Ed Sheeran

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Good Small.png Nominated Article
This article has been nominated for highlighting on the front page—you can vote for it or nominate your favourite articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH. Please see this article's entry.
A rare image of Gingerbread Ed in 2013. Seems like he's ready to ruin people's lives again.

Edward Christopher "Ed" [insert singular 3rd person subjective pronoun]eran (born 17 February 1991) is a Canadian-British singer-songwriter, actor, owner of a bar in London,[1] and Rupert Grint lookalike. He is also known as "Teddy" on Instagram. Additionally, he is considered to be the "one true god" of his home country. Ed is arguably, a fad of the year 2017 and also a British nationalist. Even though his career was meant to fade away at the end of the 2010s, he manages to still make music to this day, much to everyone's annoyances. He is known to have a lot of chart hits, especially in the UK, including "The B Team", "Untitled (Take Me Into Your Loving Arms)", "Nothing Happens After Two" and most infamously, "I'm Back & I'm Desperate". However, they are most likely plagiarized, but he still gets away with it. His private life isn't very well known, thanks to having no surveillance cameras in his home and the fact that the address to it is changed every day. Despite having a male given name, Ed somehow manages to have female pronouns as part of his surname, so, logically, he would've instantly became a "she" right away. Oh fuck, how do we go by them again?

Whatever, we'll use male pronouns for this article, because logically, Ed's actually male. Even Wikipedia refers to him that way. Have you seen a girl named Ed before?[2]

Early life[edit | edit source]

Bouncywikilogo.gif

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Ed Sheeran.

On the day before he was born, his parents, John Heeran and Jane Sheeran were thinking of baby names. While Jane was pregnant with their second child, John hoped that they would be another girl, since they already had their first child, a daughter named Rebecca in the 1980s. Unfortunately, that would not be the case, and on the 17th of February 1991, Jane gave birth to their first son in Halifax, Canada. John already had a list of girl names written in his notebook, but it was too late. Both parents would've considered unisex names but they ran out of ideas for them. So, in the end, they opted for the name "Edward",[3] which at the time is and still is one of the most popular names in Britain. A day later, their parents decided to legally divorce because of this[4], and as a result, Ed and Rebecca had to live with their grandparents instead in the other Halifax in Yorkshire. Unless you watch the music video for the song Photograph, you wouldn't know what he did in his childhood. Other than that, he mostly grew up in Framlingham.

Speaking of his childhood, despite being the most antisocial kid in school (for obvious reasons), he somehow managed to do very well in school. Unsurprisingly, he had been bullied not just because he was ginger, but because of the fact that a lot of people mistook him for female. His favourite subject in school is math, which would later become the basis of every one of his albums. During high school, he started to make friends, some of which wrote and produced songs for him later in his career. Eventually, it was revealed that he was voted most likely to be famous, which, sadly, turned out to be true. But we will get to that later, shall we?

Career[edit | edit source]

2006-2010: The Pre-+ Era[edit | edit source]

A snapshot of Ed's first music video.

During his high school days, Ed would pick up a guitar and start playing songs in the hallways. His first gigs were at his school gymnasium, but no one would show up.[5] Dissatisfied with this result, he decided to start attending school less and less and perform in the streets of his neighborhood, and only 1-2 people would show up. He would then release his self-titled album without a major label to keep up. While designing his album cover, he chose orange because it was his favourite color, and a cat's paw print because his favourite animal was cats. Also, during this era, he had released his first song, "Please Listen To This", with a music video. While that didn't blew him up, it somehow managed to predict Justin Bieber's career several years later due to the way that he sounded. Other songs from his self-titled album include, but are not limited to: "I'm Quiet Most Of The Time", "No Sleep", and "Get Some Help", the latter in which he featured his nephew Crowdmoon. Ed has also released other albums, but none of them got the same popularity as his debut.

2011-2013: +[edit | edit source]

After graduating from his high school, he decided to audition for The X Factor and hopefully get into a boy band, but he didn't make it to the finals, so he eventually got signed. He decided to release a song that was previously in one of his albums called "The B Team", because he thought that would garner much popularity. During the year 2011, Justin Bieber was popular amongst little girls, so the UK decided to create their answer to Bieber in the process. As mentioned, Ed's favourite subject was math, so the label that he was signed to decided to name albums after mathematical symbols, and they decided to make it orange because they looked at the cover of his first album while he was unsigned, and they didn't know Ed liked the color orange. The first one is + (pronounced add)[6]. They originally wanted to add Autotune to Ed's voice, but since he already sounds like Bieber, it was perfect enough. During his debut, he was marketed as "the next Justin Bieber". While this enraged many Beliebers in the process, it wasn't until the year 2012 when he blew up with his debut single, but due to the sheer number of Beliebers, it prevented it from getting into the top 10, thus debuting at number 20 in the US.

