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A mob of white Rastafari prepare for a riot, or a smoke-in, whichever comes first.

Rastafari is the name given to both a small niche of upper class white men native to Europe, or to a large niche of millions of blacks and hippies native to planet Earth. These two groups are the last line of defense in a world bent on destruction, and have the final say over any new laws to be passed as well as all the really cool constitutional amendments.

Rastafari are known for their flowing dreadlocks, which in ancient past were only worn while they were presiding over criminal prosecution cases in a courtroom. Many of the European Rastafari judicial rulings cite precedent by Ethiopian Emperor Haile Selassie. In fact, their whole collection of law books is written by the late Emperor, a self proclaimed Rastafari (it was his name, for Jah's sake) who established the faith by doing nothing whatsoever out of the ordinary.

Rastafari enjoy eating vegetarian foods, which are all natural and very tasty, in hopes of staying in touch with nature. They seldom take showers, so nature stays in touch with them.

yo mon

Rastafari reject "-isms" and "-asms". They see a wide range of "isms and schisms, sizzle my twizzle" in modern society, and want no part of them. They reject, for example, any organism, religious theism, oceanic pacifism, and baby orgasms. They embrace Jah, music dedicated to Jah, ganja grown by Jah, and adult orgasms provided by other people created by Jah.

Many coverts to Rasta have converted after eating moldy cheese before bed while listening to Bob Marley. Bob Marley's spirit then appears to them in their sleep. He says, in a ghostly undertone, "Just hit this shit mon.(referring to a joint - a.k.a. reefer - of marijuana)." After hitting the shit they then become one with the universe and convert to Rastafari. The Rasta Spirit is now a part of them, and gives them a new brightly coloured knit hat and lots of shit to hit.

Ratafari can be recognized by their dreadlocks, those Jah given brightly coloured knit hats, and laziness. Statistics show that the average annual income of a Rastafari is $5.40 and they hold the title of having the lowest average income of any group in the United States. Scientists speculate the reason why Rastafari are so lazy is because they smoke so much cannabis.

Rastafari judges always take the evidence home, to study it at their leisure, at great length, and with some good music playing. Jah-gment is usually for the defendant.

Haile comes for a visit, and the crowd goes wild![edit]

One event in Rastafari history ranks among the most inspiring human achievements. On April 21, 1966, Haile Selassie (the emperor of Ethiopia) visited Jamaica. Somewhere between one and two hundred thousand Rastafari from all over the island descended on Kingston airport, hoping for a glmpse of the man whom they considered to be God. They waited at the airport smoking a great amount of Jah's cannabis and playing Jah's drums. When Haile Selassie arrived at the airport he delayed disembarking from the airplane for an hour until Mortimer Planno, a well-known Rasta, personally welcomed him. This event demonstrated the kind of music that could be produced by hundreds of thousands of stoned drum playing Jamaicans.

In culture[edit]

Damian Marley, the son of Bob Marley, can be seen in every coutroom, smoking a joint whilst jammin' with his fellow Rasta comrades.

See also[edit]