Aracuanía Region

The Aracuanía Region is a first-order administrative region of Chile. The region’s capital is New Wolverhampton (Spanish: Wolverhampton Nueva.) Aracuanía is the poorest region of Chile, since all government funds to it have been cut due to its numerous attempts to start a communist revolution. All such attempts were led by an individual known as Walbro de la Diarrea. The Forevian Pevian Commie Party, located in Peru, provides 95% of Aracuanía’s infrastructure.

History

A Pestizo man, pointing a gun at the greedy bourgeois cameraman.

It is believed that a people known as the Mapuche lived in the Aracuanía region many years ago, due to some archaeological remains. However, by the time that the Spanish arrived in the sixteenth century, the only semi-intelligent beings remaining in the area were the Aracuan birds, whom Spanish settlers had no choice but to coexist with. How such creatures could arise considering the major differences between human and Aracuan reproductive systems, we do not know. Today approximately 50% of Aracuaníans are considered to be Pestizos, that is, freak human-Aracuan hybrids, which share a similar love for communism and obnoxious chant. They are called Pestizos due to their poor reputation amongst pure Spaniards. However, the Pestizos themselves could care less about this unfortunate name.

In the 1970s and 1980s, Augusto Pinochet considered nuking Aracuanía off the face of the planet. He advertised this nuking to Aracuanians using the following message: “What’s better than free helicopter rides? Extreme sunshine and a cozy nuclear winter! Badass movie explosions that you can see firsthand! And you get to see some CRAAAAAZY creatures too weird ‘n wild for even Chernobyl!” While the UN shunned his ideas, on New Year’s Day of 2007, following Pinochet’s recent death, several other South American leaders, most of which were just as corrupt as Pinochet, proclaimed: “Maybe this guy isn’t quite Bat Fuck Insane. Well, he is, but he’s fighting something that’s battier, fuckeder, and insaner.”

Gallery

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  A map of the region

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  A Chilean hillside, not quite free of SLAPPALLAPPAs

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  This iconic bird was originally native to the Aracuanía region but has since spread worldwide

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