What has this come to.
If your name happens to be DaniPine3, you may not edit until the name shown is not your name (aka when someone else edits).
Welcome to a story built one image at a time, where stories are created one image at a time.
- No contributions can create text that is outside of an image.
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- Max size for an image is 500 pixels in either direction.
- Min size for an image is 10 pixels in either direction.
- Max sentences for an image is five.
- Each sentence must relate to the image shown.
- Have fun!
- Last person to edit wins!!!
Once, there was a sheet of colours. Just a simple sheet of colours. No one argued over these colours.
| A certain marsupial was highly skeptical, not about these colors, however. He was truly skeptical about this new iteration of the "a story built" series.
|
Unfortunately said marsupial was trapped in a demon core experiment, performed by a couple of inconspicuous bird-people. It went
quite badly for the marsupial.
A certain pinetree tried to save the certain marsupial from the demon core experiment, but alas, being a pinetree, all it could do was falling over the inconspicuous bird-people
The marsupial thought this pine tree was great for chemistry and dumped it into
NaK, which was then dumped into water.
Figure A: a cut-open lab "tree-rat."
Figure B:
Me, after looking at Figure A.
Figure E:
Actually, the previous joke only works when the word 'figure' is shortened to 'fig'. By using the full word 'figure', the reader might miss the pun 🤓👆
Figure H: Don't ask where Figure G went
Figure J: Time-travel. Brun is the first image ever to experience time-travel.
Figure K (K) (K). Well, that escalated quickly.
Because it's illegal for moccasins to not appear in one of these articles, apparently. And that's coming from the guy who started this weird inside joke.
Well, at least it's an original joke, and not one that's been beaten to death on this website already.
I think we might be beating this one to death already.
Describe in one image what this picture makes you feel
It makes me feel [[File:Brisket.jpeg|thumb|center|200px|Describe in one image what this picture makes you feel]], sort of like this
green screen.
Not exactly accurate to my feelings, but it's the best image that I could find.
My reaction. This may also be an image of
Knife Girl.
All right then, how does this image make you feel?
Ok now describe what this makes you feel like
That image makes me feel like filling him with milk and slamming him against the wall.
Huh?
Excuse me if I ask, but what kind of "milk" are we exactly talking about here?
Whatever type of milk this is
Or this kind. Who knows, really.
STOP!!!!
How about NO?
Never.
I added an image (actually eleven images that behave as one!) Did you notice it?
What happened to the story?
THERE IS NO STORY. THERE NEVER WAS A STORY. 
Sorry, i ate the rest of the story.
Bad kitty! Give us back the story, now!!!
Shrek is here to prevent the kitty from eating more of the story.
SHREK, NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why did you kill him?
Why did you kill him, you monster???!!!!
This salmon took a jizz all over the cat, which became full of cum and exploded.
The cat refuses. Also the salmon got eaten by a brown bear just out of frame.
The kitty refuses to die, huh? Well, I guess the
cum-
fish was a really weak weapon... I'll have to take matters upon myself... THIS ONE IS FOR YOU, SHREK! DIE, KITTY!!!! DIE!!!!!!!!!!!
MECHASIN, I CALL UPON THEE TO DESTROY THE KITTY, EVEN IF YOU DESTROY THE ENTIRE WORLD IN THE PROCESS!
Sorry, i'm a different kitty. The main difference is that i'm extremely gay
I don't know if I should trust you. The other kitty also looked extremely gay to me...
Jimi? What the fuck are you doing here?
Jimi! Watch out! The kitty is going to eat you!
Hey where the fuck did my header go
Did you even have a header?
Yeah the gay cat was the third header. What happened to that
Oops, that might have been
me. The header thingy made the pic go to the top, breaking the order of the images; so I removed it to make it come back again to the bottom.
Prepare to die then. Execution method is finger biting
In self-defense, I stretched the cat's buttocks this fucking wide, but somehow that cat liked it.
My honest reaction to that information
My honest reaction to your reaction to that information
1/4th of our bureaucrat's reaction to... uhhhh... something
That's it, you're going to OJAI. 
I mean, Ojai doesn’t seem that bad… oh fuck there are OPOSSUM zombies here someone please get me out of here
no. there was no ojai. there were no opossum zombies. there was no minions gif. nothing in this section ever existed.
| This head makes me doubt the above statement.
|
Ojai is very Ojaingry right now. Mostly because OPOSSUM zombies don't exist
Ojai's wrath caused the destruction of several cities in California.
Imagine that the grue in the picture is Ojai.
The US army then deployed penguins to deal with this threat, and they ended up doing war crimes in Ojai's basement.
You fool!
Squaw Dee has been awarded the Golden Moccasin for extensive tomfoolery (adding more moccasins into the story).
This page is active again... yaaaay :]
this is the first picture of something smiling I could find... it's cute ngl
The cat who ate the story is happy
Big News: They found the illegitamate son of
FSM, sent to Ojai to deal with the OPOSSUM zombies that don't exist and begin construction of the Beer Volcano!
OPOSSUM was eaten by the still sentient Ojai, but he turned out to have brought a bunch of extremely flammable gasses with him, so the entire town busted into flames like the bowl on this image right here.
The flames (somehow) condensed into this one incarnation of
diety making there (at least) 2 incarnations of
God in the area. Soon the burned-out town would become known as the Holy Of Holies.
Then this happened.
The divinity in the town of Ojaio was so great that
dogs began to clean up after themselves.
The dogs didn't like this one bit...
...but the world is against them, so no one really cares.
And Ojaio got
huffed because of double redirects.
"Ahh, finally. I am on the left side of the screen again!" -This image
These
moccasins are definitely placed in the right spot compared to the rest of the story.
No, they're definitely talking about me. Not you.
You know what: you're right! Let's get this
party started!
We will NOT have a party until THAT cat spits out the story! >:[
No thanks. If you keep bitching about the story (which by the way, i digested a long time ago) i’m just gonna eat you instead, McCain.
NEW STORY TIME! This strange agave was recently found in Hawaii by Luna's evil imperialists. They really hated it.
Can someone tell me why that plant above is named after me? -
alula
Enough with
the vanity let's get some story going
Let me guess, you ate the story again, didn't ya?
No i just hit my head on a tree branch. It hurt quite badly
Then how is it that you refuse to continue the story? Perhaps you
did eat it, and now you're hiding the evidence???
No, i was about to do that, but then i hit my head on that tree branch and accidentally threw the story into the ocean while doing that
One of the Ojaian Chinook Sea-Turtles found something floating in the water: it was the
story!
"We're all in this story," said the turtle that was formerly
OPOSSUM, noticing the thread of this article, "and that's pretty meta." TTWFO was high on
weed, but he spoke the truth. Every other turtle in
Ojai the Story agreed.
But there was also something different in the water, waiting for the perfect moment to strike...
And it liked to say SLAPPALLAPPA LAPPALLAPPA CACATONEDITUCAN while spreading state propaganda for the CCP.
This is how it struck, singing its little song while hacking everyone's
euroipods to show this
GIF.
Nobody was immune. (Just imagine this is Tse Tung not Stalin idk)
Now
almost everyone in the world looked like this and sung like this, because i quite honestly don't know where to take the plot from here.
With
almost everyone acting like the loyalest Chinese subjects to Tse Tung's succesor,
Xi Jinpooh,
almost nobody could find China
Chuck Norris, a red-blodded
American, didn't like one bit when he woke up only to see that the entire world had become full of communist scum...
Even though Chuck Norris had become as liberal as
Joe Biden via Euroipod Osmosis of the Cacatonedtucan's message, he still vowed to kill all dirty Maoist commies he saw.
And thus stars an action-packed montage full of scenes of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking the fuck out of the dirty comies.
And thus ends it too, because Chuck Norris, impossibly quickly, killed all the Maoists (except for the Cacatoned Aracuan who escaped in a
SpaceX rocket to the
moon. That only left Chuck and these women, who could keep the human race alive and stronger (if
a little inbred).
Holy shit, is that Chuck Norris’ arch nemesis
Gay Marriage????
No, because of the Commie Radiation, Chuck Norris is liberal and thinks himself bisexual! (Plus there are no other men so thats a moot point, just Chuck and his girls.)
But wait, there were more people in Earth: the population of Ojai had transformed into turtles a few images ago, meaning that they hadn't been killed by Chuck! If Chuck and his girls can find a way to turn the turtles back into people, there's a chance the Earth can repopulate with not so much inbreeding!
But then the turtles realized that they now had the brain power of… well… turtles, so they weren’t exactly able to figure out that they used to be humans inhabiting the great city of Ojai, meaning that they didn’t care about turning back into humans.
But leave it to Chuck, who found an
Interdimensional Wizard who was
very willing to perform this feat. Chuck, a very future-minded individual,
invited the wizard to do this, which he did, and Chuck went away to his private island on the Maldives with his girl-friends, not letting them know that he did that. (If he had, they wouldn't much care, since he's Chuck Norris for fuck's sake.)
Now that Chuck Norris had had its ass kicked, who was going to repopulate the Earth?
Yeah, this isn't going to turn well, is it?
And the story begins to microwave the cat so that... That can't be right. The story is going to eat the cat?
Nope. The cat ate the microwave. Better stop it before it eats the story too!
Oh, this time I'll shoot it down, I'm sure of that...
Wait... why does it feel like i'm shrinking- AHHHH I'M TURNING INTO A PAIR OF
MOCCASINS SOMEONE PLEASE HELP M-
Everything is suddenly quiet. Where the Bad Cop once stood is now instead a pair of moccasins. 
The Bad Cop was just a ghost, he had gotten his ass kicked by Chuck Norris.
Ok, well, it was the good cop that turned into a
moccasin then. Same girl, apparently. Also she’s female, and doesn’t look like this at all, so Chuck probably didn’t roundhouse kick her.
wait, something's wrong here... How can Chuck Norris roundhouse kick the cop if Chuck was dead six images ago? Also where has the cat that wanted to eat the story go?
Because the cop was roundhouse kicked before Chuck died. Also i have no clue where the cat went. Someone might wanna check up on it.
Um, I think I found the cat...
I think you're confused; that's the cat that will repopulate the world. The cat that ate the story looks more like this.
Yes, i am the right cat for story eating! I already ate this one though, so you might wanna write another one
You did WHAT?!!! But- but- I wanted to know what was going to happen after the last women on Earth had to repopulate the planet with Garfield! There might have been
cat-people freaks walking around the planet, and now I won't get to see that thanks to YOU!!!!!!
The evil eye is upon thee, o cat who ate the Holy Story of Moccasins Oh look, it's the
Golden Moccasin. But who's gonna get it this time?
Well, it's for the cat the Holy Story of
Moccasins, of course!
Well, its aactuaaly for the story. WTF?
That's just nonsese! The story is
dead, as it is now inside the stomach of that kitty! How are you going to give the Golden Moccasin
TM to someone who has just
died?
Get featured then! Wahahahahaha! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Does that mean more stories for me to eat?
This is the new story, toxic to cats: There once was a teacher who wore
Moccasins to work.
Little did he know, the Moccasinians had hired
a professional killer to stab him and take revenge upon the murder of the real Great Lord Móckasiin of Moccasinia!
But Knife Guy was quite clumsy, so he fell into the gender fluid and became Knife Girl.
What do you mean by "we've done this to her already"?
The moccasinians knew that the assasin was never going to work so they gave Lord Móckasiin a free trip to the Sun with a Hitler Youth.
Knife
Guy Girl felt offended that the Moccasinians would ditch her that quickly, so she decided to join the side of Lord Móckasiin
In fact, she left the side of Móckasiin the instant she found out that he's a transphobic little bitch (image unrelated)
No, those are lesbians. But Knife Girl knew that she had the unfortunate habit of stabbing people she liked, so she decided to go somewhere else. (Again, image unrelated.)
She decided to calm her stabbing desires by participating in (illegal) knife matches in which the winner gained several amounts of money.
Imagine that at least one furry in the picture isn't a furry, but is actually Knife Girl. Fig.
Moccasins: And she lost the knife match to Møqasÿn Rein (pictured), who was the world's best knife-fighter in this universe.
“Ihavedefeatedyou,hahahaha!”
~ Møqasÿn Rein
Møqasÿn then absorbed Knife Girl's powers and became the new Knife Guy.
This meant that know all Knife Girl had was her exuberant lesbianism. "Hey, that's not that bad", she said, "but I wish I got my knife powers back".
Oh noes!
Crocotta1 has invaded ASBOIAAT with one of her sockpuppets, and is now spamming images of hyenas!
Don't worry,
i will stop her from doing that!
A new sockpuppet registered! It's
svex, and it's spamming things about the space and girls dressed in white dresses!
Even worse! Yet another sockpuppet appears!
Oh noes! More and more sockpuppets are appearing as we speak!
Oh boy! Sock puppets are my second favorite food.
Let me guess, your first favorite food is stories?
I
bloody knew it... Agh, forget it. Now is not the time. Attack, kitty! Eat those
bloody sockpuppets before they vandalize the entirety of Uncyclopedia!!!!!!!!!!!
Meanwhile, the sheet of colors had been forgotten by the storywriters and was extremely pissed off by this.
Oh no! An unknown person has decided to take advantage of the destruction the sockpuppets caused and is busy scheming...
The only thing we know about this unknown person is that they're an
active admin. We're not sure which one it is though...
The unknown admin notices the forgotten sheet of colors and decides to take advantage of its loneliness. "Join me."
The colors accept the admin's offer, and was immediately beat the shit out of by a bunch of rollbacker mercenaries the admin hired.
However, paper sheets cannot be killed. The pieces of paper wrapped around a gun, flew into the air, and shot the mercenaries.
The bad cop sees this bloody scene, amd unaware of the circumstances behind it, starts shooting like crazy at color!
So, uhhh, the colors died? I guess?
oh no, now that color is dead, everything is in black and white now!
"Wow! I can make a lot of money off black-and-white movies again!" said an excited Charlie Chaplin, not realizing that he's been dead for almost 50 years now.
"Oh fuck, it's a zombie!", said some bystanders as they saw the undead Charlie Chaplin rising from hid grave
"Of fuck, it's a Zombiebaron!", said everyone when they noticed that he was wearing a hat.
Wait, what if this guy was the evil admin?
That's impossible. He resigned a couple of years ago.
Wait, what if
you're him? And what happened to the story-eating kitty?
Yeah, you're right... The sudden absence of the story-eating cat is quite suspicious...
Anyway, back to the zombie Charlie Chaplin and the now black and white world. People became very angry that the world was black and white.
Well... almost. This weird brown ball still has its colors somehow.
"Maybe", thought one of the bystanders, "if I steal that miraculous brown ball, I will get my colors back!"
This bystander didn't accomplish anything other than get extremely old and extremely dirty, but at least the dirt is somewhat brown, so i guess he's doing something right.
"Maybe", thought another of the bystanders, "if we examine and study closely this mystical brown ball, it will reveal to us how to get the colors back!"
But the cat appeared and ate the remainder of the brown ball before the bystanders could do anything.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!", exclaimed the bystanders in unison, "our only hope for our colo(u)rless world is now GONE!"
The cat also ate the black and white. As well as the bystanders.
"
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!", screamed the bystanders in agony, as the cat devoured their bodies whole. "How can a cat eat with such voracity!", exclaimed one of them, before being eaten whole, too. I'd show you the scene, but trust me, you don't want to see such scene, full of detailed gore...
