Time Person of the Year

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Person of the Year
1927 Man of the Year
Charles Lindbergh
Family Man
Presented by Time
First awarded 1927; 93 years ago (1927)

Person of the Year (called Man of the Year back in the good ole days, and called Woman of the Year a few times when the editors were caught cheating on their wives, before Time decided to start shoving social justice down our throats in 1999) is an annual issue of the American fake news magazine Time that features and metaphorically sucks off a person, a group, an idea, or an object[1] that "for better or for worse... has been mentioned in the most notifications that we receive but rarely read on our phones that year".

Background[edit]

The tradition of selecting a "Man of the Year" began in 1927, with Time editors contemplating the fake news makers of the years. When you think of 1927, what's the first name that comes to mind? Well, yeah, but Babe Ruth didn't even win the MVP that year. Okay, yes, that was because of a stupid rule saying that you could only win the MVP award once, and they almost immediately repealed that rule after he smashed a record 60 home runs, a record that would stand for nearly four decades. But come on, Charles Lindbergh was a model family man, he made some amazing advancements in home security technology, and he somehow managed to stretch a flight that should easily land in under 8 hours to over 33 hours.

Selection[edit]

U.S. Presidents[edit]

Since the list began, every serving President of the United States has been a Man or Person of the Year at least once with the exceptions of Calvin Coolidge (in office at the time of the first issue), Herbert Hoover (the subsequent U.S. President, the Great Depression was obviously not his fault), and Gerald Ford (do-nothing president, obviously Nixon's puppet). This glaring fact has exposed the American media as being state-owned.

Women[edit]

Prior to 1999, a few women had been granted the title. This was done to appease the wives of editors who had caught their husbands in various compromising positions. But things really got bad in 1999. Then-managing editor Walter Isaacson wasn't just caught cheating, he was caught banging dudes and goats while under the influence of MDMA (then known as Ecstasy). Walter knew he'd have to do something drastic if Cathy would ever let him have an even remotely happy, stable home life again, so he changed the name of the award to the much more politically correct Person of the Year and told her that the award is also now given in her unmentioned honor (that's the highest honor there is).

Controversial choices[edit]

As mentioned above, Babe Ruth obviously should have been the first Man of the Year in 1927. 1927's selection is controversial not just because of Ruth's merits, but Charles Lindbergh's qualifications have been proven to be bullshit over time. Lindbergh actually turned out to be a horrible family man (he had many extramarital affairs and many extramarital children), his knowledge of home security turned out to be completely flawed (need I say more?), and flying from New York to Paris in over 33 hours is nothing to brag about (seriously, a bunch of no-name pilots have since done that in under 4 hours).

The 2006 selection of You made many readers wonder if the editors at Time had given up. Time has declined to comment.

The 1938 selection of Adolf Hitler was not controversial.

Trolling[edit]

Several of the selections are obvious examples of trolling by Time, often with fictional characters.

Persons of the Year[edit]

