a girl with three vaginas this is the place."”

~ Bill "Itchy Balls" Clinton on the Republic of Chernobyl

“"So THAT'S where the WMDs went"”

~ George bush on the Republic of Chernobyl

“"Those mutant freaks up there are all assholes. Literally. They're covered with them!"”

~ Oscar Wilde on Mutant Assholes

The Republic of Chernobyl, locally known as The Land of Chicks with Three Boobs, is a small republic enveloped within Ukraine. It is much like a cancer tumor in that it threatens to destroy the country from the inside, but unlike a cancer tumor, it is good because Oscar Wilde supports it. The country is currently spreading and has taken over half of the small country, and parts of some of its neighbors. This is in thanks to their military which, instead of getting its advantage from training or weaponry, gets its advantage from the fact that they can all spit acid.

History[edit | edit source]

The republic of Chernobyl has a vibrant history. In the years following the Chernobyl explosion, locally known in Mutantese as Phglaphlimphl or "the big cloud that made us glow in the dark," the mutant freaks were regarded as second class citizens. This continued until the Oscar Wilde came with something the mutants had never seen before, a set of binoculars. With the binoculars the mutants found that the Ukrainian army was entirely made up of a single three legged beagle named "Blue." The Mutants found that they could distract blue from fighting with a bright red ball. The mutants had won their independence.

Climate and Ecology[edit | edit source]

The citizens of this proud nation do their best to preserve the pristine beauty of their fallouts. From their forests of man eating trees with the small slimy unidentifiable things that scamper from tree to tree, to the deserts of radioactive ash populated gigantic carnivorous worms. In places The country is everything from a tropical paradise of glowing green beach resorts to a cold tundra full of carnivorous ice beasts. The mountains there are famed for their beauty, though it has been suggested that they are not mountains at all but actually a form of snail. Despite the radioactive paradise feel to it all, caution must be taken when approaching the wildlife. In this way it is much like Australia, only less dangerous.

Economy[edit | edit source]

The republic's economy is mostly self supporting, with the occasional import. For instance the country does not have the resources to make the giant mosquito repellent that it requires so greatly, so it buys the import from Louisiana which has a similar need for the product.

Labor[edit | edit source]

Most of the brute labor is done by radioactive zombies that slave away in the mines. The zombies though, rather than being lumbering bruits are actually well coursed in the arts of fine dining, sculpture, symphony, and sex. You never want to see them practice that last one, or the first one for that matter unless you happen to like veal stuffed with human brain with a side of (shudder) caviar.

Tourism[edit | edit source]

A large part of the income of this country is tourism. It really is a nice place to visit. It may seem dangerous, but with that third arm you can easily swat those pesky radioactive flies, and with that eye in the back of your head you can see zombies sneaking up on you. Don't bother bringing scuba gear. Gills will probably grow in your first week or so. Also, you don't need to bring any money, because the currency is cancer, and you'll probably make some of that when you get there. If you do want some extra money, all you need to do is bring some of your own currency and they will zap you with your dollar's worth of intense radiation. The only danger is being skinned alive by human pelt mongers, but as long as you stay a while, the skin will grow back in no time. Okay, you might have scales, but at least its skin. If you value your looks though beware, you could end up looking like He who Comes in the Night

Government[edit | edit source]

The government of The Republic of Chernobyl is an interesting one. Every day the Senate convenes in the Hall of Deciding to vote on the issues. when an issue comes up it is put to a vote. The members of the Senate vote, and all who disagree with the biggest member get hit by that member with something called the Great Consensus Mace , which is very heavy. Eventually no one but the biggest member's side remains alive, and thus that side wins. Thus the balance of power is retained and order is kept. The presidential election is held every year. The goings on of the Presidential election are just as interesting as the goings on of the Senatorial elections. The president is elected by the people. Anyone who doesn't vote for the right person however gets eaten by the vice president, and their ballots mysteriously disappear. Mmm tasty.

See Also[edit | edit source]