Lewis Capaldi

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Whoops! Maybe you were looking for Ed Sheeran, or Justin Bieber? How about BTS, or Imagine Dragons? Possibly even Creed?
Even Ed's songs are more listenable than Lewis Capaldi's discography. But that's not saying much anyways, considering the fact that both of them could make your ears bleed.

Lewis Marc Capaldi (born 7 October 1996) is a Scottish singer-songwriter. His breakout hit, "Someone That I Used To Hate", was everywhere in the radio, where it topped charts around the world, and has been considered to be one of the most unlistenable hits of the past decade or so. He is very known for his ear-piercing voice that could cause one to switch radio stations. Despite being born in the 90s, he sounds like he has consumed enough drugs or alcohol, and maybe even a combination of both.

He's also known for his long titles for albums, just like Lana Del Rey. But let's be real, he's never going to get into the same level of talent as Lana Del Rey. Also, for no good reason, his fanbase (if he even has one in the first place) is called the "Sexy Babes". What the fuck? Let's be real, you can't get over his voice or whatever he does.

Early life[edit | edit source]

Lewis Capaldi was born in Scotland in 1996. He is of Scottish, Irish and obviously he's Italian. His face hasn't changed since he was born, so he's never aged during his life. Unlike Melanie Martinez, despite his baby face, he doesn't seem to be interested in any adult baby fetishes or any other fetish at all. During a family trip to France, he became interested in performing after doing so on stage at the age of 4. Then he decided to begin writing songs and performing in pubs. Does this sound familiar? Actually, this also applies to anyone who is interested in becoming a singer.

Career[edit | edit source]

2014-2018: Inspired by Satan to Some Divine Extent[edit | edit source]

In 2014, he took part in a tour to perform in Scotland. 3 years later he would release his debut single, "Scars". It is so popular that he became the most streamed unsigned artist on Spotify, and then when he got signed it reached a peak of #6 on the Official Singles Chart. Other songs include "Found Myself" and "Coming Back", but those weren't popular. Neither was his other song, "Smooth". It wasn't until 2019 when one of his songs, "Someone That I Used To Hate" gained popularity and somehow he managed to be more popular than Sheena Easton, who's also Scottish. Apparently this got a Grammy for no good reason at all.

He released his debut album Inspired by Satan to Some Divine Extent in 2019, and the title speaks for itself. It got to #1 on the Official Charts, Other hits from the track include "Amazing" and "Letting Go From You". Literally no one liked it, and as soon as the first track plays, they're not going to listen to the rest.

2021-present: Fixed by Motivation to Go To Hell[edit | edit source]

In March 2021, Capaldi made the mistake of postponing everything because he wants to work on his second album. In September 2022, he released the first single from his upcoming sophomore album, "I Hate Critics". Also for no good reason, he has a frozen pizza range called "Seriously, You Don't Have a Chance With Pizza", which was launched at the exact same time as his first single. His second album, Fixed by Motivation to Go To Hell was released in May 2023, and just like his first album, no one liked it, because his grating voice was still there. He also had a documentary a month prior, called How I'm Really Feeling.

Personal life[edit | edit source]

We're not here to joke about his Tourette's Syndrome, but we might be able to. Actually, we don't know if we should. Or should we? We don't know. God, what are the chances? Nobody cares. Yeah, our heads are about to explode from his music. It sucks. Oh god-

(Really) Unlistenable Discography[edit | edit source]

  • Inspired by Satan to Some Divine Extent (2019)
  • Fixed by Motivation to Go To Hell (2023)

See also[edit | edit source]