Geri Halliwell

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Geri Halliwell
Birth Date1972 (Disputed)
Birth PlaceStonehenge, England
NationalitySpanish, English/Swedish, Ginger
Bluebell Madonna (WTF?)

“She make us want to throw up on the streets, I'm talking of course, about Geri Halliwell.”

~ British Public on Geri Halliwell

“God, I am SO perfect.”

~ Geri Halliwell on Herself

“Even Matthew Barron wouldn't touch her with a barge pole! And he's Mr. BJ 2008!”

~ Oscar Wilde

Geriatric Estelle "Geri" Halliwell (born 6 August 1972) is an English pop singer-songwriter, author and actress. After coming to international prominence in the late 1990s as Ginger Spice, a member of the girl group the Spice Girls, Halliwell launched her solo career in 1998 and released her forgettable album Schizophonic. She was the most easy to masturbate to, as millions of young men can attest. She sexually awakened those boys under 12, who wanted nothing more than to helplessly hump her creamy legs. Apart from that she is now just an attention whore. She is also known to be a nationalist, thanks to her wearing a dress with the Union Jack on it.

Despite being hated by the general public, her biggest fan is the rapper Ice Spice, who thought that Halliwell was beautiful.

Early Life[edit | edit source]

Geri Halliwell was born in Watford, England, the daughter of Supertramp member John Helliwell, in 1972. Ever since she was a wee nipper, her parents instantly thought "she's gonna be an attention whore," so they got her into stage school, but it didn't work out, due to her suffering from ginger hair. So she grew up singing into a hairbrush. That her gave her parents new ideas, but first had to overcome the obstacle of being a ginger. She auditioned for the Spice Girls when she was a teenager, but her father had to bribe a few people in high places into letting her join, much to the annoyance of the other bands' members. She changed her name from "Old Spice" to "Ginger Spice."

Personal Life[edit | edit source]

In mid 1998, the Spice Girls were doing shit and Geri was sacked by her managers. She started a solo career and went golden with her first cd, which sold two copies (her mum bought the second one, after watching a toothpaste add which featured Geri ripping off her jacket and dancing on the bare backs of male strippers with Playboy bunny outfits). After all the copies of her second and third albums were eaten by emo elephant slaves controlled by the Republican Party, she went to Los Angeles, USA, to work on unnamed projects involving baby oil and rubber masks. Soon after, she was photographed by the paparazzi, looking fat, ugly and exhausted. The tabloids reported that Halliwell was knocked up, which was subsequently confirmed. Although she shagged so many people she was unsure of who the father was. American actor, Tom Hanks, is reported to be the child's father, he made a statement saying he wished Halliwell and child the best shortly after the rumours came out... he was never seen again. On 7th March 2006, Hello! magazine published an interview with Halliwell which was questioning the father's identity. Geri stated, "It is tacky to kiss and tell, I would never deprive a child of the right to know its father."

On 14th May 2006, Halliwell gave birth to a daughter, Bluebell Madonna, (what kind of fucking name is that?!) by caesarean section on the dancefloor of a night club. Explaining her name choice, she said, "What really clinched it for me was my mother telling me that the bluebell is increasingly rare – it would get me loads of attention, which seems just right for me." Her daughter's middle name was just her way of brown nosing Madonna.

In April 2007 it was revealed that Halliwell invited all four of her former Spice Girl colleagues to be godmothers at the christening of her baby. Victoria Beckham had already phoned her to tell her she would rather have her nipples bitten off by a crocodile.

In 2017, she gave birth to a son, but his name had not been disclosed. Maybe it's because she ran out of very silly names for boys.

On 23 October 2022, Geri Halliwell met her supposed gender-bent variant of herself in Texas for the first time, who also turns out to be the one true god of her country. Little did she knew that this would change her life forever. So they decided to basically ruin the entire state for the non-British people in there without getting arrested at all.

Trivia[edit | edit source]

  • Has ginger pubic hair.
  • Thought she was the hottie of the Spice Girls. (although, as we all know, there are no hotties in the Spice Girls! They're all ugly anyways.)
  • Mel B fucking hated her guts and still does.
  • Got her ass bitten by a horny fan.
  • Gave her daughter a stupid name.
  • You may mot know or be allowed to admit this, according to your anti-pop hipster social tenets, but if you were born between 1980 and 1987, you've had nocturnal emissions about Halliwell. Well, over her tits...the attention whore attached to the boobies and ginger cunt aren't so exciting.
  • Had her clitoris pierced by a javelin and didn't notice.
  • Got pelted with eggs at a concert in Moscow and called a "ginger bitchski".
  • Once dyed her ginger hair in an attempt to make friends when she was in school.
  • Had her inordinately large and fleshy vagina flaps surgically trimmed, and an auction was held to purchase her ginger twat lips. Mark Foley said "it was the best $35,000 I ever spent on post-surgery remains, just ahead of the afterbirth from Laura Bush after she squirted out them twins."
  • Her daughter isn't ginger! But has a horrible name.
  • Likes cock, A LOT!
  • Especially in the pooper!
  • Likes to sit at home watching Disney movies.
  • Tries too hard to be a gender-bent version of Ed Sheeran. Even the latter isn't that much of an attention whore, but that's not saying much. Ironically, they both met.
  • Also tries too hard to promote feminism.
  • Apparently recorded a song in Spanish. Thankfully, she would NOT become a Latin artist.
  • Wrote a book series (yes, really) that was named after her daughter.
  • Once had sex with Robbie Williams.
  • Talks total and utter wholesale horseshit.
  • Is an attention whore.
  • Is an attention whore.
  • Is an attention whore.
  • Is an attention whore.
  • Did I mention she is still an ATTENTION WHORE?

Gallery[edit | edit source]

See Also[edit | edit source]