Mediocre Britain

Mediocre Britain
Flag
Motto: Only the mediocre are always at their best
Anthem: Mediocre Britain the Fairly Attractive
Capital	Higginsville, I think.
Largest city	Higginsville probably. Nobody's really counting.
Official language(s)	Cockney, buggery, inaudible grunts, Esperanto, txt spk
Government	Idiocracy
‑ First Minister	'arry 'artford MP
Established	Alfred J. Higgins, 1390
Currency	Anything shiny
Population	"Medibrits"

The less interesting and less great younger brother of Great Britain, Mediocre Britain features far less in terms of cultural and political value in the world. A close personal ally with the United Spades of Amerika, although they do not know it yet.

History

Mediocre Britain was founded in 1390 by Alfie J. Higgins, who defected from Great Britain because it was too much pressure to keep the title of "Great" justly. Higgins lead a generation of people who desired lower standards and relaxed procedure to their promised land. (The promise was "not really kept".) Mediocre was A-OK to these jolly folk, who began customs and culture differ from those of Great Britain. Mediocre Britain never developed into a military or economic power because of the laziness of its inhabitants. Between 1420 and 1900 absolutely nothing of note occurred because somebody lost the channel changer and nobody bothered to look for it. It was found accidentally on 31 October 1900 in the outhouse, next to the new copy of Vibe.

Politics and economy

Currently Mediocre Britain is second to last (right above the United States of America) in terms of congressional work days. There are only twelve members in the Parliament because the rest quit to pursue either golf or fly fishing. Settling bills within fifteen minutes (on average) by carefully flipping a coin, they spend the rest of the day watching Keeping Up Appearances on BBC.

Culture

This 8x10 glossy is the most coveted Medibritish artifact.

Culturally speaking, Mediocre Britain is disappointing as well. Their biggest national holiday, Remembrance Day, is usually marked down on calendars but forgotten because, well, nobody remembers to look at their calendars.

Customs include sitting, watching TV, and eating.

The most popular sport in Mediocre Britain is armchair football. In this game people sit in armchairs and kick around a soccer ball, trying to score a goal. Every game has ended 1-0 because nobody wants to get the ball after it has been scored.

Music tastes have remained steady since the nation's birth: "Elevator music". The most popular Medibritish elevator music band of all time are known as "The Burtles", after Mediocre Britain's national hero, Burt Reynolds. However, the greatest Medibritish hit of all time is "The Real Slim Britty" by girl duo M&M probably because the notions that they are the true Brits and that they are slim (only in a convex mirror) hit close to home.

A list of Medibritish contributions to culture

• Extreme laziness
• Automatic doors
• Escalators
• Warm piss water
• Nectar loyalty cards
• Aran Sweaters
• Motorway Service Stations
• Winslet fatalism
• A few other things

The future

The future is bright for Mediocre Britain, but not too bright. Medibritish have sensitive eyes and don't like a whole lot of light.

Mediocre Britain is looking forward to renewed cable TV subscriptions by 2030, and the eventual return of TiVo.

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