You Are In Debt

You Are In Debt

left

You, <insert name here> (???? – 2025) used to have a good credit score, but now you are in debt.

Debt Debt Debt.

No loaning or spending. Because you can't. You are in debt.

You at least want some questions answered?
You'd probably be better off just getting used to keeping quiet, debt boy.

And that also goes for the smart bitch right there that just said "I'm not a boy". You're in debt too.

Welcome to debtity

The Debt Star: hellbent on making you debt. You, unfortunately, or fortunately to me, is in debt.

In your first and final venture into debtness, you may notice how your finances are neither good nor better, and how there are no money trees or speedy loan banks. Or more specifically, you may have noticed how "money" no longer exists. Be very alarmed. Do not be alarmed. In fact, you may find in your broke state that approximately 100% of the money and cash you were familiar with in your rich days are conspicuously non-existent.

Remember how, when you were rich, you wasted hours and hours wasting money? Maybe even flexing your worthless purchases to your friends? Well, this is exactly like that, except without the money. And without the day and night. And without time.

Perhaps you have noticed a green light shining in the distance. Please do not approach it. In the past countless poor like yourself have fooled themselves into believing it was the gate to money, or possibly a loaner, or even cash. However, it is none of the above. It's my cell phone blinking. I have mail. An Amazon package. You don't though. Because you're broke and can't afford it.

As for any money or savings you have left behind, please rest assured. You will never have to worry about them again. You will not have that capability. They'll probably be paying your bills. I don't know. They will likely run out, and then you will be dead. Anyway, it's doing fine, all things considered.

Things to buy while broke

You Are In Debt FAQ

This is how you might be looking now. "Where the fuck did all my money go?", you might say to yourself. Well, maybe you shouldn't have spent all your money on that Wow subscription.

• Q: I was a good spender all of my life. I lived honestly, I respected others and I made every effort to help those in need, whether family, friend or stranger. So, where do I cash in on this?
• A: Cash in? You have no cash. I keep saying it-- you are in debt. Enjoy.

• Q: I was basically a selfish, money wasting asshole throughout my entire life, but I still think I was pretty sweet. What do I get?
• A: Gather a party consisting of nobody and head for the Bank of Nothing. You will not find your way through it. You will not come to a teller. Within the nonexistent bank, you will not battle a no credit check loan. Upon receiving no loan you will not reach an agreement to get free money. Congratulations.

• Q: I was basically a stingy asshole who didn't spend a dime and hoarded my money, and I have no friends because of it. My bank burned down. What do I get?
• A: Well, since you're FDIC-insured, here, keep $250,000.

• Q: Why does the stingy asshole get to be debt-free and I don't?
• A: Because similar to life, "Money isn't fair". That stingy asshole is at least good with earning and saving money, unlike YOU.

• Q: If I hadn't read this article would I still be rich?
• A: ...Yes. You wasted all your time reading this article instead of working and got fired.. Oh wait, you didn't even HAVE a job because you never applied for one due to wasting all your time reading this article!

• Q: Okay.. Can I have a job?
• A: Got any skills?
• Q: What's a "skills"?
• A: Um.. then no.

• Q: Can I become a peddler?
• A: ...No. Well, maybe, what are you gonna sell?
• Q: What does "sell" mean?
• A: Um... I'm just gonna say "No."

• Q: How about a business owner?
• A: No. Especially if you don't sell anything!

• Q: Can I have a free government handout?
• A: Well, are you gonna apply?
• Q: Nahh. I want my government handout NOW!
• A: Welp, then no. Oh, and the government just shit itself again... so definitely no.

• Q: Maybe a hobo?
• A: Well, yeah, that's what you are when you become broke!

• Q: I don't like that! I don't want to be a hobo! Not fair!
• A: Well, tough luck. Beggars can't be choosers, and the pun is intended, you dingbat!

• Q: Or how about.. Gay?
• A: No!!!!! That doesn't even make sense!

• Q: Sell my soul?
• A: SHUT UP!!!!! YOU DON'T SELL ANYTHING, AND YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A SOUL!!!!!

• Q: Can I borrow 5 bucks?
• A: Um.. sure? Aaaaaand you just wasted it on heroin.

• Q: Can I borrow 5 more bucks?
• A: FUCK NO!!!!!

Bye

You're in debt. D-E-B-T. Debt. HAVE FUN ON THE STREETS AND EVADING THE IRS, YOU BROKE-ASS!!!