UnNews:"AI is Here to Stay," Says Guy Wasting his Life Savings on it
Friday, February 18, 2026
Local investor John Moneybags, a man soon to blow his entire life savings investing in AI, said today that "AI is here to stay," completely oblivious to the overinflated investor bubble lurching achingly close to popping in his face like a bloated pimple.
"People need to realize that AI is the future," Moneybags said without the slightest hint of irony in his voice. "The opportunities and value generated are fathomless!"
Moneybags, whose previous investments in crypto, NFTs, and pogs didn't quite work out, nevertheless crowned himself king shit of investing and overconfidenly claimed, despite vast evidence to the contrary, that his investment was a serious moneymaker and not, in fact, a fad all but guaranteed to financially ruin him.
"Sure, AI has its faults and kinks to work out," Moneybags said in utter denial of reality. "It uses lots of water and energy, for example, and it steals artwork...and sure their webcrawlers basically DDOS small sites daily, and sure, RAM prices have gone through the roof, websites everywhere are descending into lifeless bot farms, tons of people are losing their jobs because of it, and yeah, okay so it may have caused some people to over depend on it a little instead of thinking for themselves, and yeah the ads being ubiquitous to the point of nausea may be a bit overboard, and it may cause a little psychosis in some people, but that doesn't mean it's bad." Moneybags said, entirely unaware of the absurdity of his statement.
"Besides. They were probably going to get psychosis anyway."
When asked about how he came to the idea of investing in AI, Moneybags said that he asked ChatGPT for advice, again missing any semblance of understanding on why that could be a problem.
"I was really distraught over my past failed investments, so I got to thinking, why not ask the all-knowing chatbot about it?" Moneybags said while staring listlessly, not having the slightest inkling of the very much preventable fate that awaited him. "The rest, as they say, is history. Besides, sometimes life is a gamble."
Friends of Moneybags, however, say he's bad at both investment and gambling.
"He once bet on the 11th horse in a horse race," said his friend John Sane, "and there was only ten horses."
Jane Heddesque, another friend of Moneybags, agreed. "He once gave a guy $50 to buy him a soda when the vending machine was like a block away. The guy never came back."
"Honestly," she said with a shrug, "I really don't understand how he still has money."
One friend of Moneybags surprisingly disagreed.
"As a member of Nigerian royalty, I can say without a doubt that Mr Moneybags is very wise with his money, and I will be able to personally repay his investment as soon as I get his fifth and final payment that will finally allow me to return home and access my money."
Despite all the criticisms from the people that care about him, Moneybags is sticking to his guns.
"Surely, all these big tech companies forcing AI into all of their apps and stuff and offering no possible way to opt out means that people actually want this, right? I should ask ChatGPT about it later."