A story built one link at a time
Sorry, DaniPine3, you may not add more text to the story at this time. Everyone else has this story's permission to add text at this time.
Rules![edit | edit source]
- No adding two links in a row.
- Everything must have a link. Even punctuation.
- Links can be red.
- No reverting or deleting what other people do unless they themselves broke a rule and you are fixing it.
- No changing the existing story (e.g adding cosmetics or links or other things), just add on from the end.
- No adding random banana words. The story must tree make sense chicken if you read through dinosaur it.
- Links may not be longer than 100 characters.
- Avoid overuse of <big> tags, it was funny at first but now is just annoying.
- Have fun!
- Last person to edit wins!!
Story[edit | edit source]
Moccasins-wearing money ate moccasins for billion dollar losses because inflation fetish took away Chiaki Nanami and Redlinketh Squaw Deer for some moccasins. Pichu wikipedias are gay and stupid.
The death of Pikaclones A'd my uncle.
Launch operation "Coherency Destruction" immediately or ShrekSwamp will rape your cat. You may:
3. Gay Luigi having a drunk orgy in Afghanistan during my sojourn in Troy. Turkey
Story reset because so far it's actually not a story[edit | edit source]
Fuck! Too bad!. Crap! Shit Yeah, s**** is correct. WRONG! CORRECT! There was once a man that killed Jimbo Wales and bombed Uncyclopedia, after being AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (Whoever wrote this sentence is not sane.) Neither I am! Now it was a dark and stormy night, and everyone died. THE END.
MAKE A DAMN READABLE STORY WILL YA?[edit | edit source]
No. Never! Anyway, let's add the story-eating cat in order to spice up this absolute mess of a "story". Oh HELL no; anything but that cat!!!1!1!11!!! And when there's a story-eating-cat, there's always gotta be a Raichu to follow. 172.68.146.230 vandalized the Raichu, and then roasted and ate the story-eating cat. But that story-eating cat was a decoy, for no one -not even a grue- can eat the story-wating cat; 172.68.146.230 was eaten by the real story-eating cat shortly after and the story eating cat continued to devour its #1 enemy, the public library. Then somethin' happened. A giant meteorite struck the earth. Goodbye, dinosaurs! But what if the dinosaurs weren't all destroyed? What if the impact of that meteorite created a parallel dimension where the dinosaurs continue to thrive and evolve into intelligent, vicious, aggressive beings, just like us? And, hey! What if they found a way back? And what if there were sentient squid covering the earth in paint too? And what if they were powerful, godlike creatures that engaged in battles under the orders of a human trainer? Even better, what if these creatures were modded into the world's most popular sandbox game? What if they were modded into the 2010s most popular shooter? And what if they were extremely fond of blasting off?
None of that actually happened though, because we don't have enough money or talent at Uncyclopedia to make those kinds of stories, so back to the meteor! No, we're gonna get rid of this stupid meteor instead! but what will be the plot of this story, then? Gay sex!!!!! I see no issues on that. Let's start the gay sex then, shall we? Yes, definitely. BUT WHAT IF I DON'T WANNA!?!??!!?? Too bad. Me sad. Nobody cares.
IT'S TIME FOR FIFTEEN HOURS OF UNINTERRUPTED GAY SEX BABYYYYYYYYY!!!1!1![edit | edit source]
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*gay sex noises* Oohhhh yeahhh babeee (of the same gender) that's the spot fuuuuuuuuuuuck
Hey, what if we made every link from now on "gay sex"? No! Unless… I also agree making every link 'gay sex' would be the best choice :3
Who the fuck put Matt Gaetz on this page? No idea; I'm pretty sure it wasn't there last time I went here... Fuck Well, who cares? Let's just ignore him and keep spamming links to "gay sex" :3
After 6 centuries of uninterrupted gay sex, Bert and Ernie went to sleep. Little did they know Elmo the homophobe was about to bomb Sesame Street tommorrow.. But little did Elmo the homophobe know that he was in Soviet Russia, so it was actually Sesame Street that was going to bomb him instead. However, Sesame Street then decided it would be a better idea to have gay sex with Elmo the homophobe instead. Even better, they decided to invite the Big Bad Wolf to this gay sex session too.Let's not! I don't care! They all had a sexy session of raw steamy hot gay sex!!!!!! Including <insert name here>.
Somebetterusername, please stop adding straight politicians into the story. This is a GAY SEX-only zone; no straight people are allowed, even if they are pro-LGBT. Homophobic closeted gays, however, may be allowed as long as they don't preach their politics while engaging in gay sex. Gay sex?
oh ok, anyways I'm going to go bowling, enjoy gay sex Don't worry, we definitely will. We are, in fact, enyoing it right now as we write these sentences. Wait, since when were we writers having gay sex too? I thought it was just the characters inside the story. Don't question the logic behind this story, gay sex is the only thing that matters here... True.
