|Motto: "Audio Video Disco"|
|Form of Government|
During the Great Recession of 1929-2009, the standard of living in England deteriorated dramatically. In fact, by over 200% on average for the whole population. This meant it was impossible for anyone but the very rich to go on holiday.
The Government of the time, lead by Winston Churchill decided that the best thing to do was provide free holidays for all, but this proved tricky. They did not have enough money. For that reason, they created Engrand, a spin-off of England, located in the Mediterranean, a cheap holiday destination.
History[edit | edit source]
The Idea[edit | edit source]
It was Winston Churchill who had the idea for a spin-off of England, which would be used as the free, Government-provided holiday destination for the poor. During the year 1931, the idea became fleshed out. It was agreed that all people who earned less than £40,000 per year were eligible to go into a lottery, which would run every three weeks. 25,000 names would be picked out, and they would get to spend two weeks in Engrand, where it was sunny and hot and not depressing and English. They could bring a maximum of three members of family or three friends with them. This led to many friendships breaking down, and children going into therapy, when they were not chosen to go to Engrand. It officially opened in 1935.
The Location[edit | edit source]
The location was decided to be the Mediterranean, very popular then and now. The British sent over a team to build an island, in the exact shape of England, just below Sicily. It was a very tough build, but due to the British resolve, was completed in 6 days. The original plan had been for 25,000 British cottages to be built on the island, but it was decided that the public would prefer more exotic villas. There were also rollercoasters, many miles of coastline, swimming pools, shops, aquariums, museums and adventure parks, churches, libraries and thousands of restaurants. After the 100,000 visitors spent their two weeks there, they were ferried back to England, and there was a one week gap when cleaners came and removed the puke.
1970-1990 Closure[edit | edit source]
In 1970, they abandoned the one week cleaning, and had cleaners on site all the time. They also built an airport and updated all the villas. This meant more people could got to Engrand. In 1984, in a scandal a Scottish man managed to hoodwink the lottery into making him, a non-Englishman to going! Then, in 1990, after 55 years open, Engrand eventually closed. The Government could not afford to keep spending money on public holidays, not when there were hospitals to keep open, MPs to pay, roads to lay, houses to build, MP's second homes to pay for, schools to ruin, MPs pensions to pay for and so on. This caused outcry amongst the people who had never got a chance to go to Engrand, and now who would have to go and pay for it themselves.
Implications[edit | edit source]
England is now currently in massive debt, and when someone asked Gordon Brown if he was going to buy back Engrand and make it a public service destination again, due to the fact there is another major recession he replied: "Er...no. Engrand will never re-open. Though there are plans for a Scorland, the hip-n-happening holiday hotel for YOU! (If you're Scottish.) Engrand has a memorial plaque in Dubai, where it is cited as the inspiration for, well, Dubai.
Trivia[edit | edit source]
- Engrand was the first example of a spin-off of a whole country (though it was not referred to as that in Government, where it was termed "an extension of territory and government influence outside the British Isles but inside the UK which will be publicly owned and employ many citizens in refuse collection and hygiene management, and shall allow random citizens to exit the country on a short-term, regular basis, in the form of a lottery." Films, TV programmes, books and other items have had spin-offs, but this was the first country to have a spin-off. The city of Constantinople had a sequel, Istanbul, and Germany had two prequels, East Germany and the Weimar Republic, but no spin-offs.
- Engrand is no longer open to the public. It houses Britain's Mediterranean TA Force. (Terminator Alliance Force).
Notable Visitors[edit | edit source]
- The Queen visited on its 50th anniversary. She liked the rollercoasters a bit too much.
- David Beckham visited before he was rich.
- Danger Mouse spent three years there, being employed to "entertain the children whilst their parents are getting pissed".
- Eddie Izzard
- James Blunt
- Gordon Brown - the Scottish man who may have infiltrated Engrand in 1984?
See Also[edit | edit source]
- Scotland...actually don't see that. I wouldn't wish that upon anyone.
- David Beckham
- Oscar Wilde... he probably has something witty to say about England. I mean, he does for everything else...
|barmy British stuff|