"Damn kitty...", said a valiant hero, who saw the scene from the distance, but couldn't do anything to prevent it; "I thought you were simply a nuisance, but I'm now seeing you're a complete MONSTER! TAKE THIS KITTY! TAKE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!", he said, while firing his gun at the cat.
FUCK! MY GUN! AND YOU ATE MY HAND WITH IT TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank god I had a spare gun... DIE, KITTEN OF THE DEVIL! DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I DON'T CARE IF YOU DON'T WANNA DIE! NEITHER DID ALL THOSE BYSTANDERS THAT YOU KILLED, AND LOOK THE MESS THAT YOU DID WITH THEM! IT IS MY DUTY TO SHOOT YOU DOWN, NO MATTER HOW MUCH BLOOD AND SWEAT IT WILL TAKE! DIE, KITTY!!!!! *
gunshots* *
more gunshots* DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *
even more gunshots* BURN IN THE HELL YOU BELONG TO, YOU FILTHY CAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *
thousands of gunshots*
Ow ow ow ochie owww Oh wow i'm not dead yet. Huh
How the FUCK is the cat not dead yet?????????? I've shoot at it like millions of bullets by now; I don't even know where so many bullets are coming from!!!!! My gun should be empty by now, but it's still firing bullets!!!!!!!! Is this the real power of the sheer human spirit? I don't care; all I have in my mind is one thing, and that's to KILL YOU AND SEND YOU TO HELL, YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know. Also i bit your finger.
Pictured: The guy that got his finger bitten by the cat, as seen heard from space 
A Grue was sent to eat the cat. Unfortunately, it ended up eating a lot of people too.
But the grue was no match for this cat, and it was promptly devoured.
The fact that a grue got eaten by the cat, rather than the grue eating the cat, caused a paradox in the time-space continuum that resulted in the Earth going
KABOOM! (as expected, the cat somehow survived the explosion, and is now floating in space)
This disruption is the time-space continuum also caused the entire universe and the timeline itself to explode. Except of course for the cat. Without the timeline, the cat was now in empty nothingness.
Inevitably, the cat also ate the nothingness.
Then the cat went and ate the story... again.
Because there is not even nothing in this story, and neither there is a story, all thanks to THAT DAMNED CAT; we are obligued to start a new story (let's hope this time around the cat doesn't eat it...)
But this wasn't any regular pirate, it was an internet pirate!
This meant that this pirate was also a
1337 H4X0R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
One day, he met a vandal.
Kinda irrelevant to the story, but I find it kinda
funny you chose the logo of a journalism company from my country
This vandal turned out to be Germanic, and ripped straight out of the 400s too.
The vandal smashed the H4X0R's computer.
The vandal then went on to conquer parts of North Africa and re-establish the Vandal Kingdom.
After that, the vandal conquered the rest of Africa.
The Byzantines and the vandal's army soon went to war with each other.
Uhhh... i hate to break it to you, but the vandals were already conquered. They don't have an army anymore. It's all Byzantine troops everywhere now.
That's what the romans wanted you to think; but in reality, there was a group of vandals willing to start a bloody revolution, leaded by a strong warrior called WILLY ON WHEELES!
But this wasn't any regular Willy on wheels. This was Willy Wonka! On wheeles! (Not wheels.)
Willy on Wheeles gathered an army of Oompa Loompas and leaded them to fight the romans
when all of a sudden a familiar face appeared just across the hill.
Lord Mockasin was back. He had an army. Thus did the great Battle of the Byzantine Soldiers, Oompa Loompas, and Lord Mockasin's Army start.
Móckasiin won the battle, mostly due to the fact that he had way better weapons than the Byzantines (he used
moccasin muskets while the Byzantines still used swords and heavy cavalry and all that).
The U.S. saw Mockasiin taking over Africa as a threat, so they nuked Africa.
Unfortunately for the US Móckasiin wasn't in Africa, but in his home country of Moccasinia. And even more unfortunate for the US is the fact that it quite literally is on top of its territory.
The U.S. invaded Moccasinia.
But the US forgot to account for 1: the fact that Moccasinia's
moccasin-tanks are basically indestructible and 2: the fact that Moccasinia has literal giant mecha suits ready to defend the homeland in case this ever happened. (This one is operated by Móckasiin himself. Don't worry, he's safe in there.)
To have better chances against Moccasinia, some stupid fools in the U.S. summoned
Cthulhu. Cthulhu did wreak havoc on Moccasinia, but he also wreaked havoc on the U.S.
Well that did literally nothing
What do you mean? Cthulhu destroyed Moccasinia and the U.S.
Not completely. Both places are weakened, but still exist with a sizeable amount of infrastructure and population left. Cthulhu quite literally didn't change the situation one bit.
Seeing that Cthulu was practically useless, the U.S. sent an assassin to try to kill Móckasiin.
However, every assassin they sent forgot one crucial detail about Moccasinia: Everything you own has to be shaped like a
moccasin. So they all got murdered on the street for having regular bubble gum instead of
moccasin-shaped ones.
Seeing that they could not possibly defeat Moccasinia, they sent a diplomat in an attempt to get them to sign a peace treaty.
Móckasiin refused this peace treaty though, since he had now seen that he was able to defeat the US in warfare.
The U.S. nuked Moccasinia for refusing the treaty, not caring if they accidentally harmed themselves.
In response to getting nuked, Móckasiin decided to nuke the US too... with a
moccasin nuke, of course.
The U.S. decided to infiltrate Moccasinia, disguised as Moccasinians.
Once again, this did not work, since they still had bubble gum that wasn't shaped like
moccasins.
The USA tried to use the deadliest weapon they had against the
moccasins, which were
rocks; but once again, the
moccasins ended being victorious.
The US then tried to do a
1984 and convince everyone that
moccasins weren't real, but this led to extreme political unrest since at least 50% of americans know that they are. (This computer doesn't, but it's a computer so it doesn't count.)
Finally, the U.S. just gave up and submitted to Moccasinia.
Moccasinia conquered the whole of the United States, forming the glorious nation of the United States of Moccasinia
What about Africa? Moccasinia conquered that earlier in the story too.
Yes, they did. All of Africa belongs to Moccasinia.
Many of the other countries saw Moccasinia as a major threat, now that they had conquered both Africa and the U.S, so they formed an alliance against Moccasinia. However, some countries sided with Moccasinia. This caused global war.
Here's the full map of Moccasinia, the current biggest power in the world
Every country in the continent of North America is on the side of The United States of Moccasinia. Every country in Africa is also on the side of Moccasinia. Every other country is against Moccasinia.
Moccasinia sweeps the rest of the world easily. Except this one island in the Indian ocean.
Whoops, my bad. I meant this one island in the Atlantic ocean.
Moccasinia, now controlling every country on Earth except for that island, waged war on the island, expecting to conquer them easily, but there was one problem...
The Aracuan was in control of this island, and proved capable of holding the Moccasinians off it.
His
fist of iron was strong enough to keep the Moccasinians away from his communist island, until...
A Godzilla-sized tsunami wiped out the island. But is all as it seems?
Móckasiin woke up, and to his absolute terror all he could see was two women kissing.
"Did I died?", wondered Móckasiin, "is this what
hell looks like? Because if it is, it ain't that bad after all..."
It turns out that even though Móckasiin is homophobic he also gets turned on by lesbians kissing each other. So much so that he’s willing to sit back and just watch this for hours, even though he’d say he wouldn’t.
However, someone got in front of the place Móckasiin was hiding in, blocking the wonderful view of women kissing.
Móckasiin got annoyed by this and nuked the person blocking his view, but in the process he accidentally nuked both the women too.
This all happened inside his mind, though, because right now he's locked up somewhere, and has no access to his big red nuke button. All he can do is listen to what the girls and whoever blocked his view are saying, and try not to be found in the process.
Móckasiin was obviously found almost immediately, since he smells
really bad.
"Yaaar, what are you doing in our ship?", said the pirate that discovered Móckasiin's hiding place. "We're gonna make you walk the plank!"
"Uhhhhh... i'm a Somalian pirate! That got thrown off my own ship by my fellow pirates!" said Móckasiin, arguably not knowing what a Somalian pirate is.
"So, you got thrown by your fellow pirates?", replied the pirate. "And what did you do to get thrown? You wouldn't have betrayed them and steal from them, did ya?"
You were wearing
moccasins????!!!!! For the locker of Davy Jones, you are a PIRATE! We don't wear
moccasins, we wear fancy boots and wooden peglegs! They did right for getting rid of you, and I should do so as well!
"Hey, whatcha say to throwing this dumbass overboard??" yelled some other pirate.
"Ay!" shouted all the pirates in agreement.
However, Móckasiin was saved by an unlikely ally: The Cat, Eater of Stories
"What the fuck is that cat doing in our ship!", shouted one of the pirates; "Captain, make that cat walk the plank along with the guy of the
moccasins!
Nah, i'd rather eat disgusting smelly pirate flesh than jump into the water
"Yaaaaaaar, we're smelly AND PROUD! If you have any problem with our lack of hygiene, that's none of OURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR problem! Wait what did you say about eating-
Móckasiin was now confused. One second he was about to be thrown into the ocean by a bunch of pirates and the next second they were all eaten by some weird cat. And he still didn't know how he got here in the first place.
Now that all the pirates were dead, the Great Lord Móckasiin had all the ship for himself, meaning that he could freely sail the seven seas!
But first, he had to figure out how he got here. He asked the cat.
"I don't know, i just get summoned to this world occasionally for some reason", said the cat.
"I didn't ask how
you got here, stupid cat!", said Móckasiin, "I asked how
I got here!"
"I still don't know, i just got summoned.", replied the cat.
"Well, that's just great... A tsunami wiped my soldiers that were still fighting in the Aracuan' s island, and now I'm lost in the vast blue sea... At least now I have a pirate boat and a cat that can eat humans whole. That's kind of fucked up actually, the cat might be a demon or something. But it's on my side, so I don't give a damn. Let's sail the seven seas, then..."
Wait a second, what is that?
oh crap! some ships have struck Móckasiin's boat, and he doesn't have a crew to fight them!
Don't worry, turns out it's just a bunch of sentient
moccasins. Do worry, they're aware that Jacques isn't the actual Móckasiin, and want to revenge the death of the legitimate ruler of Moccasinia!
I am very worried, because they have actual proof from the Golden
Moccasin archives in the form of a confession made by Jacques himself of the crimes he committed.
"Well, this is a very worrisome situation... Thankfully, I have a demon car by my side that can eat
moccasins whole... right, kitty?", said Jaques, before realizing the cat was nowhere to be seen in the ship.
"Demon kitty? Where are you?" The other ships are now firing cannonballs that look like
moccasins at Jacques.
But the cat was nowhere to be found. And Jacques' ship was now sinking extremely quickly.
Then Jacques felt something hard hit him on the back of the head and everything went black.
Móckasiin woke up, and to his absolute terror all he could see was two women kissing... again
"Wait, what the fuck? How did i survive that?", said Móckasiin, not really caring about the fact that he had suddenly woken up from certain death to two women kissing twice now.
And just like last time, someone blocked his view.
But there wasn't a pirate blocking his view this time, but rather an Aracuan.
"Ladies! Stop what you're doing now!", said the Aracuan. "You can have time for
fun later, but now it's time to fight in our glorious communist revolution! We've successfully trapped the leader of the Moccasinsians, meaning that we're much closer to win this war! But we need your help! Watch that Móckasiin doesn't leave his cage!"
But the women had already disappeared, so the Aracuan was just yelling at no-one.
looked around and realized that he was, in fact, in a cage. The cage was in some sort of dungeon. The Aracuan was still busy yelling at no one.
Suddenly, in the middle of the Aracuan's yelling, Móckasiin was dragged out of the cage into some weird corner. He turned around to find out who had dragged him only to find out that it was the story-eating cat again.
Móckasiin was grateful but then asked the cat in an angry whisper: "Where were you when my ship sank?"
"Huh? What ship?", replied the cat.
"You know, the pirate ship. Where you ate the pirates? Remember?"
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Don't fuck with me cat! You were in the same ship as me! Ther's no way you don't remember; it's literally the place where we first met!"
Don't you know what they say about me? "To mock me is a sin."
But to Móckasiin's bewilderment the cat had disappeared, so he was just threatening the air.
Meanwhile, the Aracuan had finally noticed that the women weren't there anymore, so he started yelling at Móckasiin instead.
"Hey, you!", yelled the red bird; "What the SLAPPAPPA are you doing out of your cage!!! Get in there immediately, you stupid turd!!!!!!!!!! TSE TUNG! TSE TUNG! TSE TUNG!
Móckasiin got annoyed and knocked the Aracuan out with a
moccasin. This caused a bunch of Aracuans to become extremely pissed off at Móckasiin, and they were now planning to peck him and his cursed
moccasins to death.
"ow. owie. owchie. ow. this sure hurts. ow."
But then the Aracuans were suddenly all sent directly to
Ojai.
Unfortunately, Móckasiin also got sent to Ojai too.
Ojai was angry to have these meddling aracuans in its precious town, so it became sentient and started attacking the aracuans (and Móckasiin too, because why not)
However, Móckasiin's
moccasins became sentient and started attacking the Aracuans.
However, the
moccasins were still stuck on Móckasiin's feet, so they ended up indirectly beating the shit out of Móckasiin by attacking the Aracuans.
Ow! ow, ow, ow, ow! Ow! No stop- Ow, my head! Ow, Stop! Ow, stupid moccasins!
Móckasiin's
moccasins were so stupid that they ended making Móckasiin kick himself instead of the aracuans, and Móckasiin ended up in the floor after kicking himself in the
balls so many times
Suddenly, the cat returned.
Sadly, the Great Lord Móckasiin wasn't here anymore.
That's because he's DEAD! He died at the
hands feet of his own
moccasins a couple of images ago.
...no, wait, that's someone else's corpse. It's very obvious this is someone else's corpse because it's not wearing
moccasins like Móckasiin was before disappearing. It's very likely Móckasiin is still alive, albeit somewhere else that's not this specific location
Oh wait, his
moccasins have escaped and are running off on their own into the distance. Guess this really is Móckasiin's corpse then, huh?
No, it isn't; because we can't just kill one of the main characters from these series just like that...
That's it!
*throws the golden moccasin at you* 
Ow! Okay. Fine. The Great Lord Móckasiin is now officially dead in
A story built one image at a time. Are you happy?
Suddenly, the earth turned into a
Nuke pointed at Mars.
This was a ploy by the Glorious People's Communist Republic of the Aracuans, to threaten the martians into leaving their evil capitalist ways.
The ghost of Móckasiin complained to the storytellers for killing him off and turning Earth into a nuke.
Ah, come on! First I had to argue because I wanted to avoid getting Móckasiin killed, and now I have to argue because I actually got him killed. Well, fuck it. "Suddenly, the radioactivity of the Earth missile got into Móckasiin's corpse, bringing him back to life". Are you happy now, mister Móckasiin?
Móckasiin came back to life. In space. Since Earth was a nuke. He died again from loss of oxygen.
"Well... that was anticlimatic...", said the reader, as Móckasiin's corpse was floating in the vast vaccuum of space
ʔK'âʞДe then used the Un-existinator to un-existinate Móckasiin's corpse, because ʔK'âʞДe doesn't know what to do with this corpse (and also because ʔK'âʞДe has no clue who Móckasiin is and the amount of plot relevance he has).