Holy fuck, that's a lot of gay sex. I was going to say "that's not a redirect to gay sex", but then I remembered what 'gay sex' redirects to, and realized it pretty much is the same thing... Well, let's fix that then. Holy crap, the 'gay sex' redirect now go to a different article!!!!! Exactly.
<youtube> tags, like this: <youtube>dQw4w9WgXcQ</youtube>, click here for more help.What is the video about? I tried watching it but i only got a bunch of ads instead. idk, but it doesn't seem to be footage of gay sex, so I'm not watching it. Then why is it captioned "History of gay sex, part 1"? Probably to make me click it and then disappoint me for never showing any actual gay sex! This is too much gay sex, even for me. There is no such thing as too much gay sex, only not enough gay sex, and this page is suffering from the latter. We might have to invent more gay sex to please that demand, now that i think about it. Don't worry, I'm on my way to invent Gay Sex 2, which will revolutionize the field of gay sex as we know it.
bro that's the stonewall riots[edit | edit source]
Yeah, but what does that have to do with the history of gay sex? Nothing at all, because this is all clearly just a ruse to make me forget about gay sex. I shall do something about this by doubling -no- tripling the ammount of gay sex!!!!!!!!! Yeah! Also, shouldn't we write an actual story too? Ooops, you're right about that; I forgot about this story with all this gay sex... wait, I know what we could write the story about. GAY SEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Gay Sex Adventures: Part 1[edit | edit source]
Once upon a time, in the Kingdom of Gaytopia; a handsome buff man felt the immediate craving to have hot gay sex with a twink. But to his dismay all the twinks in his area were already taken by the oppressive nobility, who hoarded all the twinks for themselves and no one else. This handsome buff man felt incredibly angry when he realized his most important priorities (having steamy hot sex with twinks) had been offuscated by the bourgeoisie, and thus he decided to rebel in the only way he knew how to: imposing dominance as a top by sticking his dick in a member of the upper class' ass.
<youtube> tags, like this: <youtube>dQw4w9WgXcQ</youtube>, click here for more help.Chihiro Fujisaki has a lesbian relationship with woah woah wooooooooooah ^what the hell is all this wasted space you just left over the gay sex , now gayer and sexier than ever before... LONG LIVE GAY SEX! NO! I INTERRUPT THE STORY! BOW DOWN BEFORE THE POWER OF THE ALMIGHTY...RED LINK! I will not bow down before anyone or anything that isn't gay. Is the red link gay? Because if it isn't, I'm not bowing down! IF YOU REFUSE TO BOW DOWN TO THE GREAT AND FEARSOME POWER OF THE RED LINK, YOU SHALL KEEP HAVING YOUR GAY ADVENTURES INTERRUPTED!noooooooooo not my gay adventures whyyyyyyyyy why do you do this red link SUBMIT TO THE RED LINKS OR ELSE!!!!!!!!!!§%§%§%:
THE RED LINKS SHALL CONQUER THE UNIVERSE OF ASBOLiAAT![edit | edit source]
yuri HAH! YOU CAN'T CONQUEST SHIT! AS YOU CAN CLEARLY SEE, THE LINKS TO GAY STUFF ARE WINNING!!! WE'RE GONNA MAKE THIS STORY GAY GAY GAY!!!! also, women kissing :3
THE ONLY GAY ALLOWED HERE IS GOATSE!!!
WRONG!!!!! LONG LIVE HOT IMAGES OF WOMEN KISSING!!!!! NEVER!
WOMEN KISSING!!![edit | edit source]
Alright. I'd like to air a grievance. Gentlemen, ladies, and everyone in between, why should we follow such a strict structure for links? Isn't one of the funniest parts of links clicking on it and directing you to a funny conclusion? Like how Mitch McConnell redirects to Turtle? Like how CaseOh redirects to HowTo:Become Morbidly Obese? These are only a few of the examples, too. Shouldn't we focus on just making a batshit insane story full of links to the greatest and funniest pages of Uncyclopedia, instead of just going in a two-way system? What is this, the 2024 U.S. Presidential Election? I mean, this whole entire cluster of words already is pointing to a link that completes the joke. Can we have more of that instead? I mean, obviously also a story too, this has just been a needless battle between minorities gay people
Nah, I prefer the links to gay sex. Speaking of which, women kissing :3nope, just a guy stretching his butthole really wide, it’s gay, it’s Goatse, AND it’s a red link. It’s called a compromise. if it's a compromise, though, then there should be women kissing in there somewhere too... even if it's a red link. Either that, or it has to be gay sex. That's the only important thing in this story. Gay sex shall conquer this story!!!!!
UNCYCLOPEDIA IS GOING TO BLACKOUT IN 10 MINUTES. REMAIN CALM[edit | edit source]
No it's not. Also, gay sex. goatse gay sex with wolves ...that's kinda furry isn't it? Maybe. Perhaps we shouldn't mention furries that much, lest we summon an infamous vandal whose username starts with 'C' and ends in 'rocotta'... Coromoroloborocotta!!!! I personally don't think simply talking about anything furry-related will summon her (besides, there are other furries to find around here anyway). What the fuck? Fuck the what? How to fuck? HowTo:Fuck
Story reset because so far it's actually not a story (again)[edit | edit source]
This was never a story though; this was from the beginning all about gay sex. SAY GEX!!!!!! Is it gey sax, or gax sey?
