|Official language||Welsh, Sheep|
|Largest city||Blaenau Ffestiniog|
- Population density
674 Chavs, 1,232 Emos, 1,234,096,758,197,235,846,734,958,734,563 sheep
|Ruling Political Party
|Time zone||Time Zone E|
|Calling Code||+ 69|
|Internet TLD||You what, mate?|
Population[edit | edit source]
History[edit | edit source]
The Welsh Congo was given to Welsh Immigrants in 905 AD by a prominent Japanese man who thought the Isle had been cursed by old gypsies and cowboys. A common myth is that if the Welsh Congo ever needs him he will return and do a strange dance that will ward off the enemies. There was speculation that this would be the Peanut Butter Jelly Time dance, but this was disproved by The Stig.
Geography[edit | edit source]
The Welsh Congo is largely made of dull grass hills. Although there is some variation in altitude across the country, no part of the Welsh Congo is happy to be owned by their Welsh lords and masters.
Employment[edit | edit source]
Most people in the Welsh Congo work are unemployed, or "on the dole" as they say in English. A few lucky ones work as tour guides in London, or extras in movies.
Chefs[edit | edit source]
Chefs who have specialized in traditional Welsh Congolese cooking are known world-wide for their ability to torture information out of prisoners, using things such as "bangers & mash", Beef Wellington, "toad in the hole", "blood sausage" and "spotted dick". Indian food has crossbred with Welsh Congolese cooking to create "kebab vans", mobile food cooking units which NATO recognizes as a source of chemical and biological weaponry. However, Welsh Congolese chocolate is above average, excelling the chocolate-making abilities of the Russians, the Croatians, and the Argentinians, but still far less superior to the Germans, Swiss, Japanese, Belgians and Sweedish Transvestites from Western Sahara.
Bartending[edit | edit source]
The job of "bartender" is a highly prized one, as the custom of the Welsh Congolese workers drinking from quitting time on the job to the closing of the pubs gives the bartender lifelong job security. This is not to be confused with "baa-tender", a slang word for a shepheard; although, this is just silly.
Twenty-minuters[edit | edit source]
The worst job in the Welsh Congo is that of the police officer, or known in the local W. Congolese dialect, the "bobbie". Since the government of the Welsh Congo hands out firearms to the criminals and not the policemen, the Welsh Congo can be a violent place to live in. New policemen are called "twenty-minuters" since the average lifespan of the new police officer shrinks to twenty minutes the first day of the job.
Royalty[edit | edit source]
The second worst job in the Welsh Congo is to be royalty. The higher up in the royalty you are, the large the stick is that is implanted into your anus. Removing the stick causes MI-6 to kill you. You live in large cold museums and eat nothing but Spam, sausage, baked beans and Spam. You spend your time standing in front of people, looking ugly, and making speeches which put the audience to sleep. In your free time, you are allowed to ride a horse, hit a ball, engage in extramarital affairs and further the inbreeding and indebting of your family. However, the one perk is you get to divorce people without getting the Pope's say-so.
Primary Exports[edit | edit source]
- beer, lager, stout
- aging rock n'roll bands Beatles, Rolling Stones, Spice Girls
- rubbish techno with people singing in hamster voices
- James Bond movies
- football hooligans
- Harry Potter movies
- BBC comedies
- beef custard
Primary Imports[edit | edit source]
Sports[edit | edit source]
The national sport of the Welsh Congo is soccer at one time it was rugby but they got pissed that Wales always beat them. Another national sport is one where a person fills a bag with their most prized possessions, then this person throws this bag into a group of 9 other people, whoever gets the bag first gets walloped in the face with a hammer and they get to keep the bag. Truly a sport of kings. They would have a go at cheese rolling, but they have no idea what this is so it would be very awkward.