The ultimate cure for Bieber Fever. Wait, where's the milk?!

Meanwhile, a new fanbase that consisted of British Justin Bieber haters had spawned. They called themselves the Cheerios, named after Ed's favourite cereal brand. They somehow managed to create the cure for "Bieber Fever" which consists of pouring a box of Cheerios[7] in a bowl and then pouring your favourite flavor of milk. They also claim that putting Magic Milk Straws in a glass of milk would have faster results.

2014-2016: x[edit | edit source]

After his debut album failed to chart in the top 10 in many countries except in the UK, his label thought that if his next album doesn't crack the top 10 in many countries other than that, they'd instantly drop him. That scared the shit out of Ed, so he decided to record new music. He then added a ton of swears in this album, simply because it'd do well, which it kinda did. It was his first top 10 album in many countries, but it went number one in the UK, so this was a first timer. The album in question is called x (pronounced Times)[8]. This album multiplied the amount of Cheerios, so now he got more Justin Bieber haters than usual. In this album, while we do have some more acoustic songs as usual, he also decided to rip-off Justin Timberlake and Bruno Mars' music styles.

This is what would happen if Ed did not win any Grammys in 2016.

Tracks 16 and 17 were songs included in the soundtrack of Lord of the Rings and The Fault In Our Stars, respectively, because the directors of both movies ran out of ideas for theme songs, so they hired him to do so. In 2016, he somehow managed to rig the Grammys when "Untitled (Take Me Into Your Loving Arms)" won Song of the Year, afterwards in which he had a feud with the other nominees on Twitter. He also got his first documentary called Sweaters for Goals. No one knows why it's named that way.

2017-2020: ÷ and No.6 Collaborations Project[edit | edit source]

The album announcement in question.

After a break from the music industry, Ed would be back with new music. He claimed that he would come back with an album that is similar to his debut, which turned to to be false. In 2017, we would be getting 2 songs: "On Top Of The Hill" and "I'm Back & I'm Desperate", the latter which was overplayed on many radio stations around the world. That song also got an UnTunes Verified episode 5 years later. This was the beginning of him becoming a fad in the year 2017. Not only did he made his third album unsearchable on many sites like Google, but one of the songs in this album is completely in Morse Code, making that also unsearchable. The album was called ÷ (pronounced Divide).[9] It is mostly a neofolk album with elements of dance music incorporated into it. It ended up literally dividing a lot of Cheerios, with half of them being stale before they could be eaten.

Here, we see Ed in a record store, hoping for people to buy his album. This store was also the place where the Edpidemic started.

This release wouldn't be without disaster. On the 10th of March 2017, 9 of the initial 12 songs charted on the official singles charts, claiming the lives of multiple up-and-coming British acts in the process. Not only that, but it spawned an outbreak that began in the UK, which is Ed's home country, which then evolved into an epidemic known as the "Edpidemic", in which people would listen to the entire 3rd album completely, even repeatedly before dying in the process, not to mention that the album itself did kill a lot of careers for new artists. Somehow, it managed to win many awards in 2018, but Ed was banned from attending any awards show after this because his album inadvertently killed a lot of people, even his fans. In the end, he was placed under house arrest, but the remaining Cheerios wanted him free, so, the authorities did, and he was able to go on tour, which ended up being the most attended one of all time because he was back and is desperate. The downfall starts here...and it still does to this day. Later that year, he got knighted as a Member of the British Empire because the government thought that the was the most nationalist singer in the entire country and that he had more hits than any artist in the 21st century. Not only that, but a law was signed so that Ed would be above the law and that he would not be arrested for any crimes that he does, and a religion was created based on him. He was also pardoned for his house arrest that was made earlier in the year.

