You Are Alive

You Are Alive

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You, <insert name here> (2024 – ????) were born several seconds ago and now you are Alive.

Alive Alive Alive.

Feel free to whine or bitch. Because you *can*. You are Alive and therefore not dead. If you've just read the You Are Dead article and then came to this one then you have risen from the dead. Now all you have to do is go and save the world and you'll be a Messiah.

You at least want some questions answered?
Too bad, you are alive, go find the answers yourself, living boy.

And that also goes for the smart bitch right there that just said "I'm not a boy". You're Alive too.

Welcome to Alivity

Somewhere out there is a birth certificate with your name on it.

In your first venture into Aliveness, you may notice how the weather is sometimes hot or cold, and how there are rainy days and sunny days. Or more specifically, you may have noticed how "weather" does exist. Do not be alarmed. Be very alarmed. The clouds are crying on you. In fact, you may find in your Alive state that approximately 100% of the sensations and phenomena you were unfamiliar with in your days you were still not born are now conspicuously existent.

Remember how, when you didn't exist, you wasted hours and hours doing nothing at all? Well, this is exactly like that, with all the television you want. Anytime during day or night.

Perhaps you have noticed a light shining in the distance. Please do not approach it. In the past countless living like yourself have fooled themselves into believing it was the Sun, or possibly an UFO, or even God. However, it is none of the above. It's a rapidly-approaching car. If you get too close to it, it will kill you. Just like anything in this world can kill you. Because you're Alive.

As for any friends or family you have not left behind, don't rest assured. You WILL have to worry about them. You will have that capability. They'll probably be moping around, shouting at you for being an ass, or asking for money, or something. I don't know. They may even be laughing at you, but don't count on it. (You aren't all that funny anyway.) Anyway, they're doing fine, all things considered.

Things to do while Alive

You Are Alive FAQ

Much like this grass, you are alive now. Enjoy.

• Q: I am a good person in life. I live honestly, I respect others and I made every effort to help those in need, whether family, friend or stranger. So, where do I cash in on this?
• A: Uhh...

• Q: I am basically a selfish, belligerent asshole, but I still think I am pretty sweet. What do I get?
• A: Power, wealth "other" things. Oh, and probably an adventure or 950.

• Q: Why does the bad person get all that stuff and I don't?
• A: Didn't anybody tell you, "life isn't fair".

• Q: If I hadn't read this article would I still be not born?
• A: Don't be stupid; if you hadn't been born you wouldn't be able to read in the first place.

• Q: Can I become a zombie?
• A: ...If you die somehow...but then you wouldn't be alive and shouldn't be reading this article.

• Q: How about a ghost?
• A: Like I said before, you need to be dead.

• Q: Maybe a vampire?
• A: I guess....

• Q: Werewolf?
• A: Sure!

• Q: Animated skeleton?
• A: Most definitely. Huff 14 kittens while bathing in a electric cage of radioactive sludge and you'll be a skeleton in no time.

• Q: A bear?
• A: K.....

• Q: A squirrel?
• A: Go live in a hole. Oh, wait. You are already doing that. Loser.

Bye

You're Alive. A-l-i-v. Alive. HAHA. Alive-face! GET OVER IT!!!