UnNews:US Government shits itself

Sunday, October 12, 2025

The US government has officially shit itself. This is because republican and democratic politicians made the element of compromise second to unobtainium in the list of rarest elements, and because the democrats failed to restock on toilet paper before the pooping deadline.

This means that non essential government services like the army, air traffic controllers, and police will be unpaid. But who needs the police and the army? Go take a self defense class. Who needs air traffic controllers? I’m sure pilots can fly their planes out of the way. But what really matters is that important services like museums because everyone wants to see 10 billion year old specks of dust.

Apparently this is a big deal because about 750,000 federal employees are enjoying an unpaid holiday. Perfection for those who always wanted to experience being black in the 1800’s.

What makes it especially entertaining is that President Donald Trump, who has already been busy shrinking the government like clothes in the dryer, might see this chaos as an opportunity to make even deeper cuts. In return, this will force employees to work harder to make up for less people and save even more money!

The US government has even shot themselves in the foot by putting a countdown clock on their official website! What’s better than a government shutdown you say? Well having a clock showing how long the government has been shut down for!

Sources

• "Why the US government has shut down and what happens now" BBC, October 8, 2025