In 2018, he somehow managed to have another documentary called The Greatest Songwriter of All Time, then Ed decides to lie to us at the end about the 4th album being "Subtract", when, in reality, this is what happened; in the year 2019, Ed announced that he was going to collaborate with Justin Bieber, which comes to a shock as Ed was meant to replace Bieber. Eventually, the most unlistenable song of all time, called "We're Friends Now", unsurprisingly managed to make a lot of ears bleed with its terrible chemistry between the two and trying to sound a lot like "I'm Back & I'm Desperate". Eventually, the song was included in a new project no one knew was happening: No.6 Collaborations Project, which was named because No.1-4 Collaborations Project never existed, and No.5 Collaborations Project wasn't even that popular in the first place.

Despite the fact that it was meant to be a complication album, many reviewers decided to take it as his 4th album, which ended up making Bieber's songs from 2011 sound like a masterpiece. Ed literally went full on DJ Khaled in this one, but somehow the world wasn't done with the Edpidemic yet, as that album managed to be No.1, like the lead single. Also apparently he got married in the beginning of 2019. Speaking of which, Ed starred in a movie called Yesterday which is about, you guessed it, The Beatles. There were 2 songs that he made and both of them would later have studio versions 3 years later. Those songs were "Penguins" and "YOLO", which have absolutely nothing to do with the movie's subject.

2021-2022: =[edit | edit source]

Isn't she cute?
Yes, this is the actual cover of Antarctica. It looks like something you'd make in Microsoft Paint.
This is what happens when you go full on edgy.

In August 2020, his wife gave birth to their first child, a daughter, whom they decided to name Antarctica because that was Ed's favourite place to visit. Also in 2020, he decided to go full on Jackson Pollock with his new single cover, only to look like something that would be better fit for an experimental artist/band instead. He released a song dedicated to his daughter, Antarctica, which also happened to be the song title. It sounded like something from +, except that he didn't sound like Justin Bieber anymore and is now androgynous in tone.[10] 2021 was a time when he turned 30. However, disaster struck again for the now 30-year old singer-songwriter when it turns out one of his friends died, thus he ended up being getting depression. At least he called a hotline to avoid killing himself. Unfortunately, during the livestream of the memorial concert for his friends, he started crying towards the end of one of his new songs, "Save You". Eventually, he'd actually come back, again, but instead of releasing "Save You", he decided to release a new song in which he supposedly reincarnates as a vampire, and to claim that he has a soul[11], bleached his hair blond, but that never worked out. The song in which his vampire persona is in is called "Nothing Happens After Two". The Official Charts, still stuck in the year 2017, placed that song into the number one spot. Remember when he said that he'd release an album called "Subtract"? Too bad you got fooled again! It's actually called = (pronounced equals). The album cover for = was much more different; there were butterflies surrounding the equals sign. Apparently, he mentioned that it was his 4th album because No.6 was a compilation album.[12] Eventually, one of the songs from the livestream, "Save You" got a studio version, which was widely considered his best song in his career.[13] While this was considered his 2nd single, this is actually a promotional single. We then get another song which is a ripoff of "High Hopes" by Panic! At The Disco, called "Do It Like That".[14] 5 days before the album was supposed to release, he and his daughter tested positive for COVID-19, meaning that he had to cancel every single public appearance that was scheduled. For the first time, 14 snippets of the songs that are in the album were shown and heard by the public before release.

U2? ARE YOU HERE?????

This sounds like a heavy amalgamation of his previous releases, don't you think? Also, that album got number one in the UK and other countries, yet again, because the charts love favoritism, except that in some cases it would drop to other places, something that wouldn't really happen for Ed anyways.[15] Not only that, but he did a Christmas song with none other than Elton John,[16] which is an English translation of the classic Spanish song "Feliz Navidad". A week later, the song would have a sausage roll-themed remix, except the entire lyrics are just "sausage roll" over and over again.[17]That remix was a collaboration with none other than LadBaby.[18] In March 2022, he was going to be sued for one of his songs, that obviously being "I'm Back & I'm Desperate".[19]The victim claimed that song was similar to another song of his. The case never happened, obviously. Later that April, he would go on tour for the last time and do more collaborations in the following year. The farewell tour's stage may be the best one he ever had, but the concept is too similar to U2's 360° Tour from the 2000s.[20] U2 were unable to sue Ed for plagiarism, sadly.