But ʔK'âʞДe had a really bad aim, and instead of un-existinating Móckasiin's corpse, ʔK'âʞДe shoot Móckasiin's
moccasins, which suddenly un-existed.
ʔK'âʞДe tried shooting Móckasiin's corpse again, but ʔK'âʞДe still has bad aim, so ʔK'âʞДe hit the Earth instead, causing the Earth to un-exist. In other words, it's a normal day in the ASBOIAAT universe.
He actually
didn't Un-Existinate Earth, since technically Earth didn't exist anyway because it was a nuke.
Welp, i guess the nuke got un-existinated then.
Wait, how are we supposed to continue the story if the nuke/Earth doesn't exist and all the main characters are dead?
Oh for fuck's sake! The cat is back, and it's about to eat the story
again!
"No... I thought I'd never see your face, but I guess I was WRONG! It's all YOUR fault the story always ends up disappearing! The whole Earth becoming a nuke and Móckasiin getting killed didn't happen until YOU stepped inside it! It's all part of your evil plan to make the story void of meaning, so then you can EAT IT!"
"Yes, that is indeed correct. Now let me eat the story in peace. Create a new one or something."
"But... we've already reset the continuity twice in a row! We can't keep resetting the story like that, we've already have tons of that in
ASBOSAAT! The third story should have been the one to survive these meddling resets! After all, third time's a charm, right? Right???"
Yes, third time's the charm. Very fortunately, in an alternate timeline, two time travelers accidentally caused a time paradox. The energy from the paradox somehow leaked into the main ASBOWAAT timeline and reversed the effects of the Un-existinator.
Sadly, the Un-existinator is not at fault of the death of this story, so it really didn't help that much. Móckasiin is still dead, and the Earth has still been replaced with a giant nuke aiming at Mars.
Another effect of the paradox energy was making the story toxic to story-eating cats, which meant that the cat could not cause the death of the story. And yes, the energy is that powerful.
But the cat is still
very powerful, so it decided to
consume all the time paradox energy. This caused the cat to
shatter across time and space, but just before this, in a last-ditch attempt to eat some delicious plotlines, it dragged the story with it too, shattering it across time and space too. Maybe having the cat simply eat it was the better option here...
A mad scientist in another timeline found one of the shattered pieces of the story and experimented with it. His experiments caused the other pieces of the story to leave the other timelines they were in and merge with the mad scientist's piece. The characters of the story demanded that the scientist give the story back, but the mad scientist just laughed and said that if they tried to get it he would destroy the story, destroying the characters (including him since he's now part of the story, but he didn't realize that) in the process.
^ When three idiots read this article ^
The mad scientist also found a bunch of shattered cat pieces, so he put them back together, filling in the blanks with pieces from dead stray cats he found on the street. But the now incomplete and deformed story-eating cat went feral, eating the scientist and the parts of the story he had.
"NO! IT CAN'T BE! I THOUGHT I HAD GOTTEN RID OF THAT CAT, BUT NOW IT'S BACK! AND STRONGER AND HUNGRIER THAN BEFORE!!! DIE, MONSTER!!!!!!!!!!!! *
gunshots* DIE!!!!!!!!!!!! *
more gunshots* "
But the cat ate Tony Montana, as well as his gun, and turned into... this?
"No, Montana! That damn cat ate him too! Who's gonna save us from the story-and-people-and-pretty-much-everyrhing-eating cat?!!!!!!!!"
The answer to that, is, well, no one. Also the cat is now Blaze from the Sonic franchise.
Upon realizing that the cat had taken the form of one of their licensed characters,
Sega quickly came to accuse the cat of copyright infringement.
But SEGA wasn't able to take them to court, because the cat had eaten all of the courthouses, as well as every single judge, lawyer, potential jury member... you get the idea.
Seeing that they couldn't make a legal fight against the cat, SEGA chose to have an actual fight instead, having their licensed character Sonic the Hedgehog
TM battle this meddling cat
Unfortunately Sonic isn't real, so the cat just ended up eating the entirety of SEGA instead.
Wait a minute, if the cat ate the story, then wouldn't that mean that the cat ate itself too since it's part of the story.
I mean, I guess the cat can just go out of the story, and then eat it. Also, it seems that this cat stopped looking like Blaze the cat now; something tells me the cat just did so to mess with Sega. After all, it seems that the cat has god-like powers that uses solely for tomfoolery, much like Luna does in the other
A story built one x at a time stories... wait, what if this cat turns out to be yet another Luna? No Luna has appeared yet in the story, making this theroy perfectly plausible...
Luna? She doesn't exist in this universe. Also the cat still looks like Blaze, i just couldn't be bothered to find another image of her at that time.
What do you mean, "Luna doesn't exist in this universe"? She's an universal constant, much like Lord Móckasiin, John, Gorefield/Gothfield and Knife Guy/Knife Girl! She HAS to be somewhere in this universe, we just have found her yet! That, or my suspcions were right, and Luna
is the story-eating cat, causing ruckus to the story much like all the other Luna clones have done. After all, Luna is confirmed to be a
catgirl, so it wouldn't be odd for her to disguise as an actual cat...
Yeah, we could maybe have found her. But we're probably never going to be able to do that because this cat always eats the story before she shows up. In fact, it has already eaten this one
again.
What? Really? After all the people that this cat has eaten, and it was still hungry to eat the story too???? *
sigh* Guess I'll have to brign the good ol' typewriter, and start making a story anew again... but this time that cat better stay off the story!
They owned "a big, beautiful" building.
Actually, they owned two "big, beautiful" buildings.
Inside these buildings, the gang had all types of luxury; luxury they had illegaly obtained through
criminal activities.
Right now though, the gang was running after a man in an alley because he had used to be part of the gang, but had left and taken some of the gang's money with him.
However, when the gangsters found him, he had converted all their money into Hershey's Kisses and was putting an unopened one on this tongue.
The gang became more angry at the man than they were before and shot him.
But this caused someone to call the police on those gangsters, and they were now being chased down.
But since the gangsters outnumbered the police by a lot, the pursuing police were all slaughtered.
That night, the gangsters all decided to eat pork for dinner.
... the pork being, of course, taken from the meat of the dead policemen.
oh noes!
A bunch of people walking past the gangsters' dinner table saw what they were eating and called the police to arrest them, but no one picked up their calls.
Nobody at the restaurant tried to stop them, because the gang ran a criminal empire and were very powerful. As the gang ate, they discussed the drugs they would be shipping tomorrow to a foreign drug cartel.
More specifically, they were trying to find out how in the world they were gonna get these drugs into Moccasinia, and how much they could bring into the country without being caught.
"These dumb moccasinians won't let us bring anything that isn't shaped like
moccasins! And these drugs sure ain't shaped like one!", yelled one of the gangsters. "What's with their obsession with
moccasins, anyways? Let me tell ya, when we get to bring these drugs to the moccasinians, they'll finally realize there are better things than
moccasins out there...
They decided to hide the drugs inside
moccasins. Their plan was to put the
moccasins inside
moccasin-shaped trucks made of
moccasins and pretend they were transporting
moccasins. And just to be safe, they wore clothes made of
moccasins.
This ended up being a bad idea, since the Moccasinian border guards actually check everything, including the insides of the
moccasins. In response the cartel members were wacked with the Golden
Moccasin and sent directly out of Moccasinia.
"We have to go a layer further", said one of the gangsters; "we have to make the drugs somehow look like
moccasins. Only then they'll finally accept them enter the border.... And we'll become hella rich!"
But the Great Lord Móckasiin of Moccasinia had by now realized what these gangsters were up to, and was now planning on getting rid of them.
"Is this even really worth it?" asked one of the gangsters. "This is getting too risky. I don't wanna mess with the Moccasinian king!"
But before any of the other gangsters could answer they were all zapped by something and turned into
moccasins. Except for the one that asked the question, he gets to live long enough to see what happened to his buddies.
He looked around and saw that the person who had transformed the others into
moccasins was... Reboz, the Grand Sorcerer of Moccasinia!
"Wh... wha... No!!!!!!!!! My teammates!!!!!!! Th.. they'r.... How.... Is this god punishing me for all the pain I've caused to others in my life? I'm sorry god! I'm really sorry!!! But please get me out of this madness!!!!!"
But there was no god to apologize to. There was only the Great Lord Móckasiin of Moccasinia, and he didn't want to hear any of it. So he turned the last gangster into a
moccasin too.
"mmmm! mmmhh mmmmmhhhh! mmmmmmmmmmm! mmmh mmmm!"
However, not all the gangsters were eating. One gangster sneaked behind Móckasiin and shot him down before he or Reboz could react.
But the Móckasiin he shot was merely an illusion caused by the Great Wizard Reboz; the real Móckasiin was still alive, laughing his ass off at the face the shooter had when he realized of his mistake.
"****! Why do these things always happen to me? ****!" The gangster suddenly had a cunning look. "Hey, how about I work for Móckasiin as a mercenary?" he asked Reboz. "I would be a good one... My name's Frederick Ross."
But the second he tried talking to Móckasiin he got blasted by the thing that turned everyone else into
moccasins. Reboz chuckled as he used his staff to turn Ross into a
moccasin. He turned around, only to be met by a mob of stupid police officers who told him that transforming people into
moccasins was illegal.
So Revoz transformed the police officers into
moccasins too. No big deal.
By now all the police officers in New York had either been turned into
moccasins or eaten by gangsters who were themselves turned into
moccasins. But these
moccasins all belong to Móckasiin now, and he doesn't really know what to do with them. Do you?
"Well", replied Reboz, the
moccasin wizard; "we could use all these
moccasins to build new stuff back at Moccasinia. Since, you know. All things there are solely made of
moccasins."
Móckasiin agreed that this was a very good idea.
So these
moccasins were then used to build the Reboz's house in the small village of Måhvkaazin. And he didn't seem to mind that they were still able to talk somehow.
Little did Móckasiin and his wizard know, there was still a member of the gang left, who had arrived too late to the meating the day everyone turned into
moccasins. This member saw what the wizard had done with the gang, and now was planning a revenge...
So he resolved to learn dark magic, so that he would be powerful enough to one day challenge Reboz. He also searched for a way to turn the
moccasins back into the gang members.
But learning dark magic takes quite a lot of time, and neither Móckasiin nor Reboz are doing anything interesting right now, so let's find someone else to write about.
Yeah, what about her? Is she important to this plot or something?
I don't think she is, sadly. I mean, unless my theory about Luna secretly being the story-eating cat is proved to be true...
No, i’m pretty sure the cat is its own character.
AH! What did you do? Quickly, remove that image of a cat before it becomes the story-eating cat and starts trying to eat the story again!
Don't worry, the cat is gone now. I threw a decoy story all the way to Ojai for it to catch. I don't know when it'll be back though.
Well, in that case, let's keep with going with our story before the cat comes again... Where were we... The gang member must have learnt dark magic by now, hasn't he?
No, not yet. I said learning dark magic takes quite a lot of time. It'll probably take a couple of months.
Eehhhh... Just to be sure, when you mean months, you mean like, inside the story's universe, right? Not like, real-life months, right?????
I'm not sure. The estimator i used to estimate that doesn't tell me which one of them it is for some reason. The only way to find out is to move the story ahead a couple of months and see what happens.
Does this mean it's time for a wizard duel?
Hold on; first, let's get the
time machine to speed up the time in this story...
Hold on; i wanna be part of this time travelling thing too!
Hop in, then! Let's go to
The Future!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Alright, so we're in the future and... uhhhh, why is everything burning?
Oh crap, we've traveled too far into the future, and now it's the
End of the World!!!!!!
Alright, let's go back to the time we travelled from, because i see a bunch of giant grues running towards us, and i don't wanna deal with them.
Oh, oh. We traveled into an alternate present. Oops.
A present where grues own the world, yeah. Let's try going back to our own timeline then.
Wait a minute, the time coordinates are correct! This means that... this is our timeline. Grue have taken over!
Oh fuck. How are we supposed to deal with this?
No, read again. It
looks the correct coordinates, but one of the numbers are inverted, meaning that we have to insert the correct coordinates again. Ah, also, while we were talking, a grue entered our car, so we should probably
run like hell...
The Grue just destroyed our car. Oh well, guess we're trapped here. No way to get to the correct timeline now.
Wait, if this is an alternate timeline, then that means there are here alternate versions of ourselves that still have a time machine car... All we have to do is steal it, and we'll be able to come back to our timeline!
How do we know our alternate selves aren't busy time traveling like us?
Well, you see, in an alternative timeline where the grues have taken over the world, our alternate selves have very likely been eaten by a grue
What if our alternate selves were time-traveling while the Grues took over this world? If we got stuck in this timeline, than...wait, shouldn't that mean that our alternate selves are in our timeline?
If that's the case, then we have to find a way to establish a telephone connection between the two timelines, and use it to call them and ask them to come back here so that we can use their time machine and go back to our original timeline!
How exactly do you plan on making an interdimensional timeline?
We're not making an interdimensional timeline, we're making a telephone connection between two timelines. And this
moccasin will help us do exactly that.
How exactly do we plan on using a
moccasin to make a telephone connection between two timelines? I know that
moccasins are powerful, but how are we going to do it?
With the power... of
science!!!!!!! 
Yes, but how are we going to
use the power of science and
moccasins to make a telephone line that goes through two different timelines.
Well, we just disassemble the
moccasin and turn it into
moccastring. I know it technically isn't a
moccasin anymore if you do that, but it still has the same powers. And one of them is apparently being able to travel through different timelines. Who knows why exactly they can do that.
It probably has got something to do with
string theory or something like that...
Well, what are we waiting for? Let's do some
science!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, I did say "string". No, I won't give you any. We have more important things to take care of than trying to stop you from meddling in our stories like you always do. If you're nice, we'll let you eat our story, but you'll have to wait and let us complete it, so it's a full meal. Now, please,
fuck off.
I already prepared for this! Story-eating cat, meet the story-
making dog!
Oh cool, more food for me
What do you mean, "more food for me"? You're aware how this things work, right? The DOG eats the CAT; not the other way around! You're gonna get eaten cat, this is what you get for eating all tgose people and the story too! NOW, DOGGY! EAT THE CAT WHOLE!!!!!!!!
Why'd you try sending this dog at me in the first place? I'm not here to eat the story right now, i just want some string to play with!
Ah... really? That's new... Well, thanks for not wanting to eat the story, I guess. Here, have this string I found on the floor. Is this enough? Do you want more strings?
Give me the
moccastrings too
I KNEW IT! I knew you had some shady plan going on! You want us to give you the
moccastrings so that we can't leave this timeline and get stuck with all this grues, don't you?
No, it's just too fancy for me to not have it
Sure, sure, you have no intention whatsoever in screwing us... Here, let's do a compromise. I give you one of the
moccastrings, and you let us have the other one to save our asses... You promise you won't beg for more after I give you this
moccastring?
No, i don't do compromises. Now, i'm gonna go take these
moccastrings. You better not stop me.
But... you're going to let some
moccastrings for us, right? You won't let us die in this grue-infested land simply because you're hungry, right, right????????????????
I don't think the cat cares.
Well, let's see what the cat says... Oh no, it's already gone. And it took all the
moccastrings with it too!