Year Image Choice Lifetime Notes Runners-up
1927 Charles Lindbergh Time cover 1928.jpg Lindbergh, CharlesCharles Lindbergh 1902–1974 For being a model family man with amazing home security.
1928 Walter P. Chrysler at White House (cropped).png Chrysler, WalterWalter Chrysler 1875–1940 In 1928, Chrysler oversaw a merger of his Chrysler Corporation with Dodge before beginning work on the Chrysler Building. This was all way more important than the discovery of penicillin.
1929 Crowd outside nyse.jpg Wall Street For always doing such a great, selfless job handling other people's money.
1930 Gandhi Time cover 1931.jpg Gandhi, MahatmaMahatma Gandhi 1869–1948 For "testing his restraint" by sleeping naked next to teenage girls.
1931 Al Capone in Florida.jpg American Law Enforcement In 1931, known thief, pimp, racketeer, and murderer Al Capone was convicted of tax evasion. He would serve 7 years in prison for his crimes, before being released to spend his remaining years with his wife and grandchildren at his mansion in Palm Island, Florida.
1932 Franklin D. Roosevelt TIME Man of the Year 1933 color photo.jpg Roosevelt, Franklin D.Franklin D. Roosevelt 1882–1945 For marrying his cousin and constantly cheating on her.
1933 Carrienation2.jpeg Nation, CarrieCarrie Nation 1846-1911 Posthumously honored for successfully implementing permanent prohibition, its wonderful effects on the economy, and its long-lasting influence on Western culture.
1934 LochNessMonster.jpg Monster, Loch NessLoch Ness Monster Born in 1.8 million B.C. In 1934, the Loch Ness Monster was photographed for the first time, finally definitively proving his undeniable existence.
1935 Haile Selassie Time cover 1936.jpg Selassie, HaileHaile Selassie 1892–1975 For his profound contributions to Rastafarianism.
1936 Wallis Simpson -1936.JPG Simpson, WallisWallis Simpson 1896–1986 In 1936, then-managing editor of Time John S. Martin was caught cheating on his wife. In a failed attempt to appease her, Martin selected a woman who was also involved in an adulterous scandal to be the first "Woman of the Year". Martin was immediately fired.
1937 Hindenburg burning.jpg The Hindenburg 1936-1937 For saving money by using hydrogen instead of helium and passing the savings on to its customers.
1938 Bundesarchiv Bild 183-H1216-0500-002, Adolf Hitler (cropped).jpg Hitler, AdolfAdolf Hitler 1889–1945 For promoting political freedom and multiculturalism.
1939 Bundesarchiv Bild 183-H1216-0500-002, Adolf Hitler (cropped).jpg Hitler, AdolfAdolf Hitler (2) 1889–1945 For liberating the Polish.
CroppedStalin1943.jpg Stalin, JosephJoseph Stalin 1878–1953 For signing a pact with Hitler and assisting in liberating the Polish.
1940 Churchill portrait NYP 45063.jpg Churchill, WinstonWinston Churchill 1874–1965 For hating those "half-naked", "beastly" Indians and his relentless imperialism.
1941 The USS Arizona (BB-39) burning after the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor - NARA 195617 - Edit.jpg Yamamoto, IsorokuIsoroku Yamamoto 1884-1943 For taking his friends on a surfing holiday in Hawaii.
1942 Hrh Princess Elizabeth in the Auxiliary Territorial Service, April 1945 TR2832.jpg Elizabeth II Born in 1926 In 1942, Princess Elizabeth registered for war service in the United Kingdom. She served in the armed forces during World War II. Yeah......
1943 George C. Marshall, U.S. Secretary of State (cropped).jpg Marshall, GeorgeGeorge Marshall 1880–1959 Obvious trolling by Time, likely a fictional character.
1944 Bundesarchiv Bild 183-H1216-0500-002, Adolf Hitler (cropped).jpg Hitler, AdolfAdolf Hitler (3) 1889-1945 For his successful defence of Normandy.
1945 Hirohito wartime(cropped).jpg Hirohito, EmperorEmperor Hirohito 1901-1989 For never giving up, even with the fat lady singing right in his ear.
1946 James F. Byrnes cph.3c32232.jpg Byrnes, James F.James F. Byrnes 1879–1972 Obvious trolling by Time, likely a fictional character.