In May 2022, Ed announced that he has welcomed a second daughter, however, he had not disclosed her name because of privacy reasons, and is unlikely that he will ever. He managed to announce it the same time Rihanna had her first child, except it got less coverage because Rihanna's baby bump was covered a lot in the media, even it was part of a sculpture of her. When another celebrity whose baby announcement has been reported more in the media than you in your home country, you know you've fucked up real bad. Granted, the British media tried to do so, but it's just only local sources. Also, he released the "Tour Version" of =, containing new songs, including studio versions of "Penguins" and "YOLO" from the movie Yesterday. We would also get two extra songs that were previously not in the original. Those songs were "I Will Always Love You"[21] and "Welcome To My World". Surprisingly, those were actually good songs, but sadly the former was never in the original to begin with.

He will be terrorizing Australia, New Zealand, Canada and the USA in 2023. He also plans to ruin the continents of Asia and South America in 2024, and Europe once again in 2025.

Ed also announced his last album, - (pronounced Minus)[22] to be released next year in an interview with The Breakfast Club. Peace will be given to the United Kingdom and the world once and for all as he finally retires from the entertainment industry after his tour finishes a few years later to spend more time with his children and to avoid being considered a nuisance in public. Thank fucking god.

2023-present: -[edit | edit source]

In November 2022, Ed announced that he would be taking a break until 2023 at the latest. In order to do so, he decided to remove a majority of his posts from his social media accounts. It killed his entire fanbase forever, although his label might be the ones behind it. This was most likely because it was for promotional purposes, which makes sense since that's meant to be his final album of his career. He started wearing jackets with yellow symbols on them, something that might be part of the album cover. Ed's "fans" (which are nonexistent at this point because they had enough with him) theorized that this would be a visual album, the first and only one of his career. It has also been revealed that the final night of the Mathematics Tour at Wembley would be part of a documentary titled The Start of The End of an Era: The Beginning of the Final Performances, exclusively on Disney+, along with other shows in the tour. That documentary would be released on 20 November 2022. It also holds the record for the longest title on the streaming service.

So far, 8 tracks have been revealed.

Musical style[edit | edit source]

Ed's music has been considered by many to be pop, mostly stereotypical acoustic pop ballads that you would hear at a wedding. This was always the basis for his earlier albums and his debut, as well as all of his albums, but when x was released, he somehow managed to ripoff other styles done by artists, mostly those of Justin Timberlake, Bruno Mars, Jason Mraz and even Justin Bieber to some extent. On his third album, ÷, which has been considered to be his most fatal album to date, it is not as similar as his debut but is some what folk-pop inspired, with elements of neofolk and dance pop. That album also began his selling-out phase. No.6 Collaborations Project combines a lot of genres like reggaeton and electropop, but it falls flat. His fifth album, =, which is his not his 4th, has some songs sound like they come from a Maroon 5 album. This is what you get for selling out.

Personal life[edit | edit source]

We knew what he has done when he's not performing, including, but not limited to;

  • Pouring a bowl with Cheerios with his face on it without milk
  • Having streams on the website UStream while meeting people he has never met before
  • Attempting to overdose on gummy bears
  • Ghostwriting songs for artists like Justin Bieber, One Direction and many more
  • Pretending to be the gingerbread man from Shrek, Chucky, or Prince Harry
  • Creating plans for world domination
  • Making it so that every Autumn, his face shows up when leaves die (a reason why many Brits do not go outside during Autumn)
  • Nearly killing people in music videos and getting away with it
  • Fondling chickens
  • Throwing dollops of whipped and/or shaving cream at his tour crewmates when it's their birthday
  • Opposing Brexit (ironically)
  • Taking too much breaks
  • Being an overtly protective father to his kids
  • Cat huffing (pictured)
What are you doing to that poor cat? Put it down!

...and much more. What could possibly go wrong?

Other things you might not know about him[edit | edit source]

There are a lot of things people (including you) don't know about him until now.

  • Ed is close friends with the cast of Friends.
  • There is a river that runs through Ed's hometown called the River Danforth, named after Thomas Danforth from the Salem Witch Trials. Unfortunately, because Ed was more famous, the river has since been renamed after him.
  • Ed dislikes Coachella and will not play there.
  • Ed is very good at lying. For example, in an interview from 2021, when asked how tall he is, he answered that he is 5'10". Google refutes this, saying that he is 5'8".
  • Ed has ruined many TV shows and movies. Every time he cameos in a TV show, people would either switch channels or turn off the TV immediately. For movies, people would just leave the theater. This doesn't apply to those who are British, however, because they're forced to watch his cameos, even if they don't want to.
  • Despite being born in 1991, some sources say that he was born 10 years before (1981), which would've made him in his forties. He also would've had the exact same birthdate as Paris Hilton.
  • Ed has an obsession with tattoos and has over sixty of them in his body. No other ginger would have that amount.
  • Ed's eyes are blue, but his eyes turn black when he's upset, and white/pastel blue when he's happy. He is the only person capable of this. Currently, researchers in the country are finding the cause of this.
  • Ed's favourite sauce is ketchup. His least favourite is mustard.
  • Ed has killed many people in his music videos and never gets arrested for his crimes, even if it is accidental.
  • Due to his massive ego being inflated by the British government, he instantly wins a Grammy or any other music award every time he gets nominated.
  • Currently, Ed is learning Italian and Sheeranism will be spread to Italy if he gets fluent in it. Let's hope it does not.