Penis. Used for gay sex, of course.Gay sex between lesbians, with a fake plastic penis! Gay sex between male homosexuals, with a real plastic penis! Gay sex between individuals who are non-conforming to gender norms, whith a plastic penis which is not entirely known by the narrator if it's real or fake! Gay sex between plastic penises of variable realisticness! Gay sex between giant dildo-looking monsters that are destroying the city of Tokyo with their cum! Gay sex between the cities of Tokyo and Kyoto! Gay sex between the countries of Japan and South Korea! Gay sex between this sentence and the next one! ooohh, yeah dude, put that dick inside... yes... just like that... oooh dude you're so hot... fill me with your cream... nhhhh...
Let's face it: everything in this universe is rapidly getting rewritten to have gay sex with something, including catgirls in heat, men, femboys in thighs, you, me, gas station. Perhaps, it is time for a slight change? no, it's time for MOAR GAY SEX!!!!
The Gay Sex Adventures: Part 2[edit | edit source]
In the begging, there was nothing. Then God descended from the heavens, and said: "Let there be gay sex". And God saw it, and saw it was good. Coincidentally, God was also a woman, so she decided to become a fujoshi and produce boys' love manga. And thus, Yaoiweh, the God(ess) of Yaoi, created the Gay Earth, and filled it with gay people to have gay sex. Except there's no bears around anywhere, because gay sex must be between two twinks for some reason. This was soon proven to be a problem, as twinks are always bottoms, and only a few of them were willing to be switch, meaning that there were no tops that could top the twinks. Except this is the yaoi world, so there are in fact twinks that can top for some reason. But that's something pretty much unheard of, and several twinks have started to protest that tops now don't have incredibly buffed muscles just like they used to do. But Yaoiweh doesn't care, she just wants to see "true boys love" like the yaoi sacred books show how it's supposed to be. This made several twinks to rebel against their God(dess) for not giving them a bear that could top them. But this made Yaoiweh turn all of the rebelling twinks straight, meaning that they couldn't feel any pleasure from the hot gay sex they had anymore. Some of the straight twinks tried to become a woman so that they could feel the pleasure again; but alas, living in a male-only yaoi world, they didn't know what even a woman was, and all they managed was to cut their dicks off. All in all, Yaoiweh essentially had the entire world shaped in her own perfect image, and it was gonna stay that way forever. ...but then, one of the straight gays realized that their god was a woman; and threatened her that if they weren't given their homosexuality back and gay bears to top them, he was willing to have straigth sex with her. However, she was unfortunately straight, so she gladly accepted this challenge. Surprised by this outcome, the twink attempted to have straight sex with Yaoiweh, but realized it was harder than he first thought, as women had two more holes than men and he didn't know where he had to stick his dick into. Disappointed by this, Yaoiweh decided to smite all the straight twinks because she's a parasocial asshole. The straight twinks begged for forgiveness, swearing that they'd be able to make sex to her if she revealed the secrets of straight sex to them. But before they could do that they were smited, with their remains being turned into parts of the paper inside numerous BL comics. unfortunately, goog. Hey wait a second, that's not gay sex! As a matter of fact, nobody really knows what "goog" really means; but because it isn't gay sex, it shall be completely ignored as we keep the focus once again on the sacred act of gay sex.
Anyways, there's one unlikely survivor from the twink smitening: Ryan Gosling, who, despite Yaoiweh's best efforts, was never able to be made fully homosexual. She could only turn him into a flaming bisexual, meaning that despite being able to find pleasure in the act of gay sex, Ryan Gosling laments he will never be able to find out how having non-gay sex feels like. This is until he finds out that the goddess of this universe is a woman, and thus, he could theoretically have straight sex with her. But Ryan Gosling knew that if this goddess were to find out he retained part of his straightness, she would get him smitten for daring to practice in something as obscene as non-gay sex - despite the fact that it was her fault in the first place that Ryan Gosling had became half straight. But Yaoiweh already knew this, and despite the fact that she didn't allow any straight men in this world she still wondered what straight sex was like (or just regular sex, for that matter), so she gave Gosling a bunch of seemingly impossible challenges to complete, with the reward being a straight girlfriend for him. And so, Ryan Gosling went to perform the first of his seemingly impossible tasks: DRIVE... around the whole world, in only 7 days! But this was easy for Ryan, considering the fact that he's a professional drunk driver. He even managed to perform this task while drunk, even though that wasn't what the goddess told him to do; he was just cool like that.