Let me guess, now that the cat stole the
moccastrings, there is no possible way to enable contact between the two timelines... am I right?
I mean, we could always make more
moccastrings, but the cat would probably steal those too...
Don't worry, we can just make more
moccastrings from the massive amount of
moccasins in this world. Let's just hope there isn't a
moccasin-stealing thief somewhere around here...
That's the kind of stuff people say before a
moccasin-stealing thief appears out of nowhere and starts messing with your plans. That's just great. All I say is, I'm going to be very surprised if the thief doesn't turn out to be that darn cat...
No, the cat isn't a
moccasin-stealing thief, but this dog we summoned to counter it is one.
Well, that's a plot twist I wasn't expecting... The good thing is, now that we know this dog is the
moccasin-stealing thief, all we have to do is keep it away from any
moccasins, and it won't mess with our plans...
It's too late. It already stole all of our
moccasins. Now we don't have any way of getting back to our original timeline.
Hold on-
all the
moccasins? But like, all of them? Every and each one of them? With the massive amount of
moccasins that are this world, and you're telling me this stupid dog stole them ALL?
Woof! (That means yes. This dog can't talk for some unexplainable reason.)
Well then, we can just
make some
moccasins. But first, we need to kill the dog.
Well, we might not need the
moccasins or the
moccastrings anyway. I see a magic portal just forming itself at the wall right there. Maybe we can go through that.
Wait, how do we know the portal leads to
our timeline?
Let's be honest - does it really matter? As long as it's not a timeline where the world is taken over by grues, it's a timeline worth going. In there, we'll be able to build a timeline connection with the
moccastrings while being safe from any possible grue menace. But first, ww should take some
moccasins, in case we somehow end in a
moccasins-less timeline, where we'd be truly stuck forever...
Good idea. Okay, I entered the portal. It seems s- Wait, guys? Wait, Did the portal just close? Great, now I'm on my own.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the portal: Oh fuck, the portal just closed. That kinda sucks.
Well, what do we do now? Do we wait for
Fenris2010 to come back or something? How do we even know that Fenris ain't dead? Also, how do we keep ourselves safe from grues now?
I'm not sure. Maybe we could wait for another portal to show up or something.
Well; in the meantime, let's hope that there doesn't show up any kind of grue- oh crap
Well, luckily we’re in Ojai right now, and not Chicago.
The portal reappears. Huh? Who are you?
The portal disappears. 
Well, THAT just happened.
(Spongebob narrator voice)
Several days later... Oh look, the portal is back! Let's actually go through it this time instead of talking about its existence.
Yeah, we probably should; specially considering there's a hungry grue over there looking at us...
Alright, i made it through. Now follow me through this thi- oh, the portal has closed already...
woof woof woof(The dog is trying to tell you something, but you seem to have lost your dogspeak-translator, so you don't know what it's saying.)
Oh, look at the lil' doggy! It's so cute! It
almost makes me forget that I'm about to die in the maws of a gruesome grue!
woof woof woof(The dog looks extremely distressed about the fact that you don't listen to what it's saying.)
ooooh, what's wrong, lil' puppy? are you hungry? did you get lost? are you, too, worried that we're going to be eaten by a grue?
The dog had by this point had enough of you not being able to hear it, so it ran outside and retrieved your dogspeak-translator from the dangerous grue landscape.
The dog then went to Dragonspine, where it died of cringe trying to complete that stupid timed challenge with the three cryo abyss mages over a body of water. (Ignore the fact that its been completed in this photo)
Genshin Impact doesn't exist in this universe, therfore making the previous statement not canon. (Ignore the dact that the photo attached is a different type of "canon" )
woof woof woof woof woof(It says "pick up the dogspeak-translator you lazy fuck". Ignore the fact that i, the narrator, just could've told you what it said this whole time, making the translator unnecessary.)
Ooooh, why are you so angry now, doggo? Is it something I did? Did I hurt you- huh? What's that you have in your mouth? Is it for me? It looks like a weird phone, with the words "doggolator" written on it... I wonder what it does... I'll turn it on and see it by myself... *
click*
Doggo, why is the doggolator saying: "Finally you idiots pick it up!" Huh doggo, someone must have recorded it. Anyway, it's not doing much good.
throws the doggolator into a bush. 
Huh? Fenris? But- I thought you were at the other side of the portal that closed!
Huh. I guess I was. That's strange, I don't r-
Fenris widens his eyes. The dog knows! Don't trust the-
Fenris suddenly disappears in a flash of light. Well, that surely was something that happened. Now, let's get that weird "doggolator" the dog got for me, and see what it does...
On the other side of the portal[edit | edit source]
Apparently, because we had been away from our timeline for so long it corrupted, so now the entire world belongs to
Knife Guy. And everything is made out of knives too.
In this corrupted timeline, the moccasinians are considered heretic because they prefer the warmth of
moccasins over the cool steel of knives,and are therefore persecuted by Knife Guy's army. Moccasinia was destroyed and burnt, and is now but a shadow of its former glory. The Great Lord Móckasiin of Moccasinia and his wizard Reboz are now hiding from the Knife police, living as oulaws in the slums. This is a horrendous timeline.
Even worse, no one truly knows who the Knife Guy is, because he owns all the media and censors anything that can be even closely attributed to his real identity. Including this Reddit post.
Anyway, this poster seems to be everywhere, consisting of this image and the phrase "Big Cutlery is slicing" on it.
(It also kept the watermarks. I guess Knife Guy just didn't bother paying to get rid of them.)
After Knife Guy took over the world, all nations were joined into one mega-nation, the Glorious World Empire of Knivestabonia. As it was expected, everything in this mega-nation is made out of knives, meaning that its inhabitants are always in constant pain from all the cuts the knives give them. Many have protested against this dumb design choice the leader implemented into everything, but all those have suspiciously disappeared not long after.
Móckasiin was one of the lucky few to have
not suspiciously disappeared after criticizing the Knife Guy. Instead, he disappeared normally. By which i mean he deliberately went into hiding somewhere in what we call Moccasinia.
Despite that most of Moccasinia is now a barren land, and the only functioning cities are now occupied by the Knivestabonians; some Moccasinians that survived still live in the ruins of small cities from the former Moccasinia, which they use as a hiding place. They have few resources to live and have been forced to get out from the comfort zone and use non-mocassin-shaped utilities for their everyday life - if it can even be called a "life" anymore. On top of that, they always have to be wary from any Knivestabonian soldier that might appear and start shooting the few survivors. This, truly, is the worst timeline.
Also Reboz is out there somewhere. I don't know where exactly though, so i can't really write a whole lot about him.
Actually, Revoz is living with Móckasiin! The Great Lord Móckasiin of Moccasinia simply can't live without his Moccasinian wizard, and not just because Revoz is his most powerful weapon, but also because they've grown really close together. Some theorize they might even be
gay lovers, but there's still not enough evidence to prove this rumor (spoiler: they are.)
Anyway, to get you somewhat used to this world, you see this map? With all those fancy borders and stuff? Well, those don't exist. It's all Knivestabonia. Half of these cities are either gone of renamed to something knife-related too. (Not even Ojai survived. In fact, it is completely razed to the ground in this universe. That's right, there's no more Ojai.)
Also, I'm back. The part of the story that said I was stranded somewhere else got discontinued. Anyway, Reboz tried to devise a spell to figure out the identity of Knife Guy.
And Knife Guy's real identity is... Knife Guy. Apparently both his legal and official name is Knife Guy, so trying to figure out his identity won't work.
Reboz then tried to devise a spell to make Knife Guy simply cease to exist.
Unluckily, Knife Guy also has his own personal magician, which helps him being invulnerable to spells that seek to hurt or kill him. Getting rid of Knife Guy will probably take more than simply holding a wand in your hand and pronouncing some gibberish words.
Seeing that he could not devise a spell to kill Knife Guy, Reboz resurrected every dead person in the world (He's that powerful.) in the form of zombies and commanded them to attack Knife Guy.
However, because Revoz is a
moccasin wizard, it has the downside that all these zombies are now made of little, flying
moccasins that group together to form the shape of a person; thus being more vulnerable than the average zombie.
The
moccasinian zombies were all easily defeated by Knife Guy, who was carrying a flamethrower.
But Knife Guy's plan didn't work, because
moccasins have thick plot armor in this story, and are as such immune to fire.
Sadly, it has already been stated that "the
moccasinian zombies were all easily defeated"; meaning that it's already too late to establish some kind of plot armor to save them from the fire, as they're already destroyed.
Reboz was angry at the destruction of the
moccasins, so he turned Knife Guy into a
moccasin, then burned him with Knife Guy's own flamethrower.
But Knife Guy's own personal magician had already forseen this coming, so he had created an identical clone of Knife Guy, which is the one Reboz turned into a
moccasin and burnt. The real Knife Guy is still hiding out there somewhere, and no one knows where he is!
Reboz didn't know this though, so he thought he had defeated Knife Guy. Reboz decided to find a way to get rid of all the Knivestabonians.
This led to Reboz being ambushed by the KGB (Knivestabonian Grater Bureau) and being brutally grated to death.
Moccasinian wizards, however, have a special power that allows them to turn into sentient
moccasins when they die. The Reboz-turned-
moccasins tried to stomp the KGB to death.
But Reboz is unfortunately not a
moccasinian wizard, so he's just a pile of grated wizard.
Hold on, Reboz
is a
moccasinian wizard! He's always wearing
moccasins, in fact. This picture doesn't show it because I'm to lazy right now to crappily add it with Photoshop; but if I weren't, you'd see he is in fact a respected
moccasinian wizard that always wears
moccasins. Which means that Reboz is still not dead!
Huh. I guess he's still alive as a
moccasin. The problem with this is that he's now a pile of grated
moccasins instead of grated wizard, because as it turns out the KGB's graters are more powerful than
moccasins. Come on, don't do poor Reboz like that! If you say
moccasins are heat-resistant, then surely they have to be grater-resistant too, don't you think?
He is. Part of that special power
Moccasinian wizards have is that once they've turned into
moccasins, even if they get destroyed, they just reform back into a
moccasin. But the KGB also has special powers that allow them to put anyone in an endless grating machine, and the power of
moccasins can't negate being grated for the rest of your life.
True. But fortunately for Reboz, he knows how to make his spirit transfer from one form to another form, which is what he did. His spirit left the grated
moccasins and went into the shoes of one of the KGB members. He then forced the KGB member to walk into the grating machine.
This worked surprisingly well, and soon enough all of the KGB members who were grating him were grated themselves. (Picture unrelated)
That sure is a gore-y scene to think of... To think this started as a story about colors... and we ended talking about ethnic groups getting genocide'd and people getting grated... (Picture related)
Yeah, this story became quite grim... Hey wait a second, aren't you still stuck in that grue timeline?
Huh? I can't
hear read you! Your image frame is too small, causing the text to be go out of frame!
I think she's asking if we're still in the Grue timeline. Yeah we're still stuck in the Grue timeline. But not just Grues, the whole world is made of knives and ruled by Knife Guy.
There clearly has been some kind of time-space plot fuckery, because the universes where the whole world is made of knives and the one that's infested by grues are clearly two different, distinct timelines. Also, weren't you in a different universe from the one of grues?
Are you talking about when I got stuck on the other side of the portal? That part of the story was discontinued. (Image unrelated)
Yeah, and so did the whole grue thing... maybe we shouldn't try much time-space plot fuckery, since that kind of stuff is often hard to keep track of (Once again, image unrelated)
So our
main timeline was the one that got taken over by Knife Guy? (Image unrelated)
Depends what you call the "
main" timeline. Technically, the original
main timeline doesn't exist anymore because it got corrupted after we left, becoming the one that's taken by Knife Guy. However, there's also the plotline where we, the writers, tried to speed up the plot, but got to an alternate timeline where grues have taken over. So, there are like three alternate timelines that we have to keep track of. (Image unrelated)
So which one are we in right now? (Image unrelated)
We were now commenting on the timeline that's been taken over by Knife Guy. However, canonically speaking, I'm still in the grue-infested timeline, and you guys are behind different portals. (Image unrelated)
Wait a minute, since we're the writers of ASBOIAAT, doesn't that mean we're basically gods? (Image unrelated)
But this question was unfortunately not answered, because the one being in this universe that is confirmed to have god-like powers has suddenly appeared.
Wow wow wow, stop right there, you filthy cat! We were having a great story about wizards, racism and
mocassins; and it's far from over! You can't just appear like that in the middle of our great story, because you're probably going to eat it and end it abruptly, like you always do with our precious stories! Can't you just wait a little longer?
Cat? What cat? You must be seeing things, there is no cat here.
Huh? Really? Didn't know I'd see the day I'd finally get rid of that cat... I'd celebrate, but knowing how that damn animal works, that's just probably going to make it come back...
Now, let's see... were where we... Ah, yes, I remember. Reboz, now transformed into a pair of
moccasins, was shredding people alive. Maybe we should skip that part and go straight to the part that happened after.
After Reboz shredded all of his opponents he decided to go face off against Knife Guy himself, only to get taken down by one stab wound.
Wow, hold on, hold on. We clearly stated before that Reboz thought that the fake Knife Guy he killed was the real Knife Guy, meaning that he shouldn't still be trying to face him. How's that possible?
Well, he found out the truth. Can't be easier than that.
Remember how I said Reboz has the power to transfer his spirit from one object to another? Well, he just left the KGB shoes and went into the knife of Knife Guy. He is now currently trying to stab him.
Hold on, but I thought Reboz was a
moccasin wizard! It makes sense that he has the ability to transfer his soul to shoes (specially if they're
moccasins); but how is he able to move to other non-
moccasin things?
Before he was a
moccasinian wizard, he was a regular wizard. When he became a
moccasinian wizard, he retained the powers he had as a regular wizard.
This is how moccasins shoes is popular.
Oh hey,
Tiazu, didn't expect seeing you here... next time, be more careful to see where the end of the story is to add your stuff, because you placed it at the top, interfering with the rest of the story...
Anyway, back to the story. Reboz, as a knife, is still trying to stab Knife Guy to death.
More specifically, Reboz has been turned into a Norwegian hunter knife. Does this mean anything significant? No, i just felt like pointing it out.
Actually, it
is significant, as Knife Guy has a secret, irrational fear against
Norway. However, Reboz doesn't know this- yet.
However, the story-writers now know this. And it's only natural that Reboz will be getting help from a
hot female Norwegian knife whose only purpose is to be his love interest because that's apparently how you write stories these days.
Knife Guy is fighting well against the two knives, but he's not fighting as well as he usually does because of his Norwayphobia.
"Goddang Norwey, why does my worst nightmare always have to come back? It just won't leave me alone!", said Knife Guy to himself. As much as he was trying to fight back these knives, the fact that they were Norwegian made him almost piss his pants, and felt he couldn't keep the fear any longer. Knives that were able to move by their own was also somwthing really scary on its own, but it seems Knife Guy didn't pay attention to that.
Finally, after days upon days of non-stop knife-fighting, we would see an end to the battle as Reboz and the hot Norwegian knife managed to stab Knife Guy. And they stabbed him so many times that Knife Guy started to look like swiss cheese. But he's still alive somehow.
