Knife Guy
The Knife Guy is a legendary creature. Not much is known about the knife guy, as very few have encountered him and lived to tell the tale.
Early Life[edit | edit source]
The Knife Guy was born somewhere in Transylvania, Romania in the mid-1200s, since that's where all creepy things come from. Not much is known about the childhood of the Knife Guy, although, upon entering high school, he was trained how to use silver knives as a way to ward off the many vampires roaming Transylvania. While it was common for Transylvanian high schoolers to be trained in using silver knives, Knife Guy was excellent at it, with some saying he was the best of all time. He graduated from high school at the top of his class, and was given the moniker “Knife Guy” at this time as well.
In his adult life, Knife Guy was very good at killing vampires, usually by sneaking into their houses near midnight, then waiting for the vampires to perform their ritual of saying “Finally, I'm all alone” at midnight. After this, Knife Guy would reply with “No, you're not”, and then proceed to stab the vampires with his silver knives, which killed them instantly. Knife Guy was rarely seen outside, although he was frequently celebrated for his success at ridding Transylvania of vampires.
At some time, Knife Guy picked up some traits from vampires, allowing him to be immortal.
Encounter with Vlad the Impaler[edit | edit source]
Although Knife Guy was very good at ridding Transylvania of vampires, sometimes they made it through the cracks. When Vlad the Impaler/Vlad the Chad/Count Dracula, a famous vampire, invaded Transylvania, Knife Guy actually switched sides. Knife Guy helped Vlad impale people, with some sources even saying that Knife Guy was responsible for more deaths than Vlad.
Death[edit | edit source]
Knife Guy decided to sneak into Constantinople and attempt to kill the Ottoman sultan sometime in the early 1460s. However, the sultan's guards were quick to stop him, and Knife Guy was executed on an unknown date.
Rebirth[edit | edit source]
Although the Ottomans thought they had executed the Knife Guy, in reality, his soul managed to escape his body a fraction of a second before his execution. The Ottomans didn't realize this, and so thought Knife Guy was legitimately dead.
From his death until the mid-1900s, Knife Guy remained as a spirit without a body, until, in 1956, when Knife Guy decided to possess the soul of a random 6-year-old. The father of the 6-year-old quickly realized something was wrong, and soon kicked him out. From that day until 1972, Knife Guy wandered the woods, refining his skills by hunting animals.
Employment at the C.I.A.[edit | edit source]
On one day in 1972, Knife Guy accidentally wandered into Area 51. While the C.I.A. were quick to arrest him, he soon escaped, and killed 24 of the aliens that were stored there, which caused the extinction of 5 alien species. The C.I.A. quickly realized Knife Guy couldn't be stopped, and were quick to employ him as a spy after they learned about his past. He was soon sent to Romania.
While Knife Guy was in Romania, he managed to kill over 500 high-ranking Communist Party officials, 200 vampires, and over 5,000 members of the secret police. Although the secret police did manage to catch him three times, he escaped within 24 hours every time he was captured.
Retirement[edit | edit source]
After his success with the C.I.A., the U.S. government paid him $6,000,000 after he returned home in 1984. While most people would buy a mansion with this much money, Knife Guy returned to his roots, hunting animals in private. He covertly sold them on the Black market, expanding his fortune even more. The government was aware of all this, although they were powerless to arrest him.
Return to vampire hunting[edit | edit source]
For an unknown reason, in 2004, Knife Guy decided to return to hunting vampires. Since vampires were much less common in America than they were in other places, Knife Guy often broke into high school plays and killed a random person. Unlike in Romania, Knife Guy was rarely praised for attempting to remove vampires, and was generally seen with distrust and fear.
Knife Guy as a serial killer[edit | edit source]
Although one might expect someone named "Knife Guy" to be a serial killer right off the bat, Knife Guy wasn't a serial killer until around 2016. It is unknown exactly why Knife Guy decided to become a serial killer, although it probably had to do with all the cyberbullying he faced due to accidentally breaking into high school plays and killing some people there.
Like most things Knife Guy has done, his time as a serial killer is shrouded in mystery, but was probably extremely successful. Some people say Knife Guy had over 150,000 victims. Nobody was aware that Knife Guy was responsible for these murders, as those murdered simply vanished. Most of the time, nobody even realized they were murdered.
A victim speaks out[edit | edit source]
At an unknown date in 2021, a person submitted a post to the r/twosentencehorror subreddit. As most posts on the subreddit were merely made-up, most people thought this post was just another story. The post quickly became a target of ridicule. Many people thought that the post, which was a truly stunning work of art, was written by a little kid trying to make a horror story. It was mocked all over, not just on Reddit, but also on many other websites. This caused Knife Guy to feel a great amount of pleasure, and legend has it that children all over the world can hear his laughter at night.
However, in mid-2022, people realized that this post was not only a warning, but the event actually happened to the OP. The OP was contacted, and an interview was scheduled for September 8th. Knife Guy knew about this, and, as such, murdered Da Queen on the same day. However, that didn't stop the interview from taking place.
Although the interview itself is not known to the public, the interviewer says that OP survived by huffing kittens to give himself super strength. This allowed him to run past Knife Guy. Although Knife Guy should have been able to catch up with him, Knife Guy tripped, and, as soon as he got up, he immediately drilled a hole through the wall of OP's house, and fell over 30 metres onto the pavement. Knife Guy survived without any injuries, and flipped OP off before running away, presumably to move onto his next target. This makes OP the first person to survive an attack by Knife Guy.
Today, Knife Guy still hunts people. Although the Reddit post is commonly mocked, it is important to note that it was very serious and Knife Guy may be coming for you soon.
How to survive a Knife Guy attack[edit | edit source]
- Realize that you won't survive.
- Huff a few kittens to give yourself super strength.
- Escape.
- Hope that Knife Guy makes a mistake.
- Die.
