Why?:Summon Bill Cipher?
"Debt?? Call Bill!"
- Bill Cipher on his debt relief program
"I think this article references Gravity Falls."
"What's Gravity Falls?"
Let's face it. You have debt. You bet $100,000,000 that the Mets would win the World Series, and they came close, but now you are out $100,000,000 and your wife is about to leave you. All is lost. The bank won't loan you money. Your friends are all broke. You have no money.
No?
Let's try a different scenario.
You are given an essay. You procrastinate, because you didn't feel like doing it. 2 weeks later, it's due. And you have no essay. What to do? Summon Bill Cipher.[1]
Why?[edit | edit source]
Well, it's better than the alternatives. Everyone admits that summoning Bill Cipher is better, far better, than begging your wife, your friends, the devil, or many other non-triangular people. Be sure to put your faith in Bill Cipher: the only chaos god with a little "but" and the deal for that extra risk and fun.
It's much better than killing yourself too. Lots of people, including hippies and unemployed people, try to leave this dimension and experience wakefulness with death. Bill Cipher does deals that absolutely don't harm you at all! Do you want to be a person without money, or a house? Do you want to be a hippie? Didn't think so.
Also, it's better than that other stuff I mentioned. Get yourself some fun risk! Be sure to deal hard when you're risking your life by dealing with Bill Cipher! It's better than dealing with the devil! It's better than begging friends! Have you ever actually wanted to beg friends? It's the worst thing in existence. The only thing better than dealing with Bill is joining Ciphertology![2]
Now, while we're talking about him, did I mention that you can summon Bill all you want? He is all-powerful and can do anything. You could ask him for a hotter wife, bigger house, kids who listen, among other things. The possibilities are endless!! You could have infinite power, you could have your own country!
Your Next Step[edit | edit source]
In order for your wish to stay, you need to worship Bill. You can do this by going out onto town and cutting all the signs into triangle shapes. You can only play instruments shaped like triangles, and you can do other triangle-related things. You can eat only pizza, use only , and join Ciphertology. This way, Bill will approve! He might even make you his partner. Just worship him!
Side effects[edit | edit source]
There are definitely NO side effects WHATSOEVER! No negative things will come from this. SUMMONING BILL IS A GOOD IDEA!! He won't trick you, or turn your body into a skin puppet, or make your life hell! He won't trick you! He's not gonna lie to you, or play you, or do ANYTHING WRONG!! HE IS A GOOD TRIANGLE!!!
NO LIES, NOT AT ALL!![edit | edit source]
HE WON'T!![edit | edit source]
HE IS TRUSTWORTHY![3][edit | edit source]
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA![edit | edit source]
In summation, Bill is very trustworthy. I am a real human. I AM NOT BEING POSSESSED. NOT AT ALL. I AM NOT BEING POSSESSED BY AN EVIL TRIANGLE. I AM REAL HUMAN!!!!!
 | Parts of this page were originally sporked from Why?:Hit yourself on the head with a baseball bat seven or eight times. |