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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

PICK A FUCKING SIDE, ASSWIT! Anyways, road rage is what happens when THESE FUCKTARDS NEED TO LEARN HOW TO DRIVE! YOU TRYING TO NASCAR THIS AND CAUSE A CRASH, YOU MOCCASIN FUCKER ?! As I was saying, when mommy and daddy really love each- Oh, sorry, wrong article. So road rage is what happens when somebody driving bothers another driver. It is a very serious thing, and should be YOU TRYING TO NASCAR THIS AND CAUSE A CRASH, YOU ASSBLASTER ?! Like I was saying, it should be avoided at all costs. Life is precious after all. DIE YOU USELESS CYCLIST YOU'RE TAKING UP THE WHOLE FUCKING LANE CHICKEN LEGS! (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that I'm coming to get you? (Pictured)

... that the Kingfisher does not dine exclusively on kings, but also hunts queens, emperors, princes, dukes, viceroys and any other high-ranking members of the nobility?
... that at some point, hanging in there just makes you look like an even bigger loser?
... that rounding up sheep is easiest to the nearest ten?
... that I don't like them putting chemicals in the water that turn the frickin' frogs gay?
... that Minecraft developers are flat earthers?
... that a camel's boobies are on its back?
... that Bruce Lee could juggle two balls with his penis?

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In the news [edit]

One simply cannot piss until he scans this.

Starmer unveils new digital ID cards to help further monitor citizens' pornography intake (Pictured)
BoJo and Co. politely ask Nigel Farage to stop lifting children
Florida Man found guilty of attacking Trump "as an alligator", sent to Alligator Alcatraz
Omaha man's order of salmon sliders indistinguishable from salmon burgers
Charlie Kirk gets l+ratio'd during a speech in Utah
Sheeranism officially legalised in Yankeeland
Angela Rayner defects to Reform UK
Hollow Knight: Silksong gets released; Steam crashes for the second time this year
Some mega pop star and her football player boyfriend get engaged. Yaaay.
NFL teams replace female cheerleaders with gay dudes

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia/Ukraine and Israel/Hamas "peace talks" • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys • Kids and pregnant moms trying to gain "super autism powers" by binging on Tylenol • Democrats and Republicans throwing hissy fits in Washington

Recent deaths: FUBAR • Cartoon Network on Comcast's basic cable package • Sydney Sweeney's new movie • Terence Stamp • The Devil's Rejects Unrated Director's Cut 4K (also Saw 2 & 3) • Trump's pet sloth • Joe Burrow's toe • Robert Redford • Baltimore Ravens' pride • New York Mets' postseason dreams • The US Government's money • Jane Goodall

Upcoming deaths: DEI • R. Kelly and Bryan Kohberger (in jail) • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • The flowers you bring Alan Bergman • Dallas Cowboys', Cincinnati Bengals' and Baltimore Ravens' seasons • MSNBC • Lil Nas X • Donald Trump • Windows 10 • Kids and moms trying to gain autism powers from Tylenol • The Yankees' postseason run

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On this day [edit]

October 7: International Penis Appreciation Day

1512 - Cockfighting is invented by Goorg, a Turkish peasant in Asia Minor. Confusion reigns as roosters square off against genitalia.
1960 - Kennedy & Nixon debate the Cold War and penis length in the second of four scheduled debates.
1970 - Richard Nixon announces he has a penis and launches a new five-point peace proposal to end the Vietnam War.
2003 - California governor Gray Davis loses his penis and is replaced by Arnold Schwarzenegger.
2007 - Actor Daniel Radcliffe, concerning a penis-enhancement e-mail, sues "that guy who keeps offering to make my penis larger" for sexual harassment; "that guy", who turns out to be Jesus, claims to have been trying to work on his miracle-performing skills.

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Picture of the day

St. Stephen the ProtoMartyr, the first adherant of the Christian faith to be martyred.

According to the New Testament Acts of the Apostles, Stephen attached sixteen sticks of dynamite to his chest, detonating them in a crowded market in Jerusalem, killing 32 Zionists and 2 Great Satans, and wounding dozens more. Stephen is venerated as a Saint by the Catholic Church, and in many countries St. Stephen's Day is a publicly recognized holiday.

St. Stephen is depicted here in a 12th century Orthodox icon. The grenade in his hand is probably anachronistic.

Image credit: Isra1337
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