UnNews:Trump awarded another Peace Prize for starting war which will theoretically end
Monday, March 2, 2026
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Nobel Committee has awarded President Donald Trump with yet another Nobel Peace Prize, this time for starting a war with Iran. This peace prize, now one of the many prizes he has earned over his term, was officially given for "starting a war which may theoretically end at some point in the future."
Following initial confusion, the Nobel Committee explained, "Since wars always have an end, either by a cessation of hostilities, or a possible end of the world scenario, starting a war is causally and topographically indistinguishable from ending one. As someone who has causally ended a war, Trump is therefore eligible for this prize."
Joint U.S. and Israeli strikes have already killed Iran's former Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei, and destroyed multiple military targets, including an ammunition depot where missiles were disguised as young schoolgirls. Iran has responded by sporadically launching drones at multiple U.S. military bases, before sending their real payload to destroy luxury hotels in Dubai and Bahrain.
"I would like to thank the NOBEL COMMITTEE for giving me this PEACE PRIZE (one of many!), keep it up or I WILL BLOW UP GENEVA!" Trump said in a Truth Social post.
Secretary of War Pete Hegseth celebrated the success of the strikes on Iran (called "Operation EPIC BACON FURY" by the D.O.D) by doing multiple pullups, all of which were in perfect form and did not require him to jump up into the pullup like a little bitch. When asked about the three U.S. servicemembers who were recently killed by Iranian strikes, Hegseth stated, "This three warriors were martyrs in our war against the forces of Shaytan, inshallah they will be delivered to the bosom of Ibrahim!"
Secretary of State Marco Rubio was seen at a local tailor, getting measured for the aba and imama he will wear for his role as the new Ayatollah.
Ambassador Mike Huckabee, fresh off a successful interview with Tucker Carlson, also celebrated by bouncing on Bibi's kishke wild style, doing twirls and spins which betray a surprising agility and flexibility for a man far into his senior years.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Edwards, Christian; Tsui, Karina; McCluskey, Mitchell (2 March 2026). "What we know about why the US and Israel attacked Iran and Tehran's retaliation". CNN. Archived from the original on 2 March 2026. Retrieved 2026-03-02.