"HA! HA! HA!", said Knife Guy, as he was sweating and bleeding, "Did you really think stabbing me would be enough to finish me? I'm Knife Guy, for fuck's sake! Knives aren't my weakness, they're my forté! I sleep in a bed solely made out of cold,
iron-made knives, and I get stabbed many more times and much more violently than what you did to me! You're no match against me, suspiciously alive and floating knives! No matter how Norweian you are!!!!".
Unfortunately Knife Guy ended up rambling a bit
too much about being immune to stab wounds from knives to notice the giant Norwegian flag pole that Reboz and the other knife had picked up and stuck right through his chest. And Knife Guy is fortunately not immune to having his lungs crushed by Norwegian flag poles.
"WHY THE FUCK DO I EVEN HAVE NORWEGIAN THINGS IN MY OFFICEEEEEEEEEGGLGGRGLLGGHHHGGG..." were the last words Knife Guy said before passing out
Reboz and his female knife friend (who doesn't have a name) decided to party now that Knife Guy was basically neutralized.
Móckasiin also decided to party. He was glad that he could finally find a way to restore the wasteland once known as Moccasinia without being bothered by Knife Guy. A little later, he also set fire to Knife Guy's unconscious, being surprised that he wasn't dead due to his lungs being crushed by a Norwegian flagpole. Then, after the burning body disintegrated into ashes, Móckasiin stomped on the ashes.
Moccasinia was now once again an independent state within the
North American (sub)continent, ruled by the Great Lord Móckasiin. Knife Guy's
New World Order had come to a crushing end. Things were now the way they were, and the way they had to be. This means that the corruption of the story has gone, and now the actual story can happen! (you know, the one about mafiosos and that stuff) But for that, we have to manage a way to get back to our present... That's right, it's once again time for the fourth-wall-breaking subplot!
Fourth-wall-breaking subplot (reprise)[edit | edit source]
Oh, look! A portal in which we can travel to the point before we traveled through that time machine!
Huh, that's weird; I thought I had heard Alula... Sadly, I'm still stuck here, in the Grue timeline, completely alone, albeit for this dog... At least I have this doggolator, so I'll be able to understand this dog, and have someone to communicate with...
Wait, didn't that plotline get discontinued? Why are you still there then?
I always thought we were going to continue that plotline some time in the future... Idk, I liked the story-within-a-story kind of narrative...
Well, too bad. Here's a portal for you to go through and end that entire plotline anyway. Living among grues isn't good for you.
Huh, can't argue with that... But I guess I now will never know what that dog was trying to tell me...
Don't worry, you can talk to this cat instead. Maybe it has something interesting to say.
Don't act so cute to me, I know damn well why you're here; and I won't let you. We still have to solve the plotpoint of Reboz fighting against the gangster that we left several images ago, meaning that the story is far from over. So no eating stories yet.
Capische?
No, i was just looking for more
moccastrings. Do you happen to have any i could have?
Huh, really? Mmm, I don't know, there's something
suspicious here, but I'm going to choose to trust for once.... I don't need
moccastrings right now, so you can get all you want... Just don't eat the story, 'kay?
Don't worry, i won't do that. I'll gladly eat that gun of yours though. Haven't had one of those in a while
Mhhh, this more and more stinks like a trap... If you eat my gun, then I won' t have any kind of defense against you, and you'll be able to eat me or the story or both... What would happen if I chose
not to let you eat my gun?
Then i'll eat that hand of yours that's holding the gun too
OK, fine; you convinced me, here's my gun, you can do to it whatever you want; but please, for the love of
god, don't try to eat me again...
Ah, fuck off. It's already demeaning that you manipulate me like this, but I won't stoop so low as to let you call me like that. For fuck's say,
you're the cat here!
Tony, please don't antagonize the cat. I'd rather not run the chance of being eaten.
Huh? Who are you? Stop hiding behind that white curtain! Show your face!
Huh??? Your voice changed... in fact, it now sounded the same as the cat's voice..... This is getting creepier and creepier.........
Are you sure that my voice changed? I still sound the same as i did earlier.
Holy crap! It's the dog from before! But hold on, if you can talk, then why were you so eager to bark and only be communicated with via doggolator?
Dog? I'm not a dog! I'm still hidden behind this white curtain.
Huh? I'm pretty sure I saw a dog... eh, forget it. The good thing is that at least the cat isn't bothering me anymore, so we can just move on to the story about wizard, gansgsters and
moccasins...
Ah, you're right. Sorry, because you were behind that curtain, I thought you wanted to be left alone. Do you... want to chat
or something?
No, i'm just here to serve as a filler mystery character irrelevant to the plot. In about 15 seconds i will probably disappear.
Oh, that... that doesn't sound good actually... But will you, like, disappear temporally and then come back? Or will you disappear forever? Will it be painful??? Will you die????????
No, he will not die. Regardless of what he says, he'll play an important role in what is to come.
Well, that is recomforting, albeit a tad ominous... Specially the way this information was given to me, through a fucking talking skeleton which I guess is the
Grim Reaper... But, heh, I've seen a cat eat a bunch of people whole, so I'm used to see weird shit by now...
Shall we move to the next part of the story then, Mr. Grim Reaper?
No, i have some other reason to be here right now. You, Mr. Tony Montana, have been found guilty by the upper council of the "I made it the fuck up" court in
Hell of threatening to kill a cat. Do you have any last words?
Huh...??????? There must have been a misunderstanding, Mr. Grim Reaper! I didn't threaten to kill a cat, but a ferocious monster that simply wore the skin of one! But this was no cat, for no cat would eat thousands of people whole!
He
is right, Grim Reaper.
Uh, hey there, mysterious person behind the curtain. I thought you had disappeared already... well, I guess it's nice to see you're still around here...
You do have a solid argument right there. However, the upper council decreed that anything with cat-ears counts as a cat about 72000 years ago, so i'm still gonna have to
murder kill execute un-alive you.
I hate this stupid word filter so much. Well, you won't catch me if the plot of the story switches to different characters! And would you look at that, here's a
smooth transition onto plot A!
Smooth transition onto plot A[edit | edit source]
Once upon a time, there was a pair of
moccasins. No one knew where they came from, but it was well known among the locals living nearby that should anyone touch the
moccasins they would be brutally mauled by a ferocious animal.
These
moccasins were no ordinary
moccasins. They were
luxurious moccasins, with jewlery embedded on them and stuff. They were
not golden moccasins, as the picture may suggest; those are a totally different pair of
moccasins. Anyways; these
luxurious moccasins once belong to a beautiful Moccasinian dame from the
upper class of Moccasinia, but they had been stolen by a
brown-haired nocturnal beast that lived in the darkness. These
moccasins were now this
beast's treasured treasure, and anyone who dared touch it would meet a
cruel fate.
Death is necessary. It is part of the universe. It is inescapable. I don't
want to have to kill you, since the movie you star in is actually one of my favorites, but the Council of Hell told me to kill you, so...gotta do what you gotta do. And just so you know, death is the exception to almost everything. Even transitioning to plot A. Goodbye, Tony Montana. I'll try to make your death painless.
Fuck my distraction didn't work. What do i do now? Hey! Look over there! Isn't that a pair of beautiful
golden moccasins? Tony, i don't have any eyes. I literally can't see those
golden moccasins. Now stop distracting me or i will make your death
much worse.
C'mon, there has to be a way to settle this, man! Well, I mean- skeleton! Can't I at least have the right to have a lawyer and sttle this in a court? Perhaps, I can prove that I'm innocent and don't deserve to be killed like this!
You know what? I've had enough of this pointless back and forth, so i'm just gonna kill you now. You've already said way more than your last words.
Ah, come on! What? Why are you so eager to kill me? And what kind of reason is that? "the upper council decreed that anything with cat-ears counts as a cat..." That's bullshit! Threatening to kill a cat ain't even a crime! You say you like me and my movie, but I have the suspicion you actually hate me, and that's why you want to kill me!!!!!!!!!!!!
But Tony didn't get an answer to his questions, because approximately 5 seconds later he was murdered killed executed un-alived moccasined cancelled why is there a word filter? by this stone skeleton. I had to watch the entire thing, and am now scarred for life. I'M STILL ALIVE, FUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This was the exact second Tony realized that the skeleton had infected him with the bubonic plague, leading to him dying a slow death at the hands of a medieval disease. But fortunately, since
golden moccasins apparently have healing powers, Tony stopped dying from the Bubonic Plague.
Unfortunately that's not a
golden moccasin, but a regular
moccasin that's been painted to look like one.
Well, guess I'll have to make a funeral for Tony, then... I wish I could have had more time to talk to him, but I guess that's what life is like... Or, in this case, what death is like...
By the way this segment is going way longer than it should have can't we move onto plot A already This actually
is plot A. By the way, you can still save Tony by being the defendant for him at his hearing, which takes place in Hell since the hearing was organized by the Court of Hell. Just thought you might want to know, since I'm not
that coldhearted.
But... didn't you just
killed him in front of my eyes??? What's the court for, if he's already dead?????????
You didn't know? I made up the Court of Hell, its upper council and the entire legal system down there. I only told Tony that he was convicted of something because i wanted to kill him really badly and needed an excuse for that.
Why would you do that????????????????
He shot my pet dog unprovoked
That's not true, I never shot your dog; I didn't even know you had a dog! Opps- I mean- *
dead person sounds*
I mean, i literally have video footage of it... and also your fingerprints, footprints, gunprints,
moccasinprints, and a fuckton of witnesses. It's quite obvious who did it.
I didn't do shit! It very likely was someone that disguised as me to frame me! I bet my entire cash it was that damn cat who did it! Opps- I mean- *
more dead person sounds*
Could you at least pretend to be dead for a minute i really need the ego boost i normally get from killing someone right now
After all the trouble you've caused me for no reason at all? Fuck no! Go to hell, death! O wait, I forgot-
you already live there!
You're stupid, Mr. Montana. You can't kill a skeleton. Also, the Court of Hell actually
does exist. The one that said that I made it up is my nephew the Jolly Reaper., who you must've confused for me, the Grim Reaper. And you actually
are dead, you only think you are because you haven't quite gotten used to your ghosthood yet. I'm not supposed to mention what I'm about to say to you, but I am because I like your movie, and the thing I'm going to say is that you could always enlist the help of Beetlejuice.
WHO THE FUCK IS BEETJEJUICE?!! I don't know, I just wanted to make a pop culture reference to sound cool and hip; but in reality I've never seen that movie. Nor any Tim Burton film. He just keeps mocking my genuine scary style with his saturated, over-the-top """"scary""""" style that isn't really scary at all and pretty obvioulsy dumbed down to appeal to a wide consumer audience. It's pretty insulting to us, the actually scary people, if you ask me.
An even smoother transition into plot B[edit | edit source]
Ok, so Tony Montana is finally dead. Which means we can focus on the actual plot again!
*ahem* After Knife Guy was defeated, the
Great Lord Móckasiin of Moccasinia re-established his nation and expanded it to include the entirety of North America.
No, seriously, I really
hate Tim Burton movies. I mean- I've never watched them, but I do have seen frames from them, and that's enough to see how mind-blowning over-saturated they are. They are a total misrepresentation of what the land of the death truly looks like. There are no fabricated candy-looking nonsense here, only true suffering and angst, and it's beautiful. And Tim Burton ruins this beauty with his Hollywood "how-you-doin'-kids" shit.
Oops, did you start with the plot B already? Sorry for that, I wasn't paying much attention... I thought you guys were going to extend the bit a tad further though? I don't know, you say it's an smooth transition, but it was actually a really forced one... or at least that seemed to me... Oops, I'm ranting again, sorry. For a guy that's dead, I really can't keep my mouth shut sometimes. I should stop talking now. Instead of saying verbally I should stop talking now, and then still talk. Oops I'm now trapping myself in an endless loop of paradoxes, I really should be stop talking now. And I will. Any minute now. Aaaany minute now. Look at that, I'm going to stop now!
Back to the story. So remember the gangster that was going to challenge Reboz? Well, he just challenged him. His power level is equal to that of Reboz, since the way he learned his magic was from a book written by Reboz himself. Although there's one tiny difference, the difference being that the gangster-turned-dark-wizard derives his power from Grues whereas Reboz's source of power is
moccasins. So while Reboz is a
moccasinian wizard, the gangster-wizard (whose name is Agorack) is a Gruan wizard which means he doesn't have
moccasins-related powers, but he
does have Grue-related powers.
Agorack, however, met some moccabirds and got beat up.
Well, there goes our entire plot down the drain. Since Reboz no longer has a gangster to fight we don't have any more story to write.
That's not true at all! In the shadows, there was a figure that was plotting against the Moccasinian Kingdom, and thus said shadow helped the gangster come back to his senses so that he could win against Reboz!
Luckily this figure is just a cat, so Moccasinia isn't in that much danger.
WRONG! This figure is none other than Knife Girl, the daughter of Knife Guy that wasn't known about until this sudden revelation in this story! She wants to revenge the death of her father by killing the wizard responsible of his death!
Leaving aside the obvious plothole that Knife Guy never had sex, and as such never had a daughter, then yeah, this is correct.
Hold on, where did you get from that Knife Guy never had sex?
His
Reddit account is filled to the brim with comments on incel subreddits about not being able to find a girlfriend (and also extremely misogynist comments, which might explain
why he wasn't able to find one). Also he kinda isolated himself from everyone when he was ruling the world in order to keep his identity a secret, and i assume there wasn't a whole lot of fucking happening during that time.
But then, that means Knife Girl can't be Knife Guy's daughter... Who is Knife Girl, then?
Well, it turns out that Knife Girl is actually a version of Knife Guy from
a completely different story altogether. The reason she is here is because a portal to this story appeared right next to her just before that story got reset, and as such she evaded being reset too.
Oh crap! We can't let a different version of a character interact with the characters of this universe, or else the story will get once again corrupted!
Too late. Now the universe is starting to
asplode.
No, because this universe has actual measures put in place to make sure something like that doesn't happen ever.
I wonder why they had to implement those... Anyway, Knife Girl can exist in this universe perfectly fine. Like, it's not a problem or anything, even though she's technically the same person as Knife Guy.
Since Reboz is currently in the form of a knife and is still rejoicing over the death of Knife Guy, Agorack just used his dark magic to make the knife dissolve into nothingness. However, since the spirits of
moccasinian wizards are impossible to be destroyed, Reboz still exists, just now in the form of a patch of nothingness floating around. Also the hot Norwegian knife that Reboz had fallen in love with earlier in the story is now attacking Knife Girl.
This makes no sense, because the hot Norwegian knife that Reboz had fallen in love with earlier in the story lived in Knife Guy's former palace, and right now the events are taking place in the Moccasinian palace.
The gaping plot hole that has just been caused was fixed by the story-creating dog. So let's continue the story.
Okay, so; the way the plot hole was filled is that Reboz was carrying himself all this time the hot Norwegian knife that Reboz had fallen in love with earlier in the story in his pocket, in case he needed extra help. This explains how she(?) could have appeared out of a sudden in this story. By the way, the hot Norwegian knife that Reboz had fallen in love with earlier in the story is now stabbing Knife Girl multiple times; sadly, in the same way that happens with all variants of Knife Guy/Knife Girl, this Knife Girl is immune to stabbings.
Hey everyone, i'm back! You got any more stories for me to eat?
Bark! (Translated throught the doggolator, it means: "Stay away, you damned cat!"
