Absurdistan
Abszurdisztán Pornocracy of Absurdistan Absurdistan | |||||
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| Motto: "Útelágazódáshoz érkeztünk." (We are in shit.) | |||||
| Anthem: "Friday" by Rebecca Black | |||||
 | |||||
| Capital | Bucharest | ||||
| Largest city | Budapest | ||||
| Official language(s) | Absurdistani, Bitch | ||||
| Government | Parlamentiary pornocracy | ||||
| President | Yoda | ||||
| ‑ Prime Minister | Feri | ||||
| Declaration of Independence | Exactly 10000 years ago | ||||
| Currency | Euro, Coke | ||||
| Religion | Absurdism, celebritarianism, porn | ||||
| Population | 14.5 million | ||||
| Area | Absurdistan Levedia Cleveland, OH Nashville, TN | ||||
| Major exports | Mathematician wannabes, Nobel Prize winner wannabes, IT guy wannabes, Gypsies | ||||
| Major industries | Fag whining, bitching, porn, corruption, lies, pothole construction | ||||
“Absurdistan is a skid mark on the pants of society.”
“Absurdistan is the moral anus of the world.”
“Absurdistan is a lot like us: they are fascists and capitalists.”
“Absurdistan is a lot like us: they are capitalists and communists.”
“Absurdistan is a lot like us: they are communists and fascists.”
Absurdistan (Absurdistani: Abszurdisztán), officially the Pornocracy of Absurdistan, is a country in the former Soviet Union. It is frequently confused with Hungary by its inhabitants, even though Absurdistan is in no way related to Hungary.
History[edit | edit source]
The Absurdistani people are a subrace of the extraterrestrial Druid race, that comprised of 13 tribes. The tribes landed in Northeast Asia around 100 BC, in 13 separate space capsules. The spacecraft of one of the tribes overheated on entry into the atmosphere due to some loose heat shield panels, and the tribe members were cremated before landing. The remaining heavily armed tribes moved south in an attempt to build an empire, but were quickly stopped by the Wal-Mart's Republic of China. One tribe was completely destroyed in these battles. This failure has prompted the tribes to move west, however a general consensus could not be reached on where west was, which lead to the separation of most of the tribes.
The tribe of Kossuth traveled northeast, and got stuck in Alaska as the result of laziness and lack of leadership. This Absurdistani sleeping cell only reemerged in 1956, when the USA became a nice place to live.
The tribe of Ábrahám (Ibrahim el-Absurdistani) headed southwest, and settled in Nubia after suffering serious losses when passing through US military checkpoints in Iraq.
The tribes lead by Aattillaa and Hunor actually headed west, reached Europe and demonstrated their powers by almost destroying the Roman Empire. At the prospect of success, the tribes attacked each other, Aattillaa was murdered by his people in his sleep, Hunor suffered a regrettable hunting accident, and the two tribes destroyed each other without any Roman intervention.
Although it quickly turned out that Aattillaa's and Hunor's sense of direction was correct, the rest of the tribes couldn't acknowledge this in fear of losing face, and spent 600 years going in random directions in Asia. The 7 tribes arrived in Europe by pure chance around 800 A.D., lead by Álmos, Előd, Ond, Kond, Hapci, Szundi and Kuka. Keeping to their pagan origins, they pillaged the civilized Western Europe. The prayer "De sagittis absurdistanum libera nos, Domine" ("Save us from these terrorists, our God") originates from these times. The Papal Inquisition Army (PInA) was sent in, destroying one Absurdistani tribe and putting the rest in the only desert basin of Europe, surrounded by the high Kárpát Mountains and other similarly crappy people of the Czechoslovak, Nazi, Romanian, Yugoslav and Soviet nations, ensuring that the Absurdistanis are sealed away from other, decent habitants of Europe.
Absurdistan was founded by St. Stephen (Absurdistani: Szent István), who created the only flag of the country, which was handed down and mutilated from generation to generation, afterwards. The country had an uneventful history, and lost most of its 7 tribes in the process. Today only two major tribes remain (the fascists and the communists).
The country lost one tribe in the The First World War. As a punishment for their stupidity, the justful Treaty of Trianon annexed Romania, Yugoslavia, Poland and Czechoslovakia to Absurdistan. This was a terrible punishment for the Absurdistanis, who hated these countries, because they were almost as fucked up as Absurdistan. The communist fascist Absurdistanis made a contract with Hitler and Stalin in World War II, who helped them get rid of most of the unwanted territories, but not all. The Yugoslav wars were a coverup to have US troops bomb away the southern peripheric areas. A full scale invasion was however stopped when the invasion fleet passed by Unhappy-land.