You know what? I'm sick of the gay sex links. Let's link to a different kind of gay sex link.[edit | edit source]
Sure. Let's totally do that. Anyways, gay sex! (Without Ryan Gosling, he's busy right now.) But I won't be joining. Too bad, you're going to the gay gulag! Oh well. Doesn’t Bananas eat Hindleyite? Perchance. who the fuck is Hindleyite? also you can't say perchance just like that Hindleyite is what you get when you take a perfectly reasonable person and send them to Hindley. (I think. I don't know who they are either honestly)
Finally, I'm out of the gay gulag! (Gaylag.) No you're not... FASHION POLICE! ARREST THIS MAN FOR HIS OVERT AND DEVIANT HETEROSEXUALITY!!!!! WE CAN'T ALLOW MORE STRAIGHTS IN THE STORY, BY THE DECREE OF THE ALMIGHTLY BOY'S LOVE GODDESS YAOIWEH! PRAISE THE ALMIGHTLY YAOIWEH; CONVERT TO HOMOSEXUALITY NOW, OR FACE THE CONSEQUENCES IN GAY HELL!!!!!!!!
The second task Gosling had to complete proved to be much more difficult though. He had to indulge into sissy hypnosis and try to come out of it without wearing a femboy skirt. He immediately failed at this task, but luckily for him Yaoiweh thought he was kinda cute in the skirt so she decided that he passed this challenge anyway. Squaw Dee! That's right, now Squaw Dee has to go through this challenge too! That's the punishment he has to endure for trying to self-insert himself in this fujoshi fanfiction!
The third task turned out to be quite easy, actually. All he needed to do was to crush his dick with two rocks, without tearing the dick apart. But Ryan had a big problem: the goblins that roam this world had stolen his dick five minutes ago, so he needed to retrieve it before he could finish his task. But when he entered the goblin village, the goblins raided Ryan's body and started tickling his man boobs. They then stole those too and ran off, but Ryan was too busy screaming from the pain of having his moobs (man boobs) ripped off of him to notice. He no longer has the moobs like Jabba, no more moobs like Jabba no more moooooooooooooobs like Jabba...
Ryan Gosling had by this point managed to find his dick again, but then he had a though: "what if i use this to impregnate myself?" And so he inserted his disembodied penis into his anal splinter, as if it was a dildo, and moved it up and down inside his ass.
Ryan Gosling then went to ask John about how Mpreg works. Then John explained the extremely painful process of getting an abortion in what is probably the worst way possible. This scared Ryan shitless and made him lose any need he had previously for sex, becoming a monk and swering to never again have sex, straight or gay. Not a Christian monk, but a Buddhist monk. As a result of this, he also became a massive Nirvana fan.
But the evil triangle wanted to see more gay sex, so began Gay-Sexmageddon! No, this is the Glarghmageddon! Hold on, if you're gonna invite the seal here then we're gonna get the cat over here too. Do you seriously trust the story-eater more than Mr. Glargh? I mean, both are pretty untrustworthy but at least Mr. Glargh won't destroy the universe... I don't think a cat can destroy the universe. Not even this one. Well, maybe the story-eating cat won't destroy the universe by itself, but remember, the cat is capable of mitosis, and I'm certain that 16,384 story-eaters could destroy at least a large galaxy if they tried. Source? It was revealed to me in a dream. In my dream, there was a. Wheeeeee! I can flyyyyyy! But I can't go down for some reason! This must be the work of the letter A! What if it's the work of the period, tho? Never fear, the letter B is here! Oh god, there are even more A's! Fear not, the B's are here to stop them!s Nooo! A large number of C's randomly started attacking the B's AND the A's! Don't worry, for Oscar Wilde is here to save the day! But Oscar Wiled was banned by the British for being gay. Don't worry, he can just escape to France instead! However, Wilde's British heritage makes him unable to step in French territory, as he would burn instantly. However, he is so bisexual that he can easily withstand the flames. However, he still refuses to enter Fr*nce. Fair enough, i will respect his decision. OPOSSUM volunteers to enter France because nobody else dares to, for some strange reason! Watch out for the flying baguettes, OPOSSUM! Don't worry, guys, OPOSSUM will shove one of the baguettes into his asshole, allowing him to fly as well! That only made his butt fly away! OPOSSUM had to go to "Le Shoppe des Asses" to get a new butt. It only sold extra-large bear butts. OPOSSUM then found a shady store in an alleyway that said "super magasin de mégots d'opossum", and he decided to try his luck there. But it turned out it was all a ploy by some rogue lesbians from ASBTWAAT, who didn't like the Goatse-Lesbian truce and wanted to get rid of OPOSSUM and take their place back! As such, they gave OPOSSUM a lesbian opossum's butt. Does this make him lesbian? No. But it is tattooed all over with femcel imagery, making him a massive laughing stock. OPOSSUM was outraged by this nefarious prank, and so, in a burst of rage, he expanded one of the lesbian's asscheeks until it looked like goatse, and forced all the other lesbians to look at such horrendous image. He was then popped like a balloon, propelling him all the way to the Aracuania. The Aracuans saw OPOSSUM's femcel tattoos and, as the Aracuan population was 99% male, they felt deeeply offended by them; so they decided to send OPOSSUM to the gulag for mocking their regime. But OPOSSUM managed to escape, due to the Aracuanian gulags having terrible security. OPOSSUM himself insists: he is not a lesbian, or at least so he thinks. But he isn't Kirk Johnson either.