1947 PurportedUFO2cropped.jpg First Contact In 1947, after being cordially invited by Harry S. Truman, aliens landed in Roswell, New Mexico. Truman believed them when they said they would bring everybody Snickers bars and Beanie Babies, but they instead used anal probes to enslave everyone in Washington (to this day, anyone who spends more than 8 consecutive days in Washington gets probed by a slave). To avoid embarrassment, the U.S. government told everyone that a weather balloon simply crashed and ordered the state-owned media to "debunk" any "conspiracy theories" stating otherwise.
1948 Kim Il Sung Portrait-2.jpg Il-sung, KimKim Il-sung 1912-1994 For founding the "Democratic" "People's" "Republic" of Korea on the principles of the unalienable rights of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
1949 Sir Winston S Churchill.jpg Churchill, WinstonWinston Churchill (2) 1874–1965 Proclaimed as the "Man of the half-century" for hating those "half-naked", "beastly" Indians and his relentless imperialism.
1950 Man-of-the-Year-TIME-1951.jpg Team America: World Police For their successful invasion of North Korea and unification of Korea.
1951 Mossadeghmohammad.jpg Mossadegh, MohammadMohammad Mossadegh 1882–1967 For being a homosexual champion for women's rights.
1952 Queen Elizabeth II-TIME-1953.jpg Elizabeth II (2) Born in 1926 For spending eight figures per year of the United Kingdom's taxpayers' money.
1953 Beaveralumni.jpg Playboy In 1953, Hugh Hefner redefined the term "art" by publishing nude photos of the future First Lady.
1954 Flag of Hungary (1949-1956; 1-2 aspect ratio).svg
Golden Team 1953.jpg
The "Golden" Team 1950-1956 For redefining the word "choke" at the 1954 World Cup.
1955 Mr. Harlow H. Curtice, General Manager. Buick Motor Division.jpg Curtice, HarlowHarlow Curtice 1893–1962 For being an excellent marksman and hunter that Dick Cheney idolizes.
1956 Rocky Marciano - 10 April 1954 - St. Paul Armory Wrestling Program.jpg Marciano, RockyRocky Marciano 1923-1969 In 1956, Rocky Marciano retired from professional boxing with a record of 49-0-0 (43 KO's), the only heavyweight ever to retire undefeated.
1957 Frisbee 090719.jpg The Frisbee For planting the seeds that would start the Hippie Movement.
1958 Charles-DeGaulle-TIME-1959.jpg de Gaulle, CharlesCharles de Gaulle 1890–1970 For miraculously remaining in power after his government collapsed.
1959 Dwight D. Eisenhower, official photo portrait, May 29, 1959.jpg Eisenhower, Dwight D.Dwight D. Eisenhower 1890–1969 For playing golf twice a week.
1960 Conical flask teal.svg Nazi Scientists Nazis recruited by the U.S. government. Represented by Georg Rickhey, Adolf Busemann, Arthur Rudolph, Walter Schreiber, Hubertus Strughold, Wernher von Braun, Kurt Debus, Hermann Oberth, and Willy Ley.
1961 John F. Kennedy, White House photo portrait, looking up.jpg Kennedy, John F.John F. Kennedy 1917–1963 For banging Marilyn Monroe.
1962 Pope John XXIII - Time Magazine Cover - January 4, 1963.jpg John XXIII, PopePope John XXIII 1881–1963 For making the world safe for pedophiles.
1963 Martin Luther King, Jr..jpg King Jr., Martin LutherMartin Luther King Jr. 1929–1968 A leader of the Rastafari Movement, King organized a rager with more than 250,000 people on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial in 1963.
1964 37 Lyndon Johnson 3x4.jpg Johnson, Lyndon B.Lyndon B. Johnson 1908–1973 In 1964, the Warren Commission, which Johnson established, concluded that Johnson had nothing to do with the Kennedy assassination. It also concluded that one man, Lee Harvey Oswald, acted alone in assassinating a U.S. President. It also concluded that one man, Jack Ruby, acted alone in assassinating a man in federal custody.
1965 Gen William C Westmoreland.jpg Westmoreland, WilliamWilliam Westmoreland 1914–2005 For winning the Vietnam War.
1966 RollingStones.jpg The Rolling Stones For "Paint It Black".
1967 Jimi Hendrix 1967.png Hendrix, JimiJimi Hendrix 1942-1970 For "Purple Haze".
