The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny
The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny is the name given to the devastating events of December 22, 2005, when several pop culture characters (some apparently "fictional", although this has been debated by scientists for years) engaged in the "world's bloodiest battle" in Tokyo, Japan. Its casualties are over 900,000 and would have resulted in the arrest of many famous peoples, if all of the participants didn't end up dying. The battle was publicized in several news outlets such as Fox News and CNN, and has been referred to as "World War III." A Flash animation was made as well, poking fun at the event. This was criticized by many, as it was deemed "insensitive" and "offensive", although this has not stopped it from becoming a meme, as what happens with every other major tragedy.
Summary of the War[edit | edit source]
The war began on a typical day in Tokyo, when Godzilla began to stomp around. This is normal in Tokyo, and citizens have been used to feeling like Lego minifigures and getting stepped on. However, Batman had also been in Tokyo at the time, and, as a result, had also been crushed like a Lego minifigure. In retaliation, he threw a grenade at Godzilla's feet, somehow stubbing Godzilla's toe in the process. The loud sound alerted the nearby Shaquille O'Neal, who proceeded to perform an incredible, risky martial art known as "Shaq-Fu" that would allow him to beat up Godzilla (yes, only Godzilla). This also alerted nearby Aaron Carter, who was very angry that day (he was rumored to have been drunk that day), and, combined with a dislike for Shaquille O'Neal, caused him to also enter the battle and begin beating up Shaq.
Batman, seeing as he could not fight all of them, decided to drive away and ultimately leave the battle. Unfortunately, however, as he was looking at his attractive sidekick, he ran over Aaron Carter and Shaquille O'Neal, killing Aaron Carter. This was the first casualty of the battle. Aaron Carter's death caused (dead) Abraham Lincoln's soul to be disturbed, ultimately making him rise from the dead and go to Tokyo in an act of revenge, shooting Batman 18 times with an AK-47. Although Batman was severely injured, he ultimately survived, as Optimus Prime came to save Batman and crushed Abraham Lincoln.
Continuing on, Optimus Prime tried to repair the damage that had been done to the city, attempting to stop buildings from collapsing. This angered Godzilla, who decided to eat Optimus Prime. Shaquille O'Neal, injured, got up from the ground covered in a tire track, but was ultimately killed as Jackie Chan jumped onto his back and ruptured his spinal column. Batman had also gotten up from the ground after being shot 18 times, although Abraham Lincoln returned from his grave (for the second time) with a machete and attempted to assault Batman once more. However, this proved to be futile as Indiana Jones had also shown up (as he was looking for the "Legendary Ultimate Ultra Fish 3000" artifact) and whipped Abraham Lincoln, tripping him.
Godzilla noticed Indiana Jones, and Indiana Jones noticed Godzilla as well. He reached for his gun, but Batman had stolen it and shot it himself, which he missed as he has more proficiency in grenade-throwing. Instead, the bullet was rapidly flying towards Jackie-Chan, who had deflected it with his fist, sending the bullet into the emptiness of space. Jackie-Chan and Abraham Lincoln both attempt to get onto Optimus Prime, though they both collided in the air and were instantly killed by the power of a Care Bear stare (or, in other words, the power of love)
As the battle was unfolding, a powerful deity known as "Chuck Norris" overheard, and wished to get involved. He descended from the heavens, kicking Indiana Jones in the crotch and crushing Batman's head in between his thighs. The arrival of Chuck Norris (and the murder of Batman) resulted in Gandalf the Grey and Gandalf the White and Monty Python and the Holy Grail's Black Knight and Benito Mussolini and the Blue Meanie and Cowboy Curtis and Jambi the Genie, Robocop, The Terminator, Captain Kirk and Darth Vader, Lo-Pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger, Bill S. Preston and Theodore Logan, Spock, The Rock, Doc-Ock and Hulk Hogan all coming out of nowhere lightning fast and violently ripping him to pieces.
The battle ended one-hundred years later, with Mr. Rogers ultimately winning the battle with a katana. Due to severe, crippling depression brought on by committing mass genocide, he chooses to discombobulate himself with the katana, ultimately resulting in the end of all popular culture. Many documents of the events were lost, due to the mass destruction of Tokyo, Japan, the entire world and the universe itself. There is only one confirmed witness of the event, however he is still traumatized after watching the events of Mr. Rogers discombobulation.
Disputes[edit | edit source]
Whether Abraham Lincoln should be considered a casualty is a long-standing debate, as he was dead prior to the battle's beginning, however he had been resurrected and essentially alive. This itself has been the topic of more recent, informal "ultimate showdowns", usually just consisting of boring, normal people with guns shooting each other. However, there are occasions where characters from more recent popular culture have competed in these "ultimate showdowns.'
Whether Chuck Norris was killed (and why he was, if so) is also debated, as Chuck Norris has continually been proven to be equivalent in power to God himself. Many people believe that he faked his own death so he could watch the battle play out from the heavens. However, other people object that he is not God, and everyone simply is brainwashed, and he died normally. Making comments on this subject is very dangerous, hence why we maintain a neutral point of view on Uncyclopedia, as otherwise a tank may appear at our doorsteps.
Hypotheses for the Future[edit | edit source]
The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny is hypothesized to occur every 100 years in a random location. This is evidenced by older "ultimate showdowns" dating back as far as 1205, where kings and queens would pull out their swords and battle to the death, and whoever won would claim all the land (nowadays referred to as "king of the hill"). It has also been proven that, when this occurs, locations involved will be devastated for 100 years, and will take another 100 years to clean up. After this time, another Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny will start again in the same place, undoing all the "hard work" done by its citizens. This is called "entropy" by scientists, as they need a big brain sounding name so when they communicate to "regular people", they appear to have more knowledge.