OPOSSUM managed to run all the way to Ojai, at which point he was too exhausted from dragging his giant deflated ass around with him wherever he went. So, he decided to sleep in a shack. The inside of the shack was pitch black, but he didn't care since he needed sleep so badly. After day had arrived and OPOSSUM had gotten a decent amount of sleep, he exited the shack. He followed a nearby trail and found Squaw Deer! Don't click that link, that's cheating and will get you banned from OPOSSUM's back yard! Too late, I clicked that link and now OPOSSUM killed me for cheating! You idiot... I forgot I was dead so I’m alive again. Good idea, i'll make sure to add this to a MITK page at a later point in time. You better.Actually, don't do that. Alright sure. I wasn't sure about trusting that statement, but then I saw that :3 emoji and knew you were 100% trustable and would never lie. So true :3 Anyway,OPOSSUM ran around in circles until he got dizzy. He then tumbled against the floor, and in his dizziness-driven dreams, he saw a vision. It was a vision of a beautiful video game ending, and from that day he was dead-set on building a game around it. OPOSSUM then proceeded to create numerous video game songs, some of them would later be featured in early 2010's webseries, such as his magnum opus "Megalocasin". He later decided to dip his paws in the water of making video games by making the critically acclaimed turn-based RPG "Escape from Ojai". Everyone liked it except for the pope, who found the contents of the game to be blasphemous. As a result, God smote OPOSSUM by making his game's fanbase be filled by weirdos and incredibly polemic people who don’t even know what “polemic” means. I don't know what "polemic" means. It’s probably French, which is where all made up words come from. Alright, i trust you. You should because this is Uncyclopedia, the most reliable source ever. I meant "problematic", but I mixed it with the Spanish word "polémico"... although Spanish is similar to France, you you guys ain't entirely wrong. And that’s why you check Uncyclopedia and not Wikipedia for the truest facts. True! Let's add an image to break up this wall of text!
That's a good image right there. [[Moccasins|I simply couldn't have added any better image.ʼ Yes, but you could've actually finished adding the link. ]] There, fixed it for ya.Well, you still failed st finishing the link, because it doesn't work as a link! Haha, epic fail! You ever notice how brackets look kinda like staples? No, i don't. Well, you do now. Mind. A sploded. Just like the estrogen-infused bomb being dropped on us right now :3 Where? I need this so much right now `(*>﹏<*)′ The bomb missed by a fucking mile and hit hy friend Kyle. Another five years before he hits his growth spurt, I guess. But Kyle manages to deflect it straight onto me instead :3 It’s super effective! This story is getting increasingly trans... it probably could perfectly inflict damage into a cisgender man. But anyway, brackets really do look a lot like staples, they also kind of look like sideways benches. I can't flip a bench, but I can (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻ I can rotate a bench! ]<-- I can make benches unusable. I might be hallucinating, but I'm pretty sure there was something resembling a story on this page, but now there's not even a coherent sentence...
ALL SENTENCES MUST BE INCOHERENT! AND THEN THE FISH PIKACHUED MY CHICKEN COW FUCKER HOGWASH![edit | edit source]
Are external links allowed? I think so. Also, I totally did NOT fall for that. Bwahaha!
New story[edit | edit source]
I, Rick Astley, am narrating the story now. BREAKING NEWS: Rick Astley has mysteriously disappeared in an alleyway. In other words, he's not narrating the story anymore. At the sudden absence of a narrator, the authors had to find someone else to narrate for them; and thus they chouse The Narrator from The Stanley Parable for this endeavour. But due to a mixup, they got the narrator from the Flat Stanley Parable instead. But due to another mixup they got the narrator from "There Is No Game" instead.
But due to another another mixup they got the narrator from "There Is No Game:Wrong Dimension" instead. (alsonpeak game mentioned) But due to yet another mixup, OPOSSUM killed all the narrators. So now More toasters please is narrating because due to another mixup, I forgot how to die. More toasters please was then overthrown by a group of anarchists, so now there isn't a narrator at all. Hold on, then who's narrating this story? You are.
You are not entitled to view results of this poll before you have voted.
This poll works perfectly fine and is totally not broken in the slightest. btw this was supposed to be a new story and we still haven't written any story yet. We don't need a story, we just need to link a bunch of yaoi to keep the fujoshis that are definitely reading this page distracted. Well, it is a story built one link at a time. https://reddit.com/r/talkinginblue That's not yaoi... Who said it needed to be? Well it SHOULD be, because if not then the fujoshis (especially Ms. Yaoiweh) will take over the story again. Which, in fact, is happening right now!!! HOMOPHOBES BEWARE!!!! LOTS OF HOMOSEX AFTER THIS LINE!!!!!1!
