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Envy of the World
Afwerki flag.png Afwerkihead.png
Flag Coat of Arms
Motto: May Isaias Afwerki be with you.
Anthem: The Afwerki Ritual
AfricaEritrea PM.png
Capital Asmara
Largest city Afwerkitopiacityvilletown
Official language(s) Horn of African
Government BEST EVER
‑ Savior Isaias Afwerki
‑ Emperor Isaias Afwerki
‑ King Isaias Afwerki
‑ President Isaias Afwerki
‑ Daddy Isaias Afwerki
National Hero(es) Afwerkihead.pngISAIAS AFWERKIAfwerkihead.png
 of Independence
Isaias Afwerki's 69th birthday
Currency Afwerki Bucks Afwerkibuck.jpg
Religion Afwerkism
Population Our Lord, Isaias Afwerki, his mom, his dad, his wife, his children, his grandma, and a bunch of peasants that owe so much to him.
Major exports The Godly Wisdom of our Lord Isaias Afwerki
Major imports Don't need any
National animal Afwirkamel Afwirkamel.png

Eritrea, or the Glorious Kingdom of Eritrea, is a wonderful country in the Horn of Africa, an envied utopia that was once the brainchild of Isaias Afwerki, and later became a reality when he built his kingdom singlehandedly from the ground-up. In order to keep his people safe, Afwerki isolates his kingdom from the rest of the world since his utopian wonderland is already stable and prosperous.

Because of Eritrea's uncontested prosperity, Eritrea has no need for foreign aid when they got a wise leader like Isaias Afwerki. Instead, Eritrea's richness in utopianism is exported to the ameteur countries that actually need help.

History of the Promised Land[edit]

Ancient artifacts suggest that the Afwerki dynasty has been ruling Eritrea since the beginning of time.

The oldest hominids inhabited what is now Eritrea since the beginning of time. These hominids are known today as the homo ertreus, and they built a vast civilization called Eritrea in an era known as Ancient Eritrea. At this point in time, the Egyptians weren't even unified yet. The first chief of Eritrea was Isaiah Afwerki, the great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great grandfather of current Dear Leader, Isaias Afwerki, who is a reincarnation of the former. Isaiah had the strength to build the great city of Asmara with his own bare hands and feet, and provided housing to all of his most loyal disciples.

The Eritrean Promised Land became a part of the Axum Empire, and because of the Eritreans' uncontested wisdom in being one the most experienced peoples to ever inhabit the universe, they greatly influenced what is now known as the Horn of Africa. Just down south, the Abyssians (who were accurately named) greatly envied the superiority of the Afwerkian utopia. This led to the dissolution of the Axum Empire, and Eritrea did so much better without them.

In Eritrea, people were working together, and serving their dear leader, Afwerki III. Meanwhile down south, the savages of Abyssia had absolutely no values, and no wisdom, and was ruled by Duke Satan DCLXVI. While the proud and happy Eritreans loved each other, shared bread, cleaned each others' feet and happily sang in congregations, thanking Afwerki for the life of been given, the savage Abyssians went to battle with each other, tore off the penises of their enemies and displayed them as trophies until eventually frying them in bonfires and feeding them to their children. There also didn't seem to be a coincidence that another name for the abominable abyss was Ethiopia, or the Greek terminology for "burnt-face". Ethiopians accepted this name by the Greeks because they were proud of their human sacrifices in which they proudly burned off the faces of those who followed Afwerkism.

The Utopia of Afwerka was colonized by the Italians at one point, while its southern neighbor, Abyssland, was never colonized. The Abyssian savages often brag about how they've never been colonized and shit, but it was the Eritreans who protected them as acting as a buffer zone. After Eritrean independence, the demons in Ethiopia continued to provoke border disputes against the Holy Land, until eventually Ethiopia surrendered. During the ratification of the treaty, the Ethiopian prime minister kissed the feet of Isaias Afwerki, pleading him for forgiveness for all of the trouble his country had been putting upon Eritrea through the years, and it was he, Isaias Afwerki, who was the Messiah.

Because of Afwerki's bravery and heroism, Eritrea has persevered for centuries. There is absolutely no evidence to prove otherwise, because journalists who come to find irrespective evidence never make it back out. This isn't because they are executed by firing squads, rather it is because either they decided to stay there as private citizens or spent the rest of their worthless lives looking for nonexistent evidence that Isias Afwerki isn't Eritrea's sugar daddy.

Geography of the Holy Land[edit]

Eritrea's location in the Horn of Africa.

Eritrea is an absolutely glorious patch of land in the Horn of Afwirka, south of the Red Sea, (which is the very sea that Moses Afwerki and his fellow peasants crossed over from Egypt to the Horn of Afwirka to found the Holy Kingdom of Eritrea), east of Sudan, west of Djibouti, and north of a giant abyss known as Hell.

Climate and Vegetation[edit]

Eritrea is just a hot and arid desert, but the wise leadership of Afwerki makes it as relevant as heck and a beacon of beauty. The weather is always great enough for Eritrea's blessed military troops to sweat their asses off in military drills.

Government and Politics[edit]

Eritrea is known for its line of flawless rulers all within the Afwerki dynasty. Throughout history, they have managed to implement strategic diplomacy and wise domestic leadership. The government consists of three branches: The Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.

The Three Branches[edit]

The Father[edit]

The Father is the personal branch of the God himself, Isaias Afwerki. It is similar to the "executive branch" in inferior countries like Burnt Faceland, but better.

The Son[edit]

The Son is the branch reserved for Little Afwerki Junior, who is Isaias's favorite son. It is the job of the branch of The Son to entertain the Father by playing Ball, Yahtzee and such things.

The Holy Spirit[edit]

The Holy Spirit is the branch of government that discourages the people of Eritrea from ever thinking they could be worth more than peasants and unpaid soldiers by putting holes in their collective spirit. Eritrea must maintain a holy spirit within its people for the greater good of Isaias Afwerki and his lavish lifestyle. He's earned it because he's done so much for them, and the debt of the people is eternal.

Foreign relations[edit]

Through strategic diplomacy, the Afwerkis have guaranteed the survival of Eritrea, even if that means it coming at the expense of its own citizens if the dear leader pleases.


China reached out to Eritrea to learn The Way of the Eritreans by investing in its riches in minerals Isaias Afwerki had so graciously enriched the land with. Because of the wise diplomatic strategies of Isaias Afwerki, he has gotten richer from sacrificing Eritrea's precious minerals to China, which the people were happily willing to mine for absolutely no wages for the greater good of the Oligarchy society.


Because of the bravery of Isaias Afwerki, the Ethiopians begged the Almighty Afwerki not to punish them for their subsequent wars with Eritrea. The Ethiopians tried everything in their ability and resources to appease to the superiority of Our Lord Isaias Afwerki, but he humbly turned them down, and forgave them. But next time, HE FUCKING WON'T.

Gulf countries[edit]

The United Arab Emirates has some bases on Eritrea's Holy domain by the generosity of Our Lord Isaias Afwerki so they can continue their battles with the evil satanic militants in Yemen. If it weren't for Afwerki's gifts to the UAE, Dubai would be colonized by the evil Yemenis and turned into a hub of suicide bombers and rapists by now. Saudi Arabia, for this very reason, is also trying greatly to invest in Eritrea's Holy Domain with the power and protection of Afwerki so they can survive as well.

See also[edit]

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