1968 LBJ3.jpg Johnson, Lyndon B.Lyndon B. Johnson (2) 1908–1973 For losing his own party's nomination in the Presidential Election, the last incumbent U.S. President to do so.
1969 US map-Central.png The Middle Americans Apparently landing on the moon was insignificant. Anyway, Time did this in a pathetic attempt to increase their circulation, failing to realize that hillbillies are illiterate.
1970 Bundesarchiv B 145 Bild-F057884-0009, Willy Brandt.jpg Brandt, WillyWilly Brandt 1913–1992 Obvious trolling by Time, likely a fictional character.
1971 Ford Pinto.jpg Ford Motor Company For giving the world the Pinto.
1972 Richard M. Nixon, ca. 1935 - 1982 - NARA - 530679.jpg Nixon, RichardRichard Nixon 1913–1994 For going to China after catching yellow fever.
1973 WatergateFromAir.JPG Nixon, RichardRichard Nixon (2) 1913-1994 For his contributions to the field of espionage.
1974 King Faisal of Saudi Arabia on on arrival ceremony welcoming 05-27-1971 (cropped).jpg King Faisal 1906–1975 Faisal, an environmentalist, made gas ridiculously expensive and almost impossible to find for a while. Also for his amazing fashion sense. Also for his contributions to women's rights.
1975 MarilynMonroe - YankArmyWeekly.jpg American women So apparently like 2 editors and 6 writers for Time were caught having a hookers and blow party at the office one night. They did this to appease their wives.
1976 JimmyCarterPortrait2.jpg Carter, JimmyJimmy Carter Born in 1924 Just your obligatory "U.S. President is Man of the Year". Time decided to honor Carter before he even took office since they completely forgot about Ford.
1977 Anwar Sadat cropped.jpg Sadat, AnwarAnwar Sadat 1918–1981 Obvious trolling by Time, likely a fictional character.
1978 Deng Xiaoping.jpg Xiaoping, DengDeng Xiaoping 1904–1997 For legalizing sweatshops in China.
1979 عکسی از خمینی.JPG Khomeini, RuhollahRuhollah Khomeini 1902–1989 For his contributions to women's rights.
1980 Official Portrait of President Reagan 1981.jpg Reagan, RonaldRonald Reagan 1911–2004 For bringing astrology into the Oval Office.
1981 Strajk sierpniowy w Stoczni Gdańskiej im. Lenina 22.jpg Wałęsa, LechLech Wałęsa Born in 1943 Obvious trolling by Time, likely a fictional character.
1982 Mspacmancabinet.png Ms. Pac-Man For giving the monsters semi-random movement, preventing the use of patterns to clear each round.
1983 ZZTop.jpg ZZ Top For "Sharp Dressed Man".
1984 Vice President Mondale 1977.jpg Mondale, WalterWalter Mondale Born in 1928 For taking the meaning of the word "useless" to a whole new level.
1985 Deng Xiaoping and Jimmy Carter at the arrival ceremony for the Vice Premier of China. - NARA - 183157-restored(cropped).jpg Xiaoping, DengDeng Xiaoping (2) 1904–1997 For his continued contributions to the sweatshop industry.
1986 Bill Buckner of the Boston Red Sox.jpg Buckner, BillBill Buckner 1949-2019 For his clutch performance in the World Series.
1987 Gorbachev (cropped).jpg Gorbachev, MikhailMikhail Gorbachev Born in 1931 For his responsible, honest handling of the Chernobyl disaster and his brave decision not to tear down the wall.
1988 Earth Eastern Hemisphere.jpg The Endangered Earth Since carbon dioxide is a greenhouse gas, Time encouraged everyone to stop breathing.
1989 RIAN archive 850809 General Secretary of the CPSU CC M. Gorbachev (crop).jpg Gorbachev, MikhailMikhail Gorbachev (2) Born in 1931 Acknowledged as "Man of the Decade" for winning the Cold War and ensuring that the Soviet Union would prosper forever.
1990 Sadam.jpg Hussein, SaddamSaddam Hussein 1937-2006 For his peacekeeping and humanitarian efforts, especially in Kuwait.
1991 Ted Turner LF.JPG Turner, TedTed Turner Born in 1938 For becoming the first rich man to marry an older woman, bringing the concept banging cougars to mainstream America.
1992 Bill Clinton.jpg Clinton, BillBill Clinton Born in 1946 For being an incorrigible poon-hound.