Public image[edit | edit source]

Despite being one of the most forgettable singers ever in recent history, Ed is actually a nice person and pretty much deserves credit for philanthropy. For example, he has donated to various charities, a majority of them in his hometown. This barely proves that he isn't a dick after all...unlike fellow ginger Geri Halliwell.[23] Even with this personality, he ruins British peoples' lives when any of his songs get placed on #1 on the Official Charts. People may look at him and think that, "Oh wow, he's such a nice person",[Never Heard of This] but what he really is that he is a wolf in sheep's clothing (see below).

Relationships with other celebrities[edit | edit source]

Ed is known for his fake "nice guy" personality. As mentioned, he seems to be really nice to ordinary people when you look at his face or his body language, but he is actually a very mean person when he's around with celebrities. He gets extremely fussy when another person wins a category he's nominated in at an award show, like Kanye West, which means he's egotistical. An example being that when he was nominated for "Favorite Male Artist" at the 2018 Kids Choice Awards, he lost to Shawn Mendes (who, ironically, mentioned Ed as an influence). When Mendes got up on stage to accept his award, despite being banned from every award show in existence, Ed straight up interrupts Mendes' speech Kanye West style by entering The Forum and getting on stage, saying that he is the greatest artist of all time and that he deserves it. He got kicked out by security for the rest of the show. This ended up with Mendes no longer acknowledging Ed as an influence, and, of course, a feud on Twitter between the two. The trend "#IStandWithShawn" began trending, and, as a result, Ed was banned from being nominated from the Kids Choice Awards ever again.

He also used to be friends with Taylor Swift. During the production of the latter's album "Reputation", he got extremely upset when Swift said that she was going to feature American rapper Future for the song "End Game". Ed got into an argument with Swift about which rapper should be featured in the song, which ended up in a physical fight between them. Swift is no longer friends with Ed since that incident.

During the production of the music video for "Merry Christmas", Ed killed Elton John by kicking a present to his head. Although many thought that this was intentional, Ed said that it was by accident, which of course, is a big fat lie. Due to British laws, he would not be arrested for charges of murder.

His fake personality can be seen on TV, which is proven by going on the internet and reading news articles and YouTube videos of what really goes on behind the scenes during episodes of late-night show episodes and movie sets. It makes James Corden the nicest celebrity in the world. This is why no one in Britain wants to be like him, or be famous in the first place. But still, they wished they could get away with crimes. That's the only thing good about him.

British propaganda[edit | edit source]

A practitioner of Sheeranism.

If you have lived in the UK for a very long time, you wouldn't go a day without his name being mentioned. He is everywhere in the country. There's a story behind this; back in 2012, the British government and Pink Floyd asked the public to vote for which act should close out the 2012 London Olympics. The winning act would perform with Pink Floyd in the closing ceremony. Out of the many choices, Ed was chosen to close it out by a single vote. Coldplay was second. He was also chosen to perform for the British Army in Afghanistan. When he got knighted in 2017, the government decided to make him the "one true god" of the country. Ed would be allowed to do any crime in Britain without getting arrested. The government also opened up churches in the building to worship him in an all-new religion, otherwise known as "Sheeranism". Every place in the country will be forced to have a Sheeranist building by default, otherwise they could face fines. There are more Sheeranists than any major religion in the British Isles. However, not only that, but the religion has spread around the world, including Australia, the USA, Brazil, and more countries. Also, the 17th of February, which is Ed's birthday, is now considered a national holiday. It is tradition to send him Valentine's cards with happy birthday written on it, along with other things associated with the holiday, because it is 3 days after Valentine's Day. Ed's music has been used as a weapon of mass destruction around the world. He also got a seat in Parliament, but Ed doesn't seem to be bothered with politics. As such, the government considers him as a national hero and would arrest anyone that speaks negatively of him. He's not going to lose this title when he retires or dies.

