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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

My actual name is unknown. I forgot the dub in which they called me since my birth many years ago. One forgets so much when inflicting justice and bringing order to the universe. What day it is, I also don't remember; lightsaber radiation also has a deleterious effect on one's memory. My mind, much like my memory of how my face became red: empty.

I have horns on my head, so I choose to rely on the idea that I am of a species called the Zabrak. My prime was during the Naboo crisis, which was indeed some swampy and dusty shit for the most part. I actually loved the Theed Royal Palace in which I invaded and never knew about the mining pit and its surroundings. I visited when I was younger and really appreciated the pillared columns and symmetrical architecture. My invasion was simply badass, much like my dual-sided lightsaber forged with the hateful, yet arousing energies of the dark side. And no, you may not touch it. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that the Easter Bunny must kill every 100 years? (Pictured)

... that Calvin and Hobbes was an action-packed buddy comedy series that ran from 1542-1549, featuring philosophers John Calvin and Thomas Hobbes as themselves?
... that while Pong! the Movie followed suit with the wildly popular video game genre, such as The Super Mario Brothers movie and Resident Evil, it did not play out as well in the box offices?
... that contrary to popular belief, popular belief isn't all that popular?
... that the great Wall Street Crash of 1929 led to many opportunities for great photography of homeless people and farmers covered in dust the following years?
... Altaïr has excelled in the tactics of fooling the mentally challenged?
... that I am Batman?
...that my mom's name is also Martha?

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In the news [edit]

Boxer shorts, like a real man. And Bruce Lee black pants.

Obama to Democrats: "toughen up, you fucking pussies!" (Pictured)
Trump sends condolences to tough-guy actor "Mikey Madison"
Clint Eastwood announces plans to live forever
Trumpman introduces Trumpmobile
Diddy gets off easy, possibly due to bribing jury
Musk establishes "Porky Pig Party" to combat Trump's "Big Beautiful Bill"
United Nations Secretary General gives up on world peace, World War Three begins
Netanyahu and Khamenei get it on
- Trump joins in for threesome, blows load
- Khamenei fails to follow up after dirty talk, taps out
Elon Musk breaks up with Trump
Trump sends condolences to "Sly Stallone"
Trump celebrates TACO Wednesday by reversing course on long-held campaign promise
THE ROCKIES HAVE WON A SERIES!

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, TAWOG, Stranger Things 5, and Spaceballs 2 • Russian Invasion • Gaza War • Trump and Elon's feud.. make up.. no one knows anymore • Animal-related live-action remakes kicking Snow White's ass • Jaws 50th anniversary • Colorado Rockies game replacing Jaws airing • Israel/Iran "peace talks" • Pittsburgh Steelers adding old players way past their prime • Rock drummer exodus (not to be confused with Tom Hunting or Zbigniew Fyk)

Recent deaths: Diddy's freedom for only 20 years • Michael Madsen • Diogo Jota • Texas flood victims • LA ICE raids • Connie Francis • Alan Bergman

Upcoming deaths: DEI • Tom Cruise's career of sprinting on-screen • Pittsburgh Steelers' locker room • Greta Thunberg? • R. Kelly • Iran's nuclear program • Oil prices • Dumbasses with fireworks in their backyards • Diddy's bank account after incoming lawsuits • The asshats who spoiled Squid Game • MAGA • The flowers you bring Alan Bergman

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On this day [edit]

July 19: Swallows Return (Capistrano), Great Cat Feast (also Capistrano), Ice Age ends.

1545 – The Tudor warship Mary Rose sinks off Portsmouth, after leaving an outer porthole ajar in a storm.
1553 – Jean Grey (pictured) is replaced as Phoenix by Queen Mary, after holding that title for just nine days.
1870 – France declares war on Chef Boyardee, starting the Franco-American War.
1877 – 1st Wimbledon Tennis Championship is held, oddly enough, in Hoboken, New Jersey.
1989 – STACEY CHIN'S Birthday and Another attempt made by Paolo for a unique birthday message.
1992 – Actor Luke Perry reches the height of his celebrity and records a world-record 18 public service announcements in one day.
1993 – Award-winning author Rod Jensen publishes his work So Your Wife Wants To Become A Minister (And Other Solutions To Your Daily Problems) to great success.
2622 – Time Machines are invented, and history is re-written. All the above is rendered possibly false.

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