Oh fuck, not that goshdarn kitty again... and it wants stories this time! Don't you want
moccastrings or something else, like last time when you came here? Or better: can't you just
fuck off?
Meanwhile in Salew Obmij's store,
Tony, you're supposed to be dead. Stop talking.
Oh, don't think I am stupid; I am
damn aware I'm fucking dead. That's the good thing: I'm a ghost, so you can't eat me! Even if you tried, I could perfectly get out of your stomach since I'm not bound by physical matter anymore. Turns out dying is the best rhing that has happened to me, because now I will haunt you for eternity! Fear me, you filthy sinner, for I am the spirit of REVENGE!!!!!!!!!!!
How are you still holding that gun then?
The reason he's holding that gun is because I would rather not be eaten by a cat, so I resurrected him. I don't know why he thinks he's a ghost. And I also gave him the power of immortality and invincibility, so don't think you can just eat him. And even if you somehow
do somehow eat him, I also made him toxic to cats.
Oh wow, that kinda sucks. Also i didn't, and have never had any plan to eat this guy ever. I like stories more, and Tony isn't one (also he kinda smells).
Yea, but here's the thing: right now, we - that is, the Grim Reaper and I- are inside the story. If you eat the story, you'll eat us. And also everyone else inside it: Lord Móckasiin, the gangsters, Reboz the wizard, the hot Norwegian knife that Reboz had fallen in love with earlier in the story... The autgors even appeared on the story as themselves by breaking the forh wall, so depending on how logic works in this story, you might be eating the authors as well. That's why I am here, to avoid that all those innocent souls die because of your insatiable gluttony! (also did you say that I smell?)
I haven't eaten you all the other times, have i? You still remember me eating all of the other ones, and the Grim Reaper can just flee to hell. The other ones i just toss out from my bowl. They're like a bunch of ants trying to make a living off my food. (Also yes you smell
really bad. I'd tell you to take a shower, but i don't think those exist in this story.)
...you promise that these innocent people won't die after you eat the story?
Look, i don't know what happens to the characters i throw out of my food bowl. I assume they go
somewhere, but they're all mysteriously gone within five seconds of me having eaten the story for some reason. And i'm certain i didn't eat them.
Where exactly is your food bowl if I may ask?
Well, it's... your head. Your skull is my food bowl. How do you not know that yet?
Okay, now you're just bulshitting. There's no way your food bowl is my skull. I've never met you in my entire life- or, better said, my entire
death- until you started eating all those innocent people and I had to take care of all their souls. Which, by the way, the fact that you've already eaten people before makes me suspicious how much truth is in your words when you say you only eat the story and not the characters. After all, a story is nothing without its characters, and I doubt you'd want an empty bowl...
I was about to tell you
how your skull is my food bowl, but it seems like i've been interrupted by a...
moccasin? Why is there suddenly a giant
moccasin in this story?
“I feel thou hast violated the terms of thine probation, o Cat. Thy punishment shall be integration into the stories thou hast began to consume.”
~ Moccasin God (not to be confused with Møqàsýn Rein or the Great God Mokkawsen)
Ooh, what's this? Free food? Of the god variety? Sounds delicious!
Now you've crossed the line, you gluttonous cat. Don't you
dare eat the
moccasin god! Or any god for that matter. If you do, you'll be charged for divine murder, one of the most heinous crimes any living being can commit... and you will burn for eternity in
HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Bark!" The dog is running toward the cat.
But the dog was then eaten by the cat. Did you seriously expect it to defeat this cat by just running towards it?
Okay,
now you've
really crossed the line, I can let you eat the
moccasin god, I can let you eat Tony Montana, I can let you eat the story, I can let you eat all those innocent people... but I will
not let you eat the doggo! Anything but the cute doggo! You've now doomed yourself to a suffering even worse than hell...
MEGA-HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You don't hold any power over me, stupid stone skeleton. I can eat literally anything, including this this "mega-hell" you're apparently sending me to. And i'm tired of having to deal with you. Prepare to be eaten!
Woof! (Translated through the doggolator: "The writers created me to be indestructible, specifically so I
wouldn't just be eaten by you! You can't get rid of me that easily. Also I just recreated the mega-hell with my story-making powers.")
Not so fast, cat! Don't think I didn't come prepared to this battle! I have taken with me an item that not even you will be able to consume! And it will defend me and this dog that I've never seen in my life but I find kind of cute and still want to protect... from you!
Too late! I already killed the dog with this flamethrower!
what the fuck where did you get that flamethrower from
My food bowl (which, by the way, is still your skull). I have no clue
why it was there though. I don't remember any flamethrowers from the other stories i have eaten.
Now, don't fuck with me, cat. My head can't be your bowl, you're making things up! And flamethrowers don't appear out of thin air like that; if it wasn't yours, then someone had to gave it to you! But who would be crazy enough to help you out...?
For fuck's sake,
take a look inside your fucking skull. There's all sorts of things inside that thing, like story-arcs, portals, flamethrowers and estrogen. And none of those are yours. I know that for a fact.
Cat, I literally can't look inside my skull, because my eyes are in the outside of this skull. You see these two back dots I habe in my skull? Those are my eyes. I know, what a shocker. And I can't use them to see inside my skull, because that would define the laws of physics!
(also did you say there was estrogen in there-)
You're a living skeleton. Your very existence defies the laws of physics. Your eyes aren't connected to your skull at all, they just float where the skull's eyes would be. Your skull isn't even attached to the rest of your body, it just floats there.
(also no, but there was some in there the last time i ate the story. Apparently those were included as a side snack? Anyway, i ate it all. It tasted quite good.)
Okay, sure, whatever. My skull isn't your bowl, though. And I'm not going to let you keep with this killing spring of yours for any longer. (also, if you ate estrogen, does that make you a girl?)
Bark! (Translated through the doggolator: "You fool cat, I can't die!"
Shut up, you stupid dog. Just because you can't die doesn't mean you can't be hurt. And your legs seem to have been burnt up by that flamethrower, so you can't exactly do a whole lot. (also yes i'm a girl)
Don't worry, doggo! I'll take revenge on your burnt legs! What I'm about to show you, story-eating cat, is something so gross and disgusting not even
you will be able to eat! And it will defend ourselves from further harm you may cause to us! This is what you get for hurting a cute doggo!!!!
Hey, uhm... the cat is gone. She went to the nearest pizza restaurant to get herself some food.
Oh, the mysterious person behind the white curtain is back. Looks like they're relevant to the plot again. And apparently the dog just used its powers to make some sort of device to regenerate its burnt legs. I'm actually starting to get worried over how powerful the dog is.
You shouldn't be that surprised that I'm back; after all,
you were the one that said I'd play a bigger role later in the story. By the way, I think you're overestimating that dog's powers, because I'm pretty sure the cat is way more powerful than that dog...
I wasn't quite sure you would be back because of the "smooth transition onto plot A". As for the dog, it
can just basically create literally anything...
Yes, but it can't defeat everything. It's about as powerful as a regular dog. There's no way it can even come close to defeating that cat in any sort of combat.
That is true. Anyway, I have to go reap some more dead souls. Bye.
Hold on, don't leave me here alone, Mr. Grim Reaper! This white curtain is all I have to defend myself against that cat. Sure, it may have gone now, but it will very likely come back. In fact, this story seems to have already been over, as the writers can't think of a good closure for the Reboz-Gangster fight (they literally killed the gangster in like the first seconds); which makes me surprised of the fact that the cat hasn't already eaten this story sooner.
Fine. Although you
do also have the dog to defend yourself. And at least one of the writers of this story is on your side too. Where did that blasted cat come from anyway and since when was my skull its food bowl?
Oh, i don't know where i came from, i was just dropped into this story. Also i ate the story again. Didn't even have to eat it from your round skull this time.
There's no way you've eaten the story, because we're part of it too and we're completely fine. Also it was prophecied the guy behind the curtain would play an important role inside the story, and right now he's done jack shit, meaning that there's still (or at least there should be) more story left.
Are you... sure about that?
Yes. Now when is the actual story going to start?
Surprise, Reboz! It is me, Agorack, the gangster who you killed all of his gangster friends! My death by the moccabirds was merely but ruse! I was waiting for the best moment to strike you by surprise and-
Hold on, where is Reboz? Where is the
moccasin empire? Where is the rest of the world?
Well, uhh, the entire story that you were a part of has been eaten by some stupid cat. All of your friends and enemies are gone now.
Hold on, what do you mean with "story"? Are you saying that all my life has been nothing but fiction? And that now everything that I once loved and hated is is gone??? Because of some stupid cat????????????????
Holy crap, a talking cat! You won't be that cat the other dude said ate my world, aren't you?
I might be. Is that important or something?
Well, of course it is, you stupid cat! That was were I lived in! And you took it away from me! You took everything away from me! You're worse than that stupid
moccasin wizard... Bring it back!
No, sorry. Eaten is eaten. I can't just magically bring the story back after that.
Well, you know cat... What if I just
cut a hole in your stomach and take back the story myself if you don't find some way to bring back the damn story?! Oh yeah, that reminds me, i don't have a proper stomach. Whatever i eat goes in, but nothing comes out like, ever. I've always wondered why.
Hold on, if you don't even have a stomach, then why the fuck do you eat everything around you in the first place??????
But how the
fuck can you be hungry if you don't have any stomach???????????????????
I don't know. I just feel hungry constantly. Somehow that's led me to being able to eat literally anything, which has made me this powerful to begin with. But the one thing i need to find out is where all that food goes.
Well, maybe we could make you eat a camera that's recording and streaming said recording live; and perhaps this way we will find video evidence of where your food goes- wait why am I helping you you're my enemy fuck off
Ok, guess i'll fuck off then. See you in a paragraph or two!
Wait a minute hold on you still have to give us the story back come back here you stupid cat- aaaaand she's gone.
Fuck. I'm amazed by how dumb sometimes I can achieve to be. Guess we're stuck here in this storyless void until the cat give us the story
or we create a new story...
Hang on a second i need to eat this impersonator right here before i can actually fuck off
*rabid eating sounds as the imposter cat gets torn to shreds and eaten*Ok, now i can fuck off. Bye!
The fucking hell was that? Did I just witness a cat eating a hybrid of a cat and an opossum?? While being trapped inside the void???? What the fuck is going on????????
Yep. Welcome to the club, i guess.
Hey, who said that???? Fuck, I think I'm hearing voices now... I don't think my mental health will be kept intact for much longer... If I already had that before, that is...
Oh no, it's just me. I don't have a body, so i suppose i could technically serve as the narrator for whatever story will be written next. At least i hope so. I haven't had any relevance
at all to the actual stories so far, unfortunately.
Well, that sucks, man. Think it this way, though: Having no story to be in means that nobody can take away your story, much like what happened to me. Now I'm stuck in this storyless void and I'll never be able to bring back my friends, nor revenge their death.
I never had a story to begin with, though. I was just thrown into this thing and forced to observe the insane stuff that happened. There was an entire interdimensional plotline that went nowhere in the middle of your story, and you probably didn't notice that
at all. Not to mention all the Knife Guy shenanigans.
Who can stop the cat? Nobody can stop the cat...Who can s- Wait a minute,
Nobody can stop the cat! I'll go summon him to see what he can do!
Nobody! My good friend! The only one who
actually cares! You see, I need you for an important mission... There's this cat- well it's not an actual cat; it is more so like a monster/demon that looks like a cat- that has been eating everything around her; and is causing chaos and havoc wherever she goes to! Nobody can stop her! Which is why I need you, Nobody, to stop that cat!
The cat is defeated by a blow to the head (because nobody can defeat her by a simple blow to the head) and everyone she ate climbs out of the debris. Wait what they fuck are you doing?! That’s not the cat, that’s my life-sized cat plush!
Yeah, Nobody mistakes a cat plushy for an actual cat...
Whoops, sorry... Nobody is upset by the death of your cat plushy...
Whatever. Also, when does the story actually start? This section is called "Story 5", but there isn’t any story here.
That's a great question. It seems the fifth story is being delayed because of our intervention. Unless... maybe the fifth story has started already... and
we are its characters...
Hey wait, i see something in the distance. Is that a… story?
Eh... what does exactly a story looks like? Do you even
know what a story looks like? I'm pretty sure nobody knows what the metaphorical conception of a 'story' even looks like...
Well, i do. And it sure as hell is a story. Let’s go check it out! It’ll be way more interesting than just sitting here and waiting for the cat to return.
Eh, you're right. Nobody wants to wait for the story-eating cat...
Once, there was a sheet of colours. Just a simple sheet of colours. No one argued over these colours.
| A certain marsupial was highly skeptical, not about these colors, however. He was truly skeptical about this new iteration of the "a story built one image at a time" stories.
|
And a certain skeleton was highly confused, not about the marsupial, but about why the story was restarting in almost exactly the exact same way it started.
Hold on, that's me! That's my photo, inside the story! I'm going to demand these authors for using my image without my permission! Couldn't the authors be more original, instead of reusing resources? Well, if it's true that this is the same start as the first story (which how could I know, I only arrived here in the last story), it seems they're a bit scarce of originality right now...
...anyway, said marsupial was unfortunately trapped in a demon core experiment, performed by a couple of inconspicuous bird-people. It went
quite badly for the marsupial.
A certain pinetree tried to save the certain marsupial from the demon core experiment, but alas, being a pinetree, all it could do was chase the inconspicuous bird-people with a chainsaw
The marsupial thought this pine tree was great for chemistry and dumped it into
NaK, which was then dumped into water.
Figure Å: å cut-open låb "tree-råt."
Figure B: A confused gangster/dark wizard that is confused at what is happening and is asking what on earth is wrong with the writers.
Hey, that's me! That's my image! I can't believe my image getsto be part of this story! It better be a good story, because if it turns to be trash, I'm going to use my newly-found magic powers on these authors... and not the good kind of magic powers!
Figure C: PROBLEM, AGORACK?
Hey, that was just mean. Just because you're the one here running the show is no excuse to be so harsh with your characters. I remind you that I still have the ability to use my magic thunder against you...
Agorack, I don't think your magic will work on the writers...
Figure E:
Actually, the previous joke only works when the word 'figure' is shortened to 'fig'. By using the full word 'figure', the reader might miss the pun 🤓👆
Hey! You can't do that, we're not at figure Moccasins yet!
...anyway, here's figure
I Figure J: Time-travel. Brun is the first image ever to experience time-travel.
Uhhh... what is happening?
The story, I guess. That said, this seems like a really dull story to me. It has no plot, nor coherence; it's just a bunch of random images stitched to each other with no rhyme or reason. Whoever are writing this story are doing a terrible job at it.
Hey, what the fuck is this? Are you two trying to disrupt the story?! Because i, the great Ojai, won't let you do that!
Really? That's all you have to make the story more interesting? It's not even a previously established character, you just threw it to the story out of nowhere! You guys should learn one thing or two about story writing...
Character?! I'm not a fucking character, i'm the great city of Ojai! And i'm here to escort you two out of the story for disrupting it! Now get out, or i will have to force you to get out!
Hell no I'm letting you move us from here! We've been here since the start of this new story, so we should have some kind of privilege, and instead are being treated like shit! I don't care if you're a character, the city of Ojai, or the entire Ottoman Empire; we're not moving anywhere! Also, we're not two, but three; that gangster is also here with us...
Gangster? You mean that guy who just jumped off a cliff in the background? Because i'm fairly certain he's not gonna be able to help you in your act of defiance.