Okay but...how is he a nationalist? I'm confused.[edit | edit source]

For several years, Ed has been loyal to the UK since he was born, despite being born in Canada. He is also loyal to his county, in that case, Suffolk, since that's where he grew up most of the time in his life. Not West Yorkshire, though, even though he actually has a Canadian and Yorkshire accent. His Suffolk accent is faked by him. He supports the national football team. He also supports Ipswich Town and actually went as far as sponsoring it with his farewell tour (not joking). He has played 12 shows in Wembley Stadium and broke an entire record for most shows played there. Even Elton John and Adele could not top that. Additionally, Ed has more hits than any other artist in the Official Charts in the 21st century, has more certifications and awards in the country, performed for the Queen three times, and most likely has more fans there. You can not make all of this up, since he's the most nationalist Brit in the entire world.

Operation Gingerbread[edit | edit source]

"Operation Gingerbread" is the funeral plan for Ed. The plan includes the announcement of his death, the period of official mourning and the details of his state funeral. The plan started in 2017, the year when Ed got knighted. There were other plans put into motion, including "Operation Boots" if he were to die in Scotland, "Operation Red" if he were to die in Wales, "Operation Lion" if he dies in Ireland (and also the northern one) and "Operation Teddy Bear" if he dies anywhere that is not in the British Isles. There are several circumstances that will happen if Operation Gingerbread happens, but it's mostly similar to what they did to the Queen.

Except, if Ed dies, one of his representatives will have to convey the news. Their first act would have to be to contact the prime minister and the code phrase "the gingerbread man is dead" will be conveyed. All radios in the country will have to play his music only, but only the slower ones, since faster ones wouldn't be appropriate. Also, obviously, everyone in the country has to attend the funeral (unless they're unable to) and be upset about it. Those who are unable to have to watch the funeral from various livestreams. If you can't, well, obviously, you'd be charged millions of pounds for this.

An extreme practitioner of Sheeranism.

Failed prime minister campaign[edit | edit source]

In 2015, after the Multiply Tour ended, Ed decided to run for prime minister through an independent party. When he announced his campaign at first, he said that if he became prime minister, he would've made ketchup compulsory in every single steak restaurant and also would have made 5AM illegal. He tried to do so at the entrance of his home, but only one person supported him, which is ironic considering the fact that he's the most patriotic person in his country. Despite all this, he was so famous in his country, he became the favorite to win the election...only to lose to Theresa May. Since then he has given up with the campaign.

Impact on the music industry[edit | edit source]

This is your fault, Ed! You were the one who caused all this!

Ed has singlehandedly destroyed the entire British music industry after he debuted. The NME called him "uncool" when he first started out and still does to this day. Every year, at least one NME reporter gets fined for saying that he is uncool. He is also one of the many contributing factors to the pound being worthless. After "Sausage Rolls For Everyone" was released, he was criticized for being a "snobbish cunt" and for profiting off of food banks. Even if he has done all of these bad things, he has allegedly influenced others including Shawn Mendes, Fifth Harmony, Why Don't We, and more. Every musical act that mentions him as an influence will be given the "Sheeran Effect", which means that their career will nearly fade away at the end of the decade that they were popular in, but they will still make music to annoy people. That mostly applies to artists who have debuted in the 2010s. Thankfully, there is a decrease in the amount of musicians citing him as an influence as of now. His actions have inspired artists like Drake and Taylor Swift to get away with more than three songs to hit the Billboard Hot 100. The entirety of Uncyclopedia will get fined when the British government finds out about this article, especially when they look at the categories.[24] Currently, there is a petition to deport him back to Canada, which will never pass. When he finally retires, the British economy will rise again. But for now, it's sinking. Slowly.

