Condom Fun
CAUTION: Semen can be is hazardous to your health and may cause pregnancy in females!
Condom balloons, or condoms, as they are known for short, have long been used to collect semen. In addition, as high-quality balloons, they are especially festive when inflated with helium and allowed to hover above carnival tents, picnic tables, or outdoor children’s birthday parties. However, if they are to be filled with helium, they must first be drained of any semen they have collected, as this fecundating fluid’s weight makes it impossible for the balloons to float, even when filled with lighter-than-air gas. Condoms can also be inflated with air and used as regular balloons, with or without semen inside, although, without helium, they will not float.
Condoms have many other uses, too, as this cartoon shows, which makes them popular items. Condom fun is cheap entertainment. For this reason, few American households are without at least a few packages of the balloons.
Other Uses[edit | edit source]
Condoms are usually cream colored, but they are available in a variety of fun colors as well, many of which contrast sharply with the white semen they contain when they are used as semen collectors.
Typically, condoms are equipped with a reservoir tip, or nipple, and can be used as adult pacifiers.
Women and gay men, in particular, often find them comforting, but straight men tend to avoid them except as party favors worn on their penises as crude sleeves.
Condoms are also used as windsocks, and some women have worn them as earrings.
Flavored, condoms make tasty snacks.
In an emergency, condoms can be used as makeshift dental dams. Most people find condoms amusing, because, in shape, they resemble an erect penis or a miniature dirigible.
Condoms also make excellent costumes for masquerade balls or can be worn as funny party hats.
Former President Bill Clinton (a. k. a. "Slick Willy") wore a condom costume when he worked as a lobbyist for the Free Sex Society.
Boys have cut condoms in half lengthwise to make elastic bands for slingshots.
Also, though seldom used in this fashion, condoms are used as a method of birth control. This abnormal usage is only implemented by radicals to the virginity movement.
It is also very fun to give a condom a blowjob to make makeshift balloons for you're child's birthday party.
Cartoons[edit | edit source]
Condoms have often been featured in comic strips and cartoons. In one such cartoon, a boy looks dumbfounded as he explains to his pregnant girlfriend, “I don’t know how it happened! I put a condom on a cucumber, just like they showed us in sex ed!”
Another cartoon shows a customer’s attempt to purchase a condom rejected by a vending machine that doesn’t consider her attractive enough for anyone to be interested in sexually.
Video Games[edit | edit source]
Condoms have even become the stars of action video games that promote condom use. Unfortunately, most adult males are not interested in video games, and boys already know how to put condoms of bananas, cucumbers, and other cylindrical objects other than the erect penis.
Source: This article is brought to you by the Federal Program to Waste Tax Dollars Persuading Men to Wear Condoms.