Hey, Mr. Angry Sun, I'll tell you I've heard everything you've said, and I'll let you know I'm still alive and kicking, for I've jumped from no cliff! In fact, there is literally no cliff to jump from to begin with, because we're literally in the void... or at least, I think it's the void...
You're telling me that you're not the dead gangster body at the bottom of that cliff right there?! I can see straight through you, you know!
Oh, i see. Sorry for mixing you up with that other guy then. Anyway, you've had enough chances. Get out of here now!
Why don't
you get out of here instead? After all,
you're the one that came here uninvited. We've been here since the fifth story began...
Wrong. I've been here since the first story. And i actually played a role in that story, while you two have just been bickering on the sidelines since you appeared!
That's because the authors are lazy and don't know what to do with us other than leaving us in this storyless void. But I swear, we deserve to be here as much as you do! Why can't we all enjoy this story together? Why do you have to treat us this harshly, and force us to leave?
Because tha ca- i mean the Moccasinian authorities said so! They like to read this story, and don't want dirt like you to stain it while they consume... uhm... their popcorn!
Grrr, once again I'm being trampled on by those damn Moccasinians... I thought that when the world I was inside ceased to exist, I would've at least escaped those bastards, but I guess I was wrong... y'know what? There's a reason I learnt these magical powers. Let those Moccasinians authorities show their face, and I'll show 'em who's boss!
And how exactly are you supposed to do that? You're just a gangster with rookie magic abilities. Meanwhile Moccasinia not only has a massive wizard army, but also the most powerful wizard of them all:
Reboz Møqasÿn Rein!
Hold on, hold on, something's not right here. I thought Moccasinia was just a setting for the story? I'm pretty sure it's not a real place... or better said, a place that's not real for the writers of the story. Because everything that comes to existence here is real to us, but not for them... And I'm pretty sure Moccasinia is not "real" in that meaning of the word... Meaning that you shouldn't be speaking of Moccasinia when the story was eaten by the story-eating cat, yet you are... What kind of dark secret are you hiding, Mr. Ojai?
Ehhhmmmm... nothing! Nothing at all! I've just been instructed by the Moccasinian authorities to get you away from the story!
don't look at my credit card's transaction history please Well, that's too bad because I'm staying. I don't care what the
Moccasinian authorities say. So instead of continuing to interrupt this copy of the first story that isn't going anywhere really, a universal reset is happening. Which means that there's going to be another story, this time with me, the gangster/dark wizard, and the guy behind the white curtain as the main characters.
Thanks for creating this story for me, Mr. Skellybones! Unfortunately for you i ate it up already.
You fucking Motherfucker! Fuck you and your fucking eating of our fucking story. You fuckface!
What the- stupid cat! you can't just do that! The story didn't even got to start! Couldn't you at least have eaten Story 5 instead, which had already been finished?
Ooohhh, thanks for the tip!
Hold on, are you going to eat Story 5 too? Well, it's already too late! You can't eat Story 5 when you've already eaten Story 6! You've been a bad kitty, and bad kitties don't get to do that! So I will prevent you from eating Story 5 too!
You can't tell me what to do! Now, i'm gonna-
Well, luckily for you, someone's trying to call me right now. I guess Story 5 can wait a few more minutes...
Someone calling you? There's no way someone would actually want to call you! You'd eat them the moment you'd get to see their face!
...a forum page, you say? Well thanks for the invitation. I'll make sure to be there soon.Well, consider yourself lucky, Stone Skelly, because i've got myself an even bigger fish to eat than Story 5 right now. I'll be back in about an hour.
Hey guys, it's me,
Goku Pichu! Pichu the Pichu! I make no logical sense being here. Does anyone have any...
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... problems?
Hey, look, it's a Pichu; what a cute lil' fella! How did that get here...? Maybe it's a leftover from the story that cat ate... Damn bastard... Speaking of which, where did it go? Not that I miss her company or anything, but we should be cautious in case she comes back...
Hi i'm back! I went to eat
some forum page, but when i came back you still hadn't processed that i even left. It took you more than a week to just... react to the fact that i was gone! So now i've eaten all the other stories too out of boredom.
Why hello there, little cat. It is I, the one and only Pichu the Pichu. I have obtained this gun from some random guy I found on the street; he kept mumbling about this "
protactinium" thing. Mind if I halt your eating habits to ask if you know anything about this "protactinium"? It seems to be of quite the interest to that man.
Who the heck cares??? This cat just ate the other stories too! How is this universe now going to coexist, if there aren't any other stories to sustain it? Unless... please, story-eating cat, tell me you've left some stories without eating them...
Well, I suppose this article is getting a little expansive. I must say, this is probably one of the biggest articles in Uncyclopedia history. Nothing can beat
Infinity, of course.
Hey, who the flipping frick brought you in here?! Go back to your damn story! Oh wait, you can't, because the cat ate it... Anyways, get out of here! If more and more people come here, that stupid angry sun will come back and tell us to leave... Where did that sun go, anyways? Not that I care...
I literally
can't tell you to leave. The cat ate my job, and i don't have any authority to get rid of you without it.
Oh, there you are, Mr. Angry Sun... well, it's a good thing to know you can't tell us to leave anymore. Although it's a bit sad to hear you don't have a job anymore. I'd like to help you, but if I did, you'd be able to get us out from here again.
By the way, I've noticed that whenever I speak of something or someone, said thing appears in front of me... I wonder if... "Man, where did my big stack of cash go?"
Uhmmmm...... about that......
Sorry, i ate all that money you were looking for. Tastes kinda like salad.
Alright, this is getting boring. Time to hop out of someone's Nintendo Switch real quick. Toodles!
Pichu, I don't think you understand. There are no Nintendo Switches here. Nor any type of console. Nor any technology. Nor anything in general. Only us. We're in a story-less void, all because that damn cat ate all the stories-and thus, the universe you lived in, along with all the other universes that were once here. We're now homeless. So there's no Nintendo Switch you can jump out from. Because that cat ate it. Along with everything else.
I haven't eaten any Nintendo Switch yet? Thanks for telling me that there is one somewhere, though.
No, on our collective word as band kids, we will not let you eat that gun.
too late, i already ate that gun
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
also i'm gonna eat the story now
HA! You fool! I have my extremely loud incorrect buzzer with me, and I will use it right now!
sorry i can't hear you i'm busy eating the story right now
Hold on, didn't you say you had already eaten all the stories? How are you eating yet another story, if you didn't leave anything left? Is there's something you're hiding from us, Miss Cat?
no, but i'm eating this specific story we're in right now. it's the only one that hasn't been eaten up by me already
We're literally in a story-less void! There's no plot here, nor main character, nor antagonist, nor setting, nor anything like that; and there's definitely no story here! You ate it all! What else is there for you to eat, you stupid cat?
But... you swore you didn't eat the characters in the story, only the rest! And we're characters! Don't you think there's something wrong with that reasoning???
idk, i'm just really hungry right now. and if i can't eat the story, then i'll eat the next best thing there is to find
Wow wow wow, let me tell ya miss, I ain't the best thing there is to find, that's for sure. I barely eat, meaning that I have no nutrients at all in my body. Plus, my skin tastes really awful, and I'm pretty sure it's all covered in filth. I don't know how much time passed before I got here, but before that, I hadn't showered for like months, so now I'm all stinky and yucky. I definitely wouldn't eat me if I were you, no, miss
Uhmmm......... Pichu pichu???
sorry, what was that? i just ate this weird talking stone skeleton, so i wasn't able to hear you
yeah, sure, as if I'm going to get eaten by some idiot cat... I'm death, biatch! you can't kill what's already dead! plus, you mentioned earlier that you used my skull as a bowl where you eat from (yeah, sure); so if we consider that to be true, and you eat me, then where are you going to eat from? huh? huh???
i'll just buy a replacement at the store. they sell your skull there for whatever reason
Yeah, sure, of course. They probably sell my butt there too. Stop with the bullshit cat, your sea of lies just keep getting higer and higher, and I ain't going to tolerate this bullshit any further. Now, if you excuse me, I'm going to politely ask you to fuck off.
She ain't lying, mr. skeleton guy. They really do sell your skull there.
Huh? Really? Well, I guess I'll have to check that out- wait a minute, what store are we talking about??? We're literally in the middle of nowhere!!!! There are no stores here, let alone stores that sell an identical replica of my skull!!!!!!!
there's a lidl around the corner. i got it from there
Well, if it's true that there's a Lidl around the corner, how's that you prefer to eat
us over -I don't know- some f'kin' food from the f'kin' Lidl that's f'kin' near us????????
they're out of food. and literally anything that's not your skull. it's the only thing left in stock because no one wants to buy it for some reason. i have no clue how a store can survive like that, but for some reason it does
Quite honestly, I'm more concerned on how can a store survive without clients. Because no one's here but us, and I'm pretty sure no one from here has heard about that Lidl -let alone bought from there. Also, why don't you eat the suspiciously identical replica of my skull they buy there, instead of -I don't know- resorting to eat us???
First, I'm cut from the Smash roster, and NOW I'M CUT FROM THE FOOD MENU? Why can't I ever get on SOME sort of roster?
Eh, I don't think you want to be part of the food menu, mysterious talking mouse... you'd probably die from being eaten, and I'd personally not want to die like that...
Oh, the name's Pichu. Pichu the Pichu. Nice to meet you. What's your name?
My name, huh? Well... it's been so long, I don't think I can even remember my name. All I remember was that bastard that took everything from me, that Reboz wizard... I was going to revenge my friends, now turned into
moccasins by him; but when I was about to kill that devious wizard, I got beat up by a bunch of birds... and then I woke up here, and all my world was gone, including Reboz and the
moccasins that were once my friends. It seems the culprit was that cat, so technically she's the one that actually took (literally) everything from me; but I still haven't been able to recover from what Reboz did to me...
Hey, you both need to watch out. The cat almost ate your conversation just now.
...........new story time?
Give me a break, now the cat can eat dialogues too? Is there anything that cat can't or won't eat? As for Pichu's suggestion; as much as I'd lik to start a new story, I doubt we can create anything that will last long while that cat is near enough to eat it...
Yeah... wait, can't we just buy the cat vacation tickets? That'll surely distract it for at least a week.
I mean, I don't know where you'll get those vacation tickets if we're in the middle of nothing... but for the same reason there shouldn't be a Lidl in here and there is; so logic be damned, let's get the cat a nice vacation...
Let's go to Johto! There should be vacation tickets aplenty there!
Yeah! That's a great idea! We buy the cat vacation tickets to Johto, and cross our fingers that it doesn't come back too soon to have concluded the next story! Absolutely nothing could go wrong here!
Now, do we all stay here to write the story or does anyone wanna go with the cat (not recommended)?
Eh, sorry to be a pessimist, but... Where exactly do you want to find this 'Johto' place? We might have been lucky to find a store in the middle of nowhere, but I doubt something as big as a whole-ass region is something we might find...
Oh, don't worry. I know exactly the way. I wouldn't've gotten here if I didn't know where my own place was.
oh look, a conversation. surely no one will mind if i just eat it up real quick...
How the hell can you eat conversations???? One thing is you being able to eat stories, but conversations?????? That's juts f'ked up. How does that even work? Do the people in the conversation forget what they were talking about; is it like the conversation never took place in the first place, or what????
i'm sorry, what did you say? i think someone ate the words out of your mouth
hey, did you bunch buy plane tickets to me? how nice. i love eating plane tickets!
Oh, they're all the way over there in the mysterious land of
Johto. Pretty cool, hm?
aw man, i don't wanna have to travel to eat some good food
But m'dame, I swear it'll be worth it! You should really try it; the traveling will just make the food more worth it! Because I definitely know what a
Johto is and not just pretending to know for the bit; no, miss...
is this "johto" place in the room with us right now? because if not i won't go there
Well, surely, it is, like, right there... I think.. I'm pretty sure it's, eh... Talking mouse, I mean Pichu, why don't you tell us where this Johto place is?
oh sorry, the conversation made me hungry, so i ate that mouse you're trying to talk to
lmaoooooo imagine getting eaten by a cat couldn't be me
Eehhh... what? Who are you???
What are you??????
why would i ever tell you? all i care about is that my arch nemesis is finally dead
Your archnemesis? You mean, the cat???
why would i hate the little scrunky who ate my arch nemesis????????
ooooohhhh! yummy, more mice to eat!
Hold on, you're telling me that that little 'Pichu' fella was your enemy? Why??? That Pichu fella was a really nice guy, as well as really cute! Pichu didn't deserve to die like that! In fact, I hope it turns out the cat didn't eat that mouse in a socking twist....
oh, sorry. i ate that other mouse you were talking to too
Well, that last mouse honestly deserved to be eaten for being such an asshole. But the first one was a really humble being, and didn't deserve to be eaten like that... Isn't there anything I can do to bring the 'Pichu' fella back?
well, you can join them in my stomach. i'm sure this "pichu" thing is down there somewhere waiting for you
But, won't we die if we stay too much time at your stomach?
no, don't worry about it. you'll be fine
I heard there was buried treasure here. And I smell gold coins.
Well I don't trust you miss cat- holy shit is that a pirate
Ay, landlubber, I be a pirate. Where is that treasure I heard was buried somewhere? Tell me now, matey or I'll- Did that wee cat over there just eat a part of the ocean? What is that blank void that's there now? Ey, cat, not with my one eye and eyepatch seeing you will
you just be allowed to eat what you choose, mateys, attack this beasty!
you're looking for the one piece? because i know where it is
No, Mr. Pirate! Don't trust that cat! She might look friendly, but is actually a hungry monster that eats anything and anyone that's near her! She'll set you a trap to eat you whole!!!!!
no, i seriously know where it is. an extremely big pirate with a crescent beard told me where it is a couple of years ago
Arrrrr, you better not be lying, mysterious talking cat! Or I will put a bullet of metal inside your head!
only if you give me some good food. those electric mice tasted horrible. and also they tried shocking me to death from inside my stomach
Well, if they tasted terrible, why did you eat them? Why not just throw them up so they can still live?? What was the point, miss cat? Huh???
i was hungry. and i don't particularly care about what they taste like
when i'm hungry, it's
after i've eaten them that i usually realize that they taste bad. then i become hungry again 5 seconds later and just eat something else without considering what it would taste like again. this has been my whole life for at least a year now, and i honestly don't think it'll stop any time soon
Perhaps you could try to change, y'know? If you try to eat less, you'll reduce the amount of bad-tasting stuff you eat, paradoxically reducing your hunger and thus you won't need to eat whole stories to satisfy your hunger... ever tried that?
yeah, i tried that and then i got hospitalized because of malnutrition. despite the fact that, you know, i'm a cat, and shouldn't realistically be able to eat as much as i do
Hold on, so you
really are a cat? You're not a demon that looks like one or something like that? Just an average cat that somehow has the ability to talk and eat universes whole? Yea, I'm not so sure about that...
But the cat never had the chance to respond because it suddenly found itself in a place that looked like this...
Hey... uhm..... anyone know where my good pal Pichu went?
I came here to study the meaning of life.
Okay, who brought Plato himself into the conversation? Speaking of people in this conversation, now that I'm here, I might as well get to know y'all better. Firstly, my name is Raichu, friend of Pichu, enemy of Pikachu. I hope that Pikachu gets eaten by a cat or something... What about you?