Absurdistan joined the European Union, when Western Europeans took pity of a bunch of shit countries like Absurdistan, Lithuania and Poland. The goal of the Absurdistanis was to finally get rid of the shitty peripheric areas by loading them on Brussels. The country unilaterally introduced the Euro, after the government decided that those bitches in Brussels can't do anything about it anyways. The traditional Coke also remains a popular method of payment ("Kő kóla?"), especially among the young and under aged.
Politics[edit | edit source]
The country is officially in a state of war with itself, in preparation for the General Elections of 2010, when the media will choose the party who proves to be the biggest bitch to lead the country for some years.
List of parties:
- Fascist Civic Alliance of Absurdistan (right, leader: Viki)
- Absurdistani Communist Capitalist Party (left, leader: Feri)
- Absurdistani Amazon's Party (extreme nowhere, leader: Anettka)
- Jewish Alliance of Gay Crackheads (liberal, leader: János)
- Party of Absurdistani Racism and Lebensraum (extreme right)
- Invisible Pink Llama party (extremely pink, leader: fluffy)
Economics[edit | edit source]
The country has important connections with several countries. Absurdistanis frequently visit the neighboring country of Shopping Mall to purchase durable goods (especially TV and fridge). The citizens travel to the neighboring country of Summer Holiday to get rid of their money and enjoy uninterrupted freeways. Absurdistan has fruitful human trafficking agreements with Ukraine for the import of sex workers, with China for the import of Chinese, and with Strasbourg for the export of Gypsies. The import of Dacia compact cars from Romania stopped over a decade ago, when Absurdistan failed to deliver the Pannonia SUVs in exchange.
Absurdistani money used before the Euro.
The new 30,000 Euro banknote, with the picture of an Absurdistani physicist.
Culture[edit | edit source]
The Absurdistani culture is based on the tertial values of stupidity, hate and envy ("Három az igazság"). The Absurdistanis are very hateful, especially towards other Absurdistanis, successful people, haters, anti-Absurdistanis, pro-Absurdistanis, the Absurdistani government, public transit ticket controllers, police officers, America, Romanians, the French, the European Union and many more.
Media[edit | edit source]
List of quality television stations in Absurdistan:
- Biopon TV
- Retekklub
- Kormány TV
List of quality radio stations in Absurdistan:
- Gagyubiusz
- Kripta Rádió
- Pubertusz Rádió
- Mária Rádió
List of quality newspapers in Absurdistan:
- Magyar Vizsla
- Napi Ász
- Színes Bulvár
- Sztori
Society[edit | edit source]
TODO:
- Dubai, Zita
- Amerikai magyarok
List of Absurdistanis who were Communist spies, and are still proud of it:
- there are too many, please see the Ügynöklista
List of Absurdistanis who are gay:
- there are too many, please see the Buzilista
List of Absurdistanis who are 100% not gay:
- Rácz Károly(TB)
- Csonka András
- Orosz József
- Szájer József
- Kolosy Péter
- Varnus Xavér
- Juszt László
- Friderikusz Sándor
(Remove section: List of prominent representatives of contemporary Absurdistani culture:
- Sebestyén 'Dagadtgeci' Balázs)
- Gábor Seggfej Bochkor & Lajos Pervez Boros "The Boomerang Assholes"
- Miklós Omolnár, the dierctor of the Story smallfield star's magazin
List of Absurdistanis who claim to be famous (but nobody gives a fuck):
- Kiszel Tünde, wife of Sylvester Stallone
- Dobó Kata, Hollywood actress
- Kocsor 'Kozsó' Zsolt, international superstar singer and producer
- Dipl. Dr. Norbert Schorbert professor, ex-policeman and foodexpert
- Laszlo Palik, idiot
List of people who claim to be Absurdistani (but are neither that, nor famous):
- Király Linda
- Edvin Marton(Cseri Lajos)
List of famous people, who Absurdistanis claim their own (but nobody gives a fuck):
- Andy Grove, Intel founder
- Andy Vajna, film producer
- Béla Bartók, classical composer
- Edward Teller, physicist
- Eugene Wigner, physicist
- Franz Liszt, classical composer
- George Soros, billionaire
- John von Neumann, inventor of computer
- Leó Szilárd, physicist
- Mariska Hargitay, actress (Law & Order)
- Tera Patrick, actress (Asian Street Hookers 7)
List of contemporary famous Absurdistanis, who Absurdistanis don't give a fuck about (but will claim their own when they die):
- Andrea Malek, singer
- Erika Miklósa, singer
Reliable information about Absurdistan (in Absurdistani)[edit | edit source]
- http://www.éjfélkorelszabadulapokol.hu
- http://www.amédiahisztimeghatározóhatása.hu
- http://www.stohlandráselfelejtettversei.hu
- http://www.célcsoportmeghatározás.hu
- http://www.krumplitvegyenekszépfényesakrumpli.hu