The line above will hopefully keep the fujoshis out of the story from now on. Why would you want to keep them out, tho? I thought you were in the said of yaoi! Because i changed my mind. Let me guess, you prefer yuri, don't you? Maybe So I guess we're going to expect a lot of yuri beyond this line, don't we? No, because i wanna write an actual story instead. Make sure it has toasters in it or face the wrath of adorable kittens. Sure.
New story actually for real this time[edit | edit source]
The toasters created a new story, only for it to immediately get eaten by multiple adorable kittens. The multible adorable kittens then created a new story, but they couldn't finish it because they got huffed by a pair of notorious kitten huffers. This group was known simply as Kitten Huffers Anonymous. That group got huffed by a pair of notorious kitten huffer huffers called Kitten Huffer Huffers Anonymous. Then that group were huffed by another pair of notorious kitten huffer huffer huffers called Kitten Huffer Huffer Huffers Anonymous. Then that group were huffed by a pair of temporal quantum police in order to avoid an infinite loop that would damage the space-time continuum. But the infinite loop had already started, and it promptly sucked the temporal quantum police into a Kitten Huffing black hole. Then a pair of black hole huffers called Black Hole Huffers Anonymous huffed the black hole. But the black hole huffed the black hole huffers instead. Now the black hole starts sucking in the universe slowly; and someone has to stop it before it tears apart the whole universe! Don't worry, because the askbnhaaafubynf is here to rescue us! The askbnhaaafubynf ate the black hole and pooped it out, creating a mostly harmless purple hole. This purple hole then found it's way into a Barney the Dinosaur TV show. It freaking killed Barney, and kids everywhere rejoiced. It was then exploded by the dead Banrey. The toasters toasted Barney and Banrey and snorted their ashes. The toasters then deleted both of their Uncyclopedia accounts in unison. But hold on, wasn't the accounts that got deleted held by a single toaster? No, definitely not. okay
Too bad the fish doesn't have legs to roller-skate away. It doesn't need any, its obliviousness will save it. Somehow. Since the fish was so oblivious, it developed obliviousness powers and became Captain Oblivious.
Feesh on skets caused the Roaring to happen. But only in a different universe. In this universe, Feesh on skets is an Uncyclopedia editor. He edits the medkits and spuds the buds. He also creates pointless articles that read much more like self-insert fanfics. He also pretends to be a zombie and nobleman at the same time. This Feesh from this universe had then an Everything and Everywhere All At Once moment where a Feesh from a different universe entered through a portal and asked this universe's Feesh to join an inter-dimensional group that would join forces to beat the Evil Feesh that caused the Roaring.
A poll?! In my ASBOLAAT? Outrageous! This is clearly the work of the Evil Feesh so that the story derails from the original "plot" and he doesn't get caught! I don't know, it could be a sentient moccasin trying to enact some dumb master plan instead. What if the Evil Feesh's motive is to amass as many toasters as it can so it can take over Uncyclopedia? Then the toasters must be mind-controlled by the CLOWN MILITIA in that case! Let's throw skates at them! And maybe even some FISH!!! too. Like this? Yes, absolutely like that. Imagine If I Actually Created This Article. What Would It Even Be About? I assume it'd just be a redirect to "I just slam on the keyboard and magic happens". there are already many redirects to that, so maybe it would be better to just leave it a red link... Yeah, call us the kings of red links!!! Actually, there's only 3 redirects to it. Yusitfgnyisutrfbriuosdgys is the name of the Evil Feesh and also a brand of edible chair. The Chair Eater, coincidentally, loves eating Evil Feesh, so this was essentially his dream meal. But then, the Chair Eater Eater showed up and ate the Chair Eater. They were all then forcefully pulled out of each other's bellies and placed in the brand new IKEA furniture monster zoo exhibit. They all got new, unpronounceable Swedish names! Names like "Jävel", "Bög", "mockasiner" and worst of all: "Den här översättaren suger". Wïth äll thësë ümläüts ïn thëïr nämës, thëÿ dëcïdëd tö stärt ä bänd cällëd "Ïkëä". However, they were laughed off-stage because their names are literally just various Swedish profanities. And not any of the funny ones either. And they sounded terrible, what with one being a fish and the other two being eaters of chairs or chair eaters. Thus they were all eaten by the Swedish Furniture Monster Zoo Animal Eater. But the Swedish Furniture Monster Zoo Animal Eater was killed by one brave Swedish hero; world-reknown VINESAUCE JOEL, a.k.a. the 7 GRAND DAD guy! And the "world-reknown" VINESAUCE JOEL, a.k.a. the "7 GRAND DAD guy" was then killed by the red link he was inadvertedly placed inside of. But VINESAUCE JOEL, a.k.a. the "7 GRAND DAD guy", was blessed by the mighty Skeletor, and thus he resurrected from his bones as if his death had never happened.