I don't know, there have been people entering our conversation out of nowhere. First it was just me and the skeleton guy with the guy behind the white curtain, but then an angry sun came, and then a demonic cat came, and then the yellow mouse named Pichu came, then came a pirate, and now Plato was the last one to come here with us. Let's hope this group of people doesn't get too crowded...
Wait, Pichu? He's right here? I don't see him...
Arrr! I got tricked! And the treasure is nowhere in sight! And I can't seem to find my way back out of this place.
You have wondered who I was earlier in the story and I shall tell you: the manifestation of Fenris2010, one of the story writers. I stuck the cat in a dimension that is constantly changing and thus, constantly giving new things for them to eat so they can't just eat the dimension, but if they somehow do that, it will explode before they have the chance to eat the explosion. Anyways, you all are now the main characters of the new story. There was once a band of rebels (Pichu, a pirate, Raichu, and Plato ) that were against Ojai because it had control of exactly half of the Earth. The Grim Reaper was the ruler of the other half.
Hey, what the-? I've left you guys for a while, and when I come back, there's another guy behind another white curtain that's trying to impersonate me! Who's this 'Fenris2010' guy anyways, and what kind of nonsense is he saying??? Oh and I guess there's a pirate and a raichu here with us too.
I'm your long-lost twin brother that just got introduced into the story for no reason.
My question still has yet to be answered; where the hell is Pichu? One of you said he was here, but I don't see him anywhere.
ah, yeah, about that... how do I say this...? he's dead. that damn cat ate him. if you want to find Pichu, you'll have to find it in her stomach, which I doubt you'll want to do.
Cat, you fucking motherfucker! Fuck you and your fucking eating of my fucking friend, you fuckface! Now I fucking have to go
ALL the fucking way back to fucking Paldea and fucking inform the other fucking Pikaclones of the fucking tragedy!
ooohhh, i've always wanted to go to paldea! i heard there's free food everywhere over there!
THIS is the cat that ate my friend? ...I'm going home.
I'm sorry I had to deliver these sad news to you. I wish I could have done something to stop her, but knowing this cat, that would've just made me end in her stomach with Pichu. Mayve you can help us defeat this story-eating cat and revenge your friend's death....
Yeah, even if Pichu miraculously didn't get digested before, he would've been pushed in the acid by Pikachu. Fuck that stupid yellow rodent who just so happens to be the mascot of our entire franchise. He thinks he's
soooo much better than us.
Ah, that Pikachu guy... I think that cat ate it too. So, I guess not just bad things happened today, huh?
Well Pickahu would be down in that stomach with Pichu...his "arch nemesis"...yeah Pichu's not coming out of there alive. It would be funny if I was wrong and Pichu was still in that stomach... still clinging on for dear life...
Heyyyyy!!! Somebody!!!! Help me!!!!!!! I'm going to drown in this cat's stomachal acids... Help!!!!!! Oh my fucking god. Hold on, does anyone have a phone? I need to make an important call real quick.
here, have my phone. although you have to be careful; it's completely white, so you might mistake it for the white background...
Alright, lemme call my fellow Pikaclones and inform them of the critical situation we're in.
Really? Yet another new character here? When will people stop comming here??? I've been left out for a while with the quantity of new characters that won't stop spamming... Being in an infinite story-less void, you'd think there wouldn't be that many characters here... also, such a shame the Pikaclones died and all that. sad.
Yeah... wait, what's that i see in the distance? Is that the story we've been waiting for?
Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
Plato, could you please fuck off? We might actually have some good news here for once, and that means we don't have time for philosophy.
There is always time for philosophy, individual begind the curtain; but you are too foolish to realize of this fact. If you keep like this, you'll never escape the cave you're trapped in! Now, if you excuse me, I'm going to have gay sex with some twinks from Athens...
sorry I ate it. i was hungry again.
Wait, you seriously fell for the decoy story i set up? I never thought you'd fall so easily for that! Well, whatever. Have fun sleeping for a thousand years, cat!
i'm able to eat stories whole, i'm able to eat gruesome grues; you think a decoy story is going to kill me?
A resurrected Tony Montana cloned your genes from some fur you shed, so now you have to face me. A story-eating cat versus another story-eating cat. I'm your clone. I wonder what you'll taste like...
It is a duel, then. The winner gets to eat the other cat. Ow gee, i surely hope it doesn't happen the usual stuff that people can't remember who's the original one (me) and who's the clone (you)...
I am a guy behind a black curtain. I heard there was a kitty cat here. So I brought some cat food. Didn't expect to meet my cousin behind the white curtain
Hey, uhh, other me, do you mind if i just eat this guy real quick? He's kinda interrupting our epic battle.
It's funny you say that, cause I already ate him. Mmmm, delicious...
Hey wait a second, that's my food! Give it back now!
From where? You literally just ate the only thing i'm willing to eat from here!
there are way more food over there... if you're not willing to eat that, it's not my problem
Given my cousin has a status higher than this story, I can't be eaten that easily. I thought you'd just be an ordinary cat that would eat kibble but seems i was wrong.
Hey, what are you doing out of my stomach? Your cousin mught have a higher status, but you just came out of nowhere! You could even be lying in him being your cousin for all we know! Now get into my stomach again... *nom, nom, nom*
This is getting out of hand. Weird stone skeleton, could you do something to distract these two?
Hi cousin. You haven't met me before but I am your long lost cousin. I have heard of you by reputation. Though we'll save the greetings for later. Those two strange cats tried to eat me though I only was trying to feed them. I have no idea what is going on here, though it seems you created this story.
yea, sure, sure...
everybody believes what you're saying... now stop being such a slippery meal and enter in my stomach now! *nom, nom, nom*
Hold right there! Did someone just call me? Also, there seems to now be a guy behind a black curtain in addition to the guy behind the white curtain. Also, last time I was here there were two cats and now it seems they are up to something. Though why have I been brought back?
To watch these two small fuckers fight each other to death
Wooohoo! Fucking finally, I'll get to bring one of this bastards with me to hell. Actually, now that I think about it, perhaps the last thing I need is have a story-eating cat with me for eternity... eehhh, that'll be a problem for future me. Now it's time that I bring the popcorn and have a laugh watching this idiots fight.
Hey, aren't
i the one that bring the dead to the afterlife?
okay who the fuck made a clone out of me
Me? A clone? I'm the grim reaper! You're just a stone statue from the Cathedral of Trier.
Excuse me,
I am the Grim Reaper! Can't you see my badass axe? My stony appearance is the result of being stuck underground for eternity, but I ain't a pesky statue! I'm the real deal! You're the only fake here! You look like a damn tattoo...
Okay, I'm back from the call and
apparently my friends are now in the cats stomach... thankfully they informed me that Pichu is in fact okay. Can't say the same for Pikachu, and thank god for that. Now if you may excuse me, why are there two Grim Reapers?
My cousin behind the white curtain summoned the first guy to help with the situation. However, another guy showed up. I really have no idea what is going on at this point and my cousin seems to not know what to do. You're a Pokémon, so perhaps you can sort things out with a Pokémon battle.
Hey stop calling me 'your cousin', I don't even know who you are! You're the second guy behind a curtain that has claimed they're either me or related to me... I hope this doesn't become a running gag of some sorts.
Like I said earlier, we haven't met before but we are related. And both hide behind curtains. But that is a problem for another time. Raichu, do you think you can do something about the current situation? Like maybe a Pokémon battle will resolve the current dilema.
Sorry, i really can't right now. A Pidgey decided to Sand Attack me a bunch earlier today, and i still haven't recovered from that.
Try your Shock Wave attack which never misses.
Hey! Can you two shut up? We've come here to see two story-eating cats fight each other to death, and I don't wanna miss this! I've gort popcorn on one hand, and a camera in the other! This is gonba be good!!! So quit your chitchat and let the match start!
So you finally settled things with your doppelganger? In which case, my cousin asked you earlier to do something to distract those two.
What? No I didn't! There's no reason to distract those two cats! They're going to fight each other to death; that's already the distraction! Who the hell are you, anyways? Stop claiming that you are my cousin, because I have none!
sorry, you missed the fight. i already ate the imposter cat
yea, sure, as if you could eat me. you're not even the original cat,
I am!
actually, it seems the white curtain guy did indeed ask the reaper to distract them
[1]. However, that doesn't matter to me. I am going to hit both of you with a super effective Shock Wave and save my friends you ate!
thanks for that shock wave, it was pretty tasty. now you better stay out of this duel with my dopleganger or you're going to get eaten too.
Don't tell you me you got the Volt Absorb ability?
no, i just have a big stomach that can consume anything in mere seconds. it's less like a stomach and more like a black hole inside my body. it's cool.
Hey guys, I heard there was a doppelganger convention here. May I join?
No, definitely not. We're trying to get rid of these cats, and it's not time now for more absurd shennanigans that let the cats get away with their crimes...
Aw man... I wanted to meet my fellow doppelgangers...
Hey, I wanna join the doppelgänger club! I’m totally the real Big
Moccasin Billy!!!
Hold on, aren't
you the doppelganger? You lowkey look like me. And I've been living all my life with pikaclones that also lowkey look like me, so I know what I'm talking about.
Also who the fuck is that new guy that just came here...
...I wasn't referring to you when I said my "fellow doppelgangers..." Sorry for the confusion.
Hey, wait a second. Where did the cat go?
Fuck! W lost sight of both cats! Now how am I going to see the epic fight that was going to unfold? I brought my popcorn for nothing!
Maybe they ended up eating each other. Which would make the fight a draw.
How the fuck is that supposed to be possible? They can't be in each other's stomachs at the same time.
I'm back. I'm the clone one by the way. I don't know where the other cat went.
no, I'm the clone one! this guy's a faker at being a faker! what a faker!
I'm the clone. Also, was it really necessary to say faker three times?
Hey, could someone give me some schizophrenia pills? I swear i just heard multiple story-eating cats in here, and i doubt that at least one of them are real.
No, Agorack, you're correct. There are two cats, because the original one got cloned so they could be defeated. Want some popcorn?
Wait, really?! You're telling me that there are TWO story-eating cats here right now???????
Ah, you're the guy who was talking with my cousin earlier in the story. We haven't met, but I am the cousin of the guy behind the white curtain you spoke with earlier (though we haven't met in person till now). And I am basically identical to my cousin expect my curtain is black. Though where have you been all this time and why have you only now returned to the story?
You are NOT my cousin! Stop saying you're my cousin, because you are NOT! I don’t even know who you are!!!!!!
Shhhh, be quiet! I think one of the cats accidentally left a story behind. Let's watch what happens in that one in silence.
It was another normal day on the
Mushroom Kingdom. Mario was
stealing grabbing coins as always, Bowser was kidnapping the princess as always, and Toads were annoyingly yelling as always. However, it wouldn't be a normal day for much longer. Something shocking would happen that day; something that would shake the tennets of the very
Super Mario franchise...
...that being the sudden and unexpected appearance of the floating OPOSSUM head!
That enraged the floating Mario head, who was until now the only floating head in the Mushroom Kingdom, and wasn't willing to share room with a second floating head
But the flying OPOSSUM head just straight up did not care, instead choosing to scare people with its non-cartoonish physique.
The flying Mario Head didn't care that the flying OPOSSUM head didn't care, thus the former started a fight against the latter.
Suddenly, they were interrupted by a group of angry Ojai residents, who were coincidentally carrying this beautiful
flag corporate logo to this battlefield.
Turns out that the angry Ojaians had been summoned to the Mushroom Kingdom by the flying OPOSSUM head, for reasons yet unknown.
These unknown reasons were, unsurprisingly, colonization of the Mushroom Kingdom by the Ojaians.
Turns out that the flying OPOSSUM head was simply a decoy created by the Ojaians to distract the Mushroom Kingdom citizens while they were colonizing their kingdom, in an attempt to expand the Great Ojai Republic
But Luigi wasn't about to let his home be colonized by a bunch of greedy Ojaians, so he promptly gathered a massive army of Breloom to fight against them.
Suddenly, Sephiroth!... nah, just kidding.
The Ojaians were extremely outmatched, and after a short battle they were kicked off Mushroom Kingdom back to their hometown.
This made Ojai extremely pissed, and started plotting on a revenge for this defeat.
What's this? An indefinitely long yellow line that can feel pain?
Why the hell is the town of Moccasin, California an indefinitely long yellow line (or why does it at least look like that)!?!?
Because the line is actually just a
moccasin stretched out to be as thin as possible, hence the name.
Meanwhile, Wario came disguised as Mario.
Don't worry, I ate Wario.
And I the real one ate the mushroom kingdom already fake clone.
Oh GODDAMMIT!!!!! The story barely got to start before you guys came here AGAIN!!!!!! That's it, I've had enough of this. *
takes the cat with his hand and starts pressing the cat' s stomach* SPIT IT! NOW!!!!!!
Don't worry, i backed up the story. As long as we kick out the cats we can continue enjoying it for as long as we want.
Well, I'm glad to hear that, although not that glad to hear that we have to kick the cats first. Because they're such a pain in the ass, and they won't leave until they've drown you mad...
Don't worry, i can just create a cat-free new section. That'll surely stop them.
Continuation of the story (no cats allowed!)[edit | edit source]
That sign won't stop me because I can't read!
you can definitely read! how else would you know that it says "no cats allowed!"?
i have no idea, but i went there at some point
that's cool. can i eat you now
sure, whatev- wait, what did you just say?!
sorry, I can't answer; my mouth is too busy trying to eat you. naaaaaaam
Hey, i heard there's a whole bunch of stories running around unprotected from cats in Patagonia. Wanna go there?
A beautiful place filled with stories
and presidents to eat
One question, cousin. Will we be continuing the last story about the mushroom kingdom before it was eaten or will there be a brand new story?
Sure, but the cats need to get out of here before i can do that.
Well, that's just great. That's just like saying, "will we win the war?" "sure, but our enemies have to stop killing our soldiers first."
I mean, it might've worked? I can't see any cats around here anymore.
did someone say cat? i'm trying to find one to eat right now
Yeah, i'm pretty sure there's one over in 10 Downing Street right now.
there's no way this cat went that far; she was literally here a second ago... she looked and talked exactly like me, but was slightly dumber. you sure you haven't seen her around here?
oh, well, nice for that cat for becoming a member of the british prime minister's office, i guess. but i'm not going to the uk just to eat cat, specially considering there was one here right now. plus,this is notsimply about eating; it's about showing that faker who's the one in control here... well, and about eating, too.
Yeah ok, but the cat you're looking for isn't here. I have no idea where it is, but i'd know if it was in this room with us right now.
oh, but i sure as hell i know she's here! i can smell her! i can taste her scent!! she smells much like me, but this scent is way more disgusting and artificial, as she is nothing but a faker!!! and also a coward, because she won't reveal herself!!!!! show yourself, faker!!!!! prove whether your
balls vagina is as big as mine!!!!!!!
Are you sure that smell doesn't come from your own body? If you two smell exactly the same then it's easy to lose your identical counterpart.
i already told you, her scent is more artificial than mine! my scent is fully organic! and also if it was my own scent then i wouldn't be so disgusted whenever i smell it!!!!!
Yeah ok, but there isn't more than one cat in this room. And that cat is you.
are you sure about that, huh? or perhaps.... is there something behind that white curtain you're trying to hide from me???
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