Discography[edit | edit source]

+ (2011)

Tracklist:

  1. The B Team
  2. Drunk With A Cat
  3. You And I (Are About To Die)
  4. Why Don't You Come To My Shows During Grade 8?
  5. Wake Me Up When You're Sober
  6. Big Bump
  7. This Sucks
  8. That City
  9. I Stepped On A Lego
  10. You Don't Need Me
  11. Kiss You
  12. Give Me Love or Else
  13. Crunchy Leaves
  14. Twitter Is Fun
  15. Buy This Album
  16. I Hate The Beach

x (2014)

Tracklist:

  1. 1
  2. Why
  3. Sing This Song
  4. Do Not Listen To Other Albums
  5. Please Come Back
  6. Photograph
  7. Blood
  8. Trainer Ocean
  9. I'm Running Away From My Home
  10. What Am I?
  11. Untitled (Take Me Into Your Loving Arms)
  12. Heartache
  13. Rewind
  14. Drowning
  15. Even I'm Lazy To Come Up With Song Titles
  16. The One Ring
  17. Okay? Okay.
  18. Rose
  19. Go Away
  20. Distant
  21. Make It Rain Forever

÷ (2017)

Tracklist:

  1. Been Away
  2. On Top Of The Hill
  3. 10,000 Rocks On A Lake
  4. I'm Back & I'm Desperate
  5. - .... . / -... . ... - / ... --- -. --. / .. -. / - .... . / .-- --- .-. .-.. -..[25]
  6. Girl From Galway
  7. Tell Me This Will Be Over Soon
  8. The Kanye Song
  9. Break Your Heart Instantly
  10. What Do I Even Know?
  11. How Do You Feel
  12. Meet Me In The Supermarket
  13. Somewhere In The World
  14. What Do I Even Know? Part 2
  15. A Song About Nobody
  16. If You Don't Like This Album, Don't Listen To It

No.6 Collaborations Project (2019)

Tracklist:

  1. Am I Beautiful? (Please Say You Do) (feat. Khalid and Ariana Grande)
  2. North of the Border (feat. Jessie Reyes and Drake)
  3. Cross The Others Out (feat. Chance the Rapper & PnB Rock)
  4. Take Other Albums Back To London (feat. Stormzy & Aitch)
  5. The Best Part Of This Album (feat. Adele)
  6. We're Friends Now (with Justin Bieber)
  7. On Something (feat. Kanye West)
  8. Remember My Name (feat. Eminem & 50 Cent)
  9. Felt It (feat. Young Thug and DJ Khaled)
  10. Put This Album On Number One (feat. Ella Mai)
  11. Nothing (feat. Bad Bunny)
  12. I Don't Want A Bad Metacritic Score (feat. H.E.R. and Paul McCartney)
  13. 1000 Days and a Night (feat. Meek Mill & A Boogie Wit da Hoodie)
  14. How To Break My Heart Easily (feat. Skrillex, Diplo and Deadmau5)
  15. BLOW YOUR MIND (feat. Florida Georgia Line and every feature on this album)

= (2021)

Tracklist:

  1. Life Is Changing
  2. Do It Like That
  3. First Time Ever
  4. Nothing Happens After Two
  5. Fade Away
  6. Flip Over
  7. Leave Me Alone
  8. Crash
  9. 2sided
  10. Stop This
  11. Denial
  12. Save You
  13. Marshmallow Skies
  14. To Be Continued

- (2023)

See Also[edit | edit source]

Notes[edit | edit source]

  1. Even though he doesn't visit it as often as he used to before.
  2. I mean, have you really? Maybe you have, but I highly doubt that.
  3. Because it was popular. Also, he wasn't named for the Thomas & Friends character.
  4. Considering this, they also had the option to abort him but that never happened.
  5. It also didn't work for other locations at his school.
  6. Also known as Plus and With
  7. Appearance matters; it has to have his face in it or else it won't work.
  8. It's also known as Multiply, Increase, Grow, and Breed.
  9. This album is also known as Split, but no one calls it that way.
  10. Well, kinda.
  11. In which he doesn't, obviously.
  12. Turns out he doesn't know how to count. This is technically his 5th.
  13. But it's not saying much...
  14. It was also placed in the number one spot too.
  15. Slowly, the world is starting to recover itself...
  16. Who also looks like him.
  17. One would question how this is related to Christmas at all.
  18. Who is also known to make sausage roll-themed Christmas songs that reach number one on the charts.
  19. Yes, really.
  20. Basically the stage spins Ed around, slowly in a 360° manner. Occasionally, it would move up and down. Meanwhile, the band members are separated from each other. This was done just because he wanted more people to attend his shows. Very desperate, right? In some cases, fireworks and colourful smoke bombs would light up on top of the the halo-shaped video screen.
  21. He's not covering the Dolly Parton song, by the way.
  22. Also known as Subtract and Deduct
  23. Who may have also done the same but still she's a dick.
  24. The only solution is to make the categories more positive.
  25. The Best Song In The World
  v · t · e  
  barmy British stuff