Moccasinia
Mōkászën Môqqesįn Muohkasen Mocratic Moccasin of Moccasinia Moccasinia | |||
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| Motto: Moccasin mákkusën mókāsinn møcquassíín "We shall mock our sins until they knock us in" | |||
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| Capital | Muohkasen | ||
| Largest city | Also Muohkasen | ||
| Demonym | Moccasinian | ||
| Official language(s) | Moccasinian, (official minority languages) Aracuanian, Moccan, Olula-ese, Navajo, Chinook Jargon, formerly English | ||
| Government | Dictatorship (under martial law since April 2024) | ||
| ‑ Great Lord | Møqásÿn Rein (former Great Lords Luna and Móckasiin expelled) | ||
| Currency | moccasins. | ||
| Religion | Mokkááwŝenism (state religion) | ||
| Population | 16,839,420 (2023) | ||
| Major exports | You guessed it, moccasins | ||
| Major imports | You already fucking know | ||
“Never let a man who knows not the ways of proper footwear near your own.”
Moccasinia, officially the Mocratic Moccasin of Moccasinia, is a landlocked dictatorship in North America. It is the fourth-largest country in North America by area and the fifth-largest by density. The current leader of Moccasinia is the Great Lord Møqásÿn Rein (born October 2nd, 1982.) The capital and largest city is Muohkasen (population: 923,057 according to the 2023 census), while other large cities in Moccasinia include Moxin, Mocacyni, Mahkasyn and Mákasen. As of 2024, Moccasinia ranks 194th on the Human Development Index, one of the lowest ranks in the world.
History[edit | edit source]
Pre-Columbian "legends"[edit | edit source]
Moccasinia is believed to have existed before the arrival of Columbus in the New World. The official record of Great Lords leads us to believe that Moccasinia was founded circa 313 AD (give or take… a few centuries) after several moccasin-obsessed Native American chiefs formed a union under Lord Máq’əšəni, the self-professed son of the Great God Mokkááwŝen.
Post-Columbian "legends"[edit | edit source]
“I genuinely can't believe it. My beautiful conquistador army, who had conquered most of the New World with ease and brought back uncountable riches, was decimated by a bunch of moccasin-wearing heretics in the middle of nowhere! How am i supposed to recover from an embarrassment like this?!”
Moccasinia first came in contact with European colonists in 1536, while New Spain was scouting out new land up north. Because Moccasinia was considered to be a wasteland they weren't invaded before 1572, when Spain suddenly remembered that the place existed and that they might have gold. During the invasion the Spanish lost most of their colonial army in the Battle of Moxin and multiple smaller skirmishes, and decided it wasn't worth it. Instead, they signed a treaty that made Moccasinia off-limits to them while they got to colonize the area around instead.
Moccasinia was not widely recognized by European settlers for centuries because of this. People did not genuinely know if there was a country in the middle of nowhereTM, and nobody wanted to go there and check to see if it actually existed. Despite this, there were numerous clashes between the Moccasinians and American settlers, all of which the Moccasinians won easily. After a couple of decades the United States finally decided to send in the military to deal with this problem once and for all, only to face an even worse loss than the Spanish did. Because of this, the US just straight up declared the entire area as American soil, but only occupied non-Moccasinian land up until the Rockies.
The UN did not officially recognize Moccasinia until 1964, which was the same year that the United States dropped their territorial claim to the area. Moccasinia continues to not be recognized by the U.S. states of Nevada, Montana, Wyoming, Utah and Idaho, as well as several Canadian provinces. In fact, in 2016 a bill was passed in both Alberta and Montana that made maps and globes containing Moccasinia completely illegal, and production of such maps and globes became punishable by up to sixteen centuries in prison.
Civil war and martial law[edit | edit source]
In early 2024 Moccasinia entered a civil war, fought between supporters of Great Lord Móckasiin (Jacques Noir) and those who believed that he was an impostor and an illegitimate heir to the Moccasinian throne. It turned out that Noir had (allegedly) cooked the true Móckasiin and served him at a feast. Noir was expelled soon after, but the civil war continued. Møqåsÿn Rein, widely considered a naive weakling, became the new Great Lord. He then proceeded to declare martial law, but the Moccasinian military struggled to mitigate the conflicts. As of 2025, the Moccasinian Civil War shows no signs of stopping, and has garnered the attention of the United States and Canada, who have been preparing for a surprise invasion in order to annex Moccasinia once and for all.
Politics[edit | edit source]
Moccasinia calls itself a "mocracy (Moccasinian: Mócçz⁰yn)", although it refuses to properly explain what a "mocracy" is. The UN formerly classified Moccasinia as a hereditary monarchy, but in 1998, after noticing the extreme lack of heredity in the line of Moccasinian Great Lords due to assassinations, Moccasinia was reclassified as a dictatorship.
The Great Lord of Moccasinia rules with absolute power, and also acts as High Priest, communicating with the god Mokkááwsen by means of shrines. The Great Lord also acts as the sole commander of armies (due to ancient traditions), thus the Moccasinian military can be highly ineffective at times, although it has historically performed quite well. The nation is mainly protected by its Inner Wall (Mõqcaazyn M'ccasùn) and its Outer Wall (Mõqcaazyn M'óqckstÿn), believed to be built sometime in the 1700s.
Of course, to mock a Great Lord is a sin and punishable by death.
Culture[edit | edit source]
The culture of Moccasinia revolves around the flexible and fuzzy leather shoes that we all know as moccasins. Most buildings in Moccasinia are built entirely out of moccasins, and the walls of Moccasinia are also built out of moccasins. Moccasinia refuses to import anything that is not a moccasin or made of moccasins from other countries, due to ancient taboos on foreign influence. This, coupled with multiple failed invasions, had historically made most Moccasinians extremely xenophobic, although this position has slowly mellowed out following the introduction (and subsequent banning) of the internet.
The main language of Moccasinia is called Moccasinian (of course). The Moccasinian language is often imitated by foreigners using phrases such as "moccasin moccasin moccasin moccasin", not unlike how "ching chong" is used to imitate Chinese. Moccasinians consider this imitation highly offensive, even though it is admittedly accurate.
Religion[edit | edit source]
Mokkááwŝenism (worship of the Great God Of All The Leather Shoes That You Must Walk Two Moons In In Order To Judge The Leather Shoes' Owner Mokkááwŝen), is the state-mandated religion of Moccasinia. Shrines to the Great God Mokkááwŝen (Moccasinian: Mokkááwŝen Micsin) can be found all over Moccasinia. The Great Lord of Moccasinia also serves as the High Priest (Moccasinian: M⁰czácn), making Moccasinia in some ways a theocracy.
See also[edit | edit source]
- A story built one sentence at a time
- A story built one paragraph at a time
- Great Lord Móckasiin of Moccasinia
- moccasins.
| The C.U.M. Zone | |
| Irrelevant islands |
Acadia · Cayman Islands · Cuba · Barbados · Dominican Republic · Greenland · Haiti · Jamaica · Martinique · St. Pierre and Miquelon · Trinidad and Tobago · Tropico |
| Yes, they count |
Belize · Costa Rica · El Salvador · Guatemala · Honduras · Nicaragua · Panama |
| In a parallel universe |
Confederate States of America · Flavortown · Jesusland · Mediocre Britain · Moccasinia · Monkey Island · Pen Island · People's Republic of Canada · Québec |