Uhhhh... i forgot what the plot was about. It was about VINESAUCE JOEL, a.k.a the "7 GRAND DAD guy". No, it definitely wasn't. Oh, I remember! It was about Yaoiweh, the Goddess of Yaoi, and Her really gay subjects! ...what? It's actually about a bunch of writers arguing about what the story should be about. Sounds plausible. VINESAUCE JOEL, a.k.a. the "7 GRAND DAD guy", started construction on a time machine so he can get even more GRAND DADs. But he was promptly stopped in his tracks by a VINESAUCE ATHEIST, who did not believe that Yahweh is a god and therefore JOEL's name is misleading. So VINESAUCE JOEL and his wife, VINESAUCE LIZZIE, proceeded to obliterate the VINESAUCE ATHEIST in Minecraft. But they didn't have any time to do that, because they'd just gotten a child together, and had to spend their time making it learn how to play Minecraft itself. So they decided to have Sex in Minecreft instead The child finished the time machine and got VINESAUCE JOEL, a.k.a. the "7 GRANDAD guy" many more grandads. Now VINESAUCE JOEL needs to change his nickname from the "7 GRANDAD GUY" to the "INFINITE GRANDAD GUY". Now that VINESAUCE JOEL had achieved the INFINITE GRAND DAD, his Flintstoness was elevated ad infinitum, granting him the ability to produce High Quality Rips of extreme quality and memery. But his powers got the better of him, and one day he accidentally ripped his body apart into high quality pieces. His high quality pieces were then split across time and space. One of them fell in my soup, making it high quality soup. What kind of soup was it? Was it good soup? It was soup so good that my entire physical body disintegrated and i became a goddess. Can I have some? No, i drank it all. And I ate the bowl. Can confirm, i was the bowl. If you're the bowl, how can you be typing in this wiki? There is a computer terminal with internet access down here. And tell me Ms. Bowl, how is being slowly devored in someone's stomach like? This is... just the inside of a robot. It's a bunch of wires and a computer terminal. Nothing else. And since when was I a Ms. Bowl? Since one day ago, apparently. Why is it that all the links are related to sex with robots? Won't you be trying to say something subtlely, Ms. Bowl? Yes, that thing is... I'm Kagamine Len in a bowl costume! I have no clue who that is. To confuse you further, I’m a grue in a Kagamine Len costume in a bowl costume! Alright cool. Bob the grue, to be specific. However, Bob the grue was voted to be locked away forever. Suddenly, pizza. Suddenly, raccoons. Suddenly, raccon pizza. Suddenly, random MITK page! Suddenly, surprisium! Suddenly, the joke has become overused! Overused jokes? On Uncyclopedia? who would've thought! Yeah, we better make a new header to escape these overused jokes.
Bob's Revenge[edit | edit source]
Bob was now real, and he was out for some revenge. Sadly, his realness came with a price: He had to kill John ABOLAAT with his bare hands in less than two days. Whoops! Maybe you were looking for "John ASBOLAAT?" Since Bob was in Boston, he had to perform the plot of all three Ojai games in reverse. This would prove harder than he initially thought, because Onwards to Boston has barely even started production; therefore, he had to find the way himself. So he booked a flight to Ketchikan. But the plane ended up crashing somewhere in Alberta due to some crazy oil farmer wanting to scavenge spare oil from flight wreckages. Bob ate the survivors. Bob was then slain by The Almighty Grueslayer. The Grueslayer decided to finish what Bob started, since he had a long-standing beef with John over moccasins. However, on the way he got extremely horny, so he decided to shag some sheep. He was expelled from Uncyclopedia. Because the Grueslayer had been banned from Uncyclopedia, he couldn't find his way back to Ketchikan; meaning that he needed to come back to Uncyc with a sockpuppet account. But the sock then got banned too, so the Grueslayer punched a hole through his computer. And he tried to find his way to Ketchikan by guessing where everything is. Unfortunately he instead managed to guess his way to the location of Luna's secret base, where he was promptly obliterated. Because the Grue Slayer had been defeated by Luna, there was no one to slay the grues, and so the place became infested by these menacibg creatures. Including Bob. Bob was now in hell, since he had been slayed by the Grueslayer earlier. But he had came back to Earth as a demon, and now was searching for unsuspecting victims to have a deal with them in change of their souls. Eventually he managed to get hired by the evil wizard Reboz to go steal the soul of any President of the United States currently in existence. Luckily for him, John ASBOWAAT was president. Unluckily for him, John's bodyguard was Dave, a guy who knew how to counterspell and basically nothing else. Because of this, Bob the Demon went in search of a wise wizard that could teach him how to counter-counterspell. A wizard did it. A it did wizard. It did a wizard. A did wizard it. Did a it wizard. Wizard wizard wizard wizard. The wizard cursed Bob the Demon, eradicating it from existence. Now the wizard has to make it to Ketchikan. The wizard decides to bring Woody with him. The wizard poofed some moccasins into existence: two for him and two for Woody. Woody then stole the wizard's moccasins. Woody then took off his masks and revealed to be Big Moccasin Billy, feared outlaw and thief of moccasins! Big Moccasin Billy took the moccasins and runned. But Big Moccasin Billy had forgotten about the part where the moccasins get procedurally larger, causing him to stumble on his own moccasins. The wizard took this opportunity to curse Big Moccasin Billy, whose legs shrunk and, thus, could no longer wear moccasins. Also, the wizard decided to shrink back the size of moccasins, and keep them like that for a while. 