1993 Joe-biden.jpg Biden, JoeJoe Biden In 1993, Joe Biden groped the fuck out of a bunch of his staffers and aides. It might have seemed insignificant at the time (to Joe at least, not to the victims), and Time's Up told the victims to shut the hell up. But just you wait and see.
1994 JohannesPaul2-portrait.jpg John Paul II, PopePope John Paul II 1920–2005 For making the world safe for pedophiles.
1995 Johnnie cochran 2001 cropped retouched.jpg Cochran, JohnnieJohnnie Cochran 1937-2005 For showing that grasping out at straws is an awesome legal strategy.
1996 Asia Carrera iafd.jpg Carrera, AsiaAsia Carrera Born in 1973 For her contributions to the Dramatic Arts.
1997 Diana, Princess of Wales 1997 (2).jpg Princess Di 1961-1997 In 1997, Princess Di died in a car crash, a very normal, non-royal type of death. This made the whole world sympathize with the royal family and forget how much they have stolen (and continue to steal) from the sheeple of the United Kingdom.
1998 Monica lewinsky.jpg Lewinsky, MonicaMonica Lewinsky Born in 1973 For going above and beyond the call of duty.
1999 Jeff Bezos' iconic laugh.jpg Bezos, JeffJeff Bezos Born in 1964 For starting an online company that lets you buy things from the Amazon Rainforest.
2000 GeorgeWBush.jpg Bush, George W.George W. Bush Born in 1946 For his contributions to the field of linguistics.
2001 Binbush.jpg Laden, Osama binOsama bin Laden 1957-2011 For his contributions to aviation and his humanitarian efforts.
2002 Logo de Enron.svg Enron For their contributions to the field of accounting.
2003 TommyFootball.jpg.jpeg Wiseau, TommyTommy Wiseau Claimed 1969, acutally born in 1955 For giving the world The Room.
2004 2ID Recon Baghdad.jpg Team America: World Police (2) For racking up trillions in debt.
2005 George-W-Bush.jpeg Bush, George W.George W. Bush (2) Born in 1946 For his excellent handling of the United States federal budget.
2006 Unclesam.jpg You Yeah, Time just kinda phoned this one in.
2007 Winkler Time.png Winkler, FrancisFrancis Winkler Born in 1953 For managing to keep teaching 5th grade English with an unbreakable spirit despite being diagnosed with GAIDS. Due to legal reasons, his cousin Henry Winkler had to take his place for the photo shoot.
2008 Obama portrait crop.jpg Obama, BarackBarack Obama Born in 1961 For smoking marijuana and snorting cocaine.
2009 Ben Bernanke official portrait.jpg Bernanke, BenBen Bernanke Born in 1953 Because the financial crisis was totally over by the end of 2009.
2010 Mark Zuckerberg at the 37th G8 Summit in Deauville 037.jpg Zuckerberg, MarkMark Zuckerberg Born in 1984 For stealing Facebook from the Winklevoss twins.
2011 Gaddafi.jpg Gaddafi, MuammarMuammar Gaddafi 1942-2011 For his contributions to human rights.
2012 President Barack Obama, 2012 portrait crop.jpg Obama, BarackBarack Obama (2) Born in 1961 For smoking more marijuana and snorting more cocaine.
2013 Pope Francis Philadelphia 2015 (cropped).jpg Francis, PopePope Francis Born in 1936 For making the world safe for pedophiles.
2014 Vladimir Putin official portrait.jpg Putin, VladimirVladimir Putin Born in 1952 For liberating Crimea from the oppressive Ukrainians and doing an amazing job organizing the Sochi Olympics.
2015 Caitlyn Jenner.jpeg Jenner, CaitlynCaitlyn Jenner Born in 1949 For cutting off his penis and being a really safe driver.
2016 HillaryClintonAaaa.png Clinton, HillaryHillary Clinton Born in 1947 In 2016, Clinton pulled off the once thought impossible feat of losing to Donald Trump in a United States Presidential Election.
2017 The Silence Breakers The brave people who stayed silent for decades while countless women were raped.
2018 The "Guardians" Journalists. Yeah. Time decided to suck themselves off for a change.
2019 Greta Thunberg au parlement européen (33744056508), recadré.png Thunberg, GretaGreta Thunberg Born in 2003 For her contributions to the Overdramatic Arts.

See also[edit]

Notes[edit]

  1. I know, right?