Mary I of Scotland

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Mary I of Scotland, Little is known today about the mysterious ruler known as Mary Queen of Scots. What was her name, and which people did she rule? In Search Of ... cameras will attempt to answer these and other questions about this mysterious ruler.

A rare portrait of Mary Queen of Scots, attributed to Hans Holbein

In Search of Mary Queen of Scots[edit | edit source]

Questionable Introduction[edit | edit source]

The mystery of Mary Queen of Scots is one that has gripped mankind for centuries. Who was this strange monarch? What did she do? Was she even a she? To find the answers, we interviewed a deeply eccentric person with little idea of what he's talking about.

Interview With Someone 'Not Quite Right'[edit | edit source]

According to my studies, Mary Queen of Scots was a Catholic monarch of 16th Century Europe. There is some disagreement about which country she ruled, but my money would be on Belgium, since many Belgians are named Mary.

Unnecessary Repetition[edit | edit source]

Yet this answer to our question does not answer our question. If Mary was Belgian, then surely she would have been called Marie, Queen de Scots. Who was this strange monarch? What did she do? Was she even a she? To find the answers, we interviewed a borderline crazy person with little to no idea of what he's talking about.

Interview With Someone "A Bit Touched"[edit | edit source]

My personal theory is that this Mary, this so called 'Queen of Scots' never in fact existed. She is nothing but a vast conspiracy put about by the Illuminati, the I Can't Believe It's Not The Illuminati and IKEA.

Blatant Padding[edit | edit source]

Mary lies in state in Westminster Abbey, Roswell, NM, following her execution by autopsy

Given these two theories, which is right? How can we decide? We put this question to a token sane person.

Interview With A Professor of Scottish History[edit | edit source]

Mary Queen of Scots was the daughter of King James V of Scotland and Mary of Guise. Born in 1542...

Back to the Loonies[edit | edit source]

That's quite enough of that! Now for an interview with a blistering lunatic, followed by a summing up in my deep baritone.

Interview With A 24-Karat Nutbar[edit | edit source]

Oh, how they fly. Substrata. All the cows bleed linoleum and the Jew butchers cannot find the handle. Soap? Soap indeed, mi Amiga.

Conclusion[edit | edit source]

Was Mary a Belgian? Was she a Masonic plot? Do the CIA satellites contol our thoughtwaves? Is there even some slim chance that she was a woman called Mary, who was Queen of Scots? This is one mystery we cannot solve, not even with all the spurious conjecture at our disposal. Only time will tell, and history will judge. Tune in next week for hot sasquatch on yeti action.

See also[edit | edit source]