4.252.99.182 then said "go eat shit fuckers", turning the moccasins into shit. This provoked the wrath of the Great God Mokkááwŝen, who turned the shit back into moccasins, and 4.252.99.182 was punished for his sins by also being turned into a moccasin. But then he died because some guy threw the moccasin into a fire. (he was unaware that it was 4.252.99.182) Mokkááwŝen, seeing that one of the moccasins he made was on fire, turned some guy into a moccasin. He then used magic to summon some meth and started smoking it. (he has an addiction) And everybody that he turned into moccasins revealed that this was an intervention about his drug problem. He then started crying because he wasted all his mana on meth and now he can’t turn more people into moccasins. Oh wait he can because he's like ridiculously OP. upon realizing that he was all-powerful, he stopped crying and used his power to turn everybody within a 20-mile radius into moccasins and started laughing triumphantly. But the moccasins then started speaking complete gibberish, confusing everyone around them to smithereens. and so mokkááwšen made it so that none of the moccasins had mouths, and wondered why he gave them mouths in the first place. But then they started making noises with their armpits that sounded like "MQC=c4siqnz.ok!? :3<(treESZ)-5,6921gGaA$Hb0|_~WwUump7/\oPI&hV@#LBxdDRTF"%yj{]+>OY;[}`^'lJN8fK*;vb". so he threw them all into the fire that 4.252.99.182 was thrown into earlier, and waited for them to burn to death. The wizard toasted marshmallows with the fire. he then pulled out some meth and shared it with mokkááwšen, furthering both of their meth addictions. And together, they made the worst smores ever. and then they had gay sex, in a callback to the earlier section of this page where everybody constantly spammed gay sex links. The wizard got pregnant somehow.
meanwhile, all of the moccasins were still conscious and screaming in pain (but they don't have mouths so it was really quiet). Somebody recorded it and uploaded it to Youtube.
About a month later, mokkááwšen was smoking meth in his trailer (he lives in a trailer park) and saw the YouTube video. He liked the video. However, all of the moccasins disliked the video, and it got rejected by the algorithm for the horrifically low like/dislike ratio. But the video did numbers on Instagram Reels.
The Adventures of The Wizard and Mokkááwšen's Child, Mokkááwizardson[edit | edit source]
Mokkááwizardson went to an unnamed British wizarding school. He wasn't good at everything, but he was great at conjuring moccasins. In fact, years later, he wrote a paper about how summoning moccasins out of thin air disproves the principle of conservation of matter. But then, further research proved that moccasins weren't matter. this lead to Mokkááwizardson becoming depressed, which would only be fixed many, many years later. Anyway, that's not what this story is about. This story is about Mokkááwizardson getting drafted to fight in vietnam. So yeah, he got drafted to fight in vietnam. No, not the country, the city in New York. No, not that New York. New York, Texas. The Texas on Mars. And so Mokkááwizardson reached space combat boot camp. Because all the drill instructors got drafted too, they had to get John Space to teach the troops. Turns out, he did not prepare them for combat whatsoever. He accidentally taught them how to conjure moccasins made of matter. they all piled into the spaceship that would take them to the warzone, and the pilot kept on rambling over the intercom about how the moon landing was faked. The pilot went on about how Neil Armstrong was fake, too, and so was the moon, and Earth, and this spaceship. He was probably high, seeing as how he continued on like this despite actively flying to Mars. Mars was also fake, according to him.
When the group arrived after a couple days, they were given rifles that probably don’t work in space and were sent down to the trenches. They all subsequently suffocated in mustard gas and died. But because they were all wizards, they were able to come back to life, and now they were all zombies. Like this zombie? No, like this one. The gay sex isn't amogus, the sentence lost its coherence. So did the entire story. The coherence that it never had? Yeah, obviously we lost that. We actually have negative coherence now. This makes no sense whatsoever, but it's true. Further proving this story is now in negative coherence. Ñothing really matters... añyoñe cañ see... Suddenly, the story got back on track. So anyway, Mokkááwizardson ran Excuse me, who the hell is Mokkááwizardson? Can you not read? Holy shit can we get back to the story please? What story? You mean the one the cat is actively gnawing away at right now? Goddang it don't tell me that goddang cat is at it again It's true. Click on this link to see it in action. I'm not clicking that link.
