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“He should have been put down at birth”

~ Brian Sewell on truth

Banksy is described as "irrefutable proof of dark matter" in several noted scientific journals. Why he wastes a mysterious technology that lets him travel all over the world at the speed of light merely to vandalize buildings is still unknown. No one knows what he is or why he exists.

Life[edit | edit source]

While Banksy's early life is shrouded in mystery, various theories have been circling based on his movements and artifacts left behind at the scenes of his paintings. Some geneticists speculate Banksy is the closest living relative of Santa (hence his abilities to travel anywhere, anytime). This theory would explain the anti-capitalist and antiestablishment messages in Banksy's art, which may stem from Banksy repeatedly being sorted on the naughty list, as deduced by the charcoal left behind near his various paintings. Another theory is that Banksy is Santa's repressed evil side, which manifests itself similar to Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

Another theory suggests that Banksy is a ton of rats in a trench coat.

Work[edit | edit source]

After a short stint as a bell boy at the Paris Hilton, Banksy returned to the creative world and is best known today for composing the rock opera Strife and Peas. This was highly acclaimed by critics as a classical piece of theater and Banksy was made a Dame in recognition of his work in this area.

Among his unfinished work is an attempt to cause the Millennium Dome to fall into the earth's core using an army of supermoles. Another work explores typical 21st-century masculine problems such as getting women to have sex with stupid sad bastards who try to impress them.

Strife and Peas[edit | edit source]

Imitator and Tribute Artist Kubbsy

Hailed as a masterpiece of opera on its debut at the Sydney Royal Stage And Screen Garden Party Parade, Strife and Peas concerns the trials, travails, ups, downs (blahblah etc.) of a young girl's artistic endeavors. When her album deal fails, she turns to graffiti prostitution and earns money from spray-painting pornographic stencil art on the bodies of fat businessmen in tights. This spawned the well-known catchphrase, taken from a lead character: "When you don't have peas, you have strife, and then you make a painting out of it, and the building owner paints over it."

Other noted activities[edit | edit source]

A master of disguise, Banksy managed to pass himself off as Tony Blair for the first 6 years of Blair's reign as king of all England, France and mouldy banana republics. During the last few years, Banksy has moved on to other major projects such as landscape gardening for the blind and hairdressing for the deaf.

Banksy is famed for training elephants and cows to paint portraits of obscure Flemish aristocrats in a style reminiscent of no one in particular.

In spring of 2000, at Byron Bay, Australia, he posed nude for the American photographer Spencer Tunick with about forty others which included the Australian recluse and Artist James DeWeaver, the resulting photograph can be seen on DeWeaver's website.

Links[edit | edit source]